Jack's POV
Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. Maybe I should think about going to get my ears checked out or something because there is no way Spot said what I'm quite positive he said. Maybe I imagined it, I mean, he didn't even remember he said it and he's giving me the weirdest look. But, on the hand, he said it with such conviction, like I was dumb for not noticing it or. . . whatever. Oh lord, I'm so screwed.
He just stood there watching me with that lost expression on his face, his head tilted slightly to the left. As if he's trying to figure ME out. Hell, I think I'm the one that should searching me. But I can't really bring myself to do that.
"Jack, would ya jist tell me already?" He sighed. I looked over at him and reciprocated his sigh.
"Well, I'se was saying how youse seemed a little too okay wit me kissin you and youse said that you were in love wit me," I stumbled over my own words, now it was me not meeting his eyes. When he remained silent, I risked a glance at him.
He was staring open mouthed, and wide eyed at me in shock. And I got the distinct feeling that he not only hadn't meant to say that, but didn't even know he did. Like he was thinking out loud or something. If I wasn't so confused and lost by the situation unfolding around us I probably would've felt sorry for him.
"I. . .I'se said all dat? Out loud?" He said in a soft child-like voice that was shaking. It was the kind of voice I never expected to hear from him, he was always the strongest of our kind and hearing him sound so scared unnerved me some. If he could be like that how did that go for the rest of us?
"Yeah."
I saw him visibly shutter and close his eyes trying to steady himself. Another thing I noticed was he hadn't denied it yet, which I had expected he would do instantly. I mean, it couldn't possibly be true could it? Spot Conlon in love with me? It didn't make sense.
But if I think back to that kiss from just a few minutes ago, I guess I should've realized it. There was definitely emotion coming from his part. I had just be shocked, I hadn't expected him to kiss me back, or try to explore anymore. Which, if I think back also made me shudder. I mean I was the one that let him wasn't I?
And so here we are. He's scared of what I must think of him and I'm trying to understand why the thought of him being in love me doesn't totally disgust me.
I REALLY hate being confused.
"Listen, Spot, it's not -
"No. Don't say a thing. Youse don't need to tell me how disgustin it is, or anyt'ing like dat. It was a mistake, I. . . I never meant to say it," He said slowly, his voice thick with emotions I didn't even know existed. He sounded guilty and defeated. I didn't say anything at first. What could I say?
"Just tell me if it's true."
He sighed and looked up at the sky which was pitch black with a few scattered stars among the smog and smoke. Just another reason I want to go to Santa Fe, fresh air. He relocated his eyes on mine and I got the weird feeling that I was being devoured by his eyes.
"What do ya t'ink?" He asked finally, continuing to stare at me. I narrowed my eyes slightly and licked my lips before I could answer him, but as I did so I saw his already dark eyes darken still into something that looked exactly like desire. It made me blink but gave me the answer.
"Yeah."
"Den youse be right."
"Spot, I'm not disgusted by you. If dat's what youse scared about."
He lifted his eyes from my lips to my eyes and tried to staring right through me to decide if I was serious or not. He even took a step closer as if to see better. He opened his mouth to speak but shut it quickly and lowered his eyes and nodded.
"I'm sorry," He muttered and shifted on his feel uncomfortably.
"What for?"
"Fer puttin you in da position yer in. Youse don't need to lie to me. If ya 'ate me I'll make it. I'se a big boy Jack," He said sarcastically. Though it was said without much venom.
"I'se ain't lyin Spot. I'se don't got no problem wit it. Really," I answered and actually realized it was true. I was starting to wonder about myself. First he says he needs me, and then I kiss him and then he says he loves me. What possible could happen next?
"Sure, sure Jack. Someday youse wake up."
I frowned at his statement but didn't comment. I chose instead to think about my own feelings at the moment. I wasn't lying when I said I didn't have a problem with any of it, I even started wondering how long it had been going on? During the strike? After? Before? I wasn't looking for the signs so I never saw them, but I guess if I think hard enough. . .
Not that it mattered. I mean, I'm not that way. But then again, if I wasn't, even a little bit, why did the thought of him loving me actually be okay with me? Or why was the only way I could think of to get his attention was too kiss him? And when I did why didn't I pull back immediately after he started to kiss me back and the kiss actually became an intimate thing? Was I just figuring into this too much? Or did his little mistaken and mis- said confession actually trigger something in my brain as well?
