Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart
Author: ladydewinter
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-)
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then.
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey.
Feedback: Thank you so much for the nice feedback so far - it's exactly what I need ;-) So don't stop...
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.
Summary: After Willow's dream, Anya and Willow meet in the kitchen.
***
There had been no chance for Willow to talk to Anya alone later that evening. So when she went to bed, Willow was pretty... well, confused, or rather not. For her, it wasn't a surprise that Tara and she were soulmates. What confused her was that this was supposed to be something really special... they had be- they were special, sure, but - selected by the Powers, however randomly... that was something... that allowed her to hope.
She hadn't talked much to Kennedy as well - she couldn't. Her... relationship to her troubled her, she didn't know what to think. Was she being mean? Was she just using her? Or was Kennedy just using her. If, for what? She secretly hoped that Kennedy wasn't in love with her, because - there was no way she could fall in love with her. Smoochies or not. This whole thing... it was a flirt mostly, wasn't it? Something like a holiday romance, nice and fluffy and easily to forget afterwards... that didn't sound too nice. But surely, after all this was over - Kennedy would go back home, wherever it was. And she would stay here and that would be the end of it...
With all the confusion and troubling, Willow wasn't really surprised about the dream. It was probably because the conversation with Anya had made her remember things and so her subconsciousness... ho was she fooling? There was no need of remembering. It was probably because of this soulmate thing she had her dream. She wondered if Hnonice, and the dream was actually a kind of message... from the Powers? That they really were soulmates? Or maybe her subconsciousness was remembering a former life... if they were soulmates, they surely had met before there reincarnation... if there was such a thing. But why had Tara - DreamTara been killed in exactly the same way as her Tara? That couldn't be real, this was her own memory messing things up...
She sighed and started to get up. She needed something to drink, and some air. All this thinking would get her a headache.
"Whatcha up to?" Kennedy asked sleepily. Once more, Willow regretted she had to share her room with her. Who did she think she was? Her mother?
"I'm getting myself something to drink. I'll be back in a minute. Go back to sleep."
"I'll wait and then we can snuggle if you want to?"
Images rushed before Willow's eyes, of Tara-snuggles. She couldn't do this, she just -
"I'll be right back." With that, she opened the door and left the room. Escaped, that was more like it. Great, now she was fleeing from her own room. How had she got there?
***
Down in the kitchen, she met Anya. "Whatcha doing down here?" she asked her.
"Couldn't sleep."
"Why are you staying here anyway?"
"Aren't we all staying here right now? Isn't it much safer?"
"You're probably right. I just - I couldn't sleep as well. I had this - this dream about Tara and me - though it wasn't really us..."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I was watching us - them. And they were wearing strange clothes, and they were in love and it was all so beautiful and then there was this poem and it ended with love after death, and then - she died again. She died again, and I couldn't do anything, I just stood there and the other me shot the murderer and couldn't bring her back, no one can and-"
"Willow..."
Willow stopped, realizing she didn't make any sense. Nothing did. "What does this mean, Anya? They were wearing really oldfashioned clothes - was this us in a former life? Are we reincarnated? Then why didn't I have this dream before?"
"There is no such thing as reincarnation."
"There isn't? But I thought - then why these strange clothes? And how come some people remember their former lives?"
"You believe this?"
"Well, yes... I mean, there are vampires, demons, Powers, witches... then why shouldn't there be reincarnation?" Willow went to the fridge, she really needed something to drink. Water is good, she decided. "Want some too?"
"No thanks. Already had some. There is no reincarnation because it doesn't make any sense, does it? Don't you think that one life is enough? The Powers don't believe in reward and punishment... in another life, anyway. Would you really like to live as a shrimp because of what you did? I think this idea really is scary - I wonder what I would be after -"
"But what's with this soulmate thing? Isn't it a waste if they are together just once?"
"Do you think your time with her was a waste?"
Willow had been walking to the backdoor, needing some air. When Anya looked at her, she stopped, realizing what her question implicated. "No! No, of course not... I mean- I didn't think I guess."
"I guess you're right. What's out there?"
Willow was now standing at the door, looking outside. She loved the feeling of the cold air on her skin. "Nothing, I just needed the air... I got a headache or something."
"Oh. So what about your dream now?"
"What about it?"
"What does it mean?"
"I have no idea, that was what I was asking you. I don't get it - why were they wearing these clothes? You would think we were wearing our usual clothes if I was dreaming about us, wouldn't you? And what's with the poem?"
"I don't think the poem is important. But I think that your dream wasn't just a dream - it was a message."
"Oh really - what a suprise. What does my subconsciousness want to tell me, Ms Freud?"
"Not your subconsciousness. I guess it was a message from the Powers."
