Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart
Author: ladydewinter
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then.
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey.
Feedback: Thanks again for the positive feedback. It's what keeps me going, and it makes me happy :0)
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.
Summary: Continues where the last part stopped. And Willow and Kennedy are having a conversation.
***
"Why did that happen?" Buffy asked Willow.
"I dunno. It's - I mean, you all saw the lights. There were three of them, right?"
"Yeah, sure, three fairy lights. But why did one of them disappear?" Buffy took another look atthe map. The one in Sunnydale was still there, as was the one in L.A. Oddly enough, that one seemed to be moving. But although she noticed it, she didn't realize what that implicated. She was still wondering why the third twinkie had vanished.
"Isn't it obvious?" That was Andrew. "I mean, what's kind of a cliffhanger is that suposed to be? It vanished. Of course it did. Don't you think if there was another living Slayer, we would have heard of her?"
"So, you greatest of all geeks, share oh your wisdom with us," Xander told him.
"Hey, no mocking of the one who knows something," Andrew protested.
"That's enough of that, thank you. We don't need Andrew to figure it out. He's right, it's fairly obvious," Giles said. "There evidently has been a third Slayer, and she even seems to be in Sunnydale or at least on her way to us, but she is probably dead by now."
"But why didn't we notice - I mean, we didn't even hear of her watcher, did we?" Buffy asked. "And when she got killed - why wasn't another third one called afterwards?"
"I guess the answer to that question simply is that the powers protecting the Slayers must have been completely confused by then. And who knows, it was probably the First or rather the Bringers who killed her."
"You mean, she hasn't been dead for long?" Willow wanted to know.
"I don't know, but there are definetely a couple of things that aren't clear yet. First of all we must assume that this third Slayer has been called after Buffy died the second time. By then, the Watcher's Council still existed, but it doesn't seem as if anyone has been informed. I wonder if this girl even had a watcher. And if she even knew she was the Chosen One."
"The Chosen Three, if at all," Andrew murmured.
Dawn grinned. He really was funny, and she didn't find him as annoying as she had at the beginning. "So, we have what, zero? One puzzle solved, but loads to go? I mean, sure, we know now that there actually are or were three Slayers, but does this mean the prophecy is authentic? And...I really hate to bring this up again...if it is authentic, what are we going to do then?" Dawn looked at Willow.
"I suggest we take one step at a time. Maybe - maybe we can find out who this third Slayer was? Like, name, where she came from, what she did? Do you think there is any possibility to get that information, Willow?"
"I don't know, Buffy. A spell to find the body, maybe, so we have something someone can identify? I think I know one."
"Yeah, that's a good idea. And-" something was bothering her, but Buffy couldn't really put a finger on it.
"What?" Willow asked.
"Nothing. I - there was something I was thinking about, but - I guess it slipped my mind. So, work your mojo, so I can do something."
"I know you hate feeling - well, inactive," Willow smiled at her best friend, hoping she wasn't too angry at her. She started to collect the maps in order to replace them with a detailed one of Sunnydale, but then she noticed something. By then, the other had left the living room in order to hunt for some food - the fridge always was kind of empty, since the Summer's house had become girl's camp central.
"This is strange," Willow murmured.
"What is?" Buffy, who had been leaving for the kitchen as well, turned around.
"The second light, I mean, the Faith light - it's moving. It could be I missed something, but isn't she supposed to be in jail?" Willow looked worried.
"That's it, that's what I couldn't think of a minute ago. I noticed it as well. But - I don't know, it could be that she got out - legally I mean."
"That's just great. It's not that we haven't got enough problems yet, is it? I mean, the First, ubervamps, spells we can't perform - no, we need a homicidal psychopath Slayer as well. Otherwise it just wouldn't be fun."
"Maybe Faith could help us."
"Buffy, have you lost your mind? The last time Faith was here she made you switch your body and almost got you killed!"
