Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart
Author: ladydewinter
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!
Feedback: Yes please!!! I really appreciate it.
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.
Summary: The same night's events from Faith's perspective.
***
Faith enjoyed being out again - on patrol. She remembered telling Buffy once that slaying was what they were built for, and she couldn't help feeling that was true. For her, anyway. And some of the potentials - not all, though - seemed to feel similar. She watched them when they were fighting the two vamps - well, one vamp, the other one was hers. She felt the energy surge through her, the rush... all that mattered was the fight, knowing that she was going to win. When she staked him, she just stood there for a moment, breathing hard. Then she turned to the girls.
They were doing pretty well, she thought. They already knew quite many moves and kicks... finally, Rhona and Vy were holding the vampire for Kennedy to stake him. "That went pretty well," the latter conceded.
"Yep." Faith smiled at them. An non comittal smile, but a smile anyway. She could see they were hungry for her attention. Potentials or not, they still were young girls.
They continued patrolling until quarter to two, and then returned to the Summers's house. Rhona and Vy were chattering most of the way back, only Kennedy was oddly silent. Faith watched her. She could see that slaying seemed to have similar effects on Kennedy as on herself. She made a quick metal note to ask Willow about it tomorrow, but she then dismissed that thought. Red most probably wouldn't want to talk about Kennedy right know... or even ever again. So she turned to Kennedy instead.
"Been slaying a lot?"
"What?" Kennedy seemed startled. "Uh, sorry, I was... thinking about...stuff. What did you just ask?"
"I just wanted to know if you been slaying a lot already. You all did a great job."
"Thanks." Kennedy smiled. "But we didn't do much - we went out a couple of times before, but most of the time we just watched and -"
"Let me guess - B did the slaying."
"Exactly. Not that it's wrong or anything - it's just..."
"You didn't get much practice. I guess Buffy just didn't want any of you get hurt."
"Yeah, probably. I just wonder sometimes - if she cares so much about us, why doesn't she care about us? I dunno - do you get it?"
"What you mean? I think so. That's B - Miss Superresponsible. She's right, though - she's trying to protect in her own way."
Kennedy didn't reply. Faith continued, "Why I was asking was... do you like it?"
"What?"
"The Slaying. What does it do to you?"
The potential paused for a moment. "Why do you want to know? You hardly talked to me before - like the others." She sounded pretty much pissed off, and who could blame her? Faith had noticed the lack of attention Kennedy got from the others.
"Yeah, but I'm talking to you now. So here's your chance - wanna talk with me?"
"Sorry. Sure."
"No need to be sorry. I get why you're mad. But don't blame me - I'm not even the messenger."
"What?"
"Isn't there this... I dunno...saying about the messenger? Anyway, forget it. It's not my fault."
"Sure." Kennedy seemed a bit confused.
"So, about the slaying..." Faith started again.
"What about the damn slaying? I do it, cause you and Buffy tell me to. Right?"
"That's all there is to it for you?"
"Yes! No. I don't know. What else should there be for me?!" Kennedy stopped and turned to face Faith.
"Do you like it?"
"Like it?"
"Yeah, do you enjoy it. You don't seem scared or anything, like the others, you just do it."
"Is that a good thing?"
"You tell me. Reminds me of me. You're different than most of the others. Different than Buffy."
"I'm sorry." Kennedy started to walk away, but Faith grabbed her arm.
"No, you don't have to be. B's not perfect, you know. And there are many ways to be the Slayer. I think."
"So I'm like you? Great. Does that mean I'm gonna end up in jail? If I'm not killed first, that is. That's something to look forward to."
Faith shrugged. "Don't know. Guess it depends on what you make of it. I was just wondering maybe that's why the others don't like you."
"Whatever. I thought you were the psycho slayer, not the psych 101."
Faith grinned. "Yeah? See, we all are full of surprises. Hey, let's catch up with the others, ok?"
They met with Buffy, Spike and the other potentials in front of the house. "Success?" Faith asked Buffy.
"Not really. Couldn't say. There were no vampires."
"We only got two. And they didn't look as if they were going to stay here for long."
"You mean they're scared?"
"Possible. Remember the first time the First was around? Didn't Willy tell you the vampires and demons were afraid of it?"
"Yes," Buffy said slowly.
"Anyway, Rhona, Vy and Kennedy here did a great job." Faith felt the need to tell Buffy.
"Good." Buffy sounded a bit absent minded. Faith looked at Kennedy and shrugged. Kennedy grinned. Then everybody went into the house. Buffy followed Spike down to the basement.
"The two of them hang a lot, don't they?" Faith asked Kennedy.
"Yeah, but it's not like she loves him or anything." Vy and Rhona giggled at that. "So where are we going to sleep?"
"In Buffy's room I think... she told me earlier she wanted Willow and Tara to be left alone tonight."
