Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart
Author: ladydewinter
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then.
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an hommage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!
Feedback: Thanks again for the positive feedback. It's what keeps me going, and it makes me happy :0)
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.
Summary: Tara and Buffy *still* have a talk about what Tara learned from Giles. Finally - most of the mystery resolved (?)
Author's Note: I'm sorry you had to wait so long for this update.... it's just....it was my birthday, and I got lots of Buffystuff to distract me *lol*...but here we go.... :-)
***
Buffy was speechless. She had seen something like that coming, of course, but she couldn't understand how Tara could actually believe it. She evidently seemed to. "Tara-"
"I know what you wanna say - don't. Let me explain what Mr Giles told me. Please. I know you must be thinking I'm nuts-"
"I don't think you're nuts, Tara. But - please be careful. It's just - if you set your hopes too high - it's dangerous." She sounded worried.
"I know, don't worry about me. It - everything makes sense the way he explained it. Just, let me explain." She waited, and when Buffy nodded, she continued. "The book - no wait, I have to start with the dream - or do I have to start with the book? I'll take the book. As I already told you, it's from another dimension. This dimension seems to be very similar to ours. It seems as if Mr Giles has done a lot research on it. He is an expert of the occult and apparently knows a lot about these things. The book here is not the only one from this other dimension. About two years ago, some of his books got lost when there was this - thunderstorm. Do you remember that May? But although some got lost, he suddenly found some he had never seen before. He showed them to me - a couple of volumes, diaries - a watcher's diary."
"What's a watcher?"
"He seems to be something like teacher or a mentor of the Slayer you read about. And it's really - it's so odd and creepy, but..."
"What? What's creepy?" Buffy wanted to know.
"I read a couple of passages in that diary, and - we're in there. Well, not we really - but ourselves in that other dimension. There is a Buffy Summers in that other dimension, Dawn, Xander, Anya, Willow...and a Tara Maclay."
Buffy just stared at her, unbelieving. "And you bought that? I mean, you realize he just made that stuff up, don't you?"
"He didn't," Tara answered firmly. "And if you had seen him, you wouldn't think that. Really. And - what's in that book - he couldn't just have made that up."
"What's in it, then? I mean, not that I'm believing or even starting to believe any of this so far, but..."
"Well, Mr Giles is in that book, too. In fact, he's the one who wrote it."
"Ha! Didn't I just tell you he -"
Tara interrupted her. "No, not he - the Rupert Giles in the other dimension."
"Oh, of course," Buffy muttered.
"This - the other Rupert Giles is a watcher, it seems, I mean, it's his diary, and it's a watcher's diary and so - he's - actually, he's your watcher."
"My watcher?"
"This is so complicated... he is the other Buffy's watcher."
"Wait a minute - does that mean that the other me - the other Buffy Summers - is the Slayer?"
"Exactly. And from what he read and told me, Dawn isn't really your sister in that dimension, well she is, but she's also a mystical being called the key created out of an energy ball or something because you have to protect her. We both didn't really understand that. And it seems Anya is an ex demon who helps Mr Giles with his shop."
"He has a shop there, too?" This was totally crazy.
"Yes, a shop called 'The Magic Box'."
"So there are witches in that dimension as well?"
"It even seems as if Willow and I are witches."
"What about Xander? And William?"
"Ahm, Xander seems to be nothing special. And William..." Tara hesitated.
"What is he? Is he dead there? Then I don't like it very mu-"
"Well, that wasn't too bad a guess... but he's not dead, but - kinda undead?"
"Undead?"
"He's a v-vampire."
Buffy laughed out loud. "Sure he is. You must be joking. How can a Slayer be in love with a vampire? That's ridiculous."
"You think so? I thought it was rather poetic. In a maudlin sort of way."
"Maudlin? Why are you talking like that?"
"Okay, this line wasn't my idea. Mr Giles said it."
"So this other Buffy really is in love with the other William?"
