Innumerable inbred songs later, Harry lay on the bed feeling overwhelmed and confused while Draco continued to play his banjo and sing like a redneck in swampland. Then, out of nowhere, the incessant noise stopped. Harry sat bolt upright in surprise, not used to the silence.
" Why'd you stop playing?" he asked, truly curious. Draco just beamed.
" Well, I know that you loved my playing, most people do, but I can't play all my songs in one sitting or there won't be any more surprises for later."
Harry stared at the albino in disbelief. After nearly twelve hours of terrifying, mind shattering crap, he still had not made a dent in the amount of Draco's horrific, HIV infested music.
" Then, why did you stop?" Harry asked again, wondering what could have possessed his horny host to stop the horra (there's a George Dubbleya quote for ya! yay!...unless you're a democrat)
"Simple," said Draco as a large flat screen tv descended from the ceiling. Harry's knees quaked with fear. Draco was going to make him watch dirty videos!!!!!
" I simply can't help watching every day. Otherwise, I feel quite...unsatisfied" Harry gulped and sat waiting with anticipation. Draco flipped the TV on and on the screen appeared a girl being reamed by an elderly old man. Harry nearly barfed up the nonexistent food in his stomach (we don't really feed characters, do we?) and then scolded his other brain for being so hard headed....haha.....we'll see if you get that one!
"OOps," said Draco, flipping the channel, "Looks like Mom's been borrowing the TV again. I don't mind, really, I mean she usually picks some awesome movies but I prefer to have my things left to their normal settings. Aww, here we are."
On the screen was none other than Carson Daily of MTV's TRL announcing the number one song of the day "Give me a reason....not to rape you" by Justin Timberlake.
" I just love Justin Timberlake, he's totally hot. His music sucks my balls but if you put the TV on mute you can get really turned on just watching him dance around in those tight leather pants...grrrr. He's my inspiration in fashion and dance...not women. I was quite ashamed when he turned to that Britney tramp but he's found the correct path with Michael Jackson and appears as homosexual as can be, thank goodness." Draco sighed, " If only Justin could have saved the rest of NSYNC from their sexual orientation."
" What, they're straight?"
"No, they gave up and only succeeded halfway, they're bi"
" How awful for you"
" Yes, I know. BTW, you need to eat more."
" Why's that?"
" Cuz you're a scrawny little faggot! *alt sentence* I need more cushion for the pushin'...baybee! *end alt sentence*
-*-
"So," said Ron as two elderly mowers led him to the dining shed for dinner. " How long have you been here?"
"grunt grunt"
"Oh....that's nice!" Lupin walked up to Ron at that moment. "Don't bother trying to talk to them. Being out in the sun for so many years has addled their brains and made them forget their original language. Because of insanity, and the fact that they're too lazy to sound words out properly, they have developed their own language of grunts and groans much like American men during Sunday football games."
"I see..." Ron made mental note of this as he entered the large shed, filled with many lawn tables and rake chairs. It seemed everyone there wore the same type of overalls, which he, also was wearing, not that he could complain because overalls beat out a French maid outfit anyday. He and Lupin sat at one of the lawn tables, waiting to be served.
"So, Professor Lupin, is there anyway to get off the Malfoy lawn and, I don't know, home maybe?"
Lupin laughed shakily. "Er... actually no."
"What?!"
"Okay, as you know, it's easy enough to get on the lawn, but getting off is an entirely different matter. You can't go out past the Malfoy manner because of all the safety mechanisms that'll probably kill you on the way. So the only other option is to go to the city of Malfonishia, which has the only flu powder network open on the lawn. To get there, you must go through other towns and villages, some of which aren't to friendly with us Malfinia folk. Also, you also got to watch out for the lawn mafia that operates on different random parts on the lawn. All in all, chances are you'll die trying to go back to your average society."
"Then why don't you guys just apparate off?"
"It's because we... uh, er, um, eh..." Lupin looked up at the ceiling, totally bamboozled, "It.... It's just not done." Lupin nodded his head, knowing he had made the right decision that made no sense what so ever. "Now never mind all that. Anyway, I'm sure you'll get used to it here, raise a happy mowing family, and everything will be fine. Oh, and the good news for today is the special on the menu is gopher on a stick! Who'd want to miss that?!"
".... I wanna go home... or to the trailer. Either works." Ron collapsed his head onto the table, sobbing at the thought that it would be a long time before he would be somewhere other than this disturbing backyard.
-*-
Harry shuddered where he sat, even more freaked out than he had been before. On the screen was a muted Justin Timberlake doing many dance moves and such, and then there was a Draco Malfoy standing in front of it, singing his own personally written swamp songs and trying to dance like Justin... but was even worse. All of the audio and visual was enough to drive a person insane. Harry wished he could just be back in the freaky office with Lucius Malfoy than be here... then thought it over, realized that if he were in that office, he would have been raped up the ass fifty times by now, and looked for a better solution on where he'd want to be. Draco's mom's room, now that would be sweet! Harry could imagine it now, him and Mrs. Malfoy in a bed full of canned peaches, and he'd be scrubbing her back with nummy whipped cream.
It was in the middle of one of Draco's drastically bad break dance moves that Lucius Malfoy strode into the room.
"Oh Draco! I knew I'd find you he- GOOD GOD! WHAT IS THAT DISPLAY?!" Mr Malfoy looked in disgust at the television screen. "I cannot believe that you'd be watching this horrid filth!" He then flipped the channel to some guy shoving a dildo up a cow's ass. "There, now THAT'S quality television." He focused his attention back on Draco and an ever mortified Harry.
"Now, my dears, it's the sixth day of the sixth month, meaning it is time to hold the ceremony as we do every year."
"Oh," Draco beamed happily, "And Harry can join too?"
"Yes, he can be a prop of some sort."
"Oh good!"
Harry gulped. "But surely you wouldn't want ME in YOUR family celebration!"
Lucius waved his hand in a dainty manner. "Oh don't be silly, my dear. The more the merrier, as some bimbo used to say."
"B-but"
"Now now! I know it's quite an honour, which must have taken you aback, but I assure you that you will be more than needed for certain... actions... Be ready by 6:00 tonight, my darlings! Toodooloo!" Lucius Malfoy then sauntered out of the room. Draco seemed to be more then anticipated about the night's events, but Harry felt his stomach reaching around his spine. He did not want to know what the ceremony would entitle, but sooner or later, he would inevitably find out.