"Angel said she had changed, that she was sorry and-"
"Yeah, let's have someone around who could turn against us any time."
"We already have. And I don't mean Spike." With a cold glance at her friend, Buffy left the room to look for Giles. He needed to know about Faith.
***
Willow went upstairs to her room, in order to perform the second spell. She didn't wanted to do it in the living room, she desperately wanted to be alone. Was Buffy right? Was she a threat? She definetely had been only an hour or so ago. But she - she had been so angry. It always felt the same - the anger. And she only felt it when - it was connected to Tara, or rather - her own need to protect Tara. It was ironic, really. Tara was the last person on earth who would want her to act that way, and she - she didn't seem to be able to control herself.
She knew that she had been in danger of really attacking Buffy; and she knew Buffy knew that too. But the mere thought of having to see Tara as a zombie...it made her feel sick. And it had hurt her even more when Kennedy had been in favour of that plan. What was her deal? Well, a part of her could understand her, her jealousy. She wasn't in love with her, though? She had the feeling that for Kennedy, everything that had to do with Tara was something she couldn't understand and therefore had no control over.
Deep down, Willow knew she was trying to persuade herself that Kennedy couldn't love her. She knew she cared for her, and she feared that the potential was in love with her. She - she just couldn't - she could never allow herself to love again. She knew she sounded pathetic, and that was exactly why didn't want to admit this to herself. It wasn't just that Tara was her soulmate - that they were real soulmates, she thought, recalling her conversation with Anya. She knew she couldn't handle loss once again. She was scared, very scared. And she had to tell Kennedy so. Whatever they had - she couldn't go on with it, or everything would end up in desaster.
But right now, she had to concentrate on working her mojo, as Buffy had put it. She had to talk with her as well - about the whole Faith thing. Why was Buffy so forgiving, she wondered. And so overprotective concerning Faith? Try to figure that out later, she told herself. Now - the spell. She quickly located the spell she needed in one of her books, got the necessary ingredients and set up the candles. After she had performed the spell, she watched the map of Sunnydale in front of her. A long while, nothing happened, but then there was some sparkling above -
"The school? What a surprise..." Great, now you start talking to yourself? Whatever, she had to tell the others. When she put out the candles and turned to leave the room, Kennedy was standing at the door.
"Hey." Willow smiled tentatively.
"Hey." Kennedy didn't.
"I think I found her, the third Slayer, the dead one? She seems to be at the High School."
"Oh." She was still standing her, her eyes on Willow.
"What is it?" Willow wanted to know, or rather, not wanting to know as she really needed to tell Buffy about-
"We need to talk, don't you think so?"
"Kennedy, I don't have time for 'the talk' right now - we don't have time for these kind of things."
"You sound just like Giles." Her voice was rather cold, but at the same time it was as if she had to force herself to talk like that.
"Yeah? Well, so I do. Whatever. I really need to tell Buffy about-"
"I can't do this anymore."
Willow, who had tried to get past Kennedy, stopped just in front of her.
"Can't do what?" She knew of course, but this was the way it was always done, wasn't it?
"Us. Whatever that is. We - I can't do it anymore. Can you?"
"I -" Willow wasn't sure what to say. She decided to be honest. "Actually, I was thinking the same thing a couple of minutes ago. But you have to understand, it isn't you it's-"
"Tara." Kennedy had decided to be cruel.
"No - what does she have to do with us? It's me."
"It isn't you. It is her, her memory. She's the reason you're holding back. Sometimes I wish she would just have left you and not have died. Then you wouldn't act the way you do."
"Kennedy-"
"No, it's my turn now. I know she was the love of you life, but don't you think it is time to get over it? So she's dead - well, if she really was that nice a person, I'm sure she would want you to fall in love again, wouldn't she?" She said the last part in a mocking tone, not concealing her intention to hurt Willow.
