Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart
Author: ladydewinter
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!
Feedback: Yes please!!! I really appreciate it.
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.
Summary: The morning after...part two, other world ^_^
***
When Tara opened her eyes the next morning, Dawn obviously had already left for school. She got up and went to the bathroom. As she looked into the mirror, she realized that this probably her last day around here. Trying not to think about it, she got dressed and then went downstairs for breakfast. She decided she would go shopping after she had eaten something - she planned to make dinner that evening extra special.
When she entered the kitchen, the first thing she saw were the flowers standing on the table. Next to them, was a plate full of breakfast stuff - a bowl with cereals, a bottle of milk and some juice were there as well. Tara smiled. Then she noticed the card leaning against the vase. She recognized Dawn's handwriting. "Dito."
***
Buffy was at school, thinking constantly about Tara. I should've taken the day off, she told herself. This was the last time Tara would be there. But she knew it was better that way - Tara didn't need her hovering about her. She was probably nervous enough without her. At one a.m., however, Buffy couldn't stand it any longer - she had to go to Tara. She couldn't sit around here waiting for students with problems, when her friend was sitting at home, waiting for her turn to leave their world... so she told the principal there was a 'personal emergency' at home and left.
Tara had already done the shopping and was busy preparing everything when Buffy arrived. "Hey," she greeted her, smiling.
"Hi,"Buffy replied. "What's with the flowers?"
"They're from Dawn. She made me breakfast."
"That's nice. I never get breakfast. Why don't I?" Buffy pouted.
"Hey, you'll get dinner later, so I don't wanna hear any complaints." She grinned.
"I'm not complaining." After Tara glanced at her, she conceded, "Okay, maybe a little. But it's a good kind of complaing."
"A good kind?"
"Yeah, it's called constructive critisism."
"Well, maybe you should tell Dawn rather than me. She made the breakfast. And-" Tara stopped. There was no need for this.
Buffy walked over to her and gave her a hug. They stayed in the embrace for a while, neither really wanting to let go. They were both trying hard not to cry. After some time, they parted, ot saying anything for a while. Then Tara asked, "Are you mad at me?"
"What? No, why would I?"
"Because I'm leaving you. You could say I'm a coward - just because I don't have the courage to live without her, I run away."
"You are not running away. They need you to save the world, remember? And even if you weren't - you aren't a cowards. You're one of the bravest, strongest women I know. I don't know how we are going to do without you."
"I'm sure you will be fine. It's not as if I have been doing that much useful lately."
"Don't say that, you know it's not true. It's - I totally understand that you're doing what you're doing. And if you won't, I'll make you. You don't need to have a bad conscience," Buffy told her friend.
Tara looked at her. "Thank you."
"You're welcome."
Tara continued chopping the vegetables. "Can I help you?" Buffy offered.
"Sure." The two women smiled at each other. Tara handed her a knife. They worked in silence for a while. When they were almost finished, Buffy asked, without looking up, "What will happen to you?"
"What do you mean?" She didn't look up either.
"What will happen to the you - here?"
Tara understood. "I'm not sure, but - if my spirit leaves for this other world, I guess my body will be left behind. And without my - my essence, it will be..." she couldn't bring up t he courage to say it.
"Dead," Buffy finished the sentence for her. There was a long pause until she continued, "Do you have - any wishes - like, for the funeral?" This was so hard, Buffy thought - but she had to know this.
"Um, n-no, not really, Just - try to - I want me to be n-next to..."
"Willow. Sure. We'll do that." Buffy realized Tara was really upset now. "It's - forget I said anything, we'll manage. You have enough to worry about already."
"Just make it like Willow's. From what Dawn told me, it must have been -" 'Good' didn't seem to be the right expression here, Tara thought.
"Okay." Buffy was glad she was done with the vegetables - a unique chance to change the topic. "Look, I'm finished, what shall I do now?"
***
One by one, the others arrived from school or work. When Giles came, he was carrying a large bag.
"I guess that means you got everything, huh?" Dawn, who had opened the door for him, asked.
"Yes," was all he could say in return. This was all very exciting for him, but he was aware that for Dawn and her family of friends it meant they would suffer a great loss tonight.
