Title: Half of my soul and all of my heart
Author: ladydewinter
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net
Rating: PG 13
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!
Feedback: Yes please!!! It makes me happy, and believe me, I really need happy right now ;-)
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.
Summary: THE talk between Faith and Buffy.
Author's note: Wow, four updates in a row... miracles do happen *lol* I probably won't be able to write more the next couple of days or so because of uni, but I'll do my best and update as soon as I can ;-)
***
After they had walked down the staircase to the basement, Buffy went over to the bed and sat down. Faith kept standing, leaning against the staircase and folding her arms in front of her body. Buffy started fiddling with the blanket, not looking at Faith. After some minutes had passed in silence, the other Slayer finally asked, "So what's on your mind, B? Did we come down here for some quality ignoring each other?"
Buffy sighed, her gaze still turned away from Faith. Then she replied, "It's about the spell." She waited for an answer, but Faith remained silent. Eventually Buffy had no choice but to her lift her head. "You know, the spell? Where one of us has to - give up her powers?"
Faith nodded slowly, her face emotionless. Buffy wished she would give her some kind of hint - anger, resentment, whatever. But either Faith didn't feel any such a thing or she knew what Buffy was looking for and denied her the help. Probably the latter, Buffy thought, almost bitter. But she knew she had to get this over with. So she continued, "Don't you think we should try and decide that? I know I've been thinking about it, and if we really should be stuck here in this house for the next two weeks - although it doesn't look like it so far, probably it's just one of Andrew's crazy ideas - but anyway, it would be a good thing if we decided now, because--- because..."
"It's okay, B, I get it," Faith interrupted her. Buffy stopped, relieved. "You do?"
"Yeah. I guess you're right. It's not as if I've been thinking too much about it, that's your job. Still, I get it." She paused for a moment, then she added, "I heard you yesterday."
"Huh?" Buffy was confused.
"You - when you were talking to Spike - I was listening. I was nearby, heard my name, wanted to hear more."
Buffy didn't know if she should be angry or relieved that Faith had eavesdropped on their conversation. She decided on relieved, as that meant she didn't have to explain everything. "What exactly did you hear?" she wanted to know.
"I guess I got the gist of it." Now there was a hint of anger in Faith's voice. "You want to keep your powers. So I wonder, what exactly are we talking about?"
"What do you mean? I can't just decide this alone?" Buffy noticed her voice was now sounding defiant. Great. She really had to remember to thank Spike for this. There just hadn't been enough trouble in her life yet.
"Oh yes. You can. And you did. Let's face it - you don't want me to 'decide' - what you want me to do is to agree with you to make you feel better."
"No! I mean - no, that's not right. I want to talk with you about it. Not fight. I've had enough of fighting. Can't we just - discuss it without getting all - you know - angry?"
Faith looked at her as if she didn't really believe her. But then she smiled. "Right. Let's try." She went over to join Buffy on the bed and sat down next to her. "So - go on then. Talk."
Silently, Buffy cursed her. Why did she have to start? Whatever. "I guess we both want to keep our powers, huh?"
"Seems like it. 's like you said - I don't really know what else to do. It's what I am. And it's what you are. Damn!" Suddenly Faith leaped up, angry again.
"What?" Buffy asked, aware that this time her anger wasn't directed at her.
"It's just not fair. How can they do something like that? Give us this - all this power and strength and what have you and suddenly decide we can't have it anymore?"
"I know. It's mean, isn't it? And it's all my fault really - if I had stayed dead in the first place..." she trailed off.
"You're joking, right?" Faith turned towards her, almost looking a bit worried. "I really hope you're joking."
Wish I knew, Buffy thought, but she replied, "Sorry. I am. Bad joke."
Faith didn't answer. They got both lost in their own thoughts for a while, until Faith spoke up again. "Probably you should be the one to keep them. What with you not being homicidal and all." Her voice was full of self hatred.
A part of Buffy agreed - probably would always agree at that, but she somehow knew things weren't that easy. "It's not that simply," she told her.
"Why not? You probably deserve them more than I do."
"Do I? Is that what you think?"
"I guess. I mean look at what you did and what I did. You ended up in heaven, at least for a little while, and I? I went to jail."
"Exactly. You went to jail. You handed yourself in, remember?"
Faith glanced at her, suprised. "Okay, now I don't get it. This is your chance to justify your decision or whatever, and you let it go by that?"
Buffy sighed, almost a bit impatient. "I told you it isn't just my decision. And I don't want to justify anything. You -" she had to swallow, somehow this wasn't as easy to say as she had hoped it would be - "You did the right thing in the end. You paid for what you did. Even if you aren't anymore - you're needed. You can - you probably should redeem yourself here fighting the forces of darkness rather than being stuck in a prison somewhere." She couldn't believe she just said that.
