Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart
Author: ladydewinter
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then.
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey.
Feedback: Thanks again for the positive feedback. It's what keeps me going, and it makes me happy :0)
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.
Summary: A shortish scene with Buffy and Spike mostly.
Author's note: This story is getting more complex every minute... I originally intended to be a Willow and Tara story mostly, but as you can see it's becoming more than that.. that's fine by me, and I hope it's okay for you as well... but I promise that I haven't forgotten them (as if I could...)
***
When Buffy had heard Willow and Kennedy fighting again, she went down to the basement to talk to Spike. She did that a lot lately. Somehow she needed Spike's company. She couldn't explain it, but she hardly ever thought about his attempt to rape her. She knew he actually had changed, it wasn't just the soul. And she had started to realize something. It scared her a lot, though, and so she was now being denial-gal. Whatever, she thought. I've got other things to worry about. And I'm not the only one. She sighed slightly.
"Hey."
"Hello, luv. What's the matter up there? 'S Red having trouble with the SIT?"
"'Trouble' doesn't seem to fit here. It seems they are breaking up right now."
"Oh. That didn't last long, did it?"
"I didn't think it would," Buffy answered. "But I hoped so. Willow seemed almost cheerful sometimes."
"Come on, you believed her?" Spike was surprised.
"What do you mean, 'believed her'?"
"You didn't see through it, then. You said it yourself - she seemed almost cheerful."
"You mean she wasn't?" Great, Buffy thought. That was so typical. With all the apocalyptic stuff going on and the SITs being around, she hadn't even noticed her best friend's problems. I'm really the perfect best friend. No wonder she tried to kill me.
"What is it?" Spike asked.
"Nothing. It's - it's just, sometimes I wish I was a - a normal girl, with normal problems. I thought I was past this line of thinking, but it looks as if I never can get past it. I should have the time to be there for my best friends, and for my sister."
"No one expects that from you, Buffy. We all know you have other things to worry about." Spike tried to comfort her.
Exactly what I think. "Oh, they do expect that from me. They would never say so - you do as well. And - all of you, you have every right to. But sometimes - it's all so much to handle, I just can't-can't do it all." She sat down on his bed and buried her head in her hands.
Spike sat down beside her. "It's okay, pet. We-"
"No, it's not. Nothing here is okay. There are dozens of - little girls around here, a supernerd who somehow tries to fit in, an ex-demon who doesn't seem to be anything except creating more problems - by trying to be helpful, I know, but still - a witch who is a ticking bomb sometimes, and Giles who - I mean he isn't as helpful as he once was, is he? And then there is the First. And I can't fight it, effectively. And now - just another thing to add on the "problems" list - there is Faith. A Faith of the "no longer in jail" kind. Isn't that totally not okay?" She looked at him.
Spike had noticed that he wasn't on the problems list. That certainly had to be good, hadn't it? Or maybe she just forgot. "Well, there certainly are some problems, but - you have been there before, haven't you? And it has been worse."
"Has it? I don't know. And even if it has, that doesn't make this mess any better or easier."
"I guess it doesn't. So we have to - you said it, I heard you - we have to take one step at a time. I'm sure Red already tried to find out where the remains of the third Slayer are. That is something, isn't it?"
"Yeah, if she found something." Buffy sounded pretty pessimistic, and she felt it.
"I did."
Buffy and Spike were startled, they hadn't noticed that the fighting upstairs had stopped and that Willow had come down to join them.
"Hey Red," Spike greeted her.
She ignored him, there was no time for - whatever. "Buffy, I found her - the body, I mean. It's - it's at the High School."
"Well, who would've guessed?" Buffy stood up. "So, let's go then - play 'find the body'."
"You're the boss, Slayer." Spike grinned, remaining sitting on the bed. "But maybe we could wait until it is dark, so you don't have to fight side by side with a big pile of dust."
"I guess we could do that." Buffy smiled at him amd then turned to her best friend. "Will, are you okay? I - we heard some of what was going on and-"
"It's - it's okay. We - she or I - I don't know, but we broke up. Not really a surprise, is it?"
