A/N: One more chapter after this one to go! I can't believe it! I'm almost
proud of myself! And I've decided that I'm going to write a sequel to this
story, so next chapter I'll fill you in on that. So keep your eyes peeled
for that if you liked this story!!!
Special Thanks to the following:
Spider Chick
TheCrazyUnknown
anUNDERCOVERnewsie
Raven
Jack's POV
I've been to the train station before, but never before has it held so much, I don't know, power I guess. It's meaningfulness has never been displayed to me before. It's like a rush of emotions hitting you all at once which such force you have to catch yourself or you'll fall.
All around me people are hugging each other, saying their good-byes and crying. One particular scene that caught my eye was of a family over by the edge of the platform. The father, who was obviously the one leaving, is holding his son (who can't be much more than seven) and hugging his teenage daughter while the mother stands off to the side slightly crying like everyone else. I was so engrossed in the family's touching goodbye that I didn't even notice Race had sat down beside me until he cleared his throat.
"What 'cha thinkin about Jack?" He asked once he knew he had my attention. I shrugged.
"Different things. Why ya 'ere so early?" I countered with a question of my own, glancing over at him.
"It ain't so early. Besides, I sold all my papes," He said, then lit up a cigarette. "I found Spot." He continued casually.
I stiffened, not caring if he noticed or not and shifted uncomfortably on the wooden bench.
"Oh yeah? Where was 'e?" I asked trying to sound nonchalant about it.
"Brooklyn. At da lodging house."
I licked my lips trying to think about how I wanted to word what I wanted to say next. It got me so frustrated that I ran a hand through my hair nervously.
"Listen Race, can you do me a favor?" I began.
"Sure Jack, what is it?"
"When I'm gone and already on my way to Santa Fe, could you tell Spot goodbye for me? And that I'll miss him?" I asked. Race took a puff of his cigarette and eyed me closely. I almost felt like he was picking me apart with his eyes.
"Is dat all youse wants me ta tell 'im?" He asked slowly, not quite looking me in the eye.
Was that all? What else was their to say? Tell Race to tell him that I love him? Oh, yeah, that would go over real well. And besides, I don't even know how I feel about Spot yet. I'm too confused. Everything's all jumbled up and such in my brain. The night of the announcement, memories from before even then. Stuff I still have to work out. Just little snippets of scenes from the last two years. Words said and things done.
"How do I know you got what it takes to win?"
"Cause I'm telling ya Spot."
"That ain't good enough Jacky-boy. You gotta show me."
So what else did I want Race to tell Spot for me? Only one thought came to my mind once I was able to cut off from my other suffocating memories.
"Just tell him I. . . Tell him I'm sorry."
Race's whole face softened and it almost looked like pity was shining through those gambler eyes of his. Either that or understanding. But how could Racetrack Higgins understand or know what I was going through? He couldn't possibly.
"Sure thing Cowboy," He said finally in a soft voice.
Before I could say anything else, the rest of the guys started showing up, starting with Mush and Blink and ending with the Jacobs family, minus the parents. I hadn't figured Sarah would be here, but oh well.
We talked briefly, laughing some and making jokes about who would be the next leader and such. It had a calming effect on my nerves that I needed then. We even had Skittery laughing which was saying a whole lot if you knew Skittery like we knew him.
When we lasped into a silence (which was impossible to avoid at some time) everyone turned to just look at me. As if. . . well I don't know but there had to be some kind of reason. I glanced at the large clock to the right of me resting so high it was almost on the ceiling of the station. I only had less than an hour before I was going to go and I decided I needed to start the good-byes than. I had been postponing them as long as I could.
Most of the guys just shook my hand and smiled a sad smile when I went through the crowd. Mush, who was always one of the more sweet and innocent guys, gave me a big hug that almost crushed me. (He's far to strong to be hugging people like that) Les attached himself to my waist begging me not to go, David had to get him off of me and surprisingly that kid has got one strong grip. David hugged me too, only not as bone crushingly hard as Mush had.