"Jack, are youse okay?" His voice broke me free from my thoughts and I looked down at the small boy standing in front of me and slightly concerned look on his face.
I took in his features for the first time since I'd met him years ago on the streets. I guess I could see what all the girls saw in him. Like I said earlier, he does have pretty eyes, and surprisingly full lips for a guy. And although his smirk and smile just ooze cockiness it kind of makes him even more attractive. And his skin, although pale, is very smooth. I felt that when I kissed him. So, yes, I could see the appeal. All those things more then made up for his lack of height and muscle.
"Jack, yer uh, yer lookin at me strange," Spot said, once again snapping me out of my strange thoughts. God, what is wrong with me today? Announcing my Santa Fe and now all this with Spot? I think I may have really lost it. Or maybe it's just TOO much fresh air.
"Sorry," I mumble and take a small step away from him, I'm not sure why, but I get this feeling that I probably shouldn't be close to him or I might do something I'd regret.
He raised an eyebrow but stayed silent.
"So what were ya thinkin about?" He asked me.
"Kissing you."
Okay. Remember when I said thinking that kissing him to get his attention was the dumbest idea I'd ever had? Well, I think saying that, without thinking at all, was dumber still. Because now he's looking at me like I'm crazy. Which, I may very well be.
"Um, ah. . ." He can't even form any words to counter my little confession. Damn. Ever feel like you're way to exposed and just need to get the hell away from the situation you but yourself into? If you have, then you know exactly how I felt at that moment.
"Forget it."
"But, Jack, are you serious?" He's looking at me with this hopeful look on his face. Yeah, definitely a puppy.
"Yeah."
We stood there for a while. He had a deep look on his face like he was wondering what he should do or say next. And me? I was trying to get my legs to actually move so I could get the hell away. Either way, neither of us did anything. Just kinda stood there and stared at each other.
And we waited.
A/N: Alrighty then. . . I'm feeling kind of lazy right now, so I'll just list my reviewers. Thanks for the great reviews! You guys are wonderful! * hands each reviewer a huge candy bar of their choice *. Until next time. . .
Special Thanks to the following:
TheCrazyUnknown
Raven46
Spotlover421
Fox
Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. Maybe I should think about going to get my ears checked out or something because there is no way Spot said what I'm quite positive he said. Maybe I imagined it, I mean, he didn't even remember he said it and he's giving me the weirdest look. But, on the hand, he said it with such conviction, like I was dumb for not noticing it or. . . whatever. Oh lord, I'm so screwed.
He just stood there watching me with that lost expression on his face, his head tilted slightly to the left. As if he's trying to figure ME out. Hell, I think I'm the one that should searching me. But I can't really bring myself to do that.
"Jack, would ya jist tell me already?" He sighed. I looked over at him and reciprocated his sigh.
"Well, I'se was saying how youse seemed a little too okay wit me kissin you and youse said that you were in love wit me," I stumbled over my own words, now it was me not meeting his eyes. When he remained silent, I risked a glance at him.
He was staring open mouthed, and wide eyed at me in shock. And I got the distinct feeling that he not only hadn't meant to say that, but didn't even know he did. Like he was thinking out loud or something. If I wasn't so confused and lost by the situation unfolding around us I probably would've felt sorry for him.
"I. . .I'se said all dat? Out loud?" He said in a soft child-like voice that was shaking. It was the kind of voice I never expected to hear from him, he was always the strongest of our kind and hearing him sound so scared unnerved me some. If he could be like that how did that go for the rest of us?
"Yeah."
I saw him visibly shutter and close his eyes trying to steady himself. Another thing I noticed was he hadn't denied it yet, which I had expected he would do instantly. I mean, it couldn't possibly be true could it? Spot Conlon in love with me? It didn't make sense.
But if I think back to that kiss from just a few minutes ago, I guess I should've realized it. There was definitely emotion coming from his part. I had just be shocked, I hadn't expected him to kiss me back, or try to explore anymore. Which, if I think back also made me shudder. I mean I was the one that let him wasn't I?
And so here we are. He's scared of what I must think of him and I'm trying to understand why the thought of him being in love me doesn't totally disgust me.
I REALLY hate being confused.
"Listen, Spot, it's not -
"No. Don't say a thing. Youse don't need to tell me how disgustin it is, or anyt'ing like dat. It was a mistake, I. . . I never meant to say it," He said slowly, his voice thick with emotions I didn't even know existed. He sounded guilty and defeated. I didn't say anything at first. What could I say?
