Title: Learning From the Past
Chapter 2: How Much Longer - Spike's POV
Author: Cheridel
Rating: PG-13
Feedback: Yes!
E-mail: Website: http/cheridel. Spoilers: Up through Wrecked
Distribution: Ask me first, please.
Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer is owned by WB, UPN, and Fox. Or one of the three.
Summary: Buffy and Spike think about mistakes they made with their ex-lovers, while trying to figure out the next step in their own relationship. Buffy and Spike POVs
A/N: Thanks to SpikesPet and lesley for being fantastic betas.

Why won't she just accept the fact that I do love her? I love her more than I've ever loved anyone in my entire unlife. Or even when I was still alive and breathing.

Cecily... I still remember watching her from across the room. She was my light, bright, shimmering, and beautiful.

I was a pillock back then. I was so pathetic you might as well have stuck a big sign on me that said "Giant Poof Here!"

You see, I was a poet. A bloody awful poet. The local tossers called me "William the Bloody" just for that very reason.

I would sit off to the side like the silly wanker that I was and write poetry about the one I loved. One day, I even gathered up the guts to tell her how I felt.

Her response, "You're beneath me, William."

Soddin' bint.

That was the night I met Drusilla.

For a century, Dru and I raised hell all over Europe. Everyone and everything that happened to be in our path would end up as a bloody corpse by the time we got through we them. Me and Dru... those were some sweet times. I miss them.

Me and Dru eventually ended up in Sunnyhell. Idiot Czech mob thought they'd killed my girl. The Hellmouth would bring her back to life or unlife, rather. Then, Prague would burn.

Unfortuately, Sunnydale had a little Slayer problem. But I would fix that easily enough.

The first time I saw Buffy, she was dancing with Red and the whelp at the Bronze. I forgot all about her two friends and just watched her. The way her body moved, it was almost like she was having sex with the music. Only the Slayer can move like that. From that moment on, I knew she would be nothing but trouble. But then, I've always craved trouble.

A couple days after Dru and the Slayer's birthday, the Great Poof shows up... soulless. Seems that he and Buffy had themselves a good shag which gave Peaches a big happy and made him go all Mr. Hyde.

I thought it would be like old times, me, Dru, and Angelus together again... only he was more interested in how much pain he could cause me. I watched as he kissed and caressed Dru right in front of me. And the worst part was that she enjoyed it. She said she liked having me and Angelus fight over her. That's when I decided I had to get her away from our grand Sire, no matter what the cost.

On the eve of an apocalypse, I made a deal with the Slayer that allowed me and Dru to get out of town. Unfortunately, I had to knock Dru out because she was too worried about helping Peaches destroy the world.

After we got out of Sunny-D, Dru distanced herself from me. She thought I was less of a demon because I took her away from her Daddy. She was also quite upset that I had made a pact with the Slayer rather than killing her.

I still can't believe she was making out with a chaos demon. How could she think that ugly bugger was more of a demon that I was? She claimed that she needed to find her pleasure and that I tasted like ashes. She said when she looked at me, all she saw was the Slayer.

Dru really did know, even before she left me, that I had fallen in love with Buffy. Eventually, we went our separate ways. Somehow, I managed to pick the dumbest chit on the planet, living or dead, as my next girlfriend.

Just thinking about Harmony gives me a headache. Our relationship consisted of mainly shagging each other silly. She nagged at me all the time because I had yet to take her to soddin' France. If she hadn't been so great in bed, I would have killed her a long time ago.

Which brings me to my newest love: Buffy. I wish she would make up her mind about what she wants. First, it's "you're an evil, disgusting thing," to "I want you so badly" and ending with a "last night was the most perverse and degrading experience of my life."

I know she's the Slayer and I'm a vampire and that's what really bothers her. But it still amazes me how she can deny that my feelings for her aren't real love, especially after how hard I've tried to be what she wants and that I kept my promise to protect Dawn after she died.

How can she continue to hide the feelings that I know she has for me? I was the one she came to, not the whelp, not Red, not the Watcher or the Poofter... me! That has to mean something, right?

How much longer is she gonna play games with me? And how much longer am I going to let her get away with it?

I do know one thing, though. I won't allow her to step on me forever. I may have told her that I would be her willing slave, but I find now that I am not so willing anymore.