"You don't sound too sad", Buffy conceded.
"I am not. And I guess I should be sad because of that. Or at least feel ashamed of myself. I mean, I totally used her, trying to handle my pain - oh - I..." Willow trailed off, realizing what she just had said, and to whom.
"I get it," Buffy said.
"I don't know if you can. I'm not ashamed - in fact, I'm mad at her, for everything she said about Tara... I know I wasn't the bestest girlfriend, but - I didn't even feel as if I was, you know? A girlfriend, I mean. But, please, let's not talk about this now." She smiled slightly at Buffy. "I appreciate you being in best friend mode, but we all need you in Slayer mode right now. And I - I don't wanna talk about it really."
"Okay, If you say so...you know you can always talk to me though, right?"
"Sure. I know. Don't worry. I - I'll be upstairs, right?" Willow left, leaving Buffy and Spike to themselves again.
"That wasn't that bad," Spike said.
"What? I totally messed up, didn't you see it?"
"Not the messing up, no. She didn't want to be consoled, what she wanted was to be alone, and that she is now, luv. You shouldn't worry about that - she's a grown up girl, our Witch."
"But - wasn't she pretending to be alright now again?"
"If you ask me - I don't think so, at least not as much as usual. I have the feeling she is rather happy about their break up."
"I don't know really." Buffy started pacing. "I can't think about this right now. At least we have something to go now, with Willow having found the third one's body."
"Yeah. You're all aggressive lately, don't you think?" Spike asked her. He didn't really know what to make of her recently.
"Aggressive? Me? No, I'm no - well, maybe I am eager to fight, but that's not a bad thing, is it? It's so strange, though - there is all this pressure and - even a little anger inside me, and my usual relief strategy is beating up vampires and demons, but there don't seem to be as many areound as there were."
"Oh, they're still around. They just don't want to be in anyone's way right now. I talked to Clem, and he agreed that they are all being very careful."
"They are not happy about the First?"
"Look, I've told you before, haven't I? 'We like to talk big. Vampires do. "I'm going to destroy the world." That's just tough guy talk. Strutting around with your friends over a pint of blood.' Most of us don't want this world to end, Buffy - it's fine by us. So, no, most of them aren't happy about the First. But that's not really what you're thinking about."
"What?" Buffy was startled, she had only been listening with one ear.
"See what I mean? You're distracted. Because of what? It's not the Witch and her little playmate, is it?"
"No, it's not." She said down next to him again. "It's Faith. It looks as if she isn't in jail any longer, and I don't know if she's okay."
"Okay as in ?"
"Okay as in "not wanting to kill us all". If that happens - I don't know what to do. It would be too much. And I hope she isn't angry at me, and I hope I am not angry at her."
"You don't know?"
"No. I haven't seen her for what - three years now. But I thought about her. I even felt I should visit her at some points. I didn't. And you don't know how bad I feel about it."
"I think you should stop punishing yourself. I know this is what you can do best, but that's nothing to be proud of, pet. You will see how you'll both react when she comes here - if she comes here." Spike looked at Buffy. He hated it when she was doing this - blaming herself, hating herself. He knew where this could lead, and he - he never wanted to go there again.
"I'll try." She smiled at him. "Thank you for listening to me."
"That's what I do best, isn't it?"
"Actually it's not." She blushed. Why did she just say that?
Spike smirked in reaction.
"Ahm, but - I mean, even - even if Faith should come here, that wouldn't be bad, unless she is bad, of course. We can use a second Slayer around with all the trouble to come."
"I guess you're right, luv." He didn't say more, wanting to tease her. He knew this was making her feel uncomfortable, and he enjoyed it. A bit.
"Look, it's getting dark outside. I'll just - I'll get some of the others. Wanna come along?" Buffy gladly stood up and started walking up the stairs.
"I thought that was why we were waiting anyway." Spike followed her upstairs. "Let's go then."