Kennedy didn't reply. She looked a bit sour, though. Then she started followed the others upstairs. When Faith didn't follow, she turned around. "Aren't you coming?" she asked her.
"I'll be with you guys in a sec. I just..." she didn't know really what to say.
Kennedy nodded. "Good night," she told her.
"Yeah," was all Faith replied. She went into the kitchen and then opened the door to the basement. She wondered whether she should just go down or - then she heard her name.
"....Faith. You should be talking to her right now." That was Spike. So they were - what? Talking about her?
"I guess," she heard Buffy reply. "But what am I to tell her? 'Hey Faith, listen, don't you want to give up your superpowers? Because I'd really like to keep mine.' She'll probably thinks I feel superior towards her." Well, I never! Faith thought, grinning grimly.
"And don't you?"
"No! No... do I? Do I act as if I feel superior?" There was a short pause, then a sigh. "Of course I do. No wonder she hates me. She and everybody else."
Another pause. Looked as if Spike wasn't inclined to lie to her. "Couldn't you tell me I'm wrong? You can't. But - it's not as if I think Faith hasn't earned her powers... although, if you look at it - no, forget I just said that." What? "It's more that I'm afraid I'm not ready or able to live without mine. It happened before, you know?"
"What?"
"There once was this test...the Crucasomething. Giles gave me this injection that made me feel all helpless - I didn't have any strength at all. And my mom and I - we nearly got killed. But what's more important is that I couldn't - I couldn't deal with the fact that I wasn't the Slayer anymore. I felt cheated." What? That was news to Faith.
"You thought you weren't special anymore."
"I don't know...yeah, I guess. And I couldn't - you know, I know what is lurking outside. And not being able to do anything - it felt horrible. I was just a girl."
"Well, you're not a girl anymore."
"What do you mean?" He doesn't mean anything, girlfriend...he just wants to get into your pants.
"I mean that you're a woman now. You'll still be able to fight somehow. It's not your slayer powers that make you special." See?
"Isn't it? I don't know." She heard Buffy get up and starting pacing. She closed the door a bit, not wanting the other Slayer to see her. "I don't know. I'm just so scared. I just wish someone else could make that decision for me."
"No."
"I didn't-"
"But you wanted. So don't you try it. And don't pout."
"Listen, I'm not going to make this decision for you. I told you, this is something you need to discuss with Faith." Really? But what if I don't want to, Faith thought.
"But I can't."
"Why not?"
"I don't want - I don't want her to think I want to take that from her. It's who she is, Spike. Even more that I am. Part of me wants her to keep her powers. But another part of me -"
Having heard enough, Faith closed the door shut and went into the living room. So Buffy didn't want to give up her powers? Well, neither did she. Or did she? She sat down on the couch.
She tried to remember what it was like not being the Slayer. She couldn't. Or couldn't bring herself to do it. She remembered the day she was called, though - how she had felt as if someone had handed her a key to a better life. Well, hadn't worked out as she had hoped. So was Buffy right? Was being the Slayer all there was to her?
She couldn't help feeling hurt by that thought - although she had the suspicion Buffy was probably right. At least from her perspective - she only knew as the Slayer. But had she ever tried to get her to know as a person? Faith thought angrily. No, she hadn't. No one had ever tried to do that. Except maybe - suddenly she heard the door of the basement open. Damn it! They had probably heard her. She looked around for somewhere to hide. But oddly enough, whoever had come out had walked straight upstairs. Probably just Buffy going to bed, she conceded. So she best joined her, pretending she had had a quick smoke outside.
But when she reached the top of the stairs, she didn't meet Buffy. It was Spike, carrying what suspiciously looked like... "B's pajamas?" she couldn't help asking.
"Yeah, looks like it, doesn't it?" was all he replied before getting downstairs again.
"Didn't even care to say goodnight," she said under her breath. "No manners whatsoever." She sighed. She should just go to sleep and save all thoughts for the morning. Spike was probably right - she really should talk to Buffy about the whole powers thiung. It was good to know that the other Slayer didn't want to do this anymore than she did. At last something else we got in common, she thought. Whatever. She went to Buffy's room, changed and then went looking for some place to sleep. Somehow Kennedy had managed to occupy the bed, and had obviously decided to share said bed with her. She really was desperate, wasn't she?
"Thanks," she told her while crawling beneath the blankets.
"You're welcome," Kennedy murmured sleepily.
"Hope you're not a grabber," Faith muttered to herself. She listened to the other girls breathing. It was soothing somehow... she closed her eyes and soon fell asleep.
***
Some time later, however, she woke up, alerted. She had heard something downstairs... she quietly got up and opened the door. There were footsteps, and a door opening. Again the door to the basement. She sighed in relief. Probably just Spike again... she shut the door, climbed over the girls and went back to sleep.
