This is dedicated to MyteriousWays, for in essence,
it was her idea.
This story takes place in S.R. 1438. It is the fourth year of the
Thainship of Peregrin I; the sixth year since Meriadoc the
Magnificent became the Master of Buckland. Peregrin has been
married for eleven years, and his son, Faramir, is eight years old.
Meriadoc (in my take on things) has been married for 10 years,
and his son, Theodoc, is nine years old.
The Living is Easy
Peace and prosperity bathed the Shire with their blessings
and, apart from some of the day to day annoyances of life, the
Hobbits of the Shire and the Hobbits of Buckland were a happy,
contented population. Late winter had been comfortable; spring
neither too wet nor too dry. There had been no floods, nor
droughts, so the harvest would most likely be bountiful. Indeed,
these early summer days were halcyon days.
On this particularly fine day the head pastry cook at Great
Smials burst unannounced into the Thain's study, looking as
steamed as one of her puddings.
"I demand action be taken immediately, Thain Peregrin!" Her
volume was amazing. "This is an outrage! An outrage, sir! I will
not stand for it! I have been violated, I tell you, violated!"
"Violated, Tulip?" Pippin responded, shaking his head a bit
to try to clear the ringing in his ears.
"Some dirty little thief, sir, has violated the sanctuary of my
kitchen and stolen my rollin' pin!"
Pippin barely managed to hold back his laughter. "Your . . .
your rolling pin, Tulip? All this over a rolling pin?"
Tulip looked as though if she had her rolling pin, she would
have hit the Thain over the head with it. "My prize rollin' pin!
The one that was awarded me at the Lithedays Festival twenty six
years ago come Lithedays this summer. Awarded me for the best
treacle tarts in the whole of the Shire, which none has bested me
since, I'll have you know! It went missing sometime the day afore
yesterday whilst you were away."
Pippin wondered if it was uncommonly noisy in the pastry
kitchen that Tulip was accustomed to speaking so loudly, as the
ringing in his ears was getting worse.
"Of course, of course, Tulip! I can understand your outrage.
I'll send my secretary right away to look over the kitchen, talk to
your staff and see if we can solve this problem. We will find your
rolling pin, Tulip, I promise you."
"You had best do so, young Thain Peregrin, for I dare say
the quality of your beloved raspberry tarts will be sufferin' for the
lack of that rollin' pin!"
"I will see to it myself then, Tulip. I can't have anything
happen to your marvelous raspberry tarts! I will be there momentarily."
"I should hope so, Thain Peregrin!" Tulip huffed as she
trounced out of the study.
Pippin rose to go to the pastry kitchen, still shaking his head
trying to get his ears to quit ringing. "At least this is giving me
something to do." He said to himself.
But neither a search of all the kitchens nor stern lectures to
all of the cooking staff produced the prize rolling pin.
The following week a frightened young hobbitess was shown
into Pippin's study. He had been sitting, leaning back in his chair
with his feet on the massive desk, playing at finger weaving with a
piece of string he had found in a drawer. He was still trying to
untangle it from his fingers when the lass finally stood before the desk.
"What is it lass?" the Thain asked as he ducked his hands
below the surface of the desk.
"I'm Marigold, sir. I tend to the main entrance, the formal
parlor and the library." She kept her eyes lowered as she spoke.
Pippin finally got his fingers free from the string which he
dropped to the floor, placed his hands on the desk and interlaced
his fingers.
"Please look at me, Marigold." he said in a kindly voice and
slowly the girl raised her head. "That is better," Pippin said giving
her his brightest smile. "No need to be shy or embarrassed with
me, lass. There are no small jobs or unimportant hobbits at
Great Smials. It takes all of us to keep this place functioning as
it should. I've had to clean up enough messes that I have made
to know that it is hard work to keep a home in good condition. I
dread to think what a horrid mess we would be in if you were not
here to keep those rooms in order, Marigold."
"Thank you sir." She smiled, blushing at his kind words, but
then her eyes lowered again. "I fear I may be in trouble, though."
"Did you forget to dust the lampshades in the parlor?"
Marigold looked up to see the Thain still smiling at her and
realized that he was teasing her. But her concern was over a
more serious matter so she could not return his smile.
"No, sir," she said softly, "There are things missing, sir."
"What, again?" Pippin exclaimed as he sat up straighter.
"Last week it was pastry cook Tulip's rolling pin. What is it this
time?"
"One of the Took family portraits off the wall in the main
entry, Thain Peregrin sir, and the Dwarf-made candlesticks in the
parlor that you gave to the Mistress for a wedding present."