Sarah, who was crying, did however hug me as hard as Mush. And she kissed me too. And that right there sank me, the minute she kissed me I knew I wasn't for her and maybe not any girls ever again. I just didn't feel what I knew I could feel. But like a good boy I kissed her back and returned the embrace as well.
Race was last. We smiled at each other and shook hands. (He wasn't one for tons of physical contact, at least with other guys) I've got a pretty good feeling that he'll be leader after I'm gone. He's got all the qualities and the guys love him. And that was just fine and dandy with me, I think he'll make a great leader. After I let go of his hand I went over to the bench and picked up my bag filled with what little I had.
"Youse ain't gonna get on dat train yet are ya Jacky-boy?"
I stopped dead in the middle of what I was doing. And I dropped my bag. Behind me the guys were starting to whisper and I had trouble just thinking about how Spot would know when my train was leaving enough to know when to show up before it was gone. When I turned around I was greeted with Race's smirking face first and suddenly I knew. Maybe that kid knew more than I gave him credit for.
"Hi ya Spot. What 'cha doin 'ere?" I asked taking in the sight of him. He was wearing that blue shirt he wore in court back during the strike and he looked really clean, like he actually cared what he looked like before he came here. I didn't even see his cane, or his hat for that matter.
"Jist t'ought I'd bettah come down 'ere and say goodbye to ya's," He answered shrugging as if it was nothing, although I could read his eyes and knew better than to believe his acting performance.
"Right, right," I replied and took a few steps closer to him, so that we were now less than a foot away from each other. I thought of something to do and spit in my hand to offer him one last leader shake. He, however, did not complete the motion.
He looked first at my hand, than at Race. (Who out of the corner of my eye I could see nod his head as if approving something) Then he looked back at me. The next thing I know I'm the other half of yet another hug, only this one was totally unexpected. All I knew was his arms were around my neck and his head was head was buried in my shoulder.
Yeah, it scared the shit out of me too.
I hugged him back awkwardly before he released me again. In the background I could hear the whispers getting a little louder but as far as I'm concerned there was me. And Spot. No one else matter. (And I honestly don't care if that sounded cheesy or not)
"Ya don't 'ave ta leave Jack," He mumbled but I could still hear the pleading edge in his voice. And just like that night he couldn't look me in the eyes.
"Yea I do," I answered.
"But. . . Jack you can't leave. I need ya to much," He said in a so soft a voice even I had to strain to hear him and I was barely six inches from him.
I wanted to give him something. Anything just so he have some kind of piece of me, to remember me and such. Carefully, I raised my precious cowboy hat over my head and held it out to him. When he saw what I was doing his eyes went all big and he shook his head in protest.
"Jist take it."
"But I can't take dat Jack!"
"Yes you can. And you will. Besides, I can buy a dozen hats once I'm in the real west," I countered and thrust the hat into his hands. He looked down at it and clutched it to his body as if it were some kind of precious jewel.
"I ain't got nuthin to give ya," He whispered, his eyes still on the hat. I shook my head and leaned in a little.
"Sure ya do. An I'se already gots it. Ya jist won't feel it's gone until I've left," I murmured. I was getting kind of frustrated that he wasn't looking at me at all, so I lifted his chin so he would be forced too. And I saw why the ground had been so interesting to him. His blue eyes were glistening with not quite shed tears.
Watching him then, I remembered all the people that were probably looking at us in open curiosity but I could've cared a less. That's how far gone I was. I leaned down and kissed his lips softly. Not like the soul searing kiss from four nights earlier, that one had been full of desire and lust. This one was gentle and sweet. The kind of kiss you give to the person you love.
And I did.
Love him I mean. Looking at him and watching him I realized it. I loved him almost so much it hurt. It was exactly how people describe it too. All those stupid cliches, their all true. Of course it's just my luck that I finally realize I'm in love with a guy I've known for two years the day I'm leaving.