"I see." She smiled at him as if to say he didn't have to worry about it. "So - you don't think you need someone to help in your shop, do you? Because if you do, you can always ask me for help. I really need the money."
"Oh. Well, I'll think about it, thank you." They walked over to the dining room and joined the others at the table. Only Tara and Buffy were missing. A few minutes later, Buffy anounced that dinner was ready.
During dinner, everybody tried to appear cheerful. It wasn't until dessert that the mood changed - Tara had made pancakes, she wanted tocheer Dawn up a bit. It didn't seem to have worked, though - suddenly, there were tears on her cheeks.
"Dawnie, what is it?" Tara asked, immediately hating herself for that stupid question. Dawn didn't reply, but instead got up and left the dining room. Tara followed her. "I'm sorry, it was a - a stupid question and a v- very bad idea to make the pancakes. Please, don't be mad at me."
Dawn had gone to the living room and sat down on the couch. She didn't look at Tara.
"Please, Dawn - I-"
"I'm not mad at you," she suddenly said. "I'm just - it's so sad, you know?" She shot Tara a quick glance, then looked away again. Her friend said down next to her and put her arm around her shoulder, drawing her towards her into an embrace. "I know. I know." Now Tara started to cry as well, and so they just sat there, crying on each others shoulders.
The others were still sitting in the dining room, not sure what to do. "Shouldn't we...go to them?" Anya asked.
"I think it's best if we leave them alone for some more minutes," Buffy suggested.
"Fine by me," Xander answered, who was obviously enjoying the pancakes.
Finally, Buffy got up. "Let's - you know, let's..."
"Get it over with," William finished the sentence for her. He stopped her before she could leave the room and forced her gently to face him. "It's going to be okay, you know that?" he asked.
"I don't know that, that's the problem," Buffy replied. "I don't want her to go." He put his arms around her and pulled her towards him.
"I know. No one here wants that. But she wants it, and she needs to go." He kissed her, first on her brow, then on her mouth. "I love you," he whispered.
She only smiled at him in answer, but that was all the reply he needed. "So let's go, alright?"
"Alright," Buffy said.
When the others joined them, Tara and Dawn reluctantly let go of each other. "So..." Tara started, not really knowing what to say.
"I have already prepared everything," Giles told her. "There isn't much left to do."
"How does it work?" Anya wanted to know. Giled opened his bag and pulled out a couple of candles, some incense and a bowl.
"Tara will have to form a circle with the candles and then she will have to light them and the incense. The all she has to sit down and to put herself into trance."
"Well, that sounds easy," Xander said. "How is she going to do that?"
"Er, I found this incantation in the diaries. It should help her do it. She just has to try to leave her consciousness behind. It's like meditating. Do you think you'll be able to do it?" he asked, handing her a slip of paper with the incantation on it.
"Sure," Tara answered. She looked at the piece of paper. "'The inward eye, the sightless sea, Ayala flows through the river in me.' That's - beautiful."
"Well, yes, if you say so." Giles seemed nervous. "It - I have to remember you, it is also important you focus on your love on Willow. You have to be aware that if - if it is not strong enough to pull you into her world, you will be lost in the nether realms."
"I know. I - it's strong enough." For the first time this day, Tara was confident the whole thing would work.
"Good. I suggest we all leave her alone for this - she will have to concentrate, and there mustn't be any interruption. And - I think you should make it a large circle - I guess you will pass out when your spirit leaves your body."
"What will happen to her, after the ritual is done?," Xander wanted to know.
Before Giles could answer, Buffy said, "I already talked to Tara about that. I know what I'll have to do."
"Good," Giles said again. Nobody said anything for the next couple of minutes - they were all just standing there, not knowing what to do. Finally, Tara got up. "I think we have to..." Now, everybody started talking at once. "Sure, let's say goodbye. Now. It's - sorry."
Tara walked over to Xander and gave him a hug. "Goodbye."
"Goodbye. Take care, will you? And good luck."
"Thank you." She smiled at him fondly.
She said goodbye to William and Anya before she got to Giles. "Thank you very much for your help," she told him.
"You are - you're very welcome. Goodbye, and good luck."