""Uhm, no, not - really. In fact, they seem to be enemies. And he really is called Spike there. But I think he is in love with you. Or was, cause that's almost two years ago now. A lot of things might've happened since then. But there was another vampire you actually were in love with."
"Oh my god, this other girl seems to have a worst taste in men than I have." Buffy sighed. "What's his name?"
"Angel, I think. But I don't know that much about him, only that you - the other you - aren't or weren't together with him anymore. Whatever, what is important is - hey!" Tara shouted.
Buffy was startled. She had been muttering 'Angel' and 'Spike' while she was thinking about this other dimension. The Slayer, huh? She smiled proudly. I'm a superhero, and if it is just in another world...that was when Tara demanded her attention. "Sorry, I - I was just thinking...what were you talking about?"
"I was saying that what is important is that in Mr Giles opinion, one of this two worlds is newer than the other one. He found that out with the help of one the spellbooks from the other dimension. He doesn't know which, but it seems that one of them was created only a few months ago."
"How is that possible?"
"He doesn't know that as well, but after today, he said he had a suspicion. It has got something to do with me and Willow, it seems - because... guess when the second dimension was created?"
"On May 7?" Buffy asked.
"On the day Willow was killed." Tara nodded. "And he told me the date before I did. I mean, sure, he may have read it in the papers, but I - I believe him."
"So - you're saying that one of these worlds was created because Willow was shot? Why? People are killed every day, and that doesn't mean another dimension is created, does it?"
"No, it doesn't. Here the soulmate thing comes in. Mind you, neither Mr Giles nor I know anything for certain, but what we think happened is this: Either in this world, or in the other, Willow and I had found each other. When one of us was killed, the Powers decided to give us another chance and created a second world."
"How is that a second chance? I mean, do you think that in that other world you are living together happily ever after?"
"No, what we think is that in that other world, I got killed. So to get back together, one of us has to cross dimensions."
"And nothing's as easy as that! Tara, do you realize how crazy all of this sounds?" Buffy was getting angry. Who was this lunatic, and how could he do something like this? Tara was all hopeful and cheery, and that was all for nothing. Tomorrow, when she would understand that this was nuts, she would have a breakdown again. And they would be back at the beginning. She cursed this guy.
"I know how it sounds, but it has to be the truth. If you accept certain - possibilities - it doesn't sound too crazy," she defended her theory. "I guess you think I only believe it because it allows me to hope, but that's not the whole truth. That way, everything makes sense - the dream, my fascination with magic... the book."
"There are other explanations that would make just as much sense as yours."
"Maybe. But that is the right one! Try - at least try to believe it."
"I can't. There are so many things that are unexplained - I mean, doesn't it have to be that other world that has been created last May? How could we remember anything that happened before May 7? And then again, how is it possible the books came to our world two years ago, when the other world didn't even exist back then?" Buffy sounded almost desperate. She had to convince Tara that this was useless, stupid, before she set her hopes too high.
"You're right...the thing with the book doesn't make sense...not if we suppose our world was the first one. So - the other one was there first, and ours was created when I got killed. Of course our memories were all manipulated, so we could live a normal life." Tara smiled, glad that Buffy had solved a part of the riddle.
But she didn't seem too happy she had done so. "Of course, that's how it must've been. You know that you are saying we all haven't existed until last May."
"We have, Buffy, don't you get it? Just - just not in this form. And that doesn't make any of this world less real. It's as real as the other one, because we feel it is."
"I don't know, Tara, I don't believe it. What does that mean for us?"
"I have no idea, all I know is that I should call Mr Giles and tell him what we just found out. This could be important." Tara smiled at her and left the room.
Buffy sighed. That was just great, another problem to add on the list. It had been all too good - the beautiful day yesterday, Tara being all cheerful...she was afraid of what would happen when her friend realized that all this talking about other dimensions was just - nuts. Or was it? What if that really was true? It seemed so unlikely she couldn't believe anyone could just make it up. Okay, Buffy, just try to believe it, only for a couple of minutes. Just pretend you do believe it.