When I broke the kiss, his eyes were closed and tears were now falling freely down his cheeks. When he opened his eyes again he threw his arms around me for one last time.
"I love you," He whispered quietly in my ear so only I could hear him.
"I love you too Spot," I answered just as quietly, squeezing him tighter to me just before letting go. We smiled at each other, sad smiles, before I broke away totally and went back to my abandoned bag.
I looked back at my other newsies, all of which were looked absolutely shocked by the scene that had just taken place. I smiled to myself upon seeing their faces, and I hoped none of them had any real problems with all that, I didn't want Spot to get threatened and such once I was gone. Even Race looked mildly surprised, I don't think he expected me to do everything I did.
I didn't think they would mind much though, especially Mush and Blink. I think they're in denial too, but hey what do I know? I was in denial for close to two years. Besides, Race can always calm the boys down, seeming as he obviously doesn't have a problem with it.
"Good luck Jack," Snitch called from beside Skittery. He smiled at me when I sought him out in the crowd. And soon the rest of the guys were wishing me luck and yelling out their final goodbyes.
"You'll come back some time ta visit right?" Race called out, making sure I heard him. Turning, he gestured with his eyes to Spot, letting me now the question was purely for his sake.
"I promise," I called back and smile widely.
And I meant it. I never break a promise.
And with that I started walking over to the train where other people were beginning to board. I didn't dare look back, if I did I might betray myself and end up staying there.
I got a window seat and then looked at them, they were waving sadly and I returned the gesture. Winking at them as well.
Spot still had my hat in a death grip and was staring straight at me. I smiled at him to let him now I meant to keep good on that promise and that I meant everything I said to him earlier. He smiled back, a bright Spot Conlon smile that I rarely get to see and loved so much. He waved too and that was how I last saw him as the train lurched to life and took off in the direction of the west.
Away from Manhattan and Brooklyn and New York altogether.
And I couldn't help but feel as if I had left something besides my hat back there with Spot.
Special Thanks to the following:
Spider Chick
TheCrazyUnknown
anUNDERCOVERnewsie
Raven
Jack's POV
I've been to the train station before, but never before has it held so much, I don't know, power I guess. It's meaningfulness has never been displayed to me before. It's like a rush of emotions hitting you all at once which such force you have to catch yourself or you'll fall.
All around me people are hugging each other, saying their good-byes and crying. One particular scene that caught my eye was of a family over by the edge of the platform. The father, who was obviously the one leaving, is holding his son (who can't be much more than seven) and hugging his teenage daughter while the mother stands off to the side slightly crying like everyone else. I was so engrossed in the family's touching goodbye that I didn't even notice Race had sat down beside me until he cleared his throat.
"What 'cha thinkin about Jack?" He asked once he knew he had my attention. I shrugged.
"Different things. Why ya 'ere so early?" I countered with a question of my own, glancing over at him.
"It ain't so early. Besides, I sold all my papes," He said, then lit up a cigarette. "I found Spot." He continued casually.
I stiffened, not caring if he noticed or not and shifted uncomfortably on the wooden bench.
"Oh yeah? Where was 'e?" I asked trying to sound nonchalant about it.
"Brooklyn. At da lodging house."
I licked my lips trying to think about how I wanted to word what I wanted to say next. It got me so frustrated that I ran a hand through my hair nervously.
"Listen Race, can you do me a favor?" I began.
"Sure Jack, what is it?"
"When I'm gone and already on my way to Santa Fe, could you tell Spot goodbye for me? And that I'll miss him?" I asked. Race took a puff of his cigarette and eyed me closely. I almost felt like he was picking me apart with his eyes.
"Is dat all youse wants me ta tell 'im?" He asked slowly, not quite looking me in the eye.
