Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart
Author: ladydewinter
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net
Rating: PG 13
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!
Feedback: Yes please!!! I really appreciate it.
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.
Summary: Willow and Tara talk and have to deal with what happened.
***
"Willow?" Tara knocked at the door to Willow's - their? - room, not sure if she was doing the right thing. She waited for a moment, then she knocked again, calling her girlfriend's name a bit louder this time. "Willow?"
There was another pause, then she heard a muffled voice tell her, "Come in."
Tara opened the door, stepped into the room and closed the door behind her. "Hey," she said, her heart aching at the sight of her lover. Willow was sitting on her bed, wrapped in a blanket. She obviously had cried, and she was looking tired.
"Hey," Willow replied, but she didn't look at her lover. Tara walked over to the bed and sat down next to her. "Xander is going to be alright, it seems. And Anya too," she told her.
"That's - that's great." Willow glanced briefly at her, and Tara could see the fear mixed with guilt in her eyes.
"It seems those Bringer guys - they have something to do with the First, right? It's all still pretty confusing to me," Tara apologized, although she knew she didn't have to.
"Yes, they are - its minions, mostly. We don't really know what they're up to most of the time, but - they're pretty mean."
"Looks like they are. Luckily Buffy got to Xander in time." Tara waited for a second before going on. "We are all getting a personal bodyguard now," she said.
"All of us?" Willow looked up again, confused.
"No, just the four of us - Anya, Xander, you and me. Buffy, Faith, Spike and Angel are going to look after us. Faith's looking after Anya, Angel after Xander-"
"Xander and Angel? Wow, they must be very happy about that arrangement." Willow couldn't help grinning at that thought.
"Yeah, they didn't really seem to happy about it," Tara agreed. "Why's that anyway?"
"Long story," Willow sighed. "Mostly, it's because each of them is jealous because of Buffy, I think. They really don't like each other."
"Hm. Maybe they'll get along better now Buffy's with Spike," Tara wondered. Willow didn't seem convinced. "Anyway, after Spike had said he wanted to look after me, and then Buffy said she was going to look after you -"
"Wait, Spike wanted to look after you? Why's that?" Willow asked suspiciously.
"Oh, we had - we talked this morning, and we got along fine. He's really-"
"You talked? About what?" Tara noticed her girlfriend's voice had a trace of panic mixed into it, and anger. It worried her, but she tried to overlook it and stay calm. After all, Willow still was pretty upset about the events of the day.
"About Angel. And Buffy. And Spike's relationship to the both of them. He was pretty - shaken - when Angel turned up."
Apparantly, this was the right thing to say, as Willow seemed to calm down at that. "Yeah, they don't like each other very much either."
"I don't know," Tara replied thoughtfully. "I think it's much more complicated." At her lover's frown she sighed and continued, "But it's not that important really. And none of our business."
Willow still didn't seem too satisfied, but didn't bother to ask further. She only nodded, and her frown disappeared. Relieved, Tara smiled at her. "Are you feeling better?" she asked.
"I don't know. I guess I am. The shaking has stopped." Tara noticed Willow looking down at her body, as if she wasn't too sure about that. "What happened?" she asked quietly.
Willow inhaled audibly. "I'm not sure I want to talk about it right now. Are you okay with that?"
A part of Tara wanted to reply, 'No, I'm not, I don't understand any of it. It's too confusing, you are too confusing, I know you and I don't, I'm almost scared-' at that thought Tara suddenly remembered the challenge - the scenes from their life she had seen. She remembered how she had been confused - how could she ever have been scared of Willow? - but that had been before she had seen her trying to end the world. That had been before she had talked to her right now, with an underlying threat behind every word, every gesture. She needed to talk about all of this now - she knew. But at the same time there was another part telling her she was being selfish, she should give her the time she needed... when she didn't answer for a minute or so, Willow asked, "Um, Tara? Are you - alright?"