So, Willow and Tara were soulmates, that was an easy thing to believe. There were some higher beings who seemed to be in charge of the universe, called The Powers that be. They had created the soulmates. Something had happened to one of them, they were separated - one of them was killed. Because the Powers were romantics, they created another world were the one that had been killed still lived. In the case of Willow and Tara, this was their own world. No, she couldn't bring herself to believe that. Something seemed to be missing here. The Powers couldn't just have created another world because they were romantics. Buffy knew there was something else - something they didn't know of yet...
She realized she was almost starting to believe it. And she knew Tara was right - just because she knew that this world wasn't as old as she herself was, what mattered was what she felt. And she felt at home here. Okay, so what next? If all of this was true - something she somehow still doubted - what were they supposed to do next? Maybe that Mr Giles would be able to help them.
Tara returned to the living room. "I told him, and he was quite excited. He said he was going to look something up, and that he would call back."
"That's great." She looked at her. "Tara, listen - even if all of this is true - what are we supposed to do now? What do you want to do?" Buffy knew the answer already, of course, but she wanted to hear it.
"I want to get to Willow. We have - I have to figure out how to do it, and if I have, I'll go to her. I can't live knowing she is out there something, alone. We complement each other, you know?"
Buffy didn't answer. Instead, she went over to Tara and embraced her. The two of them didn't say anything for a while. The Buffy spoke up.
"I can't say I totally believe you. But maybe it's true, and I think we should find out as much as possible. If it's true, we will find a way for you to get to Willow, I promise." They both knew that by saying that, Buffy also had acknowledged that their own world was the one that had been created - and that Tara would have to leave somehow. The two women smiled at each other. Suddenly, they heard people outside - the others were coming back from work.
"Buffy, could you -?" Tara asked her.
She nodded. She would tell the others. That way she could try to bring some order to her thought. "I will, don't worry. Why don't you go upstairs and rest a bit? You look pretty tired."
"I am. All this new information and walking around...it has exhausted me."
"So try and get some sleep, will you?"
Tara only hugged her in return. "Thanks," she whispered.
***
Author: ladydewinter
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then.
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an hommage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!
Feedback: Thanks again for the positive feedback. It's what keeps me going, and it makes me happy :0)
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.
Summary: Tara and Buffy *still* have a talk about what Tara learned from Giles. Finally - most of the mystery resolved (?)
Author's Note: I'm sorry you had to wait so long for this update.... it's just....it was my birthday, and I got lots of Buffystuff to distract me *lol*...but here we go.... :-)
***
Buffy was speechless. She had seen something like that coming, of course, but she couldn't understand how Tara could actually believe it. She evidently seemed to. "Tara-"
"I know what you wanna say - don't. Let me explain what Mr Giles told me. Please. I know you must be thinking I'm nuts-"
"I don't think you're nuts, Tara. But - please be careful. It's just - if you set your hopes too high - it's dangerous." She sounded worried.
"I know, don't worry about me. It - everything makes sense the way he explained it. Just, let me explain." She waited, and when Buffy nodded, she continued. "The book - no wait, I have to start with the dream - or do I have to start with the book? I'll take the book. As I already told you, it's from another dimension. This dimension seems to be very similar to ours. It seems as if Mr Giles has done a lot research on it. He is an expert of the occult and apparently knows a lot about these things. The book here is not the only one from this other dimension. About two years ago, some of his books got lost when there was this - thunderstorm. Do you remember that May? But although some got lost, he suddenly found some he had never seen before. He showed them to me - a couple of volumes, diaries - a watcher's diary."
"What's a watcher?"
"He seems to be something like teacher or a mentor of the Slayer you read about. And it's really - it's so odd and creepy, but..."
"What? What's creepy?" Buffy wanted to know.
"I read a couple of passages in that diary, and - we're in there. Well, not we really - but ourselves in that other dimension. There is a Buffy Summers in that other dimension, Dawn, Xander, Anya, Willow...and a Tara Maclay."
Buffy just stared at her, unbelieving. "And you bought that? I mean, you realize he just made that stuff up, don't you?"
