Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart
Author: ladydewinter
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol* And: I started writing this part BEFORE I watched "Inside Out". You'll see why this is important...
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!
Feedback: Yes, please - I really appreciate it!
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.
Summary: The challenge.
Author's note: This was rather hard to write... it would have been so much easier to make a video clip out if this...however, that wasn't an option, so... I'd say more than 50 percent of this chapter consist of quotes from the show, namely from the follwing episodes: "The Harvest" (written by Joss Whedon), "Restless" (written by Joss Whedon), "Becoming" (written by Joss Whedon), "Goodbye, Iwoa" (written by Marti Noxon), "Family" (written by Joss Whedon), "Tough Love" (written by Rebecca Rand Kirshner), "All the way" (written by Stephen S. DeKnight), "Tabula Rasa" (written by Rebecca Rand Kirshner), "Villains" (written by Marti Noxon) and "Grave" (written by David Fury). I don't want to harm anyone's copyright - I just needed to do this. And I found the transcripts on www.buffyworld.com. Now, I hope you enjoy!
***
When she opened her eyes, she was lying on a bed in a room that felt very familiar. It was almost dark in it - the only light came from the christmas lights on the walls. It was very beautiful, and Tara immediately felt at home. When she sat up, however, she was startled to find a very odd looking man standing in front of the door. He was really big, and bronze-coloured, red-eyed, and he had horns... Tara decided this probably wasn't a man at all, but a demon. Strangely enough she wasn't afraid.
"Who are you?" she asked him calmly.
"Oh, you're awake, that's great." The demon smiled at her. "I'm Skip. I work for the Powers that Be."
"Hi Skip. I'm Tara," she smiled back at him.
"I know."
"Where am I? This is not - I mean, this is not where I wanted to wake up, is it?"
"You're not in your lover's world, if that's what you mean," he answered. "But haven't you forgotten something?"
She was confused. Then she remembered. "The challenge!"
"Exactly - that's why you are here with me."
"I won't have to fight you, will I? Because I don't think I'd have a chance. Besides, I don't think I'd want to."
"Your challenge isn't physical. Some might even say it isn't a challenge at all. But then, they don't know a thing, so..."
"What do you mean?"
"I am sure you will agree if I say you have to know about the world you are going to go to." He waited for her to nodd before he continued. "I will show you everything there is to know. I must warn you this isn't going to be easy for you. If you can't take it anymore, just say - say anything. The actual challenge is that you aren't allowed to speak during the show."
"A bit like Orpheus then? Okay, he wasn't told to be silent, but..."
"I get it. You're not wrong - it's a bit like Orpheus. Except you should try and do better than he did, if you want to go back to your soulmate."
"I'll try my best," Tara smiled. "What does it mean - 'everything there is to know' ? Is it like, knowing who's president and stuff?"
"Unfortunately, the political circumstances in your two worlds don't differ much. No, what we are going to show you is how it all began - the world, your life, the lives of the people that matter to you. And what happened after you left there."
"I see." So I'm not going to learn that from Willow after all, she thought. I wish Buffy would've told me. Now Tara was a little afraid - she wasn't sure what she would see. And if wanted to see it. But she knew she had to, if she wanted to see Willow again. And if she wanted to save the world. So... "Okay. Do I have to anything except sit, and watch, and be silent? How do I know it's over?"
"You will know, don't worry about that. Now, are you sure you want to take the challenge?"
"I am," she answered confidently.
"You are very brave," was the last thing she heard him say. Then everything was dark.
***
It was a very menacing kind of darkness, not comforting as the one in the room. There was noise, a distant grumbling, like a thunderstorm. And there was evil. For seconds, Tara wasn't able to breathe as she felt it surge through every part of her body. And then there was a voice... she knew it, but she didn't know where from... "This world is older than any of you know, and contrary to popular mythology, it did not begin as a paradise. For untold eons, demons walked the Earth, made it their home, their Hell." She saw them, the demons. She saw evil. And she didn't say a thing.
"In time, they lost their purchase to this reality, and the way was made for mortal animals. For Man." Now the scenery changed completely... she saw a farm, there were horses, cats, dogs... it was all blurry. She didn't really know where she was, until she saw - "Dad?" she heard herself say. But it wasn't her own voice, there was another Tara talking to him. She was younger, and looked vulnerable. She was holding a book in her hands. He took it from her and glanced at it. "Magic," he said, with contempt in his voice. When he slapped her, she could feel it. Tears formed in her eyes. Pain.