Marigold had lost her former blush and was now rather pale. "I
swear to you, sir, they were there yesterday morning when I did
those rooms. They truly were!" The poor lasses' tear filled eyes
were pleading.
"Now there, Marigold, no need to cry." Pippin said as he
stood, came around the desk and put his arm about the little
maid's shoulders. "Did you tell anyone of it when you found the
things missing?" He asked in a gentle voice.
Marigold nodded. "I told the head of housekeeping, Peony,
sir. She told me that I needed to tell you of it when you got
back this afternoon from being gone camping with the young
Master. I came as soon as I was able to, sir."
"We will go have a look at things, you and I, and settle this
matter. I have no doubts that you are an honest young Took and
that there is a good explanation for this. My wife may have taken
the candlesticks to use elsewhere and perhaps the portrait needed
special cleaning." He paused a moment then added, "Or maybe
someone doesn't like that ancestor anymore and put him in a cupboard."
This time Marigold did manage to return the Thain's smile.
~~~~~~~~~
In the quiet of a summer's evening, as the fireflies danced in
the tall grasses of nearby fields, Thain Peregrin, Mistress Diamond
and young Master Faramir sat in the herb garden of Great Smials
enjoying the cool of the day and the fragrance of the herbs.
Peregrin sat with his back to a boulder. Diamond rested her
back against him with one of his hands draped over her shoulder.
On her lap she held their sleeping three year old daughter, Beryl,
while Faramir played close by hoping the light would last long
enough for him to finish his battle between the army of Gondor
and the Orcs.
"What are we to do about the thefts, Peregrin?" Diamond
asked taking hold of her husband's hand, kissing it before
returning it to her shoulder. "At first I thought it was you pulling
pranks on everyone as you did when you were young, but then I
realized that you aren't even here when they happen. The thief
must be aware of your comings and goings knowing that the
Smials are not watched quite as carefully when you are gone."
"Do you think that is the case, my love?" Pippin asked.
Diamond sat up, turning around a bit to look at Peregrin.
Little Beryl squirmed at her Mother's sudden movement but did
not awaken. "Well, yes! Do you mean to say, dear, that you had
not noticed that these thefts always happen while you are on one
of your camping trips with Faramir?"
"I had noticed but I hadn't really thought of the level of
watchfulness being lower when I am away. I will look into adding
extra sentries the next time Faramir and I leave."
"Must you keep leaving, Peregrin?" Diamond asked as she
pouted a little. "You two have gone camping nearly every week
this summer and for four days each time. I must confess to you
that I am feeling more than a little abandoned."
"I'm sorry, my love." Pippin said and pulled Diamond into a
hug while giving her a long tender kiss, being careful not to
disturb their sleeping daughter.
"Ick!" exclaimed Faramir, who had finished his battle.
Pippin looked at him out of the corner of his eye, pulled his
mouth away from Diamond's just enough to mutter, "Watch
yourself, young hobbit!", then finished his thorough kissing of his
wife.
"We will have all of next week together, dear one," Pippin
said as he continued to hold Diamond. "Remember, the trip to
Hobbiton for the Lithedays Festival, the Festival itself, then a day
of visiting with the Gamgees' and then the trip home. You will be
quite ready to be rid of us again after that, I am certain."
~~~~~~~~~
The Lithedays Festival came and went while the delightful
summer meandered through its allotted days. Harvest was
nearing, and the busyness of gathering up the stores food and
supplies for the winter would soon fill the ever shortening hours of
daylight.
The thefts at Great Smials had continued throughout the
summer, two even occurring during the Festival. The list of
missing items had grown longer and stranger. The Elven brooch
from Lorien, Faramir's set of toy Gondorian soldiers, Cousin
Ferdibrand's pipe that was inlaid with pearl (the only pipe he
would use, smoking the worst pipe-weed in the Shire; no one
missed it but him), Pervinca's sewing basket, the master chef's
favorite soup and stew pot, Pippin's mail shirt. These were just a
few of the purloined items.
The Thain, as he had promised, had ordered more sentries
posted during his camping trips with Faramir, but to no avail; the
thefts had continued, until finally the worst theft of all occurred.
Two of the four days of what Pippin had promised Diamond
would be the last camping trip had passed when the Thain's
secretary pounded on Diamond's sitting room door.
"It's gone Mistress! All is lost!" The young hobbit's face was
pale, and he was trembling from head to foot. He sank into the
nearest chair and put his face into his shaking hands.
