Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart
Author: ladydewinter
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-)
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then.
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. The lyrics are from the song "Head over feet" by Alanis Morissette.
Feedback: Thank you so much for the nice feedback so far - it's exactly what I need ;-) So don't stop...
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.
Summary: Another dream. I hope this isn't too confusing...
***
When she woke up, she was scared. As in very scared. What did this dream mean?
She had been standing in her room, or in something that felt exactly like her room. It was dark, only dimly lit by a few candles. She saw herself, putting on some oldfashioned trousers, a shirt and then tying back her hair. All the time she heard a voice, the voice that would always comfort her..
"I had no choice but to hear you
You stated your case time and again
I thought about it..."
At these words, her DreamSelf's face lit up, and suddenly they were in some kind of ballroom. There was music, there were people who seemed oddly faceless, and there was - she. The love of her life. She smiled, and so did her DreamSelf. She was so beautiful... the long hair, the dress that made her eyes shine even more... Her DreamSelf aproached her lover and obviously asked her to dance...and dancing was what they did...
"You treat me like I'm a princess
I'm not used to liking that
You ask how my day was..."
She was watching them dance. Her DreamSelf had her face buried in her lover's neck, and she was holding her tightly. It seemed so - normal, but she knew everything about them was special. Everything about herself and - had been special. They looked so at ease and very much in love. She wondered why nobody else noticed. To her, it appeared that they were almost glowing, and it was as if they would be floating off the ground any minute. But how would anybody else know? None of them had ever loved anyone as completely as she had... as the two of them did.
Then they were back in her room, or rather in their room. She could feel the essence of both of them, and there was something about it that made her feel the way she always had when they had been together. Her DreamSelf's lover was looking at her intently, smiling her sweet, reassuring smile. No one could smile like that, she decided.
"You already won me over in spite of me
Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet..."
She catched her breath as they both started to undress each other. She was amazed at how beautiful it looked... every movement was one of love and utter devotion. Every kiss was - it nearly broke her heart. She didn't know if she could watch them - although it was herself in a way, it felt oddly voyeuristic... she was relieved when all of a sudden they were lying in bed together, naked, her DreamSelf holding her lover.
"Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault..."
She remembered how long it had taken for them to get together... she had been patient, waiting for her, willing to be just a friend if that was what she wanted. Her room had become their room - they had fashioned it together, as their relationship grew. It was what helped them both to get through the days - this place where there was comfort, and security, and trust. Love. She saw her lover caressing her DreamSelf.
"Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole
You're so much braver than I gave you credit for
That's not lip service..."
Her DreamSelf smiled. She felt a bit selfconscious, watching herself like that. She felt like an intruder, although she knew it was a dream and she couldn't help being here... and a part of her didn't want to leave. Ever. This was the first time in months she could see her lover again... not that she hadn't memorized every part, every movement, every kiss...
"You are the bearer of unconditional things
You held your breath and the door for me
Thanks for your patience...
You're the best listener that I've ever met
You're my best friend
Best friend with benefits
What took me so long..."
She had the impression that this had been the first time for the both of them. Her lover seemed amazed at the beauty of everything... she leaned down to kiss her DreamSelf and smiled, this knowing smile that always made her catch her breath. That smile that indicated that she exactly knew what to do, how to make her happy - in any possible way.
"I've never felt this healthy before
I've never wanted something rational..."
They seemed to be lost in each other. She knew what it was like, how it felt to be in this other world, where there was only love and beauty. Where things were so much brighter. Where she had seen the sun for the first time in her life.
"I am aware now
I am aware now..."
Suddenly there was some noise outside. Footsteps could be heard, and then someone was knocking on the door.
"Open the door, you bitch, I know you're in there. I won't let this happen, you know? I'll kill you, I'll kill you both..."
The banging stopped, it seemed as if the man who had been knocking had left...to get some help, maybe.
She noticed how scared her DreamSelf looked, she seemed to know what this was all about. They got out of the bed, quickly grabbing their clothes, searching for a way to escape.
Then her DreamSelf spoke for the very first time. "Listen, love, you have to go, I'll stall. It's ok, I won't let anything happen to me. Just... just run, right? Everything will be alright." She put on her resolve face, not giving her lover a chance to protest.
"But-"
"Leave, I'll follow soon. You don't have to worry, nothing will happen to me... just... just run when I tell you, right?"
They kissed, held on to each other, not wanting to let go. But they were interrupted when the banging started again. Actually, it wasn't banging...it was more like someone was trying to break the door...
"Are you ready?" her DreamSelf asked.