Then there was sadness. She saw her mother lying in her bed, dying. And she heard her brother, "She was evil. You are evil. We can help you control it." She felt the tears running down her cheeks as she watched herself sitting at her mothers grave, lonely.
Suddenly, she was somewhere else again, in a desert. She saw Buffy, herself and a black woman. "The Slayer," Buffy said. "The First," the other Tara added. "In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer." Finally Tara recognized Giles's voice. She was now standing in Buffy's bedroom, watching her sleep. She turned around only to find herself at what looked like Sunnydale High School. There were Buffy, Xander and Willow, walking down the hall, laughing happily. Another guy and a girl joined them, the girl giving Xander a kiss. The guy put his arm around Willow, who beamed at him.
Tara felt sick. Why did she have to watch this? She closed her eyes. "Close your eyes," she heard someone say. She did just the opposite and saw a blonde women, dressed in clothes that seemed to be from around the middle of the eighteenth century. She was facing a good looking man, who seemed to be drunk. When the woman changed into what seemed to be a demon, Tara had to stop herself from uttering a small cry. "What remains of the Old Ones are vestiges: certain magics, certain creatures...The books tell that the last demon to leave this reality fed off a human, mixed their blood. He was a human form possessed - infected - by the demon's soul. He bit another and another...and so they walk the Earth, feeding. Killing some, mixing their bloos with others to make more of their kind."
Tara watched the blond woman to do just that. The next thing she saw was Buffy again, kissing the man the other woman - vampire- had just turned. Angel, she surmised. "As long as there have been vampires, there has been the Slayer." Now everything got blurry again, as she watched Buffy fight - vampires, demons, Angel, Faith... Tara was surprised at seeing that. And then - she only got a short glimpse of her, but it was a woman who looked like Willow. Only - she had black hair and seemed to be - why was she fighting Buffy?
Then there was the Willow she knew again - still together with that guy. Only he was locked in a cage. Tara gasped when he changed into a werewolf. How? What? Then she saw what seemed like thousands of images of them happily together - kissing, holding hands, smiling at each other - and making love. She desperately wanted to look away, but somehow she couldn't. She had to watch her girlfriend having sex with a man. But she still didn't say a thing, although she could've screamed. It hurt so much...Then she heard the worst thing possible. It was just a whisper..."I love you, Oz."
A change of scenery again. Tara was relieved. Willow was now standing in front of a door, when it opened, she was happy to see herself. Now this is better, she thought. "Howdy," Willow greeted her. "I just got your message a minute ago. I was in class. But I was about to call you," she heard herself reply.
Willow smiled at her. "I had so much fun the other night, those spells..."
"Yeah, that was nice..."
"I hope you don't think that I just come over for the spells and everything," Willow told her anxiously. "I mean , I really like just talking and hanging out with you and stuff.
"I know that. But you wanna do a spell," she replied knowingly.
"Yeah..." Tara only giggled in return. "But only because it's really important. There's this..."
"No you don't have to explain, I don't mind really," she was obviously eager to reassure Willow. "I've been uh thinking about that last spell we did... all day."
"You have?"
"Mmhh," she smiled at Willow, who seemed pleased. "Well this one should be really fun too. We conjure the goddess Thespia to help us locate demonic energy in the area. It shouldn't be too tricky."
Tara noticed she didn't seem too happy with that idea. "The goddess Thespia. Are you sure we're ready for that?"
"You and me! This is beneath us."
"Okay, if you say so..." Tara wondered what this was all about. She had the feeling she was keeping secrets from Willow. Why? What secret? The next thing she saw was a square of twine with the points held down by four different colored crystals. She heard herself ask, "So the square is Sunnydale?"
"Right it's like a map," Willow explained. "We both take different parts of the potion and when we do the incantation we both blow it onto the square at the exact same time."
"But how does it work?" She noticed she was looking really worried now.
"Well that's the cool part. When the potion mixes and Thespia is called it creates this mist over the parts where the demons are. I-It even makes different colours for different breeds."
"Wow," she replied, smiling at Willow, who smiled back at her. "You ready?" she asked her. She just nodded. Willow poured some green powder into Tara's hand from a grey stone mortar, then some white powder into her own hand from a green mortar.
"Let's do it," Willow told her. They both closed her eyes. Tara listened to herself start the incantation. "Thespia, we walk in shadow, walk in blindness. You are the protector of the night."