Diamond knelt beside him, put her hand on his shoulder,
and said, "Isembold, try to calm down. It surely cannot be that
bad! Come now, take a few deep breaths then tell me what is
missing now."
"'Tis the seal, Mistress, the Thain's seal. He left instructions
that I was to apply it to certain documents if they came back
from the scribe before he returned." The poor lad was still
shaking and had not lifted his head. "He said they mustn't lie
about without the seal as there could be mischief to come from it
if they were sent out without being made official. The documents
arrived an hour ago, and I've searched everywhere. But the seal is
gone, Mistress, and now I can't perform my task, the papers lie
there unsealed and . . . and . . ." He could say no more as his
fear and grief over whelmed him.
A stern look came to Diamond's eyes, a look gleaned from
years of taking charge of her drunkard Father. "Do not fret
yourself over this any further, Isembold. I think I know just what
needs to be done and I will see to it. Why don't you go to your
quarters now and try to rest? I'll have Mistress Pearl make you a
tonic and bring it to you." Diamond helped the distraught hobbit
to the door then hurried off to act on her idea.
The sun was lowering in the afternoon sky but was still a few
hours from its setting when Diamond and her pony rounded the
last curve in the Stock Road before the place where a small path
went off to the north to a small pond hidden in the woods where
she figured Peregrin and Faramir were camping. There was a
rider approaching on the road, and Diamond soon recognized
Estella Brandybuck.
"Estella! Strange to meet you out on the road like this,
dear, but I'm glad to see you. If I don't meet up with Peregrin
and Faramir, as I expect to, I will appreciate the company. They
are out here somewhere on a camping trip."
Estella pulled her pony to a stop as she came abreast of
Diamond. "You are looking for Pippin and Faramir? I find that
rather interesting as I am looking for Merry and Theodoc. I fear
we have been having more problems with thefts at the Hall and it
has finally become a dangerous situation."
"That's right, you had mentioned very briefly at the Lithedays
Festival that you had been having troubles with thefts as we were
and yet I don't remember speaking much about it with you."
"I think Merry interrupted, and we never got back to it. But
you say you are looking for your two campers. Are you headed
for the pond that lies to the north?" Diamond nodded. "I am
headed that way as well," Estella continued, "as Merry and Theo
have, I think, been camping there nearly every week all summer."
At that instant the same thought came to Estella and
Diamond. With a nod to each other the two now angry wives
headed their ponies up the small winding path to the pond. In
the clearing surrounding the pond stood a good-sized tent and a
fire pit that held a large fire, burning against the coming night.
Over to one side two adult hobbits and two hobbit children stood
going through a large pile of miscellaneous items.
"We will get this all sorted out and see which of us has
bested the other, but I am certain my share will out do yours."
One of the adult hobbits said as they worked at separating their
ill-gotten goods into two separate piles.
"You are certain that you brought it all down from that tree?
I have all of ours written down, and it had best all be here.
Wouldn't want the lads to catch you cheating, would you?" said
the other, as he waved a piece of paper in the first hobbit's face.
"Peregrin Took!"
Pippin spun around to find the point of his own sword
resting on his chest, held firmly in place by his wife's hand. What
she had brought the sword for she was not quite sure, but she
was now glad she had, as it had obviously gotten her wayward
husband's attention.
"Diamond!" he said as soon as his shock wore off enough
for him to speak. His eyes were fixed on the sword. "Ah, well . .
. yes . . . well, hello dear!" he finally said, trying to sound cheerful.
"Peregrin Took!" Diamond intoned again. Her eyes were
blazing, and her hand holding the sword was steady. "How dare
you! Whatever did you think you were doing? Was this supposed
to be funny? What are you teaching our son?"
"And you, Meriadoc Brandybuck," said an equally intense
Estella, "I thought you had outgrown this nonsense years ago! Are
you blind to the trouble you've caused?" Merry gaped open-mouthed at his wife, his list of items he and Theodoc had taken
from the Great Smials of the Tooks clutched in his hand.
"What are we to do with the lot of you?" resumed Diamond.
"The Took and Thain of the Shire and the Master of Buckland
playing at being thieves with their heirs as their little helpers! The
four of you are disgraceful! We should turn you over to the
Sherriffs for this lawlessness but for the shame it would bring to
our families."
"You are right." Pippin said, lowering his head in shame.
"You should use the sword and just say that you found our
murdered bodies where the thieves left them." as he pushed
himself forward hard into the blade.
Diamond's arm was forced back, the blood rushing from her
face. But Pippin used her shock to grab her arm, wrench the
sword from her grasp, then caught her, easing her to the ground
as her legs crumpled beneath her.
