Somehow I knew that you felt guilty for something
But tell me why you do this to me.
"Its reckless thinking like that", Wesley telling off Connor. Connor's newest torture to his muddled mind. No one liked him. And it was all his fault. He'd done it to himself. He'd said that he didn't care what Wesley said or did, but he did. He cared and Wesley disagreeing with him, it surprised him. It hurt so much stabbed through him so suddenly that he couldn't reply. He just got really angry. They were all coming back now, the memories flashed through his head and he couldn't think he couldn't be. Angel had given up on him and he'd given up on himself. "This isn't real! None of this is real", he screamed that at the top of his voice while he trashed his bedroom. Was it his bedroom? No it wasn't, they made it. They made it all and took everything that was real. His life may have been fucked up but it was his. And they took it away. Why? Love? Is this what love was? He'd ripped every poster from his wall tore up every photograph, burned all his college books while the woman that thought she was his mother sat crying terrified in the corner. Was she his mother? They both remembered eachother, he'd ran to her when he had nightmares and she'd welcomed him into her arms with soft loving eyes. Was it real? What made his experiences real? They'd be waiting for him now. His buddies in college would be sitting in his dorm waiting for him to return but he wouldn't. That Watcher! That friggin Watcher! That's what he called himself. He gave Connor back his life and tore away all that he knew.
"I'm the Destroyer". The Destroyer, he hadn't handled it very well. He'd once announced it with pride and a superior smirk. But in that cemetery, when Wesley told him. When a vampire arose and Connor tried to run he'd handled it with a fear that he'd never known. He tried to run but Wes had grabbed his wrist coldly and instructed him to turn as the vampire ran at them. The look that Connor had given Wesley was one of absolute fear and heartache. He hadn't understood what this strange man was doing. He didn't know that vampires exsisted. He didn't know who he was and that was a great tragedy in Wesley's eyes. He'd roughly turned Connor about and threw him into the bright eyed vampire. It was cruel and harsh, but its what Connor needed. He needed some tough love, he needed the truth. They all did.
Connor had scrambled on top of this vampire and tried to turn to flee in the opposite direction. This time the vamp had grabbed him by the jacket and threw Connor over a gravestone. When his back hit that stone something inside Connor had snapped it was clear, the vampire was at least a foot taller than Connor going in for his soft neck, but Connor flipped the vampire off him, elevating the massive childes body with his feet and throwing him over him to have its head connect with a stone cross which gashed its head before he could move away. Wesley had watched Connor's unprofessional fight with a great deal of interest. He wondered if this was what calling a slayer was like, he'd never done it before. Giles hadn't either. His father had told him under no circumstances should he help a young champion on their first kill. But he had no intention of it anyway. It wasn't even Connor's first kill, even if he couldn't remember it Connor had killed thousands of times before.
Today you told me that I'd hate you forever I can't believe that you'd wreck my life.
"Its reckless thinking like that", Wesley telling off Connor. Connor's newest torture to his muddled mind. No one liked him. And it was all his fault. He'd done it to himself. He'd said that he didn't care what Wesley said or did, but he did. He cared and Wesley disagreeing with him, it surprised him. It hurt so much stabbed through him so suddenly that he couldn't reply. He just got really angry. They were all coming back now, the memories flashed through his head and he couldn't think he couldn't be. Angel had given up on him and he'd given up on himself. "This isn't real! None of this is real", he screamed that at the top of his voice while he trashed his bedroom. Was it his bedroom? No it wasn't, they made it. They made it all and took everything that was real. His life may have been fucked up but it was his. And they took it away. Why? Love? Is this what love was? He'd ripped every poster from his wall tore up every photograph, burned all his college books while the woman that thought she was his mother sat crying terrified in the corner. Was she his mother? They both remembered eachother, he'd ran to her when he had nightmares and she'd welcomed him into her arms with soft loving eyes. Was it real? What made his experiences real? They'd be waiting for him now. His buddies in college would be sitting in his dorm waiting for him to return but he wouldn't. That Watcher! That friggin Watcher! That's what he called himself. He gave Connor back his life and tore away all that he knew.
"I'm the Destroyer". The Destroyer, he hadn't handled it very well. He'd once announced it with pride and a superior smirk. But in that cemetery, when Wesley told him. When a vampire arose and Connor tried to run he'd handled it with a fear that he'd never known. He tried to run but Wes had grabbed his wrist coldly and instructed him to turn as the vampire ran at them. The look that Connor had given Wesley was one of absolute fear and heartache. He hadn't understood what this strange man was doing. He didn't know that vampires exsisted. He didn't know who he was and that was a great tragedy in Wesley's eyes. He'd roughly turned Connor about and threw him into the bright eyed vampire. It was cruel and harsh, but its what Connor needed. He needed some tough love, he needed the truth. They all did.
Connor had scrambled on top of this vampire and tried to turn to flee in the opposite direction. This time the vamp had grabbed him by the jacket and threw Connor over a gravestone. When his back hit that stone something inside Connor had snapped it was clear, the vampire was at least a foot taller than Connor going in for his soft neck, but Connor flipped the vampire off him, elevating the massive childes body with his feet and throwing him over him to have its head connect with a stone cross which gashed its head before he could move away. Wesley had watched Connor's unprofessional fight with a great deal of interest. He wondered if this was what calling a slayer was like, he'd never done it before. Giles hadn't either. His father had told him under no circumstances should he help a young champion on their first kill. But he had no intention of it anyway. It wasn't even Connor's first kill, even if he couldn't remember it Connor had killed thousands of times before.
Today you told me that I'd hate you forever I can't believe that you'd wreck my life.