Her lover nodded, trying to smile reassuringly. It didn't work this time, though - they were both too scared.
"I love you. Now..."
She felt how fear was filling her as well...she knew how this was going to end... she knew all this... it just... it hadn't been her lover who had to -
"RUN!"
With that, her DreamSelf opened the door, and the man who had been trying to force it open, stumbled inside. Her lover sneaked by beside him and evidently ran down the stairs. She couldn't move, and neither could her DreamSelf.
"Now, bitch, I guess you could call that caught in the act... you'll regret that, and your loverbitch as well."
Transfixed, she had to watch as he grabbed her DreamSelf and threw her across the room. She hit her head hard on the floor and didn't move. The man bowed over her to check if she was unconscious. When he was right above her, her DreamSelf grabbed him by his collar and pulled him down. There was a struggle, and she tried to escape. Finally, she was free, and stumbled towards the door. "NO, YOU WON'T!!!"
She couldn't believe it. What this what it had been like? She knew what was happening, but she desperately wanted to stop this. She wanted to wake up.
Realizing her DreamSelf was about to escape, the man took his gun that had fallen on the floor and shot at her.
And suddenly she wasn't alone anymore. There was her lover, wearing a white shirt, looking shocked. The shirt was sprinkled with blood, and there was some on her face as well. But something seemed - wrong... it was as if she didn't belong here as well...
There were footsteps on the stairs again, and there was her lover, holding a gun. She didn't understand... why were there two of them? She noticed the cold look in her lover's eyes as she pointed her gun at her DreamSelf's murderer. She shot him without hesitation. Then she let go of the gun, it fell on the floor. Her lover knelt down besider her DreamSelf, embracing her.
"Tara? Come, on baby. Get up. Please. Tara... No... no... no..."
She wanted to go to her, to show her she wasn't dead, that she was right here. Once again, she looked at the other one, who was still standing there with the blood sprinkled shirt. She seemed so lost and helpless...
Then suddenly there was her DreamSelf's voice:
"and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death."
***
So what was this supposed to mean? Why had she watched herself die in that dream? And why had there been two Willows? She noticed she had been crying in her sleep... was still crying. She felt so alone. The darkness wasn't comforting anymore and neither was daylight. Everything scared her. Life scared her. Tara wanted to die.
Author: ladydewinter
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-)
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then.
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. The lyrics are from the song "Head over feet" by Alanis Morissette.
Feedback: Thank you so much for the nice feedback so far - it's exactly what I need ;-) So don't stop...
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.
Summary: Another dream. I hope this isn't too confusing...
***
When she woke up, she was scared. As in very scared. What did this dream mean?
She had been standing in her room, or in something that felt exactly like her room. It was dark, only dimly lit by a few candles. She saw herself, putting on some oldfashioned trousers, a shirt and then tying back her hair. All the time she heard a voice, the voice that would always comfort her..
"I had no choice but to hear you
You stated your case time and again
I thought about it..."
At these words, her DreamSelf's face lit up, and suddenly they were in some kind of ballroom. There was music, there were people who seemed oddly faceless, and there was - she. The love of her life. She smiled, and so did her DreamSelf. She was so beautiful... the long hair, the dress that made her eyes shine even more... Her DreamSelf aproached her lover and obviously asked her to dance...and dancing was what they did...
"You treat me like I'm a princess
I'm not used to liking that
You ask how my day was..."
She was watching them dance. Her DreamSelf had her face buried in her lover's neck, and she was holding her tightly. It seemed so - normal, but she knew everything about them was special. Everything about herself and - had been special. They looked so at ease and very much in love. She wondered why nobody else noticed. To her, it appeared that they were almost glowing, and it was as if they would be floating off the ground any minute. But how would anybody else know? None of them had ever loved anyone as completely as she had... as the two of them did.
Then they were back in her room, or rather in their room. She could feel the essence of both of them, and there was something about it that made her feel the way she always had when they had been together. Her DreamSelf's lover was looking at her intently, smiling her sweet, reassuring smile. No one could smile like that, she decided.
"You already won me over in spite of me
Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet..."
She catched her breath as they both started to undress each other. She was amazed at how beautiful it looked... every movement was one of love and utter devotion. Every kiss was - it nearly broke her heart. She didn't know if she could watch them - although it was herself in a way, it felt oddly voyeuristic... she was relieved when all of a sudden they were lying in bed together, naked, her DreamSelf holding her lover.
"Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault..."