"Pippin!" Diamond gasped, "You . . . you . . . how?"
"I had already put on my mail shirt," he said as he grinned,
pulling the bottom of his shirt up to show the mail beneath. "I
really was not comfortable having you resting my sword at my
heart, so I thought I would get it from you."
"And let me think you had just impaled yourself!" She
shoved him roughly away and got to her feet. "That is worse than
this stealing of yours, far worse, and a horrible thing to do in front
of your son!"
"Don't you dare laugh, Merry!" Estella hissed at the sound of
her husband starting to chuckle. "You had better be glad it
wasn't you as tried that stunt. I assure you, you would be
regretting it worse than I'm sure Pippin will." Merry swallowed,
coughed and choked a bit in his effort to lose his laughter.
Theodoc clutched his Father's arm and hid his face behind
Merry's back to hide his own mirth from his furious Mother.
"But Mum," Faramir piped up, looking sweetly at his Mother,
"I knew Father had on his mail and wouldn't be hurt." The look
Diamond gave him caused the lad to quickly shut his mouth.
"It was not really stealing, Estella dearest. It was all only in
fun," Merry said after catching his breath, "The last winter, this
spring and summer were too good, nearly perfect, and there
simply wasn't much of anything for us to do."
"And you know how we get when we are bored," Pippin put
in for good measure.
"We thought, rather than go mad from the tedium, we would
well . . . ," Merry hesitated.
"Make a wager with each other?" Estella huffed.
"No," said Pippin, "a friendly competition rather. Merry made
a comment that he could still plan and execute a prank better
than I could. And I said I doubted it and, for some reason, he
said he could rob me blind without ever getting caught."
"Merry!" Estella gasped. "This was your idea?"
"Only partially!" Merry said though he already knew he was
on the losing side of this discussion. "It was Pip who came up
with the idea of raiding each others houses and anything being
fair game."
"And our sons got involved with this in what way?"
Diamond's voice was icy.
"Well actually, seeing as you have brought it up, it was really
. . . ," Pippin started to say, but his wife cut him off.
"Don't you dare try to blame this on your son, Peregrin Took!"
"But truly, Diamond,' Pippin tried to explain, "We were telling
Theodoc and Faramir stories about when Merry and I were lads.
They said it sounded like great fun, and they asked which one of
us was best at it all, and," Pippin lowered his eyes. He was
starting to realize how foolish this was sounding. "And we sort of
started going back and forth about it."
"My Father is better at it than yours." Theodoc said in an
imperious tone while giving Faramir a light shove. Merry hurriedly
put his hand over his son's mouth while pulling Theodoc tightly to
his side and holding him there.
Pippin looked up with an expression of defeat in his eyes.
"We have behaved like fools. Are you quite satisfied now? We
behaved as though we are younger than our own sons, We are
fools, and we have been caught. So, Mistress Diamond and
Mistress Estella," he stood up his straightest and held his chin up,
"What shall our punishment be?"
The wives spoke together in each other's ears for a few
moments, nodded to each other and faced their thoroughly
embarrassed husbands and sons.
"We have decided," said Diamond in her most motherly
voice, "that you supposedly adult hobbits have indeed acted like
little lads, and you lads went along with it when you knew it was
all wrong to be doing these things. So your punishments will all
be the same punishment."
"First, of course, proper apologies will be given by each of
you to all of your victims." Estella said while looking each of the
naughty hobbits in the eye, "Then the four of you will return
everything to it's proper place, especially the seal of the Master of
Buckland and the seal of the Thain of the Shire."
"You did manage to get it then, Merry!" Pippin said excitedly
and then sucked in his lower lip and looked at his feet, one of
which he realized he had just put in his mouth.
Diamond glared at him then continued. "And the rest of
your punishment is this; none of you, the two naughty
Brandybucks and the two naughty Tooks, neither set of you will
see the other at all until the Yule celebration which is to be at
Great Smials this year."
Both Theodoc and Faramir started to whine, "But, Mum!"
when firm looks from their Mothers convinced them not to follow
that plan of action. Their Fathers just stood starting at each
other as though a sort of death sentence had been uttered.
"Get all this sorted through and then we are all going to
spend the night at the inn." said Diamond. She and Estella sat
by the fire and watched to make sure the sorting went smoothly.
All was packed up, and everyone was on their pony headed
down the path when Merry heard Faramir ask Pippin, "But you
bested Uncle Merry, didn't you, Father?"
In the heavy silence that followed, Merry wondered if the gift
for saying the wrong thing was inherited.