"Why would you think that?" Willow really didn't understand Anya. Probably nobody did, but this was making less and less sense. She told her so.
"Well, I think it's significant that they were wearing these ancient clothes."
"Oldfashioned, not ancient."
"Whatever. But I guess it means that these two people weren't really Tara and you. Maybe they are another pair of soulmates, and something will happen to you and the Powers sent you the message like Xander's ex, because you were soulmates as well."
"I don't know - I mean how are we supposed to know who they are if they looked like Tara and myself in my dream? And the events in the dream... I mean, how she died - it was almost exactly like Tara died. It probably just was my subconsciousness, reacting to our talk this evening."
"Maybe it is. But don't you think we should tell the others?"
"No!" Willow shut the door again, she was gettting cold. "No, what use could that be? They would just think I was losing it - I mean, it's almost a year ago now. I should get over it, really."
"You know yourself you don't believe any of this. How could you just forget it? It's not that you just lost... your fish or something You lost the love of your live - she was shot before your eyes and you couldn't do anthing. No one here thinks you should simply get over it. And for the losing it...it's not that you didn't lose it before... so far we managed, somehow. But I don't think you're losing it right now anyway, so be happy."
"Gee, thanks for your support, Anya. But what use is it if I tell the others about my dreams? I'm not the Slayer, they aren't really important. Let's - let's just forget it, right?" Willow looked at Anya, almost begging her to stop this. And for once, Anya seemed to get it.
"Alright. I won't tell anyone. But you have a dream again, you tell at least me. Or else I will the others."
"How will you know I had a dream if I don't tell you?"
"Don't worry, I will." Anya had no idea how she would know, but there was no need telling Willow. She had a feeling this was important. But she didn't want to press her... much. "So we just forget it for now and go back to bed?"
"I guess that's a good idea," Willow answered, hoping Kennedy was already asleep again.
"So back to bed it is. Goodnight Willow." Anya left the kitchen.
"'Night." Willow was reluctant to go back to her room, but she couldn't stay here all night. So she went back upstairs.
***
She was lucky for once - Kennedy was soundly asleep. As she lay down and struggled with her sleeping-bag she wondered if Anya was right - could her dream really be a message from the Powers? She dismissed that thought, not wanting to think about it right now. Willow closed her eyes, remembering how live had been when she wasn't sleeping on the floor-when she was sleeping next door, in bed, with Tara. With a slight smile on her face, she fell asleep.
Author: ladydewinter
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-)
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then.
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey.
Feedback: Thank you so much for the nice feedback so far - it's exactly what I need ;-) So don't stop...
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.
Summary: After Willow's dream, Anya and Willow meet in the kitchen.
***
There had been no chance for Willow to talk to Anya alone later that evening. So when she went to bed, Willow was pretty... well, confused, or rather not. For her, it wasn't a surprise that Tara and she were soulmates. What confused her was that this was supposed to be something really special... they had be- they were special, sure, but - selected by the Powers, however randomly... that was something... that allowed her to hope.
She hadn't talked much to Kennedy as well - she couldn't. Her... relationship to her troubled her, she didn't know what to think. Was she being mean? Was she just using her? Or was Kennedy just using her. If, for what? She secretly hoped that Kennedy wasn't in love with her, because - there was no way she could fall in love with her. Smoochies or not. This whole thing... it was a flirt mostly, wasn't it? Something like a holiday romance, nice and fluffy and easily to forget afterwards... that didn't sound too nice. But surely, after all this was over - Kennedy would go back home, wherever it was. And she would stay here and that would be the end of it...
With all the confusion and troubling, Willow wasn't really surprised about the dream. It was probably because the conversation with Anya had made her remember things and so her subconsciousness... ho was she fooling? There was no need of remembering. It was probably because of this soulmate thing she had her dream. She wondered if Hnonice, and the dream was actually a kind of message... from the Powers? That they really were soulmates? Or maybe her subconsciousness was remembering a former life... if they were soulmates, they surely had met before there reincarnation... if there was such a thing. But why had Tara - DreamTara been killed in exactly the same way as her Tara? That couldn't be real, this was her own memory messing things up...
She sighed and started to get up. She needed something to drink, and some air. All this thinking would get her a headache.
"Whatcha up to?" Kennedy asked sleepily. Once more, Willow regretted she had to share her room with her. Who did she think she was? Her mother?
"I'm getting myself something to drink. I'll be back in a minute. Go back to sleep."
"I'll wait and then we can snuggle if you want to?"
Images rushed before Willow's eyes, of Tara-snuggles. She couldn't do this, she just -
"I'll be right back." With that, she opened the door and left the room. Escaped, that was more like it. Great, now she was fleeing from her own room. How had she got there?
***
Down in the kitchen, she met Anya. "Whatcha doing down here?" she asked her.
