After dinner, Ron was led back to Lupin's tool shed, where he would be staying till he either married into a good mowing family, or got picked off in a water mining incident. Ron lay on the bed, looking up at the green ceiling, the paint of which was beginning to chip, and sighed deeply. What he'd give to be able to go to Hogwarts, a bar, or even back to those unworthy people who spawned and sold him. Would he ever get out of this place?

Lupin sat on the edge of his bed, and look down happily at the lad. "I know what you're thinking, but don't worry. Tomorrow everything's going to be better."

"Why? What's happening tomorrow?"

"We're going prairie dog hunting!"

Ron curled into a ball and faced the opposite direction. He didn't want to think that for the rest of his life, he'd have to eat rodents and grass. It'd be nice to just have some nummy piece of bread or steak and kidney pie, or some other delicious type of British food (if there is such a type). Lupin took notice of Ron's mannerisms, and was completely perplexed.

"Is there something wrong?"

"… No. There's nothing wrong. I've only been damned to a living hell hole where the food is worse than what I normally eat, with a society based on gardening tools, and the greatest enjoyment there is would be hunting for dinner."

Lupin shook his head and brought his head down to Ron's ear and whispered, "I love you, ya know?"

Ron jumped. "WHAT?!"

Lupin laughed. "Hah! I knew that would get you in a better mood! Just had to give you a jump start. Nah, actually I've got this thing for this one girl with the Clipper family-her name's Gertrude- and I'm thinking about possibly courting her. And that body, what a piece! Here, let me show you a picture!"

Now, how they were able to produce pictures, even I don't know, but somehow it happened. Ron, though, was not too impressed.

"… Lupin…"

"Yeah, she's a real looker, ain't she?"

"Is it a man or a woman?"

Lupin glared at Ron. "She's the best looking girl in town, I'll have you know, and she's taken a real fancy to me."

"I hate to say this, but being stuck in this town for so long has made you forget what REAL hot chicks look like." He then proceeded in taking out a candid shot he had been able to get in his fourth year at Hogwarts of Fleur De'Claire in the shower.

Lupin stared at the picture for a terribly long time, and finally began to sob. "I… couldn't remember. It's been too long… much too long…" The ex Defense of the Dark Arts teacher fell to his knees in a burst of tears.

Ron patted him on his back. "There, there. It's okay. Why not try to escape from the lawn and get back to normal England where the booze is great and the food is good, er… well, better…"

Lupin looked up at Ron with watery eyes. "Yes… yes, let's do it! Let's go back to where the women are worth looking at and they get prettier just by drinking!"

"That's the spirit!"

Lupin and Ron then began to plot the many ways they might be able to leave this awful place, and go back to their world of dreams. *alternate Ron/Lupin sentence* Lupin and Ron then began to make out, followed by explicit sex, for that is how crappy romance fics are made. *end alternate sentence*

-*-

Harry sat on the couch pensively, wondering what could be in store for him. What if the whole Malfoy family forced themselves on him, and he was turned into some kinky sex slave? Or, what if they were going to force him to watch them get into action? Why, considering the settings, what if they put a few barnyard animals into the scene? The more Harry thought about it, the worse the images got. By the time a house elf 'ahemed,' Harry was stuck in a thought having to do with himself, three Malfoys, a rooster, and a spotted pig.

"Sir," the house elf squeaked, "The Malfoy Traditional Ritual is about to begin. Please sit where you are, and do not speak unless spoken to."

Harry nodded as the lights dimmed, and stage lights lit the walls and a section of the floor ten feet from where he sat. After some more awful banjo music playing from lord knows where, Lucius Malfoy came sauntering down the steps in a large tuquoise fur coat, lime green ball gown underneath, with a spotted pocket protector, and a lacy hot pink tie. He adjusted his plumed hat as he stepped, as if trying to do a seductive model pose, which was far from seductive considering how he loved his clashing outfits.

"As of days of old

How Malfoy stood so bold

As he strummed his courageous toon.

And now it begins

Once again

A new legacy is to unfold."