Was that all? What else was their to say? Tell Race to tell him that I love him? Oh, yeah, that would go over real well. And besides, I don't even know how I feel about Spot yet. I'm too confused. Everything's all jumbled up and such in my brain. The night of the announcement, memories from before even then. Stuff I still have to work out. Just little snippets of scenes from the last two years. Words said and things done.
"How do I know you got what it takes to win?"
"Cause I'm telling ya Spot."
"That ain't good enough Jacky-boy. You gotta show me."
So what else did I want Race to tell Spot for me? Only one thought came to my mind once I was able to cut off from my other suffocating memories.
"Just tell him I. . . Tell him I'm sorry."
Race's whole face softened and it almost looked like pity was shining through those gambler eyes of his. Either that or understanding. But how could Racetrack Higgins understand or know what I was going through? He couldn't possibly.
"Sure thing Cowboy," He said finally in a soft voice.
Before I could say anything else, the rest of the guys started showing up, starting with Mush and Blink and ending with the Jacobs family, minus the parents. I hadn't figured Sarah would be here, but oh well.
We talked briefly, laughing some and making jokes about who would be the next leader and such. It had a calming effect on my nerves that I needed then. We even had Skittery laughing which was saying a whole lot if you knew Skittery like we knew him.
When we lasped into a silence (which was impossible to avoid at some time) everyone turned to just look at me. As if. . . well I don't know but there had to be some kind of reason. I glanced at the large clock to the right of me resting so high it was almost on the ceiling of the station. I only had less than an hour before I was going to go and I decided I needed to start the good-byes than. I had been postponing them as long as I could.
Most of the guys just shook my hand and smiled a sad smile when I went through the crowd. Mush, who was always one of the more sweet and innocent guys, gave me a big hug that almost crushed me. (He's far to strong to be hugging people like that) Les attached himself to my waist begging me not to go, David had to get him off of me and surprisingly that kid has got one strong grip. David hugged me too, only not as bone crushingly hard as Mush had.
Sarah, who was crying, did however hug me as hard as Mush. And she kissed me too. And that right there sank me, the minute she kissed me I knew I wasn't for her and maybe not any girls ever again. I just didn't feel what I knew I could feel. But like a good boy I kissed her back and returned the embrace as well.
Race was last. We smiled at each other and shook hands. (He wasn't one for tons of physical contact, at least with other guys) I've got a pretty good feeling that he'll be leader after I'm gone. He's got all the qualities and the guys love him. And that was just fine and dandy with me, I think he'll make a great leader. After I let go of his hand I went over to the bench and picked up my bag filled with what little I had.
"Youse ain't gonna get on dat train yet are ya Jacky-boy?"
I stopped dead in the middle of what I was doing. And I dropped my bag. Behind me the guys were starting to whisper and I had trouble just thinking about how Spot would know when my train was leaving enough to know when to show up before it was gone. When I turned around I was greeted with Race's smirking face first and suddenly I knew. Maybe that kid knew more than I gave him credit for.
"Hi ya Spot. What 'cha doin 'ere?" I asked taking in the sight of him. He was wearing that blue shirt he wore in court back during the strike and he looked really clean, like he actually cared what he looked like before he came here. I didn't even see his cane, or his hat for that matter.
"Jist t'ought I'd bettah come down 'ere and say goodbye to ya's," He answered shrugging as if it was nothing, although I could read his eyes and knew better than to believe his acting performance.
"Right, right," I replied and took a few steps closer to him, so that we were now less than a foot away from each other. I thought of something to do and spit in my hand to offer him one last leader shake. He, however, did not complete the motion.
He looked first at my hand, than at Race. (Who out of the corner of my eye I could see nod his head as if approving something) Then he looked back at me. The next thing I know I'm the other half of yet another hug, only this one was totally unexpected. All I knew was his arms were around my neck and his head was head was buried in my shoulder.
Yeah, it scared the shit out of me too.