Obviously so did Faith. "O-kay," the other Slayer said slowly. "Who are you and what have you done with B?"
Buffy shot her a sharp look. "What, you still think I'm nothing but a self- righteous bitch?" There was a hint of amusement in her voice. Faith got it.
"Well, yeah, mostly. And why wouldn't you be?"
"I - last year I did some things - I changed. So did you. There's no need to drag all the old stories into this. They're - it won't make things any easier."
"Huh. Does that mean we'll be like, best friends now?" Faith laughed at Buffy's expression at that question. "Good. Didn't think so. Guess we should be happy if we don't end up trying to kill each other every once in a while."
"Yeah," Buffy replied, a small grin on her face. They remained silent for a bit. It was a nice kind of silence, Buffy thought. Relaxed. She really should thank Spike.
"So what do you think?" Faith asked her after a while. "About the spell?"
"I don't know. Maybe stone, paper, scissors?" Buffy suggested.
"Hm. That's an idea." Suddenly Faith remembered something. Something Spike had said and something she had noticed on patrol. In a more serious voice she said, "You really think we can't be anything else but Slayers?"
Buffy looked at her. "I dunno. Sometimes, yes. I can't - it's heard to remember not to have this power."
"Yeah."
"And - I guess you never had to do that test where you feel all helpless, but believe me, that was pretty - harsh. I couldn't do anything. Or at least it seemed so."
"But you passed the test," Faith told her.
"Yeah. But still - I was scared. It was easy to be normal when I didn't know about all the not-normal stuff, you know?" She sighed. "I don't know. I - Spike said I could give it a try. But what am I supposed to do? College seems to be a no go, working at the school is alright, but somehow not what I want to be doing all my life... I was always sure I wouldn't make it till my twentieth birthday - never took the time to plan, really."
"But - Xander doesn't have any powers, and he's still helping, right? And the potentials - they're doing fine as well. Without any superpowers. Yet."
Buffy was a bit confused. "What do you - oh. Well, yes, but - without the Slayer it would be too dangerous I guess."
"Angel manages without any of us," Faith reminded her. "And his friends do us well. None of them has any superpowers. Well, except for Connor maybe."
Buffy couldn't help flinch at the name of Angel's son. That was still a concept she couldn't really grasp. "So you mean, I should give them up and help Spike fight vampires?" Faith looked at her and they both grinned at the thought of Spike doing almost exactly what Angel did. She really had to point this out to him at some point, Buffy thought. When he was in a good mood. Definitely teasing material.
"Well, yeah. You're in a fantastic shape, and there's no reason that can't stay that way. Plus, there could be a Slayer around as well."
"You mean you-"
"I mean a Slayer. Not necessarily me."
Buffy frowned. "You mean you-"
"Yeah. What if we both give up our powers? Then there could be a new chosen one, and none of us is going to be jealous or anything. Of the other that is."
Buffy thought that idea through for a moment. "Actually, I - I never thought about that."
"You mean I really was ahead of you this time?" Faith tried to joke, but she didn't really succeed.
"Faith, I'm not - I'm not better than you."
"Maybe not, but you believe you are," Faith told her.
"You're right." Buffy looked at her. "I do. Sometimes at least. But that - let's just say I don't feel good about it, okay?"
"You're really full of surprises, aren't you?" Faith was astonished.
Buffy shrugged. "Maybe." Then she got up from the bed. "God, I'm tired. You think the others are back yet?"
Faith got the hint. "You're right, enough heart to heart talk now. Let's check upstairs. But -" she hesitated. "What about my idea?"
"I think we should talk to Giles about it. He knows about the spell and the details and stuff. If it's possible, I think we should - we should do it that way."
The two Slayers simply looked at each other for a moment, each aware of the immensinty of that decision. Then they both went upstairs. When she had reached the door, Faith said, "I wonder whether Spike and Angel know how very much alike they are."
"I think they do. Spike does, at least. Probably that's why they don't get along that well."
Again, they shared a knowing look. But then they heard noise outside and Xander calling, "Bringers!" and they rushed to the door.
***
Author: ladydewinter
Email: ladydewinter@gmx.net
Rating: PG 13
Pairing: W/K first, but I don't really like them...so W/T eventually :-) And this is becoming B/S as well, it seems.