"He didn't," Tara answered firmly. "And if you had seen him, you wouldn't think that. Really. And - what's in that book - he couldn't just have made that up."
"What's in it, then? I mean, not that I'm believing or even starting to believe any of this so far, but..."
"Well, Mr Giles is in that book, too. In fact, he's the one who wrote it."
"Ha! Didn't I just tell you he -"
Tara interrupted her. "No, not he - the Rupert Giles in the other dimension."
"Oh, of course," Buffy muttered.
"This - the other Rupert Giles is a watcher, it seems, I mean, it's his diary, and it's a watcher's diary and so - he's - actually, he's your watcher."
"My watcher?"
"This is so complicated... he is the other Buffy's watcher."
"Wait a minute - does that mean that the other me - the other Buffy Summers - is the Slayer?"
"Exactly. And from what he read and told me, Dawn isn't really your sister in that dimension, well she is, but she's also a mystical being called the key created out of an energy ball or something because you have to protect her. We both didn't really understand that. And it seems Anya is an ex demon who helps Mr Giles with his shop."
"He has a shop there, too?" This was totally crazy.
"Yes, a shop called 'The Magic Box'."
"So there are witches in that dimension as well?"
"It even seems as if Willow and I are witches."
"What about Xander? And William?"
"Ahm, Xander seems to be nothing special. And William..." Tara hesitated.
"What is he? Is he dead there? Then I don't like it very mu-"
"Well, that wasn't too bad a guess... but he's not dead, but - kinda undead?"
"Undead?"
"He's a v-vampire."
Buffy laughed out loud. "Sure he is. You must be joking. How can a Slayer be in love with a vampire? That's ridiculous."
"You think so? I thought it was rather poetic. In a maudlin sort of way."
"Maudlin? Why are you talking like that?"
"Okay, this line wasn't my idea. Mr Giles said it."
"So this other Buffy really is in love with the other William?"
""Uhm, no, not - really. In fact, they seem to be enemies. And he really is called Spike there. But I think he is in love with you. Or was, cause that's almost two years ago now. A lot of things might've happened since then. But there was another vampire you actually were in love with."
"Oh my god, this other girl seems to have a worst taste in men than I have." Buffy sighed. "What's his name?"
"Angel, I think. But I don't know that much about him, only that you - the other you - aren't or weren't together with him anymore. Whatever, what is important is - hey!" Tara shouted.
Buffy was startled. She had been muttering 'Angel' and 'Spike' while she was thinking about this other dimension. The Slayer, huh? She smiled proudly. I'm a superhero, and if it is just in another world...that was when Tara demanded her attention. "Sorry, I - I was just thinking...what were you talking about?"
"I was saying that what is important is that in Mr Giles opinion, one of this two worlds is newer than the other one. He found that out with the help of one the spellbooks from the other dimension. He doesn't know which, but it seems that one of them was created only a few months ago."
"How is that possible?"
"He doesn't know that as well, but after today, he said he had a suspicion. It has got something to do with me and Willow, it seems - because... guess when the second dimension was created?"
"On May 7?" Buffy asked.
"On the day Willow was killed." Tara nodded. "And he told me the date before I did. I mean, sure, he may have read it in the papers, but I - I believe him."
"So - you're saying that one of these worlds was created because Willow was shot? Why? People are killed every day, and that doesn't mean another dimension is created, does it?"
"No, it doesn't. Here the soulmate thing comes in. Mind you, neither Mr Giles nor I know anything for certain, but what we think happened is this: Either in this world, or in the other, Willow and I had found each other. When one of us was killed, the Powers decided to give us another chance and created a second world."
"How is that a second chance? I mean, do you think that in that other world you are living together happily ever after?"
"No, what we think is that in that other world, I got killed. So to get back together, one of us has to cross dimensions."
"And nothing's as easy as that! Tara, do you realize how crazy all of this sounds?" Buffy was getting angry. Who was this lunatic, and how could he do something like this? Tara was all hopeful and cheery, and that was all for nothing. Tomorrow, when she would understand that this was nuts, she would have a breakdown again. And they would be back at the beginning. She cursed this guy.