***
Author: ladydewinter
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then.
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey.
Feedback: Thanks again for the positive feedback. It's what keeps me going, and it makes me happy :0)
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.
Summary: A shortish scene with Buffy and Spike mostly.
Author's note: This story is getting more complex every minute... I originally intended to be a Willow and Tara story mostly, but as you can see it's becoming more than that.. that's fine by me, and I hope it's okay for you as well... but I promise that I haven't forgotten them (as if I could...)
***
When Buffy had heard Willow and Kennedy fighting again, she went down to the basement to talk to Spike. She did that a lot lately. Somehow she needed Spike's company. She couldn't explain it, but she hardly ever thought about his attempt to rape her. She knew he actually had changed, it wasn't just the soul. And she had started to realize something. It scared her a lot, though, and so she was now being denial-gal. Whatever, she thought. I've got other things to worry about. And I'm not the only one. She sighed slightly.
"Hey."
"Hello, luv. What's the matter up there? 'S Red having trouble with the SIT?"
"'Trouble' doesn't seem to fit here. It seems they are breaking up right now."
"Oh. That didn't last long, did it?"
"I didn't think it would," Buffy answered. "But I hoped so. Willow seemed almost cheerful sometimes."
"Come on, you believed her?" Spike was surprised.
"What do you mean, 'believed her'?"
"You didn't see through it, then. You said it yourself - she seemed almost cheerful."
"You mean she wasn't?" Great, Buffy thought. That was so typical. With all the apocalyptic stuff going on and the SITs being around, she hadn't even noticed her best friend's problems. I'm really the perfect best friend. No wonder she tried to kill me.
"What is it?" Spike asked.
"Nothing. It's - it's just, sometimes I wish I was a - a normal girl, with normal problems. I thought I was past this line of thinking, but it looks as if I never can get past it. I should have the time to be there for my best friends, and for my sister."
"No one expects that from you, Buffy. We all know you have other things to worry about." Spike tried to comfort her.
Exactly what I think. "Oh, they do expect that from me. They would never say so - you do as well. And - all of you, you have every right to. But sometimes - it's all so much to handle, I just can't-can't do it all." She sat down on his bed and buried her head in her hands.
Spike sat down beside her. "It's okay, pet. We-"
"No, it's not. Nothing here is okay. There are dozens of - little girls around here, a supernerd who somehow tries to fit in, an ex-demon who doesn't seem to be anything except creating more problems - by trying to be helpful, I know, but still - a witch who is a ticking bomb sometimes, and Giles who - I mean he isn't as helpful as he once was, is he? And then there is the First. And I can't fight it, effectively. And now - just another thing to add on the "problems" list - there is Faith. A Faith of the "no longer in jail" kind. Isn't that totally not okay?" She looked at him.
Spike had noticed that he wasn't on the problems list. That certainly had to be good, hadn't it? Or maybe she just forgot. "Well, there certainly are some problems, but - you have been there before, haven't you? And it has been worse."
"Has it? I don't know. And even if it has, that doesn't make this mess any better or easier."
"I guess it doesn't. So we have to - you said it, I heard you - we have to take one step at a time. I'm sure Red already tried to find out where the remains of the third Slayer are. That is something, isn't it?"
"Yeah, if she found something." Buffy sounded pretty pessimistic, and she felt it.
"I did."
Buffy and Spike were startled, they hadn't noticed that the fighting upstairs had stopped and that Willow had come down to join them.
"Hey Red," Spike greeted her.
She ignored him, there was no time for - whatever. "Buffy, I found her - the body, I mean. It's - it's at the High School."
"Well, who would've guessed?" Buffy stood up. "So, let's go then - play 'find the body'."
"You're the boss, Slayer." Spike grinned, remaining sitting on the bed. "But maybe we could wait until it is dark, so you don't have to fight side by side with a big pile of dust."
"I guess we could do that." Buffy smiled at him amd then turned to her best friend. "Will, are you okay? I - we heard some of what was going on and-"
"It's - it's okay. We - she or I - I don't know, but we broke up. Not really a surprise, is it?"