"Just tell me if it's true."
He sighed and looked up at the sky which was pitch black with a few scattered stars among the smog and smoke. Just another reason I want to go to Santa Fe, fresh air. He relocated his eyes on mine and I got the weird feeling that I was being devoured by his eyes.
"What do ya t'ink?" He asked finally, continuing to stare at me. I narrowed my eyes slightly and licked my lips before I could answer him, but as I did so I saw his already dark eyes darken still into something that looked exactly like desire. It made me blink but gave me the answer.
"Yeah."
"Den youse be right."
"Spot, I'm not disgusted by you. If dat's what youse scared about."
He lifted his eyes from my lips to my eyes and tried to staring right through me to decide if I was serious or not. He even took a step closer as if to see better. He opened his mouth to speak but shut it quickly and lowered his eyes and nodded.
"I'm sorry," He muttered and shifted on his feel uncomfortably.
"What for?"
"Fer puttin you in da position yer in. Youse don't need to lie to me. If ya 'ate me I'll make it. I'se a big boy Jack," He said sarcastically. Though it was said without much venom.
"I'se ain't lyin Spot. I'se don't got no problem wit it. Really," I answered and actually realized it was true. I was starting to wonder about myself. First he says he needs me, and then I kiss him and then he says he loves me. What possible could happen next?
"Sure, sure Jack. Someday youse wake up."
I frowned at his statement but didn't comment. I chose instead to think about my own feelings at the moment. I wasn't lying when I said I didn't have a problem with any of it, I even started wondering how long it had been going on? During the strike? After? Before? I wasn't looking for the signs so I never saw them, but I guess if I think hard enough. . .
Not that it mattered. I mean, I'm not that way. But then again, if I wasn't, even a little bit, why did the thought of him loving me actually be okay with me? Or why was the only way I could think of to get his attention was too kiss him? And when I did why didn't I pull back immediately after he started to kiss me back and the kiss actually became an intimate thing? Was I just figuring into this too much? Or did his little mistaken and mis- said confession actually trigger something in my brain as well?
"Jack, are youse okay?" His voice broke me free from my thoughts and I looked down at the small boy standing in front of me and slightly concerned look on his face.
I took in his features for the first time since I'd met him years ago on the streets. I guess I could see what all the girls saw in him. Like I said earlier, he does have pretty eyes, and surprisingly full lips for a guy. And although his smirk and smile just ooze cockiness it kind of makes him even more attractive. And his skin, although pale, is very smooth. I felt that when I kissed him. So, yes, I could see the appeal. All those things more then made up for his lack of height and muscle.
"Jack, yer uh, yer lookin at me strange," Spot said, once again snapping me out of my strange thoughts. God, what is wrong with me today? Announcing my Santa Fe and now all this with Spot? I think I may have really lost it. Or maybe it's just TOO much fresh air.
"Sorry," I mumble and take a small step away from him, I'm not sure why, but I get this feeling that I probably shouldn't be close to him or I might do something I'd regret.
He raised an eyebrow but stayed silent.
"So what were ya thinkin about?" He asked me.
"Kissing you."
Okay. Remember when I said thinking that kissing him to get his attention was the dumbest idea I'd ever had? Well, I think saying that, without thinking at all, was dumber still. Because now he's looking at me like I'm crazy. Which, I may very well be.
"Um, ah. . ." He can't even form any words to counter my little confession. Damn. Ever feel like you're way to exposed and just need to get the hell away from the situation you but yourself into? If you have, then you know exactly how I felt at that moment.
"Forget it."
"But, Jack, are you serious?" He's looking at me with this hopeful look on his face. Yeah, definitely a puppy.
"Yeah."
We stood there for a while. He had a deep look on his face like he was wondering what he should do or say next. And me? I was trying to get my legs to actually move so I could get the hell away. Either way, neither of us did anything. Just kinda stood there and stared at each other.
And we waited.
A/N: Alrighty then. . . I'm feeling kind of lazy right now, so I'll just list my reviewers. Thanks for the great reviews! You guys are wonderful! * hands each reviewer a huge candy bar of their choice *. Until next time. . .
Special Thanks to the following:
TheCrazyUnknown
Raven46
Spotlover421
Fox