"Maybe. But maybe I don't want to get over it. Maybe it's none of your business. Maybe I could fall in love again, just not with YOU." Willow was almost shouting now, but she didn't care if anybody else was listening. "Or maybe it's as I said - this isn't about you, or Tara - it's about me. I'm selfish, I know - I just don't want to lose the one I love again. It happened too often, and everytime I lost myself as well. I don't want that to happen again. If that means to be alone for the rest of my life, I don't care. In fact, I couldn't care less, it's fine by me."
Kennedy was silent.
"Don't you have another hurting statement to make? Wanna tell me once more to GET OVER IT? Believe me, I tried. But none of you seems to understand. Not even Buffy had what I and Tara had. We were soulmates, real soulmates. Just go and ask Anya. I haven't got a heart anymore, she's got it. All I have is hers, and I'm not going to give it away. It's the only thing left of her. So-"
"So what?" Kennedy asked. "Wanna stay friends?"
"Actually, no. Not after what you just said. But as we have to work together, I guess we should try." Willow was more quiet now. "Let's just - I mean, we both know it's over now. And we're adults. And-"
"And you didn't love me anyhow, so it doesn't hurt as much, does it? Right, so let's be friends. I hope you don't mind if I don't hug you?"
"Kennedy, what did you expect me to do?"
"Maybe I expected you to tell me we are alright, to tell me you lo-"
"Would you have believed me?"
"No. But it would have been nice to hear it anyway."
"I'm sorry, Kennedy, I-"
"I'm sure you are. Let's just - go and tell Buffy what you wanted to tell her. I'll move down to the others. Want another playmate up here?" she couldn't stop from asking.
But Willow had already left the room, so she didn't know if she heard it. Kennedy started gathering her stuff together. She couldn't help crying, and she hated herself for it. Hey, there are a bunch of pretty girls down there. The thought didn't really cheer her up. So it was over. At least it had been her who did the leaving bit - that was something. At that thought, she picked up a shirt from the floor. It belonged to Willow, but she put into in her bag. She had always liked souveniers.
***
Author: ladydewinter
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then.
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey.
Feedback: Thanks again for the positive feedback. It's what keeps me going, and it makes me happy :0)
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.
Summary: Continues where the last part stopped. And Willow and Kennedy are having a conversation.
***
"Why did that happen?" Buffy asked Willow.
"I dunno. It's - I mean, you all saw the lights. There were three of them, right?"
"Yeah, sure, three fairy lights. But why did one of them disappear?" Buffy took another look atthe map. The one in Sunnydale was still there, as was the one in L.A. Oddly enough, that one seemed to be moving. But although she noticed it, she didn't realize what that implicated. She was still wondering why the third twinkie had vanished.
"Isn't it obvious?" That was Andrew. "I mean, what's kind of a cliffhanger is that suposed to be? It vanished. Of course it did. Don't you think if there was another living Slayer, we would have heard of her?"
"So, you greatest of all geeks, share oh your wisdom with us," Xander told him.
"Hey, no mocking of the one who knows something," Andrew protested.
"That's enough of that, thank you. We don't need Andrew to figure it out. He's right, it's fairly obvious," Giles said. "There evidently has been a third Slayer, and she even seems to be in Sunnydale or at least on her way to us, but she is probably dead by now."
"But why didn't we notice - I mean, we didn't even hear of her watcher, did we?" Buffy asked. "And when she got killed - why wasn't another third one called afterwards?"
"I guess the answer to that question simply is that the powers protecting the Slayers must have been completely confused by then. And who knows, it was probably the First or rather the Bringers who killed her."
"You mean, she hasn't been dead for long?" Willow wanted to know.
"I don't know, but there are definetely a couple of things that aren't clear yet. First of all we must assume that this third Slayer has been called after Buffy died the second time. By then, the Watcher's Council still existed, but it doesn't seem as if anyone has been informed. I wonder if this girl even had a watcher. And if she even knew she was the Chosen One."
"The Chosen Three, if at all," Andrew murmured.