"You don't sound too sad", Buffy conceded.
"I am not. And I guess I should be sad because of that. Or at least feel ashamed of myself. I mean, I totally used her, trying to handle my pain - oh - I..." Willow trailed off, realizing what she just had said, and to whom.
"I get it," Buffy said.
"I don't know if you can. I'm not ashamed - in fact, I'm mad at her, for everything she said about Tara... I know I wasn't the bestest girlfriend, but - I didn't even feel as if I was, you know? A girlfriend, I mean. But, please, let's not talk about this now." She smiled slightly at Buffy. "I appreciate you being in best friend mode, but we all need you in Slayer mode right now. And I - I don't wanna talk about it really."
"Okay, If you say so...you know you can always talk to me though, right?"
"Sure. I know. Don't worry. I - I'll be upstairs, right?" Willow left, leaving Buffy and Spike to themselves again.
"That wasn't that bad," Spike said.
"What? I totally messed up, didn't you see it?"
"Not the messing up, no. She didn't want to be consoled, what she wanted was to be alone, and that she is now, luv. You shouldn't worry about that - she's a grown up girl, our Witch."
"But - wasn't she pretending to be alright now again?"
"If you ask me - I don't think so, at least not as much as usual. I have the feeling she is rather happy about their break up."
"I don't know really." Buffy started pacing. "I can't think about this right now. At least we have something to go now, with Willow having found the third one's body."
"Yeah. You're all aggressive lately, don't you think?" Spike asked her. He didn't really know what to make of her recently.
"Aggressive? Me? No, I'm no - well, maybe I am eager to fight, but that's not a bad thing, is it? It's so strange, though - there is all this pressure and - even a little anger inside me, and my usual relief strategy is beating up vampires and demons, but there don't seem to be as many areound as there were."
"Oh, they're still around. They just don't want to be in anyone's way right now. I talked to Clem, and he agreed that they are all being very careful."
"They are not happy about the First?"
"Look, I've told you before, haven't I? 'We like to talk big. Vampires do. "I'm going to destroy the world." That's just tough guy talk. Strutting around with your friends over a pint of blood.' Most of us don't want this world to end, Buffy - it's fine by us. So, no, most of them aren't happy about the First. But that's not really what you're thinking about."
"What?" Buffy was startled, she had only been listening with one ear.
"See what I mean? You're distracted. Because of what? It's not the Witch and her little playmate, is it?"
"No, it's not." She said down next to him again. "It's Faith. It looks as if she isn't in jail any longer, and I don't know if she's okay."
"Okay as in ?"
"Okay as in "not wanting to kill us all". If that happens - I don't know what to do. It would be too much. And I hope she isn't angry at me, and I hope I am not angry at her."
"You don't know?"
"No. I haven't seen her for what - three years now. But I thought about her. I even felt I should visit her at some points. I didn't. And you don't know how bad I feel about it."
"I think you should stop punishing yourself. I know this is what you can do best, but that's nothing to be proud of, pet. You will see how you'll both react when she comes here - if she comes here." Spike looked at Buffy. He hated it when she was doing this - blaming herself, hating herself. He knew where this could lead, and he - he never wanted to go there again.
"I'll try." She smiled at him. "Thank you for listening to me."
"That's what I do best, isn't it?"
"Actually it's not." She blushed. Why did she just say that?
Spike smirked in reaction.
"Ahm, but - I mean, even - even if Faith should come here, that wouldn't be bad, unless she is bad, of course. We can use a second Slayer around with all the trouble to come."
"I guess you're right, luv." He didn't say more, wanting to tease her. He knew this was making her feel uncomfortable, and he enjoyed it. A bit.
"Look, it's getting dark outside. I'll just - I'll get some of the others. Wanna come along?" Buffy gladly stood up and started walking up the stairs.
"I thought that was why we were waiting anyway." Spike followed her upstairs. "Let's go then."
***