She remembered how long it had taken for them to get together... she had been patient, waiting for her, willing to be just a friend if that was what she wanted. Her room had become their room - they had fashioned it together, as their relationship grew. It was what helped them both to get through the days - this place where there was comfort, and security, and trust. Love. She saw her lover caressing her DreamSelf.
"Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole
You're so much braver than I gave you credit for
That's not lip service..."
Her DreamSelf smiled. She felt a bit selfconscious, watching herself like that. She felt like an intruder, although she knew it was a dream and she couldn't help being here... and a part of her didn't want to leave. Ever. This was the first time in months she could see her lover again... not that she hadn't memorized every part, every movement, every kiss...
"You are the bearer of unconditional things
You held your breath and the door for me
Thanks for your patience...
You're the best listener that I've ever met
You're my best friend
Best friend with benefits
What took me so long..."
She had the impression that this had been the first time for the both of them. Her lover seemed amazed at the beauty of everything... she leaned down to kiss her DreamSelf and smiled, this knowing smile that always made her catch her breath. That smile that indicated that she exactly knew what to do, how to make her happy - in any possible way.
"I've never felt this healthy before
I've never wanted something rational..."
They seemed to be lost in each other. She knew what it was like, how it felt to be in this other world, where there was only love and beauty. Where things were so much brighter. Where she had seen the sun for the first time in her life.
"I am aware now
I am aware now..."
Suddenly there was some noise outside. Footsteps could be heard, and then someone was knocking on the door.
"Open the door, you bitch, I know you're in there. I won't let this happen, you know? I'll kill you, I'll kill you both..."
The banging stopped, it seemed as if the man who had been knocking had left...to get some help, maybe.
She noticed how scared her DreamSelf looked, she seemed to know what this was all about. They got out of the bed, quickly grabbing their clothes, searching for a way to escape.
Then her DreamSelf spoke for the very first time. "Listen, love, you have to go, I'll stall. It's ok, I won't let anything happen to me. Just... just run, right? Everything will be alright." She put on her resolve face, not giving her lover a chance to protest.
"But-"
"Leave, I'll follow soon. You don't have to worry, nothing will happen to me... just... just run when I tell you, right?"
They kissed, held on to each other, not wanting to let go. But they were interrupted when the banging started again. Actually, it wasn't banging...it was more like someone was trying to break the door...
"Are you ready?" her DreamSelf asked.
Her lover nodded, trying to smile reassuringly. It didn't work this time, though - they were both too scared.
"I love you. Now..."
She felt how fear was filling her as well...she knew how this was going to end... she knew all this... it just... it hadn't been her lover who had to -
"RUN!"
With that, her DreamSelf opened the door, and the man who had been trying to force it open, stumbled inside. Her lover sneaked by beside him and evidently ran down the stairs. She couldn't move, and neither could her DreamSelf.
"Now, bitch, I guess you could call that caught in the act... you'll regret that, and your loverbitch as well."
Transfixed, she had to watch as he grabbed her DreamSelf and threw her across the room. She hit her head hard on the floor and didn't move. The man bowed over her to check if she was unconscious. When he was right above her, her DreamSelf grabbed him by his collar and pulled him down. There was a struggle, and she tried to escape. Finally, she was free, and stumbled towards the door. "NO, YOU WON'T!!!"
She couldn't believe it. What this what it had been like? She knew what was happening, but she desperately wanted to stop this. She wanted to wake up.
Realizing her DreamSelf was about to escape, the man took his gun that had fallen on the floor and shot at her.
And suddenly she wasn't alone anymore. There was her lover, wearing a white shirt, looking shocked. The shirt was sprinkled with blood, and there was some on her face as well. But something seemed - wrong... it was as if she didn't belong here as well...
There were footsteps on the stairs again, and there was her lover, holding a gun. She didn't understand... why were there two of them? She noticed the cold look in her lover's eyes as she pointed her gun at her DreamSelf's murderer. She shot him without hesitation. Then she let go of the gun, it fell on the floor. Her lover knelt down besider her DreamSelf, embracing her.
"Tara? Come, on baby. Get up. Please. Tara... No... no... no..."
She wanted to go to her, to show her she wasn't dead, that she was right here. Once again, she looked at the other one, who was still standing there with the blood sprinkled shirt. She seemed so lost and helpless...
Then suddenly there was her DreamSelf's voice:
"and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death."
***
So what was this supposed to mean? Why had she watched herself die in that dream? And why had there been two Willows? She noticed she had been crying in her sleep... was still crying. She felt so alone. The darkness wasn't comforting anymore and neither was daylight. Everything scared her. Life scared her. Tara wanted to die.