Dawn grinned. He really was funny, and she didn't find him as annoying as she had at the beginning. "So, we have what, zero? One puzzle solved, but loads to go? I mean, sure, we know now that there actually are or were three Slayers, but does this mean the prophecy is authentic? And...I really hate to bring this up again...if it is authentic, what are we going to do then?" Dawn looked at Willow.
"I suggest we take one step at a time. Maybe - maybe we can find out who this third Slayer was? Like, name, where she came from, what she did? Do you think there is any possibility to get that information, Willow?"
"I don't know, Buffy. A spell to find the body, maybe, so we have something someone can identify? I think I know one."
"Yeah, that's a good idea. And-" something was bothering her, but Buffy couldn't really put a finger on it.
"What?" Willow asked.
"Nothing. I - there was something I was thinking about, but - I guess it slipped my mind. So, work your mojo, so I can do something."
"I know you hate feeling - well, inactive," Willow smiled at her best friend, hoping she wasn't too angry at her. She started to collect the maps in order to replace them with a detailed one of Sunnydale, but then she noticed something. By then, the other had left the living room in order to hunt for some food - the fridge always was kind of empty, since the Summer's house had become girl's camp central.
"This is strange," Willow murmured.
"What is?" Buffy, who had been leaving for the kitchen as well, turned around.
"The second light, I mean, the Faith light - it's moving. It could be I missed something, but isn't she supposed to be in jail?" Willow looked worried.
"That's it, that's what I couldn't think of a minute ago. I noticed it as well. But - I don't know, it could be that she got out - legally I mean."
"That's just great. It's not that we haven't got enough problems yet, is it? I mean, the First, ubervamps, spells we can't perform - no, we need a homicidal psychopath Slayer as well. Otherwise it just wouldn't be fun."
"Maybe Faith could help us."
"Buffy, have you lost your mind? The last time Faith was here she made you switch your body and almost got you killed!"
"Angel said she had changed, that she was sorry and-"
"Yeah, let's have someone around who could turn against us any time."
"We already have. And I don't mean Spike." With a cold glance at her friend, Buffy left the room to look for Giles. He needed to know about Faith.
***
Willow went upstairs to her room, in order to perform the second spell. She didn't wanted to do it in the living room, she desperately wanted to be alone. Was Buffy right? Was she a threat? She definetely had been only an hour or so ago. But she - she had been so angry. It always felt the same - the anger. And she only felt it when - it was connected to Tara, or rather - her own need to protect Tara. It was ironic, really. Tara was the last person on earth who would want her to act that way, and she - she didn't seem to be able to control herself.
She knew that she had been in danger of really attacking Buffy; and she knew Buffy knew that too. But the mere thought of having to see Tara as a zombie...it made her feel sick. And it had hurt her even more when Kennedy had been in favour of that plan. What was her deal? Well, a part of her could understand her, her jealousy. She wasn't in love with her, though? She had the feeling that for Kennedy, everything that had to do with Tara was something she couldn't understand and therefore had no control over.
Deep down, Willow knew she was trying to persuade herself that Kennedy couldn't love her. She knew she cared for her, and she feared that the potential was in love with her. She - she just couldn't - she could never allow herself to love again. She knew she sounded pathetic, and that was exactly why didn't want to admit this to herself. It wasn't just that Tara was her soulmate - that they were real soulmates, she thought, recalling her conversation with Anya. She knew she couldn't handle loss once again. She was scared, very scared. And she had to tell Kennedy so. Whatever they had - she couldn't go on with it, or everything would end up in desaster.
But right now, she had to concentrate on working her mojo, as Buffy had put it. She had to talk with her as well - about the whole Faith thing. Why was Buffy so forgiving, she wondered. And so overprotective concerning Faith? Try to figure that out later, she told herself. Now - the spell. She quickly located the spell she needed in one of her books, got the necessary ingredients and set up the candles. After she had performed the spell, she watched the map of Sunnydale in front of her. A long while, nothing happened, but then there was some sparkling above -
"The school? What a surprise..." Great, now you start talking to yourself? Whatever, she had to tell the others. When she put out the candles and turned to leave the room, Kennedy was standing at the door.