Author: ladydewinter
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!
Feedback: Yes please!!! I really appreciate it.
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.
Summary: The same night's events from Faith's perspective.
***
Faith enjoyed being out again - on patrol. She remembered telling Buffy once that slaying was what they were built for, and she couldn't help feeling that was true. For her, anyway. And some of the potentials - not all, though - seemed to feel similar. She watched them when they were fighting the two vamps - well, one vamp, the other one was hers. She felt the energy surge through her, the rush... all that mattered was the fight, knowing that she was going to win. When she staked him, she just stood there for a moment, breathing hard. Then she turned to the girls.
They were doing pretty well, she thought. They already knew quite many moves and kicks... finally, Rhona and Vy were holding the vampire for Kennedy to stake him. "That went pretty well," the latter conceded.
"Yep." Faith smiled at them. An non comittal smile, but a smile anyway. She could see they were hungry for her attention. Potentials or not, they still were young girls.
They continued patrolling until quarter to two, and then returned to the Summers's house. Rhona and Vy were chattering most of the way back, only Kennedy was oddly silent. Faith watched her. She could see that slaying seemed to have similar effects on Kennedy as on herself. She made a quick metal note to ask Willow about it tomorrow, but she then dismissed that thought. Red most probably wouldn't want to talk about Kennedy right know... or even ever again. So she turned to Kennedy instead.
"Been slaying a lot?"
"What?" Kennedy seemed startled. "Uh, sorry, I was... thinking about...stuff. What did you just ask?"
"I just wanted to know if you been slaying a lot already. You all did a great job."
"Thanks." Kennedy smiled. "But we didn't do much - we went out a couple of times before, but most of the time we just watched and -"
"Let me guess - B did the slaying."
"Exactly. Not that it's wrong or anything - it's just..."
"You didn't get much practice. I guess Buffy just didn't want any of you get hurt."
"Yeah, probably. I just wonder sometimes - if she cares so much about us, why doesn't she care about us? I dunno - do you get it?"
"What you mean? I think so. That's B - Miss Superresponsible. She's right, though - she's trying to protect in her own way."
Kennedy didn't reply. Faith continued, "Why I was asking was... do you like it?"
"What?"
"The Slaying. What does it do to you?"
The potential paused for a moment. "Why do you want to know? You hardly talked to me before - like the others." She sounded pretty much pissed off, and who could blame her? Faith had noticed the lack of attention Kennedy got from the others.
"Yeah, but I'm talking to you now. So here's your chance - wanna talk with me?"
"Sorry. Sure."
"No need to be sorry. I get why you're mad. But don't blame me - I'm not even the messenger."
"What?"
"Isn't there this... I dunno...saying about the messenger? Anyway, forget it. It's not my fault."
"Sure." Kennedy seemed a bit confused.
"So, about the slaying..." Faith started again.
"What about the damn slaying? I do it, cause you and Buffy tell me to. Right?"
"That's all there is to it for you?"
"Yes! No. I don't know. What else should there be for me?!" Kennedy stopped and turned to face Faith.
"Do you like it?"
"Like it?"
"Yeah, do you enjoy it. You don't seem scared or anything, like the others, you just do it."
"Is that a good thing?"
"You tell me. Reminds me of me. You're different than most of the others. Different than Buffy."
"I'm sorry." Kennedy started to walk away, but Faith grabbed her arm.
"No, you don't have to be. B's not perfect, you know. And there are many ways to be the Slayer. I think."
"So I'm like you? Great. Does that mean I'm gonna end up in jail? If I'm not killed first, that is. That's something to look forward to."
Faith shrugged. "Don't know. Guess it depends on what you make of it. I was just wondering maybe that's why the others don't like you."
"Whatever. I thought you were the psycho slayer, not the psych 101."
Faith grinned. "Yeah? See, we all are full of surprises. Hey, let's catch up with the others, ok?"
They met with Buffy, Spike and the other potentials in front of the house. "Success?" Faith asked Buffy.
"Not really. Couldn't say. There were no vampires."
"We only got two. And they didn't look as if they were going to stay here for long."
"You mean they're scared?"
"Possible. Remember the first time the First was around? Didn't Willy tell you the vampires and demons were afraid of it?"
"Yes," Buffy said slowly.
"Anyway, Rhona, Vy and Kennedy here did a great job." Faith felt the need to tell Buffy.
"Good." Buffy sounded a bit absent minded. Faith looked at Kennedy and shrugged. Kennedy grinned. Then everybody went into the house. Buffy followed Spike down to the basement.
"The two of them hang a lot, don't they?" Faith asked Kennedy.
"Yeah, but it's not like she loves him or anything." Vy and Rhona giggled at that. "So where are we going to sleep?"
"In Buffy's room I think... she told me earlier she wanted Willow and Tara to be left alone tonight."