"Thespia, goddess, ruler of all darkness, we implore you, open a window to the world of the underbeing," Willow continued. Tara watched as Willow blew her part of the potion off her hand. She was shocked to see that she didn't do it but instead dumped the potion under her bed. Why was she doing this?
Suddenly, she saw her father again. He was standing in her room, his arms folded. He was staring at her things. "The door wasn't locked. I was a little early." He continued to look around. "I suppose you... wanted me to see all these... toys. You don't even try to hide it any more. I'd hoped maybe you'd gotten over the whole witchcraft thing. That if we let you go, you'd... get it out of your system. Then they told me to look for you in...that store." He sounded disgusted.
"I didn't - I, I didn't kn-know that you were coming," she heard herself say.
"Of course we came," her Dad replied. "We haven't heard from you in months. Your birthday's getting closer and closer. You know what that means."
No I don't, Tara thought. What was going on here? She noticed she really looked upset now. "I don't think it's... it, it won't mean that-"
"You're turning twenty," he interrupted her. It's the same age your mother was when she... Do your friends even know?"
"Y-yes." She had always known she was a bad liar. And her father knew that as well.
"Are you lying to me?" She only looked down on the floor. "Tara, you're coming home with us. You know it's the only way.
"Home?" Now she sounded scared.
"You can't control what's going to happen. You have evil inside of you and it will come out. And letting yourself work all this magic is only going to make it worse. Where do you think that power comes from?"
"It... it doesn't feel evil ... sir."
"Evil never does. I don't feel much like eating right now. I'll give you some time, but we need to be gone by morning." He walked towards the door. "Your family loves you, Tara, no matter what. How do you think your friends are going to feel when they see your true face?"
The next thing she saw was herself, obviously performing a spell. Then she saw her friends, fighting invisible demons, until she came running in, lifting the spell again. Obviously she - she was a demon, or she thought she was, and she had tried to hide that from her friends. And from Willow. She saw their faces, they looked hurt, or even disgusted. Tara wasn't sure what to think. She heard a voice...William's. "She's not a demon." But all she could see, hear was Willow, asking her "I, I trusted you more than anyone in my life. Was all that just a lie?"
Another change of scenery. They were in her room again. She was looking at Willow, telling her almost angrily, "Not everything is about your friends and stuff." She saw how hurt her lover looked. Then they were sitting on a bed that was standing in another room - Willow's? They were facing each other, and things were obviously wrong between them. She heard herself say, "I, I didn't mean to-"
Willow tried to laugh, but failed miserably, "No, I just... I... I know I can't know what you went through. But I just... It's no big."
"I made you mad," she stated.
"No," Willow replied. "No."
"All I meant was-" Tara watched herself trying to make things better, but instead making them worse.
"No, it's okay. This whole Buffy thing, let's just forget it." Willow seemed exhausted.
"No, please. I mean, I mean, tell me if I said something wrong, otherwise I know I'll say it again. Probably often and in public."
"No, I was snippy gal. It's just... I know I can't... on some level..." Willow sighed. "It's like my opinion isn't worth anything because I haven't been through... I didn't lose my mom, so I don't know."
"Well ... I-I'm not the expert. I mean, I've only lost the one." That hurt. She saw Willow giving her a sympathetic smile. She herself was looking anxious. "Do ... I act like ... the big knowledge woman?", she asked, uncertain what to do or say.
"No," Willow answered weakly.
"Is that no spelled Y-E-S?"
"S-O-R-T of. I mean, I just feel like the-the junior partner. You've been doing everything longer than me. You've been out longer... you've been practicing witchcraft way longer."
"Oh, but you're way beyond me there! In just a few- I mean... it frightens me how powerful you're getting." Great Tara, she said to herself. That's really great.
"That's a weird word," Willow told her, frowning.
Now probably everything was too late. She tried to save it, but... "'Getting'?"
"It frightens you? I frighten you?" Willow was obviously upset.
"That is so not what I meant. I meant i-impresses - impressive." She got up from the bed, looking upset as well.
"Well, I took Psych 101. I mean, I took it from an evil government scientist who was skewered by her Frankenstein-like creation before the final, but I know what a Freudian slip is. D-don't you trust me?"
That was an easy one, Tara thought. Still... "With my life."
"That's not what I mean."
"Can't we just go to the fair?"
"I don't feel real multicultural right now." Willow stood up. "Wh ... what is it about me that you don't trust?"