"Goodbye."
Now came the hardest part. Dawn just threw her arms around her. "I'll miss you so much."
"I'll miss you, too. I - I put the recipe - for the pancakes - it's on your bed."
"Thank you."
Tara kissed her on the cheek. "Goodbye Dawn. I love you." Dawn just smiled at her, sadly but understanding, and then left with the others. They had decided they would best go to the Mall or something so they couldn't disturb Tara. Now only Buffy was still with her.
"Good luck with saving the world," she told her.
"Thank you. I'll - I'll do my best." Tara smiled at her, trying to hide her fears.
"And - and I wish you all the happiness in the world - you and Willow, I mean." Tara was glad she hadn't told her about her worries.
Buffy hugged her. "I kinda love you, you know?" she whispered in her ear.
"I know. And - and I love you, too. Take care."
The two women looked at each other. Then Buffy smiled and simply said, "Goodbye." With that, she left Tara standing alone in the living room. She had to fight back her tears - there was no time for crying now. She had to do the ritual.
She did what Giles had told her - she set up the candles and lit them, as well as the incense. Then she sat down in the middle of the circle, checking if she could lie down without setting herself on fire. It was dark now in the living room - except for the candles of course. She closed her eyes and tried to concentrate. She liked the smell of the incense. She breathed in and out slowly for some time. Then Tara started the incantation.
"The inward eye, the sightless sea, Ayala flows through the river in me. The inward eye, the sightless sea, Ayala flows through the river in me. The inward eye, the sightless sea, Ayala flows through the river in me." When she had begun, her voice had been pretty loud, but as she repeated saying it, her voice became no more than a whisper. "The inward eye, the sightless sea, Ayala flows through the river in me. The inward eye, the sightless sea, Ayala flows..."
Tara suddenly had to breathe in sharply as she felt the energy surge through her. Her breathing became more laboured and she couldn't remember the incantation any longer, she wasn't able to concentrate. But it didn't seem as if that was necessary anymore. The only thing she could think about was Willow, her beautiful Willow.
Tara gasped as she passed out. Then she was gone.
***
Author: ladydewinter
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!
Feedback: Yes please!!! I really appreciate it.
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.
Summary: The morning after...part two, other world ^_^
***
When Tara opened her eyes the next morning, Dawn obviously had already left for school. She got up and went to the bathroom. As she looked into the mirror, she realized that this probably her last day around here. Trying not to think about it, she got dressed and then went downstairs for breakfast. She decided she would go shopping after she had eaten something - she planned to make dinner that evening extra special.
When she entered the kitchen, the first thing she saw were the flowers standing on the table. Next to them, was a plate full of breakfast stuff - a bowl with cereals, a bottle of milk and some juice were there as well. Tara smiled. Then she noticed the card leaning against the vase. She recognized Dawn's handwriting. "Dito."
***
Buffy was at school, thinking constantly about Tara. I should've taken the day off, she told herself. This was the last time Tara would be there. But she knew it was better that way - Tara didn't need her hovering about her. She was probably nervous enough without her. At one a.m., however, Buffy couldn't stand it any longer - she had to go to Tara. She couldn't sit around here waiting for students with problems, when her friend was sitting at home, waiting for her turn to leave their world... so she told the principal there was a 'personal emergency' at home and left.
Tara had already done the shopping and was busy preparing everything when Buffy arrived. "Hey," she greeted her, smiling.
"Hi,"Buffy replied. "What's with the flowers?"
"They're from Dawn. She made me breakfast."
"That's nice. I never get breakfast. Why don't I?" Buffy pouted.
"Hey, you'll get dinner later, so I don't wanna hear any complaints." She grinned.
"I'm not complaining." After Tara glanced at her, she conceded, "Okay, maybe a little. But it's a good kind of complaing."
"A good kind?"
"Yeah, it's called constructive critisism."
"Well, maybe you should tell Dawn rather than me. She made the breakfast. And-" Tara stopped. There was no need for this.
Buffy walked over to her and gave her a hug. They stayed in the embrace for a while, neither really wanting to let go. They were both trying hard not to cry. After some time, they parted, ot saying anything for a while. Then Tara asked, "Are you mad at me?"