I hugged him back awkwardly before he released me again. In the background I could hear the whispers getting a little louder but as far as I'm concerned there was me. And Spot. No one else matter. (And I honestly don't care if that sounded cheesy or not)
"Ya don't 'ave ta leave Jack," He mumbled but I could still hear the pleading edge in his voice. And just like that night he couldn't look me in the eyes.
"Yea I do," I answered.
"But. . . Jack you can't leave. I need ya to much," He said in a so soft a voice even I had to strain to hear him and I was barely six inches from him.
I wanted to give him something. Anything just so he have some kind of piece of me, to remember me and such. Carefully, I raised my precious cowboy hat over my head and held it out to him. When he saw what I was doing his eyes went all big and he shook his head in protest.
"Jist take it."
"But I can't take dat Jack!"
"Yes you can. And you will. Besides, I can buy a dozen hats once I'm in the real west," I countered and thrust the hat into his hands. He looked down at it and clutched it to his body as if it were some kind of precious jewel.
"I ain't got nuthin to give ya," He whispered, his eyes still on the hat. I shook my head and leaned in a little.
"Sure ya do. An I'se already gots it. Ya jist won't feel it's gone until I've left," I murmured. I was getting kind of frustrated that he wasn't looking at me at all, so I lifted his chin so he would be forced too. And I saw why the ground had been so interesting to him. His blue eyes were glistening with not quite shed tears.
Watching him then, I remembered all the people that were probably looking at us in open curiosity but I could've cared a less. That's how far gone I was. I leaned down and kissed his lips softly. Not like the soul searing kiss from four nights earlier, that one had been full of desire and lust. This one was gentle and sweet. The kind of kiss you give to the person you love.
And I did.
Love him I mean. Looking at him and watching him I realized it. I loved him almost so much it hurt. It was exactly how people describe it too. All those stupid cliches, their all true. Of course it's just my luck that I finally realize I'm in love with a guy I've known for two years the day I'm leaving.
When I broke the kiss, his eyes were closed and tears were now falling freely down his cheeks. When he opened his eyes again he threw his arms around me for one last time.
"I love you," He whispered quietly in my ear so only I could hear him.
"I love you too Spot," I answered just as quietly, squeezing him tighter to me just before letting go. We smiled at each other, sad smiles, before I broke away totally and went back to my abandoned bag.
I looked back at my other newsies, all of which were looked absolutely shocked by the scene that had just taken place. I smiled to myself upon seeing their faces, and I hoped none of them had any real problems with all that, I didn't want Spot to get threatened and such once I was gone. Even Race looked mildly surprised, I don't think he expected me to do everything I did.
I didn't think they would mind much though, especially Mush and Blink. I think they're in denial too, but hey what do I know? I was in denial for close to two years. Besides, Race can always calm the boys down, seeming as he obviously doesn't have a problem with it.
"Good luck Jack," Snitch called from beside Skittery. He smiled at me when I sought him out in the crowd. And soon the rest of the guys were wishing me luck and yelling out their final goodbyes.
"You'll come back some time ta visit right?" Race called out, making sure I heard him. Turning, he gestured with his eyes to Spot, letting me now the question was purely for his sake.
"I promise," I called back and smile widely.
And I meant it. I never break a promise.
And with that I started walking over to the train where other people were beginning to board. I didn't dare look back, if I did I might betray myself and end up staying there.
I got a window seat and then looked at them, they were waving sadly and I returned the gesture. Winking at them as well.
Spot still had my hat in a death grip and was staring straight at me. I smiled at him to let him now I meant to keep good on that promise and that I meant everything I said to him earlier. He smiled back, a bright Spot Conlon smile that I rarely get to see and loved so much. He waved too and that was how I last saw him as the train lurched to life and took off in the direction of the west.
Away from Manhattan and Brooklyn and New York altogether.
And I couldn't help but feel as if I had left something besides my hat back there with Spot.