"It's not that. I worry, sometimes. You're, you're changing so much, so fast. I don't know where you're heading." Not making things any better. She was absolutely horrified at this scene, she wished she could make it stop. She wished she could tell them to, but she kept silent. She knew she had to.
"Where I'm heading?"
"I'm saying everything wrong."
"No, I think you're being pretty clear. This isn't about the witchcraft. It's about the other changes in my life."
"I trust you. I just... I don't know where I'm gonna fit in... in your life when..."
"When ... I change back? Yeah, this is a college thing, just a, a little experimentation before I get over the thrill and head back to boys' town."
She hated this. There was a pause, then Willow asked, "You think that?"
"Should I?" Tara closed her eyes, dreading the answer. She didn't get it. When she opened her eyes again, she was in the middle of another fight. "Willow, you are using too much magic. What do you want me to do, just ... sit back and keep my mouth shut?"
She shuddered at Willow's reply. "Well, that'd be a good start." Then - again, different place, different fight. "Do you think I'm stupid? I know you used that spell on me," she heard herself ask.
"Tara, I'm sorry, I-"
"Don't! Just ... don't." She shook her head. "There's nothing you can say."
"Tara, I didn't mean to-"
"To what? Violate my mind like that? How could you, Willow? How could you after what Glory did to me?" Who was Glory, she wondered? Her ex- girlfriend? Probably not. She was confused, and it - it made her feel sick watching herself and her lover like that. This was even worse than seeing her with that guy... Oz.
"Violate you? I ... I-I didn't ... mean anything like that, I-I, I just wanted us not to fight any more. I love you."
"If you don't wanna fight, you don't fight. You don't use magic to make a fight disappear."
"But I-I just wanted to make things better. Better for us."
"But you don't get to decide what is better for us, Will. We're in a relationship, we are supposed to decide together."
"Okay. I'm ... I realize I, I did it wrong."
"I don't think this is gonna work," she said, tearfully. So this is how they - how we broke up. Tara bit her lip. She was crying, again. This time because she was afraid. Afraid of what would happen.
"Hey. It is, i-it's working. Tara, please. I need you, baby. I need you. I don't need magic, I-I don't, I... let me prove it to you, okay? I, I will go a month without doing any magic. I won't do a single spell. I swear."
"Go a week, and then we'll see," she didn't sound convinced. Willow realized that as well, but didn't say anything. She heard herself continue, "I don't know, I just ... think we both need some ... I don't know, space. Oh, I can't believe I'm saying this."
"Are you saying you're gonna leave me?"
I guess I am, Tara thought. She was grateful when the scene changed yet again. Now Willow was standing before her grave, alone. The next second, however, she was in Buffy's old room, which seemed now to be hers, making out with some dark haired girl. Sure. Why - why should she have waited for her to come back? Why - she probably hadn't even tried anything. And she was supposed to be the witch... why didn't she look for ways to bring her back, or to get to her? What - she wondered what Willow had done when she had been killed. Probably gone out to meet some other girl, she thought. She realized she was being childish, but she couldn't help it. This was getting worse and -
Worse, she was about to think, when she watched herself getting shot. It was exactly how Buffy had told her. Tara watched intently when Willow ran over to her, held her, shook her, begging, "Oh god, oh no. Please, please, come on...." She started crying. "Come on, Tara! Please, come on, baby..." Suddenly Tara noticed Willow's eyes going black. Then they were in a shop. Anya was standing at the counter. Willow asked her, "Where do you keep the black arts books?"
"Something terrible has happened, I know. But you don't have to do-"
"I need power," Willow interrupted her.
Coming up from behind the counter, Anya told her "Not with those books. I can't let you. Willow!" Tara watched Willow put up a hand, purple bolts of light shooting over to Anya who suddenly couldn't move anymore. At a gesture of Willow, books began to fly onto the table, landing heaped all over the it. The last book landed opened to a middle page. Willow lifted her hands and put them on the open pages. Her hands sank into the book as if melding with it.
Tara was amazed and horrified to see what happened next. The words of the book started to move off the pages and up Willow's arms, curling and scrolling up under her sleeves. They were also coming up her chest, and moving up her shoulders to her face. Willow lifted her head and her eyes were black again. The words moved on to the top of her head and into her hair, turning her hair black. Tara was shocked to see her lover liked that. Why did that happen? That obviously was the women she had seen Buffy fight before. Then she heard Giles's voice again, and then Anya's. "She's going to finish it."
"Finish what?"
"The world."
Then everything went black. This time, she couldn't help herself.
"NO!"