"What? No, why would I?"
"Because I'm leaving you. You could say I'm a coward - just because I don't have the courage to live without her, I run away."
"You are not running away. They need you to save the world, remember? And even if you weren't - you aren't a cowards. You're one of the bravest, strongest women I know. I don't know how we are going to do without you."
"I'm sure you will be fine. It's not as if I have been doing that much useful lately."
"Don't say that, you know it's not true. It's - I totally understand that you're doing what you're doing. And if you won't, I'll make you. You don't need to have a bad conscience," Buffy told her friend.
Tara looked at her. "Thank you."
"You're welcome."
Tara continued chopping the vegetables. "Can I help you?" Buffy offered.
"Sure." The two women smiled at each other. Tara handed her a knife. They worked in silence for a while. When they were almost finished, Buffy asked, without looking up, "What will happen to you?"
"What do you mean?" She didn't look up either.
"What will happen to the you - here?"
Tara understood. "I'm not sure, but - if my spirit leaves for this other world, I guess my body will be left behind. And without my - my essence, it will be..." she couldn't bring up t he courage to say it.
"Dead," Buffy finished the sentence for her. There was a long pause until she continued, "Do you have - any wishes - like, for the funeral?" This was so hard, Buffy thought - but she had to know this.
"Um, n-no, not really, Just - try to - I want me to be n-next to..."
"Willow. Sure. We'll do that." Buffy realized Tara was really upset now. "It's - forget I said anything, we'll manage. You have enough to worry about already."
"Just make it like Willow's. From what Dawn told me, it must have been -" 'Good' didn't seem to be the right expression here, Tara thought.
"Okay." Buffy was glad she was done with the vegetables - a unique chance to change the topic. "Look, I'm finished, what shall I do now?"
***
One by one, the others arrived from school or work. When Giles came, he was carrying a large bag.
"I guess that means you got everything, huh?" Dawn, who had opened the door for him, asked.
"Yes," was all he could say in return. This was all very exciting for him, but he was aware that for Dawn and her family of friends it meant they would suffer a great loss tonight.
"I see." She smiled at him as if to say he didn't have to worry about it. "So - you don't think you need someone to help in your shop, do you? Because if you do, you can always ask me for help. I really need the money."
"Oh. Well, I'll think about it, thank you." They walked over to the dining room and joined the others at the table. Only Tara and Buffy were missing. A few minutes later, Buffy anounced that dinner was ready.
During dinner, everybody tried to appear cheerful. It wasn't until dessert that the mood changed - Tara had made pancakes, she wanted tocheer Dawn up a bit. It didn't seem to have worked, though - suddenly, there were tears on her cheeks.
"Dawnie, what is it?" Tara asked, immediately hating herself for that stupid question. Dawn didn't reply, but instead got up and left the dining room. Tara followed her. "I'm sorry, it was a - a stupid question and a v- very bad idea to make the pancakes. Please, don't be mad at me."
Dawn had gone to the living room and sat down on the couch. She didn't look at Tara.
"Please, Dawn - I-"
"I'm not mad at you," she suddenly said. "I'm just - it's so sad, you know?" She shot Tara a quick glance, then looked away again. Her friend said down next to her and put her arm around her shoulder, drawing her towards her into an embrace. "I know. I know." Now Tara started to cry as well, and so they just sat there, crying on each others shoulders.
The others were still sitting in the dining room, not sure what to do. "Shouldn't we...go to them?" Anya asked.
"I think it's best if we leave them alone for some more minutes," Buffy suggested.
"Fine by me," Xander answered, who was obviously enjoying the pancakes.
Finally, Buffy got up. "Let's - you know, let's..."
"Get it over with," William finished the sentence for her. He stopped her before she could leave the room and forced her gently to face him. "It's going to be okay, you know that?" he asked.
"I don't know that, that's the problem," Buffy replied. "I don't want her to go." He put his arms around her and pulled her towards him.
"I know. No one here wants that. But she wants it, and she needs to go." He kissed her, first on her brow, then on her mouth. "I love you," he whispered.
She only smiled at him in answer, but that was all the reply he needed. "So let's go, alright?"