Setting: The story takes place roughly after The Killer in Me, so spoilers up to then. And if you have no idea about Season Three of Angel you'll be spoilt as well...so don't come running to me *lol*
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Kennedy, Anya et. al belong to Joss Whedon and ME and - hey you know whom they belong to. The story however is mine. Oh, the title is taken from a book called "Magic's Promise" by Mercedes Lackey. And there may be quotes from the show included in this story - I haven't really marked them, but if it sounds familiar - I mean it as an homage, I don't wanna violate any copyright, really. Please don't sue me!
Feedback: Yes please!!! It makes me happy, and believe me, I really need happy right now ;-)
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it, just let me know where it ends up.
Summary: THE talk between Faith and Buffy.
Author's note: Wow, four updates in a row... miracles do happen *lol* I probably won't be able to write more the next couple of days or so because of uni, but I'll do my best and update as soon as I can ;-)
***
After they had walked down the staircase to the basement, Buffy went over to the bed and sat down. Faith kept standing, leaning against the staircase and folding her arms in front of her body. Buffy started fiddling with the blanket, not looking at Faith. After some minutes had passed in silence, the other Slayer finally asked, "So what's on your mind, B? Did we come down here for some quality ignoring each other?"
Buffy sighed, her gaze still turned away from Faith. Then she replied, "It's about the spell." She waited for an answer, but Faith remained silent. Eventually Buffy had no choice but to her lift her head. "You know, the spell? Where one of us has to - give up her powers?"
Faith nodded slowly, her face emotionless. Buffy wished she would give her some kind of hint - anger, resentment, whatever. But either Faith didn't feel any such a thing or she knew what Buffy was looking for and denied her the help. Probably the latter, Buffy thought, almost bitter. But she knew she had to get this over with. So she continued, "Don't you think we should try and decide that? I know I've been thinking about it, and if we really should be stuck here in this house for the next two weeks - although it doesn't look like it so far, probably it's just one of Andrew's crazy ideas - but anyway, it would be a good thing if we decided now, because--- because..."
"It's okay, B, I get it," Faith interrupted her. Buffy stopped, relieved. "You do?"
"Yeah. I guess you're right. It's not as if I've been thinking too much about it, that's your job. Still, I get it." She paused for a moment, then she added, "I heard you yesterday."
"Huh?" Buffy was confused.
"You - when you were talking to Spike - I was listening. I was nearby, heard my name, wanted to hear more."
Buffy didn't know if she should be angry or relieved that Faith had eavesdropped on their conversation. She decided on relieved, as that meant she didn't have to explain everything. "What exactly did you hear?" she wanted to know.
"I guess I got the gist of it." Now there was a hint of anger in Faith's voice. "You want to keep your powers. So I wonder, what exactly are we talking about?"
"What do you mean? I can't just decide this alone?" Buffy noticed her voice was now sounding defiant. Great. She really had to remember to thank Spike for this. There just hadn't been enough trouble in her life yet.
"Oh yes. You can. And you did. Let's face it - you don't want me to 'decide' - what you want me to do is to agree with you to make you feel better."
"No! I mean - no, that's not right. I want to talk with you about it. Not fight. I've had enough of fighting. Can't we just - discuss it without getting all - you know - angry?"
Faith looked at her as if she didn't really believe her. But then she smiled. "Right. Let's try." She went over to join Buffy on the bed and sat down next to her. "So - go on then. Talk."
Silently, Buffy cursed her. Why did she have to start? Whatever. "I guess we both want to keep our powers, huh?"
"Seems like it. 's like you said - I don't really know what else to do. It's what I am. And it's what you are. Damn!" Suddenly Faith leaped up, angry again.
"What?" Buffy asked, aware that this time her anger wasn't directed at her.
"It's just not fair. How can they do something like that? Give us this - all this power and strength and what have you and suddenly decide we can't have it anymore?"
"I know. It's mean, isn't it? And it's all my fault really - if I had stayed dead in the first place..." she trailed off.
"You're joking, right?" Faith turned towards her, almost looking a bit worried. "I really hope you're joking."
Wish I knew, Buffy thought, but she replied, "Sorry. I am. Bad joke."
Faith didn't answer. They got both lost in their own thoughts for a while, until Faith spoke up again. "Probably you should be the one to keep them. What with you not being homicidal and all." Her voice was full of self hatred.
A part of Buffy agreed - probably would always agree at that, but she somehow knew things weren't that easy. "It's not that simply," she told her.
"Why not? You probably deserve them more than I do."
"Do I? Is that what you think?"
"I guess. I mean look at what you did and what I did. You ended up in heaven, at least for a little while, and I? I went to jail."
"Exactly. You went to jail. You handed yourself in, remember?"