Kennedy didn't reply. She looked a bit sour, though. Then she started followed the others upstairs. When Faith didn't follow, she turned around. "Aren't you coming?" she asked her.
"I'll be with you guys in a sec. I just..." she didn't know really what to say.
Kennedy nodded. "Good night," she told her.
"Yeah," was all Faith replied. She went into the kitchen and then opened the door to the basement. She wondered whether she should just go down or - then she heard her name.
"....Faith. You should be talking to her right now." That was Spike. So they were - what? Talking about her?
"I guess," she heard Buffy reply. "But what am I to tell her? 'Hey Faith, listen, don't you want to give up your superpowers? Because I'd really like to keep mine.' She'll probably thinks I feel superior towards her." Well, I never! Faith thought, grinning grimly.
"And don't you?"
"No! No... do I? Do I act as if I feel superior?" There was a short pause, then a sigh. "Of course I do. No wonder she hates me. She and everybody else."
Another pause. Looked as if Spike wasn't inclined to lie to her. "Couldn't you tell me I'm wrong? You can't. But - it's not as if I think Faith hasn't earned her powers... although, if you look at it - no, forget I just said that." What? "It's more that I'm afraid I'm not ready or able to live without mine. It happened before, you know?"
"What?"
"There once was this test...the Crucasomething. Giles gave me this injection that made me feel all helpless - I didn't have any strength at all. And my mom and I - we nearly got killed. But what's more important is that I couldn't - I couldn't deal with the fact that I wasn't the Slayer anymore. I felt cheated." What? That was news to Faith.
"You thought you weren't special anymore."
"I don't know...yeah, I guess. And I couldn't - you know, I know what is lurking outside. And not being able to do anything - it felt horrible. I was just a girl."
"Well, you're not a girl anymore."
"What do you mean?" He doesn't mean anything, girlfriend...he just wants to get into your pants.
"I mean that you're a woman now. You'll still be able to fight somehow. It's not your slayer powers that make you special." See?
"Isn't it? I don't know." She heard Buffy get up and starting pacing. She closed the door a bit, not wanting the other Slayer to see her. "I don't know. I'm just so scared. I just wish someone else could make that decision for me."
"No."
"I didn't-"
"But you wanted. So don't you try it. And don't pout."
"Listen, I'm not going to make this decision for you. I told you, this is something you need to discuss with Faith." Really? But what if I don't want to, Faith thought.
"But I can't."
"Why not?"
"I don't want - I don't want her to think I want to take that from her. It's who she is, Spike. Even more that I am. Part of me wants her to keep her powers. But another part of me -"
Having heard enough, Faith closed the door shut and went into the living room. So Buffy didn't want to give up her powers? Well, neither did she. Or did she? She sat down on the couch.
She tried to remember what it was like not being the Slayer. She couldn't. Or couldn't bring herself to do it. She remembered the day she was called, though - how she had felt as if someone had handed her a key to a better life. Well, hadn't worked out as she had hoped. So was Buffy right? Was being the Slayer all there was to her?
She couldn't help feeling hurt by that thought - although she had the suspicion Buffy was probably right. At least from her perspective - she only knew as the Slayer. But had she ever tried to get her to know as a person? Faith thought angrily. No, she hadn't. No one had ever tried to do that. Except maybe - suddenly she heard the door of the basement open. Damn it! They had probably heard her. She looked around for somewhere to hide. But oddly enough, whoever had come out had walked straight upstairs. Probably just Buffy going to bed, she conceded. So she best joined her, pretending she had had a quick smoke outside.
But when she reached the top of the stairs, she didn't meet Buffy. It was Spike, carrying what suspiciously looked like... "B's pajamas?" she couldn't help asking.
"Yeah, looks like it, doesn't it?" was all he replied before getting downstairs again.
"Didn't even care to say goodnight," she said under her breath. "No manners whatsoever." She sighed. She should just go to sleep and save all thoughts for the morning. Spike was probably right - she really should talk to Buffy about the whole powers thiung. It was good to know that the other Slayer didn't want to do this anymore than she did. At last something else we got in common, she thought. Whatever. She went to Buffy's room, changed and then went looking for some place to sleep. Somehow Kennedy had managed to occupy the bed, and had obviously decided to share said bed with her. She really was desperate, wasn't she?
"Thanks," she told her while crawling beneath the blankets.
"You're welcome," Kennedy murmured sleepily.
"Hope you're not a grabber," Faith muttered to herself. She listened to the other girls breathing. It was soothing somehow... she closed her eyes and soon fell asleep.
***
Some time later, however, she woke up, alerted. She had heard something downstairs... she quietly got up and opened the door. There were footsteps, and a door opening. Again the door to the basement. She sighed in relief. Probably just Spike again... she shut the door, climbed over the girls and went back to sleep.