***
Author: ladydewinter
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol* And: I started writing this part BEFORE I watched "Inside Out". You'll see why this is important...
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!
Feedback: Yes, please - I really appreciate it!
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.
Summary: The challenge.
Author's note: This was rather hard to write... it would have been so much easier to make a video clip out if this...however, that wasn't an option, so... I'd say more than 50 percent of this chapter consist of quotes from the show, namely from the follwing episodes: "The Harvest" (written by Joss Whedon), "Restless" (written by Joss Whedon), "Becoming" (written by Joss Whedon), "Goodbye, Iwoa" (written by Marti Noxon), "Family" (written by Joss Whedon), "Tough Love" (written by Rebecca Rand Kirshner), "All the way" (written by Stephen S. DeKnight), "Tabula Rasa" (written by Rebecca Rand Kirshner), "Villains" (written by Marti Noxon) and "Grave" (written by David Fury). I don't want to harm anyone's copyright - I just needed to do this. And I found the transcripts on www.buffyworld.com. Now, I hope you enjoy!
***
When she opened her eyes, she was lying on a bed in a room that felt very familiar. It was almost dark in it - the only light came from the christmas lights on the walls. It was very beautiful, and Tara immediately felt at home. When she sat up, however, she was startled to find a very odd looking man standing in front of the door. He was really big, and bronze-coloured, red-eyed, and he had horns... Tara decided this probably wasn't a man at all, but a demon. Strangely enough she wasn't afraid.
"Who are you?" she asked him calmly.
"Oh, you're awake, that's great." The demon smiled at her. "I'm Skip. I work for the Powers that Be."
"Hi Skip. I'm Tara," she smiled back at him.
"I know."
"Where am I? This is not - I mean, this is not where I wanted to wake up, is it?"
"You're not in your lover's world, if that's what you mean," he answered. "But haven't you forgotten something?"
She was confused. Then she remembered. "The challenge!"
"Exactly - that's why you are here with me."
"I won't have to fight you, will I? Because I don't think I'd have a chance. Besides, I don't think I'd want to."
"Your challenge isn't physical. Some might even say it isn't a challenge at all. But then, they don't know a thing, so..."
"What do you mean?"
"I am sure you will agree if I say you have to know about the world you are going to go to." He waited for her to nodd before he continued. "I will show you everything there is to know. I must warn you this isn't going to be easy for you. If you can't take it anymore, just say - say anything. The actual challenge is that you aren't allowed to speak during the show."
"A bit like Orpheus then? Okay, he wasn't told to be silent, but..."
"I get it. You're not wrong - it's a bit like Orpheus. Except you should try and do better than he did, if you want to go back to your soulmate."
"I'll try my best," Tara smiled. "What does it mean - 'everything there is to know' ? Is it like, knowing who's president and stuff?"
"Unfortunately, the political circumstances in your two worlds don't differ much. No, what we are going to show you is how it all began - the world, your life, the lives of the people that matter to you. And what happened after you left there."
"I see." So I'm not going to learn that from Willow after all, she thought. I wish Buffy would've told me. Now Tara was a little afraid - she wasn't sure what she would see. And if wanted to see it. But she knew she had to, if she wanted to see Willow again. And if she wanted to save the world. So... "Okay. Do I have to anything except sit, and watch, and be silent? How do I know it's over?"
"You will know, don't worry about that. Now, are you sure you want to take the challenge?"
"I am," she answered confidently.
"You are very brave," was the last thing she heard him say. Then everything was dark.
***
It was a very menacing kind of darkness, not comforting as the one in the room. There was noise, a distant grumbling, like a thunderstorm. And there was evil. For seconds, Tara wasn't able to breathe as she felt it surge through every part of her body. And then there was a voice... she knew it, but she didn't know where from... "This world is older than any of you know, and contrary to popular mythology, it did not begin as a paradise. For untold eons, demons walked the Earth, made it their home, their Hell." She saw them, the demons. She saw evil. And she didn't say a thing.
"In time, they lost their purchase to this reality, and the way was made for mortal animals. For Man." Now the scenery changed completely... she saw a farm, there were horses, cats, dogs... it was all blurry. She didn't really know where she was, until she saw - "Dad?" she heard herself say. But it wasn't her own voice, there was another Tara talking to him. She was younger, and looked vulnerable. She was holding a book in her hands. He took it from her and glanced at it. "Magic," he said, with contempt in his voice. When he slapped her, she could feel it. Tears formed in her eyes. Pain.
