Connor looked still further into Wesley's eyes and loosened his grip a
little.
"Killed humans here", Connor corrected. "Connor did, he cried his heart
out and he killed people.all those people. And he was so sad. He screamed
but no one could hear him. You bastards!", Connor said realising his anger
once more. Wesley slowly moved Connor's hands away and was more soothing:
"Yes Connor, I hear you. I can hear you screaming. You don't have to cry
anymore". Connor dropped onto the floor his legs crossed and sobbed
silently his eyes on the floor. Wesley observed him cautiously and with
much sympathy Connor had been through so much pain and now he had to
remember and to remember is often to relive. So he was forced to relive
the cold. The cold, it was cold.
Wesley walked passed Connor and lit the crappy gas fire in front of them. When lit though it engulfed the whole room with an orange light it even looked like a real coal fire as it burned on. He looked down at Connor's weeping eyes, his pupils adjusted slightly to the change in light but he made no movement. It had an ironic justice Wesley thought quite cruelly, the worst pain Wesley had ever been through his entire life had been because of this one boy in this past year or so. He loved and hated Connor with a passion, he wanted to burn the boys hands and kiss his lips. The passion of his hatred knew no bounds, no mercy. Deep down he liked to watch Connor cry. The source of his worst heartache, finally getting some of his own back. He wondered if Darla went through similar stages when she remembered herself, not so much Cordy because what had she ever done?
Connor couldn't think. Thinking hurt. And it led to more questions about more new memories and this alien life that he knew belonged to him. He felt Wesley's cold hands lift his arms up as Wesley pulled a beautifully blue sweatshirt onto Connor. He made no effort to help Wesley but neither did he resist him. He looked up at the larger man when he was wrapped in the warmth of the sweatshirt, he stopped crying. Wesley looked fabulous in the light of the fire, steel like, a wonderful intelligence flashed through his anciently young blue eyes. He was enchanting, like the first Watcher who ever lived. Guiding the hand of the lost warriors teaching them to be brave. Teaching them to be great. But he'd put him through so much pain why did he give him back his old life? It was a part of him he'd had no choice in forgetting.
And now I know because you've done everything possible to me. Made me so upset.
Wesley looked down on Connor who looked stricken staring up at him. In that beautiful blue sweatshirt contrasting brilliantly with his honest soft eyes. It was too much for Wesley he fondled on the bed and came back with the Jack Daniels and two glasses. He poured and handed one to Connor: "It'll calm your nerves", he said once again finding himself before throwing his triple shot back without a second thought burning down his scarred throat and into his belly. Connor sniffed his before drinking it slowly. He became light-headed slowly and warmer while drinking it. "So whats with the whiskey? Even if it does calm isn't it dangerous or against the rules or something?". Wesley flashed a genuinely happy smile remembering the past fondly: "Well men always talk over a drink. I used to think tea did the trick but your father taught me different". Wesley sat down his legs sprawled out behind him, slanted behind Connor but so they could still talk face to face. Connor became quiet and didn't say anything he just drank until he could bare to speak his mind again.
"Sold my soul, lost everything.and you", Connor looked into Wesley's eyes looking for some reassurance that if he were to lay himself bare he would be safe, he got it " you brought it back to me". "Losing your soul is a terribly awful business", Wesley said thoughtly refreshing their drinks. "You speak as though you have lost yours", Connor said, lost once more in this thoughts.
"I did", Wesley said slowly and just as thoughtfully. Connor turned and looked at him with honest interest: "How? Why?". "I lost the most precious and wonderful thing in all of this world or any other.", Wesley was lost now in this awful memory. "I didn't mean to, I, I was trying to do the opposite but..I was confused", he was filled with remorse as those words slipped out. "Confused", Connor half-smiled at the word "I know a lot about that..but even, even in the confusion I took what I wanted and no one could stop me, I wanted a, a family, to be loved. Wanted this world, something to ease the pain you know?", he sounded half-defeated yet nostalgic. Wesley laughed a little those memories had been forgotten to him for some time too.
Wesley walked passed Connor and lit the crappy gas fire in front of them. When lit though it engulfed the whole room with an orange light it even looked like a real coal fire as it burned on. He looked down at Connor's weeping eyes, his pupils adjusted slightly to the change in light but he made no movement. It had an ironic justice Wesley thought quite cruelly, the worst pain Wesley had ever been through his entire life had been because of this one boy in this past year or so. He loved and hated Connor with a passion, he wanted to burn the boys hands and kiss his lips. The passion of his hatred knew no bounds, no mercy. Deep down he liked to watch Connor cry. The source of his worst heartache, finally getting some of his own back. He wondered if Darla went through similar stages when she remembered herself, not so much Cordy because what had she ever done?
Connor couldn't think. Thinking hurt. And it led to more questions about more new memories and this alien life that he knew belonged to him. He felt Wesley's cold hands lift his arms up as Wesley pulled a beautifully blue sweatshirt onto Connor. He made no effort to help Wesley but neither did he resist him. He looked up at the larger man when he was wrapped in the warmth of the sweatshirt, he stopped crying. Wesley looked fabulous in the light of the fire, steel like, a wonderful intelligence flashed through his anciently young blue eyes. He was enchanting, like the first Watcher who ever lived. Guiding the hand of the lost warriors teaching them to be brave. Teaching them to be great. But he'd put him through so much pain why did he give him back his old life? It was a part of him he'd had no choice in forgetting.
And now I know because you've done everything possible to me. Made me so upset.
Wesley looked down on Connor who looked stricken staring up at him. In that beautiful blue sweatshirt contrasting brilliantly with his honest soft eyes. It was too much for Wesley he fondled on the bed and came back with the Jack Daniels and two glasses. He poured and handed one to Connor: "It'll calm your nerves", he said once again finding himself before throwing his triple shot back without a second thought burning down his scarred throat and into his belly. Connor sniffed his before drinking it slowly. He became light-headed slowly and warmer while drinking it. "So whats with the whiskey? Even if it does calm isn't it dangerous or against the rules or something?". Wesley flashed a genuinely happy smile remembering the past fondly: "Well men always talk over a drink. I used to think tea did the trick but your father taught me different". Wesley sat down his legs sprawled out behind him, slanted behind Connor but so they could still talk face to face. Connor became quiet and didn't say anything he just drank until he could bare to speak his mind again.
"Sold my soul, lost everything.and you", Connor looked into Wesley's eyes looking for some reassurance that if he were to lay himself bare he would be safe, he got it " you brought it back to me". "Losing your soul is a terribly awful business", Wesley said thoughtly refreshing their drinks. "You speak as though you have lost yours", Connor said, lost once more in this thoughts.
"I did", Wesley said slowly and just as thoughtfully. Connor turned and looked at him with honest interest: "How? Why?". "I lost the most precious and wonderful thing in all of this world or any other.", Wesley was lost now in this awful memory. "I didn't mean to, I, I was trying to do the opposite but..I was confused", he was filled with remorse as those words slipped out. "Confused", Connor half-smiled at the word "I know a lot about that..but even, even in the confusion I took what I wanted and no one could stop me, I wanted a, a family, to be loved. Wanted this world, something to ease the pain you know?", he sounded half-defeated yet nostalgic. Wesley laughed a little those memories had been forgotten to him for some time too.