"Couldn't sleep."
"Why are you staying here anyway?"
"Aren't we all staying here right now? Isn't it much safer?"
"You're probably right. I just - I couldn't sleep as well. I had this - this dream about Tara and me - though it wasn't really us..."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I was watching us - them. And they were wearing strange clothes, and they were in love and it was all so beautiful and then there was this poem and it ended with love after death, and then - she died again. She died again, and I couldn't do anything, I just stood there and the other me shot the murderer and couldn't bring her back, no one can and-"
"Willow..."
Willow stopped, realizing she didn't make any sense. Nothing did. "What does this mean, Anya? They were wearing really oldfashioned clothes - was this us in a former life? Are we reincarnated? Then why didn't I have this dream before?"
"There is no such thing as reincarnation."
"There isn't? But I thought - then why these strange clothes? And how come some people remember their former lives?"
"You believe this?"
"Well, yes... I mean, there are vampires, demons, Powers, witches... then why shouldn't there be reincarnation?" Willow went to the fridge, she really needed something to drink. Water is good, she decided. "Want some too?"
"No thanks. Already had some. There is no reincarnation because it doesn't make any sense, does it? Don't you think that one life is enough? The Powers don't believe in reward and punishment... in another life, anyway. Would you really like to live as a shrimp because of what you did? I think this idea really is scary - I wonder what I would be after -"
"But what's with this soulmate thing? Isn't it a waste if they are together just once?"
"Do you think your time with her was a waste?"
Willow had been walking to the backdoor, needing some air. When Anya looked at her, she stopped, realizing what her question implicated. "No! No, of course not... I mean- I didn't think I guess."
"I guess you're right. What's out there?"
Willow was now standing at the door, looking outside. She loved the feeling of the cold air on her skin. "Nothing, I just needed the air... I got a headache or something."
"Oh. So what about your dream now?"
"What about it?"
"What does it mean?"
"I have no idea, that was what I was asking you. I don't get it - why were they wearing these clothes? You would think we were wearing our usual clothes if I was dreaming about us, wouldn't you? And what's with the poem?"
"I don't think the poem is important. But I think that your dream wasn't just a dream - it was a message."
"Oh really - what a suprise. What does my subconsciousness want to tell me, Ms Freud?"
"Not your subconsciousness. I guess it was a message from the Powers."
"Why would you think that?" Willow really didn't understand Anya. Probably nobody did, but this was making less and less sense. She told her so.
"Well, I think it's significant that they were wearing these ancient clothes."
"Oldfashioned, not ancient."
"Whatever. But I guess it means that these two people weren't really Tara and you. Maybe they are another pair of soulmates, and something will happen to you and the Powers sent you the message like Xander's ex, because you were soulmates as well."
"I don't know - I mean how are we supposed to know who they are if they looked like Tara and myself in my dream? And the events in the dream... I mean, how she died - it was almost exactly like Tara died. It probably just was my subconsciousness, reacting to our talk this evening."
"Maybe it is. But don't you think we should tell the others?"
"No!" Willow shut the door again, she was gettting cold. "No, what use could that be? They would just think I was losing it - I mean, it's almost a year ago now. I should get over it, really."
"You know yourself you don't believe any of this. How could you just forget it? It's not that you just lost... your fish or something You lost the love of your live - she was shot before your eyes and you couldn't do anthing. No one here thinks you should simply get over it. And for the losing it...it's not that you didn't lose it before... so far we managed, somehow. But I don't think you're losing it right now anyway, so be happy."
"Gee, thanks for your support, Anya. But what use is it if I tell the others about my dreams? I'm not the Slayer, they aren't really important. Let's - let's just forget it, right?" Willow looked at Anya, almost begging her to stop this. And for once, Anya seemed to get it.
"Alright. I won't tell anyone. But you have a dream again, you tell at least me. Or else I will the others."
"How will you know I had a dream if I don't tell you?"
"Don't worry, I will." Anya had no idea how she would know, but there was no need telling Willow. She had a feeling this was important. But she didn't want to press her... much. "So we just forget it for now and go back to bed?"
"I guess that's a good idea," Willow answered, hoping Kennedy was already asleep again.
"So back to bed it is. Goodnight Willow." Anya left the kitchen.
"'Night." Willow was reluctant to go back to her room, but she couldn't stay here all night. So she went back upstairs.
***
She was lucky for once - Kennedy was soundly asleep. As she lay down and struggled with her sleeping-bag she wondered if Anya was right - could her dream really be a message from the Powers? She dismissed that thought, not wanting to think about it right now. Willow closed her eyes, remembering how live had been when she wasn't sleeping on the floor-when she was sleeping next door, in bed, with Tara. With a slight smile on her face, she fell asleep.