Then there was sadness. She saw her mother lying in her bed, dying. And she heard her brother, "She was evil. You are evil. We can help you control it." She felt the tears running down her cheeks as she watched herself sitting at her mothers grave, lonely.
Suddenly, she was somewhere else again, in a desert. She saw Buffy, herself and a black woman. "The Slayer," Buffy said. "The First," the other Tara added. "In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer." Finally Tara recognized Giles's voice. She was now standing in Buffy's bedroom, watching her sleep. She turned around only to find herself at what looked like Sunnydale High School. There were Buffy, Xander and Willow, walking down the hall, laughing happily. Another guy and a girl joined them, the girl giving Xander a kiss. The guy put his arm around Willow, who beamed at him.
Tara felt sick. Why did she have to watch this? She closed her eyes. "Close your eyes," she heard someone say. She did just the opposite and saw a blonde women, dressed in clothes that seemed to be from around the middle of the eighteenth century. She was facing a good looking man, who seemed to be drunk. When the woman changed into what seemed to be a demon, Tara had to stop herself from uttering a small cry. "What remains of the Old Ones are vestiges: certain magics, certain creatures...The books tell that the last demon to leave this reality fed off a human, mixed their blood. He was a human form possessed - infected - by the demon's soul. He bit another and another...and so they walk the Earth, feeding. Killing some, mixing their bloos with others to make more of their kind."
Tara watched the blond woman to do just that. The next thing she saw was Buffy again, kissing the man the other woman - vampire- had just turned. Angel, she surmised. "As long as there have been vampires, there has been the Slayer." Now everything got blurry again, as she watched Buffy fight - vampires, demons, Angel, Faith... Tara was surprised at seeing that. And then - she only got a short glimpse of her, but it was a woman who looked like Willow. Only - she had black hair and seemed to be - why was she fighting Buffy?
Then there was the Willow she knew again - still together with that guy. Only he was locked in a cage. Tara gasped when he changed into a werewolf. How? What? Then she saw what seemed like thousands of images of them happily together - kissing, holding hands, smiling at each other - and making love. She desperately wanted to look away, but somehow she couldn't. She had to watch her girlfriend having sex with a man. But she still didn't say a thing, although she could've screamed. It hurt so much...Then she heard the worst thing possible. It was just a whisper..."I love you, Oz."
A change of scenery again. Tara was relieved. Willow was now standing in front of a door, when it opened, she was happy to see herself. Now this is better, she thought. "Howdy," Willow greeted her. "I just got your message a minute ago. I was in class. But I was about to call you," she heard herself reply.
Willow smiled at her. "I had so much fun the other night, those spells..."
"Yeah, that was nice..."
"I hope you don't think that I just come over for the spells and everything," Willow told her anxiously. "I mean , I really like just talking and hanging out with you and stuff.
"I know that. But you wanna do a spell," she replied knowingly.
"Yeah..." Tara only giggled in return. "But only because it's really important. There's this..."
"No you don't have to explain, I don't mind really," she was obviously eager to reassure Willow. "I've been uh thinking about that last spell we did... all day."
"You have?"
"Mmhh," she smiled at Willow, who seemed pleased. "Well this one should be really fun too. We conjure the goddess Thespia to help us locate demonic energy in the area. It shouldn't be too tricky."
Tara noticed she didn't seem too happy with that idea. "The goddess Thespia. Are you sure we're ready for that?"
"You and me! This is beneath us."
"Okay, if you say so..." Tara wondered what this was all about. She had the feeling she was keeping secrets from Willow. Why? What secret? The next thing she saw was a square of twine with the points held down by four different colored crystals. She heard herself ask, "So the square is Sunnydale?"
"Right it's like a map," Willow explained. "We both take different parts of the potion and when we do the incantation we both blow it onto the square at the exact same time."
"But how does it work?" She noticed she was looking really worried now.
"Well that's the cool part. When the potion mixes and Thespia is called it creates this mist over the parts where the demons are. I-It even makes different colours for different breeds."
"Wow," she replied, smiling at Willow, who smiled back at her. "You ready?" she asked her. She just nodded. Willow poured some green powder into Tara's hand from a grey stone mortar, then some white powder into her own hand from a green mortar.
"Let's do it," Willow told her. They both closed her eyes. Tara listened to herself start the incantation. "Thespia, we walk in shadow, walk in blindness. You are the protector of the night."