And although she was fighting the words, although she wanted to wait for the right time, the right moment that she knew would never come, there they were, spilling out of her mouth and she couldn't help it. "No. I'm not." She didn't like the way her voice sounded, both accusing and begging for comfort.
It was Willow's turn to be worried and confused now. She sat up a bit and for the first time since Tara had entered the room she really looked at her lover. "What's wrong? Do you want me - why do you want me to tell you?"
Tara bit her lip. Then she replied, "I need you to tell me. I - I don't understand. At all. What's happening - why you are acting like this - I - this is all so weird. What's happening to yu? Why were you so - why were you behaving so weird right now - when I was telling you about Spike?"
There was a pause. They both didn't dare to look at each other and decided to keep looking at their hands instead. Tara thought she would love it to just take Willow's hand in hers, entwine their fingers, enjoying the feel of her soft fingers against hers... but it seemed as if there was a gap between them, that no matter how near they physically were, she wouldn't be able to touch her... as she felt despair rushing up inside her, despair and fear, she almost didn't hear Willow's answer.
"Magic."
Tara glanced at her questioningly, needing her to elaborate. Although she didn't look up, Willow went on, "It's the magic - when the Bringers attacked, I defended myself. With magic. I - I think I killed them, I'm not sure." She waited, obviously expecting a reply from Tara.
"But - but these guys are evil, aren't they? And - it was self-defense, right?"
Willow sighed. "It was. But - that isn't the bad thing. Faith would've killed them as well. It's - it was the magic. It took control of me again. I could feel it. I liked feeling it. It just took me away, swept me off my feet, in a way - the power - it was amazing." Her voice sounded almost wistful, Tara noticed. Apparently, Willow did too, as she stopped for a moment before she continued.
"And then there was Faith, calling my name - I could hear her, but I was almost gone, it was pulling me away - she grabbed me, and I got angry - really angry, and I think I told her to piss off - and then suddenly I heard her say your name and I was back again. We went back here, and I - I feel so bad. I don't want it to take control again - I need you to trust me again. I didn't want to use magic, honestly, I was just so scare -" she interrupted herself. "No. That's not true. I was angry. And it was powerful - always has been ever since - last summer," she ended, looking intently at the blanket.
"Was it - the First?" Tara wanted to know.
"No." Again, Willow waited for a moment. "No. If it was the First, I wouldn't have to be so scared of myself. It's - it's just me - the power - I can't let it take control over me."
"You didn't," Tara told her firmly, although she didn't feel as convinced as she would have liked.
"I almost did. And they way I was acting just now - being all snippy gal - that was - that was me as well. I was feeling possessive, and when you told me about you and Spike - that you talked - I know it's silly, but I was so jealous suddenly. And then there was the anger again - I really need to ask Xander about that Yoda speech, or maybe Andrew..." she trailed off.
Tara still wasn't too sure about everything, but when she heard her tell her about her jealousy, she knew what to do and let her instincts take over. She reached out and took Willow's hand - suddenly that didn't seem difficult anymore. Even more relieved at the feel of her lover's hand, she said, "You know you don't have to be jealous. I - I am yours, you know?"
At hearing that, Willow looked at her, a bewildered expression on her face. "You - you are?"
"Yes. And I trust you. Of course I do." Tara used her other hand to gently cup Willow's cheek, pulling her towards her. She looked into her eyes, trying to make her see the love she still felt, she would always feel, no matter what. When she had the feeling she had been understood she smiled a small smile and then crossed the final gap and placed her lips on Willow's. What she had intended to be a chaste and reassuring kiss soon became more passionate when Willow opened her mouth and a small moan escaped her. Tara couldn't miss the opportunity and let her tongue explore Willow's mouth, playing with Willow's tongue, her teeth, and then her lips.
When she finally pulled away, they were both panting. Willow reached out her hand to pull her back, but Tara stopped her. "Wait, I - I need to tell you something. Or ask you something."