"Hey." Willow smiled tentatively.
"Hey." Kennedy didn't.
"I think I found her, the third Slayer, the dead one? She seems to be at the High School."
"Oh." She was still standing her, her eyes on Willow.
"What is it?" Willow wanted to know, or rather, not wanting to know as she really needed to tell Buffy about-
"We need to talk, don't you think so?"
"Kennedy, I don't have time for 'the talk' right now - we don't have time for these kind of things."
"You sound just like Giles." Her voice was rather cold, but at the same time it was as if she had to force herself to talk like that.
"Yeah? Well, so I do. Whatever. I really need to tell Buffy about-"
"I can't do this anymore."
Willow, who had tried to get past Kennedy, stopped just in front of her.
"Can't do what?" She knew of course, but this was the way it was always done, wasn't it?
"Us. Whatever that is. We - I can't do it anymore. Can you?"
"I -" Willow wasn't sure what to say. She decided to be honest. "Actually, I was thinking the same thing a couple of minutes ago. But you have to understand, it isn't you it's-"
"Tara." Kennedy had decided to be cruel.
"No - what does she have to do with us? It's me."
"It isn't you. It is her, her memory. She's the reason you're holding back. Sometimes I wish she would just have left you and not have died. Then you wouldn't act the way you do."
"Kennedy-"
"No, it's my turn now. I know she was the love of you life, but don't you think it is time to get over it? So she's dead - well, if she really was that nice a person, I'm sure she would want you to fall in love again, wouldn't she?" She said the last part in a mocking tone, not concealing her intention to hurt Willow.
"Maybe. But maybe I don't want to get over it. Maybe it's none of your business. Maybe I could fall in love again, just not with YOU." Willow was almost shouting now, but she didn't care if anybody else was listening. "Or maybe it's as I said - this isn't about you, or Tara - it's about me. I'm selfish, I know - I just don't want to lose the one I love again. It happened too often, and everytime I lost myself as well. I don't want that to happen again. If that means to be alone for the rest of my life, I don't care. In fact, I couldn't care less, it's fine by me."
Kennedy was silent.
"Don't you have another hurting statement to make? Wanna tell me once more to GET OVER IT? Believe me, I tried. But none of you seems to understand. Not even Buffy had what I and Tara had. We were soulmates, real soulmates. Just go and ask Anya. I haven't got a heart anymore, she's got it. All I have is hers, and I'm not going to give it away. It's the only thing left of her. So-"
"So what?" Kennedy asked. "Wanna stay friends?"
"Actually, no. Not after what you just said. But as we have to work together, I guess we should try." Willow was more quiet now. "Let's just - I mean, we both know it's over now. And we're adults. And-"
"And you didn't love me anyhow, so it doesn't hurt as much, does it? Right, so let's be friends. I hope you don't mind if I don't hug you?"
"Kennedy, what did you expect me to do?"
"Maybe I expected you to tell me we are alright, to tell me you lo-"
"Would you have believed me?"
"No. But it would have been nice to hear it anyway."
"I'm sorry, Kennedy, I-"
"I'm sure you are. Let's just - go and tell Buffy what you wanted to tell her. I'll move down to the others. Want another playmate up here?" she couldn't stop from asking.
But Willow had already left the room, so she didn't know if she heard it. Kennedy started gathering her stuff together. She couldn't help crying, and she hated herself for it. Hey, there are a bunch of pretty girls down there. The thought didn't really cheer her up. So it was over. At least it had been her who did the leaving bit - that was something. At that thought, she picked up a shirt from the floor. It belonged to Willow, but she put into in her bag. She had always liked souveniers.
***