"Thespia, goddess, ruler of all darkness, we implore you, open a window to the world of the underbeing," Willow continued. Tara watched as Willow blew her part of the potion off her hand. She was shocked to see that she didn't do it but instead dumped the potion under her bed. Why was she doing this?
Suddenly, she saw her father again. He was standing in her room, his arms folded. He was staring at her things. "The door wasn't locked. I was a little early." He continued to look around. "I suppose you... wanted me to see all these... toys. You don't even try to hide it any more. I'd hoped maybe you'd gotten over the whole witchcraft thing. That if we let you go, you'd... get it out of your system. Then they told me to look for you in...that store." He sounded disgusted.
"I didn't - I, I didn't kn-know that you were coming," she heard herself say.
"Of course we came," her Dad replied. "We haven't heard from you in months. Your birthday's getting closer and closer. You know what that means."
No I don't, Tara thought. What was going on here? She noticed she really looked upset now. "I don't think it's... it, it won't mean that-"
"You're turning twenty," he interrupted her. It's the same age your mother was when she... Do your friends even know?"
"Y-yes." She had always known she was a bad liar. And her father knew that as well.
"Are you lying to me?" She only looked down on the floor. "Tara, you're coming home with us. You know it's the only way.
"Home?" Now she sounded scared.
"You can't control what's going to happen. You have evil inside of you and it will come out. And letting yourself work all this magic is only going to make it worse. Where do you think that power comes from?"
"It... it doesn't feel evil ... sir."
"Evil never does. I don't feel much like eating right now. I'll give you some time, but we need to be gone by morning." He walked towards the door. "Your family loves you, Tara, no matter what. How do you think your friends are going to feel when they see your true face?"
The next thing she saw was herself, obviously performing a spell. Then she saw her friends, fighting invisible demons, until she came running in, lifting the spell again. Obviously she - she was a demon, or she thought she was, and she had tried to hide that from her friends. And from Willow. She saw their faces, they looked hurt, or even disgusted. Tara wasn't sure what to think. She heard a voice...William's. "She's not a demon." But all she could see, hear was Willow, asking her "I, I trusted you more than anyone in my life. Was all that just a lie?"
Another change of scenery. They were in her room again. She was looking at Willow, telling her almost angrily, "Not everything is about your friends and stuff." She saw how hurt her lover looked. Then they were sitting on a bed that was standing in another room - Willow's? They were facing each other, and things were obviously wrong between them. She heard herself say, "I, I didn't mean to-"
Willow tried to laugh, but failed miserably, "No, I just... I... I know I can't know what you went through. But I just... It's no big."
"I made you mad," she stated.
"No," Willow replied. "No."
"All I meant was-" Tara watched herself trying to make things better, but instead making them worse.
"No, it's okay. This whole Buffy thing, let's just forget it." Willow seemed exhausted.
"No, please. I mean, I mean, tell me if I said something wrong, otherwise I know I'll say it again. Probably often and in public."
"No, I was snippy gal. It's just... I know I can't... on some level..." Willow sighed. "It's like my opinion isn't worth anything because I haven't been through... I didn't lose my mom, so I don't know."
"Well ... I-I'm not the expert. I mean, I've only lost the one." That hurt. She saw Willow giving her a sympathetic smile. She herself was looking anxious. "Do ... I act like ... the big knowledge woman?", she asked, uncertain what to do or say.
"No," Willow answered weakly.
"Is that no spelled Y-E-S?"
"S-O-R-T of. I mean, I just feel like the-the junior partner. You've been doing everything longer than me. You've been out longer... you've been practicing witchcraft way longer."
"Oh, but you're way beyond me there! In just a few- I mean... it frightens me how powerful you're getting." Great Tara, she said to herself. That's really great.
"That's a weird word," Willow told her, frowning.
Now probably everything was too late. She tried to save it, but... "'Getting'?"
"It frightens you? I frighten you?" Willow was obviously upset.
"That is so not what I meant. I meant i-impresses - impressive." She got up from the bed, looking upset as well.
"Well, I took Psych 101. I mean, I took it from an evil government scientist who was skewered by her Frankenstein-like creation before the final, but I know what a Freudian slip is. D-don't you trust me?"
That was an easy one, Tara thought. Still... "With my life."
"That's not what I mean."
"Can't we just go to the fair?"
"I don't feel real multicultural right now." Willow stood up. "Wh ... what is it about me that you don't trust?"