Again, Willow frowned, but this time it wasn't an angry frown - more a 'little confused and anticipating' frown. "You just said that - when Faith said my name you were pulled back."
Willow nodded. "Yeah. Why?"
"That's good, isn't it? I mean, it got through to you - I got through to you. Do you think there is a way - with magic or something to make sure you don't get lost? Maybe I can help?"
Willow was looking at her in amazement.
"What?" Tara asked, a bit insecure.
"Nothing. It's just - you offering to be my anchor - you did that before," Willow replied softly.
"Did it work then?" Tara asked.
"It worked great." Her lover smiled at the memory of the spell.
"And - do you think it might work again? Or something similar?"
"I guess it would - it should work. I - do you think we have to do this now?"
"Well, do you plan to use magic any time soon?"
"You mean, right now? Or tonight?" Willow asked almost playfully.
"Exactly." Tara raised her eyebrow questioningly.
"No, Ma'am." Willow grinned slightly.
"Hm." She pretended to think. "So - if you don't plan to use magic - what do you plan to do instead?"
"Anything. Anything that doesn't include leaving this bed. Or you." Willow leaned over and placed a quick kiss on Tara's lips, smiling at her seductively. "What do you think?"
"Hm. Guess we could do that. Not leave the bed I mean. But won't that get boring?" Tara's voice was just as playful as Willow's had been.
Willow laughed at the thought of a long evening and night of being together in bed with Tara being boring. "I'm hurt. I'm really hurt." But her smile and the fact that her hands were slowly running up and down Tara's back betrayed her. She buried her neck in her girlfriend's neck, pulling her close. "How do you do that?" she asked suddenly.
"How do I do what?" Tara asked her back.
"Every time I - even when I'm at my worst... you always make me feel special. How do you do that?"
Overwhelmed by a feeling of familiarity, and bliss, Tara had to wait a moment before she could reply. She pulled a bit back from the embrace, again looking deeply into Willow's eyes. Then she smiled. She knew exactly what to say.
"Magic."
Author: ladydewinter
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net
Rating: PG 13
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!
Feedback: Yes please!!! I really appreciate it.
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.
Summary: Willow and Tara talk and have to deal with what happened.
***
"Willow?" Tara knocked at the door to Willow's - their? - room, not sure if she was doing the right thing. She waited for a moment, then she knocked again, calling her girlfriend's name a bit louder this time. "Willow?"
There was another pause, then she heard a muffled voice tell her, "Come in."
Tara opened the door, stepped into the room and closed the door behind her. "Hey," she said, her heart aching at the sight of her lover. Willow was sitting on her bed, wrapped in a blanket. She obviously had cried, and she was looking tired.
"Hey," Willow replied, but she didn't look at her lover. Tara walked over to the bed and sat down next to her. "Xander is going to be alright, it seems. And Anya too," she told her.
"That's - that's great." Willow glanced briefly at her, and Tara could see the fear mixed with guilt in her eyes.
"It seems those Bringer guys - they have something to do with the First, right? It's all still pretty confusing to me," Tara apologized, although she knew she didn't have to.
"Yes, they are - its minions, mostly. We don't really know what they're up to most of the time, but - they're pretty mean."
"Looks like they are. Luckily Buffy got to Xander in time." Tara waited for a second before going on. "We are all getting a personal bodyguard now," she said.
"All of us?" Willow looked up again, confused.
"No, just the four of us - Anya, Xander, you and me. Buffy, Faith, Spike and Angel are going to look after us. Faith's looking after Anya, Angel after Xander-"
"Xander and Angel? Wow, they must be very happy about that arrangement." Willow couldn't help grinning at that thought.
"Yeah, they didn't really seem to happy about it," Tara agreed. "Why's that anyway?"
"Long story," Willow sighed. "Mostly, it's because each of them is jealous because of Buffy, I think. They really don't like each other."