"Alright," Buffy said.
When the others joined them, Tara and Dawn reluctantly let go of each other. "So..." Tara started, not really knowing what to say.
"I have already prepared everything," Giles told her. "There isn't much left to do."
"How does it work?" Anya wanted to know. Giled opened his bag and pulled out a couple of candles, some incense and a bowl.
"Tara will have to form a circle with the candles and then she will have to light them and the incense. The all she has to sit down and to put herself into trance."
"Well, that sounds easy," Xander said. "How is she going to do that?"
"Er, I found this incantation in the diaries. It should help her do it. She just has to try to leave her consciousness behind. It's like meditating. Do you think you'll be able to do it?" he asked, handing her a slip of paper with the incantation on it.
"Sure," Tara answered. She looked at the piece of paper. "'The inward eye, the sightless sea, Ayala flows through the river in me.' That's - beautiful."
"Well, yes, if you say so." Giles seemed nervous. "It - I have to remember you, it is also important you focus on your love on Willow. You have to be aware that if - if it is not strong enough to pull you into her world, you will be lost in the nether realms."
"I know. I - it's strong enough." For the first time this day, Tara was confident the whole thing would work.
"Good. I suggest we all leave her alone for this - she will have to concentrate, and there mustn't be any interruption. And - I think you should make it a large circle - I guess you will pass out when your spirit leaves your body."
"What will happen to her, after the ritual is done?," Xander wanted to know.
Before Giles could answer, Buffy said, "I already talked to Tara about that. I know what I'll have to do."
"Good," Giles said again. Nobody said anything for the next couple of minutes - they were all just standing there, not knowing what to do. Finally, Tara got up. "I think we have to..." Now, everybody started talking at once. "Sure, let's say goodbye. Now. It's - sorry."
Tara walked over to Xander and gave him a hug. "Goodbye."
"Goodbye. Take care, will you? And good luck."
"Thank you." She smiled at him fondly.
She said goodbye to William and Anya before she got to Giles. "Thank you very much for your help," she told him.
"You are - you're very welcome. Goodbye, and good luck."
"Goodbye."
Now came the hardest part. Dawn just threw her arms around her. "I'll miss you so much."
"I'll miss you, too. I - I put the recipe - for the pancakes - it's on your bed."
"Thank you."
Tara kissed her on the cheek. "Goodbye Dawn. I love you." Dawn just smiled at her, sadly but understanding, and then left with the others. They had decided they would best go to the Mall or something so they couldn't disturb Tara. Now only Buffy was still with her.
"Good luck with saving the world," she told her.
"Thank you. I'll - I'll do my best." Tara smiled at her, trying to hide her fears.
"And - and I wish you all the happiness in the world - you and Willow, I mean." Tara was glad she hadn't told her about her worries.
Buffy hugged her. "I kinda love you, you know?" she whispered in her ear.
"I know. And - and I love you, too. Take care."
The two women looked at each other. Then Buffy smiled and simply said, "Goodbye." With that, she left Tara standing alone in the living room. She had to fight back her tears - there was no time for crying now. She had to do the ritual.
She did what Giles had told her - she set up the candles and lit them, as well as the incense. Then she sat down in the middle of the circle, checking if she could lie down without setting herself on fire. It was dark now in the living room - except for the candles of course. She closed her eyes and tried to concentrate. She liked the smell of the incense. She breathed in and out slowly for some time. Then Tara started the incantation.
"The inward eye, the sightless sea, Ayala flows through the river in me. The inward eye, the sightless sea, Ayala flows through the river in me. The inward eye, the sightless sea, Ayala flows through the river in me." When she had begun, her voice had been pretty loud, but as she repeated saying it, her voice became no more than a whisper. "The inward eye, the sightless sea, Ayala flows through the river in me. The inward eye, the sightless sea, Ayala flows..."
Tara suddenly had to breathe in sharply as she felt the energy surge through her. Her breathing became more laboured and she couldn't remember the incantation any longer, she wasn't able to concentrate. But it didn't seem as if that was necessary anymore. The only thing she could think about was Willow, her beautiful Willow.
Tara gasped as she passed out. Then she was gone.
***