Faith glanced at her, suprised. "Okay, now I don't get it. This is your chance to justify your decision or whatever, and you let it go by that?"
Buffy sighed, almost a bit impatient. "I told you it isn't just my decision. And I don't want to justify anything. You -" she had to swallow, somehow this wasn't as easy to say as she had hoped it would be - "You did the right thing in the end. You paid for what you did. Even if you aren't anymore - you're needed. You can - you probably should redeem yourself here fighting the forces of darkness rather than being stuck in a prison somewhere." She couldn't believe she just said that.
Obviously so did Faith. "O-kay," the other Slayer said slowly. "Who are you and what have you done with B?"
Buffy shot her a sharp look. "What, you still think I'm nothing but a self- righteous bitch?" There was a hint of amusement in her voice. Faith got it.
"Well, yeah, mostly. And why wouldn't you be?"
"I - last year I did some things - I changed. So did you. There's no need to drag all the old stories into this. They're - it won't make things any easier."
"Huh. Does that mean we'll be like, best friends now?" Faith laughed at Buffy's expression at that question. "Good. Didn't think so. Guess we should be happy if we don't end up trying to kill each other every once in a while."
"Yeah," Buffy replied, a small grin on her face. They remained silent for a bit. It was a nice kind of silence, Buffy thought. Relaxed. She really should thank Spike.
"So what do you think?" Faith asked her after a while. "About the spell?"
"I don't know. Maybe stone, paper, scissors?" Buffy suggested.
"Hm. That's an idea." Suddenly Faith remembered something. Something Spike had said and something she had noticed on patrol. In a more serious voice she said, "You really think we can't be anything else but Slayers?"
Buffy looked at her. "I dunno. Sometimes, yes. I can't - it's heard to remember not to have this power."
"Yeah."
"And - I guess you never had to do that test where you feel all helpless, but believe me, that was pretty - harsh. I couldn't do anything. Or at least it seemed so."
"But you passed the test," Faith told her.
"Yeah. But still - I was scared. It was easy to be normal when I didn't know about all the not-normal stuff, you know?" She sighed. "I don't know. I - Spike said I could give it a try. But what am I supposed to do? College seems to be a no go, working at the school is alright, but somehow not what I want to be doing all my life... I was always sure I wouldn't make it till my twentieth birthday - never took the time to plan, really."
"But - Xander doesn't have any powers, and he's still helping, right? And the potentials - they're doing fine as well. Without any superpowers. Yet."
Buffy was a bit confused. "What do you - oh. Well, yes, but - without the Slayer it would be too dangerous I guess."
"Angel manages without any of us," Faith reminded her. "And his friends do us well. None of them has any superpowers. Well, except for Connor maybe."
Buffy couldn't help flinch at the name of Angel's son. That was still a concept she couldn't really grasp. "So you mean, I should give them up and help Spike fight vampires?" Faith looked at her and they both grinned at the thought of Spike doing almost exactly what Angel did. She really had to point this out to him at some point, Buffy thought. When he was in a good mood. Definitely teasing material.
"Well, yeah. You're in a fantastic shape, and there's no reason that can't stay that way. Plus, there could be a Slayer around as well."
"You mean you-"
"I mean a Slayer. Not necessarily me."
Buffy frowned. "You mean you-"
"Yeah. What if we both give up our powers? Then there could be a new chosen one, and none of us is going to be jealous or anything. Of the other that is."
Buffy thought that idea through for a moment. "Actually, I - I never thought about that."
"You mean I really was ahead of you this time?" Faith tried to joke, but she didn't really succeed.
"Faith, I'm not - I'm not better than you."
"Maybe not, but you believe you are," Faith told her.
"You're right." Buffy looked at her. "I do. Sometimes at least. But that - let's just say I don't feel good about it, okay?"
"You're really full of surprises, aren't you?" Faith was astonished.
Buffy shrugged. "Maybe." Then she got up from the bed. "God, I'm tired. You think the others are back yet?"
Faith got the hint. "You're right, enough heart to heart talk now. Let's check upstairs. But -" she hesitated. "What about my idea?"
"I think we should talk to Giles about it. He knows about the spell and the details and stuff. If it's possible, I think we should - we should do it that way."
The two Slayers simply looked at each other for a moment, each aware of the immensinty of that decision. Then they both went upstairs. When she had reached the door, Faith said, "I wonder whether Spike and Angel know how very much alike they are."
"I think they do. Spike does, at least. Probably that's why they don't get along that well."
Again, they shared a knowing look. But then they heard noise outside and Xander calling, "Bringers!" and they rushed to the door.
***