"Hm. Maybe they'll get along better now Buffy's with Spike," Tara wondered. Willow didn't seem convinced. "Anyway, after Spike had said he wanted to look after me, and then Buffy said she was going to look after you -"
"Wait, Spike wanted to look after you? Why's that?" Willow asked suspiciously.
"Oh, we had - we talked this morning, and we got along fine. He's really-"
"You talked? About what?" Tara noticed her girlfriend's voice had a trace of panic mixed into it, and anger. It worried her, but she tried to overlook it and stay calm. After all, Willow still was pretty upset about the events of the day.
"About Angel. And Buffy. And Spike's relationship to the both of them. He was pretty - shaken - when Angel turned up."
Apparantly, this was the right thing to say, as Willow seemed to calm down at that. "Yeah, they don't like each other very much either."
"I don't know," Tara replied thoughtfully. "I think it's much more complicated." At her lover's frown she sighed and continued, "But it's not that important really. And none of our business."
Willow still didn't seem too satisfied, but didn't bother to ask further. She only nodded, and her frown disappeared. Relieved, Tara smiled at her. "Are you feeling better?" she asked.
"I don't know. I guess I am. The shaking has stopped." Tara noticed Willow looking down at her body, as if she wasn't too sure about that. "What happened?" she asked quietly.
Willow inhaled audibly. "I'm not sure I want to talk about it right now. Are you okay with that?"
A part of Tara wanted to reply, 'No, I'm not, I don't understand any of it. It's too confusing, you are too confusing, I know you and I don't, I'm almost scared-' at that thought Tara suddenly remembered the challenge - the scenes from their life she had seen. She remembered how she had been confused - how could she ever have been scared of Willow? - but that had been before she had seen her trying to end the world. That had been before she had talked to her right now, with an underlying threat behind every word, every gesture. She needed to talk about all of this now - she knew. But at the same time there was another part telling her she was being selfish, she should give her the time she needed... when she didn't answer for a minute or so, Willow asked, "Um, Tara? Are you - alright?"
And although she was fighting the words, although she wanted to wait for the right time, the right moment that she knew would never come, there they were, spilling out of her mouth and she couldn't help it. "No. I'm not." She didn't like the way her voice sounded, both accusing and begging for comfort.
It was Willow's turn to be worried and confused now. She sat up a bit and for the first time since Tara had entered the room she really looked at her lover. "What's wrong? Do you want me - why do you want me to tell you?"
Tara bit her lip. Then she replied, "I need you to tell me. I - I don't understand. At all. What's happening - why you are acting like this - I - this is all so weird. What's happening to yu? Why were you so - why were you behaving so weird right now - when I was telling you about Spike?"
There was a pause. They both didn't dare to look at each other and decided to keep looking at their hands instead. Tara thought she would love it to just take Willow's hand in hers, entwine their fingers, enjoying the feel of her soft fingers against hers... but it seemed as if there was a gap between them, that no matter how near they physically were, she wouldn't be able to touch her... as she felt despair rushing up inside her, despair and fear, she almost didn't hear Willow's answer.
"Magic."
Tara glanced at her questioningly, needing her to elaborate. Although she didn't look up, Willow went on, "It's the magic - when the Bringers attacked, I defended myself. With magic. I - I think I killed them, I'm not sure." She waited, obviously expecting a reply from Tara.
"But - but these guys are evil, aren't they? And - it was self-defense, right?"
Willow sighed. "It was. But - that isn't the bad thing. Faith would've killed them as well. It's - it was the magic. It took control of me again. I could feel it. I liked feeling it. It just took me away, swept me off my feet, in a way - the power - it was amazing." Her voice sounded almost wistful, Tara noticed. Apparently, Willow did too, as she stopped for a moment before she continued.
"And then there was Faith, calling my name - I could hear her, but I was almost gone, it was pulling me away - she grabbed me, and I got angry - really angry, and I think I told her to piss off - and then suddenly I heard her say your name and I was back again. We went back here, and I - I feel so bad. I don't want it to take control again - I need you to trust me again. I didn't want to use magic, honestly, I was just so scare -" she interrupted herself. "No. That's not true. I was angry. And it was powerful - always has been ever since - last summer," she ended, looking intently at the blanket.