"It's not that. I worry, sometimes. You're, you're changing so much, so fast. I don't know where you're heading." Not making things any better. She was absolutely horrified at this scene, she wished she could make it stop. She wished she could tell them to, but she kept silent. She knew she had to.
"Where I'm heading?"
"I'm saying everything wrong."
"No, I think you're being pretty clear. This isn't about the witchcraft. It's about the other changes in my life."
"I trust you. I just... I don't know where I'm gonna fit in... in your life when..."
"When ... I change back? Yeah, this is a college thing, just a, a little experimentation before I get over the thrill and head back to boys' town."
She hated this. There was a pause, then Willow asked, "You think that?"
"Should I?" Tara closed her eyes, dreading the answer. She didn't get it. When she opened her eyes again, she was in the middle of another fight. "Willow, you are using too much magic. What do you want me to do, just ... sit back and keep my mouth shut?"
She shuddered at Willow's reply. "Well, that'd be a good start." Then - again, different place, different fight. "Do you think I'm stupid? I know you used that spell on me," she heard herself ask.
"Tara, I'm sorry, I-"
"Don't! Just ... don't." She shook her head. "There's nothing you can say."
"Tara, I didn't mean to-"
"To what? Violate my mind like that? How could you, Willow? How could you after what Glory did to me?" Who was Glory, she wondered? Her ex- girlfriend? Probably not. She was confused, and it - it made her feel sick watching herself and her lover like that. This was even worse than seeing her with that guy... Oz.
"Violate you? I ... I-I didn't ... mean anything like that, I-I, I just wanted us not to fight any more. I love you."
"If you don't wanna fight, you don't fight. You don't use magic to make a fight disappear."
"But I-I just wanted to make things better. Better for us."
"But you don't get to decide what is better for us, Will. We're in a relationship, we are supposed to decide together."
"Okay. I'm ... I realize I, I did it wrong."
"I don't think this is gonna work," she said, tearfully. So this is how they - how we broke up. Tara bit her lip. She was crying, again. This time because she was afraid. Afraid of what would happen.
"Hey. It is, i-it's working. Tara, please. I need you, baby. I need you. I don't need magic, I-I don't, I... let me prove it to you, okay? I, I will go a month without doing any magic. I won't do a single spell. I swear."
"Go a week, and then we'll see," she didn't sound convinced. Willow realized that as well, but didn't say anything. She heard herself continue, "I don't know, I just ... think we both need some ... I don't know, space. Oh, I can't believe I'm saying this."
"Are you saying you're gonna leave me?"
I guess I am, Tara thought. She was grateful when the scene changed yet again. Now Willow was standing before her grave, alone. The next second, however, she was in Buffy's old room, which seemed now to be hers, making out with some dark haired girl. Sure. Why - why should she have waited for her to come back? Why - she probably hadn't even tried anything. And she was supposed to be the witch... why didn't she look for ways to bring her back, or to get to her? What - she wondered what Willow had done when she had been killed. Probably gone out to meet some other girl, she thought. She realized she was being childish, but she couldn't help it. This was getting worse and -
Worse, she was about to think, when she watched herself getting shot. It was exactly how Buffy had told her. Tara watched intently when Willow ran over to her, held her, shook her, begging, "Oh god, oh no. Please, please, come on...." She started crying. "Come on, Tara! Please, come on, baby..." Suddenly Tara noticed Willow's eyes going black. Then they were in a shop. Anya was standing at the counter. Willow asked her, "Where do you keep the black arts books?"
"Something terrible has happened, I know. But you don't have to do-"
"I need power," Willow interrupted her.
Coming up from behind the counter, Anya told her "Not with those books. I can't let you. Willow!" Tara watched Willow put up a hand, purple bolts of light shooting over to Anya who suddenly couldn't move anymore. At a gesture of Willow, books began to fly onto the table, landing heaped all over the it. The last book landed opened to a middle page. Willow lifted her hands and put them on the open pages. Her hands sank into the book as if melding with it.
Tara was amazed and horrified to see what happened next. The words of the book started to move off the pages and up Willow's arms, curling and scrolling up under her sleeves. They were also coming up her chest, and moving up her shoulders to her face. Willow lifted her head and her eyes were black again. The words moved on to the top of her head and into her hair, turning her hair black. Tara was shocked to see her lover liked that. Why did that happen? That obviously was the women she had seen Buffy fight before. Then she heard Giles's voice again, and then Anya's. "She's going to finish it."
"Finish what?"
"The world."
Then everything went black. This time, she couldn't help herself.
"NO!"
***