"I know how it sounds, but it has to be the truth. If you accept certain - possibilities - it doesn't sound too crazy," she defended her theory. "I guess you think I only believe it because it allows me to hope, but that's not the whole truth. That way, everything makes sense - the dream, my fascination with magic... the book."
"There are other explanations that would make just as much sense as yours."
"Maybe. But that is the right one! Try - at least try to believe it."
"I can't. There are so many things that are unexplained - I mean, doesn't it have to be that other world that has been created last May? How could we remember anything that happened before May 7? And then again, how is it possible the books came to our world two years ago, when the other world didn't even exist back then?" Buffy sounded almost desperate. She had to convince Tara that this was useless, stupid, before she set her hopes too high.
"You're right...the thing with the book doesn't make sense...not if we suppose our world was the first one. So - the other one was there first, and ours was created when I got killed. Of course our memories were all manipulated, so we could live a normal life." Tara smiled, glad that Buffy had solved a part of the riddle.
But she didn't seem too happy she had done so. "Of course, that's how it must've been. You know that you are saying we all haven't existed until last May."
"We have, Buffy, don't you get it? Just - just not in this form. And that doesn't make any of this world less real. It's as real as the other one, because we feel it is."
"I don't know, Tara, I don't believe it. What does that mean for us?"
"I have no idea, all I know is that I should call Mr Giles and tell him what we just found out. This could be important." Tara smiled at her and left the room.
Buffy sighed. That was just great, another problem to add on the list. It had been all too good - the beautiful day yesterday, Tara being all cheerful...she was afraid of what would happen when her friend realized that all this talking about other dimensions was just - nuts. Or was it? What if that really was true? It seemed so unlikely she couldn't believe anyone could just make it up. Okay, Buffy, just try to believe it, only for a couple of minutes. Just pretend you do believe it.
So, Willow and Tara were soulmates, that was an easy thing to believe. There were some higher beings who seemed to be in charge of the universe, called The Powers that be. They had created the soulmates. Something had happened to one of them, they were separated - one of them was killed. Because the Powers were romantics, they created another world were the one that had been killed still lived. In the case of Willow and Tara, this was their own world. No, she couldn't bring herself to believe that. Something seemed to be missing here. The Powers couldn't just have created another world because they were romantics. Buffy knew there was something else - something they didn't know of yet...
She realized she was almost starting to believe it. And she knew Tara was right - just because she knew that this world wasn't as old as she herself was, what mattered was what she felt. And she felt at home here. Okay, so what next? If all of this was true - something she somehow still doubted - what were they supposed to do next? Maybe that Mr Giles would be able to help them.
Tara returned to the living room. "I told him, and he was quite excited. He said he was going to look something up, and that he would call back."
"That's great." She looked at her. "Tara, listen - even if all of this is true - what are we supposed to do now? What do you want to do?" Buffy knew the answer already, of course, but she wanted to hear it.
"I want to get to Willow. We have - I have to figure out how to do it, and if I have, I'll go to her. I can't live knowing she is out there something, alone. We complement each other, you know?"
Buffy didn't answer. Instead, she went over to Tara and embraced her. The two of them didn't say anything for a while. The Buffy spoke up.
"I can't say I totally believe you. But maybe it's true, and I think we should find out as much as possible. If it's true, we will find a way for you to get to Willow, I promise." They both knew that by saying that, Buffy also had acknowledged that their own world was the one that had been created - and that Tara would have to leave somehow. The two women smiled at each other. Suddenly, they heard people outside - the others were coming back from work.
"Buffy, could you -?" Tara asked her.
She nodded. She would tell the others. That way she could try to bring some order to her thought. "I will, don't worry. Why don't you go upstairs and rest a bit? You look pretty tired."
"I am. All this new information and walking around...it has exhausted me."
"So try and get some sleep, will you?"
Tara only hugged her in return. "Thanks," she whispered.
***