"Was it - the First?" Tara wanted to know.
"No." Again, Willow waited for a moment. "No. If it was the First, I wouldn't have to be so scared of myself. It's - it's just me - the power - I can't let it take control over me."
"You didn't," Tara told her firmly, although she didn't feel as convinced as she would have liked.
"I almost did. And they way I was acting just now - being all snippy gal - that was - that was me as well. I was feeling possessive, and when you told me about you and Spike - that you talked - I know it's silly, but I was so jealous suddenly. And then there was the anger again - I really need to ask Xander about that Yoda speech, or maybe Andrew..." she trailed off.
Tara still wasn't too sure about everything, but when she heard her tell her about her jealousy, she knew what to do and let her instincts take over. She reached out and took Willow's hand - suddenly that didn't seem difficult anymore. Even more relieved at the feel of her lover's hand, she said, "You know you don't have to be jealous. I - I am yours, you know?"
At hearing that, Willow looked at her, a bewildered expression on her face. "You - you are?"
"Yes. And I trust you. Of course I do." Tara used her other hand to gently cup Willow's cheek, pulling her towards her. She looked into her eyes, trying to make her see the love she still felt, she would always feel, no matter what. When she had the feeling she had been understood she smiled a small smile and then crossed the final gap and placed her lips on Willow's. What she had intended to be a chaste and reassuring kiss soon became more passionate when Willow opened her mouth and a small moan escaped her. Tara couldn't miss the opportunity and let her tongue explore Willow's mouth, playing with Willow's tongue, her teeth, and then her lips.
When she finally pulled away, they were both panting. Willow reached out her hand to pull her back, but Tara stopped her. "Wait, I - I need to tell you something. Or ask you something."
Again, Willow frowned, but this time it wasn't an angry frown - more a 'little confused and anticipating' frown. "You just said that - when Faith said my name you were pulled back."
Willow nodded. "Yeah. Why?"
"That's good, isn't it? I mean, it got through to you - I got through to you. Do you think there is a way - with magic or something to make sure you don't get lost? Maybe I can help?"
Willow was looking at her in amazement.
"What?" Tara asked, a bit insecure.
"Nothing. It's just - you offering to be my anchor - you did that before," Willow replied softly.
"Did it work then?" Tara asked.
"It worked great." Her lover smiled at the memory of the spell.
"And - do you think it might work again? Or something similar?"
"I guess it would - it should work. I - do you think we have to do this now?"
"Well, do you plan to use magic any time soon?"
"You mean, right now? Or tonight?" Willow asked almost playfully.
"Exactly." Tara raised her eyebrow questioningly.
"No, Ma'am." Willow grinned slightly.
"Hm." She pretended to think. "So - if you don't plan to use magic - what do you plan to do instead?"
"Anything. Anything that doesn't include leaving this bed. Or you." Willow leaned over and placed a quick kiss on Tara's lips, smiling at her seductively. "What do you think?"
"Hm. Guess we could do that. Not leave the bed I mean. But won't that get boring?" Tara's voice was just as playful as Willow's had been.
Willow laughed at the thought of a long evening and night of being together in bed with Tara being boring. "I'm hurt. I'm really hurt." But her smile and the fact that her hands were slowly running up and down Tara's back betrayed her. She buried her neck in her girlfriend's neck, pulling her close. "How do you do that?" she asked suddenly.
"How do I do what?" Tara asked her back.
"Every time I - even when I'm at my worst... you always make me feel special. How do you do that?"
Overwhelmed by a feeling of familiarity, and bliss, Tara had to wait a moment before she could reply. She pulled a bit back from the embrace, again looking deeply into Willow's eyes. Then she smiled. She knew exactly what to say.
"Magic."