Harry just sat there looking more frightened then he had the whole night. Crap, starting the evening with poofs and poetry could not be a good sign.

Now, from the right hand staircase, Narcissa Malfoy walked down the steps, and it amazed Harry that she didn't trip in those six inch stilettos. What she wore, in Harry's eyes, was much more appealing. She wore and tight, revealing Teddy with crimson hinting, and high fishnet stockings, kept up by guarders. As she made her way down, she, too, had her piece to say.

"With this new generation

I give to you

True beauty unlocked

For the one traditionally clad

Coming from heaven

Just a lad

To him except the invitation."

Mr. And Mrs. Malfoy stood next to the staircases they had descended from, looking to the center between them. Harry gazed there as well, and suddenly made sense of some of the pure and utter crap they had just spouted. There seemed to be a decent sized hole in the ceiling, and from it was descending Draco Malfoy, which must have symbolized their 'lad from heaven' and, whooie, was the traditional garb a sight!

Harry looked at the slowly falling boy (obviously being lowered with piano wire) and his clothing in horror. He wore red flannel pants, the waist of which came up to just below the chest, and were held up the rest of the way with suspenders. He has a long sleeved blinding orange dress shirt, large geek glasses, high socks that rode over the pants up to the knees, and cow pokey shoes. Between Draco and his father, Harry could not decide which one looked worse, that is till he looked back at Lucius… now that was just scary.

Now, with all of the pre imagining of how this whole performance was going to be, Harry could not have ever expected things too be this horrendous, for the house elf had just announced that Master Malfoy would now be performing the traditional Malfoy dance.

Draco began with rising his right hand slowly in the air while looking to the right side, getting into a much resembled ballet pose. Then the evils ran rampant. Yes, country guitars, kazoos, banjos, and washboards played in full volume as Draco began to do a one person square dance, followed by a solo polka, and then doing a bad reenactment of River Dance.

Finally, Draco did a pigeon toed hop step thing over to where Harry sat, and stretched out his hand as if inviting him to dance. 'To him except the invitation." Hoo crap, had Harry been there at the wrong time! He took notice of threatening stared of Draco's ever watchful parents, pulling what seemed to be weapon from different parts of their clothing, so Harry thought I best to amuse them.

Draco led him to the dance floor, as it were, and took him into a tango position. Now how you're supposed to do the Tango with swamp music, I haven't the slightest, but that's how things were in this household. After many awfully strummed out lines and painful foot-stepped-on situations later, it was time to do… Country Disco!

No need to get into explanations there, for just the thought itself is disturbing. Harry tried to keep up the pace, flinging his index finger every which way, but to no avail for Draco was much faster and exuberant than he. Sure, he couldn't dance for shit, but he sure did put a hell lot of effort into it.

Finally, the dancing was over, and Harry was able to plop back onto the couch, feeling quite exhausted and scared. It seemed that Draco was making his way over to him, a rather randy look on his face, but was cut off by his mother, who got to Harry first.

"Harry, I would like you to escort me to my room," she said as a smile flicked across her lips. It seemed that things were now looking up. He and Draco's mom going to her room for who knows what… ALONE!!! Harry brightened up as he just thought of the possibilities. Maybe that bed full of peaches and cream was closer than he had thought!

*alternate paragraph* It seemed things were getting even worse than he had imagined! He wanted to go to Draco's room, not some bimbo's who looked more than willing to give him many sexual favors! Wait… hold up… favors? Maybe if they could have a Harry/Draco/Draco's Mom threesome, then maybe things wouldn't be so horrible after all!

Mrs. Malfoy led Harry out of the room and down the corridors and to a double door entrance.

"This is my room. I would like you to now go inside and make yourself… comfortable…"

Sorry bout taking so long to get another chapter up. I was out of inspiration for a while, and needed to wait till I got some ideas back. Don't worry, I plan on having the next one up a hell lot quicker (considering I'm going to start work on it right after I'm done with this paragraph). Anywho, review, tell me what you think, and come back when the next one's up!