CHAPTER I:

My Brother, My Friend, My Family

"Si? Isn't Stanley our Daddy? How come we don't call Stanley 'Daddy'?"

I think I was three years old then, explaining my naivety.

I saw Sidus' soft brown eyes suddenly harden. His usually crescent-shaped eyebrows straightened, the center edges slipping down. "Th' bloody drunk is not our Daddy, an' he never will be!"

That look in his eyes, and that steely anger in his voice. They scared me. It must have been pretty obvious, because they quickly reverted back into their old manner. Sidus reached over to hug me, and his voice had lost its hatred. "I'm sorry, Ky. I didn't mean t' snap at ya."

I quickly calmed down, and was once again full of curiosity. "So.....who's our Daddy?"

Sidus looked a little sad, and I wanted to take back what I just said. But he pulled out a small flat square from the back pocket of his faded jeans.

It was a color photograph of a man, smiling brightly. His eyes were endless brown pools of enchanting wonder, and his short black hair, moustache and fuzzy beard were magnificently black.

"See, Ky. That's him." Sidus smiled at me, pointing at that handsome adult in the tiny picture. "That's our Daddy."

I stared at the photograph a little longer. I smiled to assure my big brother how much I like him. Deep in my heart, however, that was no friendship, let alone love, for this man I never knew.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

In the next few years that I grew and matured, I started to understand why Sidus hated Stanley so much. My own hatred for Stanley manifested, but somehow I feel that it was never as great as Sidus'.

The only times Stanley was nice to us was when Mother was in the house. Stanley's kindness was only for show for Mother to see, to convince her that he was the ideal husband and father for the family.

Then there were the times Mother wasn't home. That was most of the day, away at work. Stanley never went to work, because as Sidus often told me, "no one wants a drunken fool in their company."

He made use of the 'No-Mommy' periods of time to vent his frustrations. On us.

During infancy, Stanley left me strictly alone. But now that I was older and understood authority better, he started to go for me as well.

I didn't just hate Stanley. I feared him like an angry bear on the loose.

At first, 'Sidus' was always the 'bad boy' of the family, taking more blows than me. Even when Stanley mercilessly heckled Sidus, he was always silent and spoke politely in response.

It never occurred to me that he was doing it all for my sake.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

There was the loud clunking of shoes against the metal base of the stairs.

I was in the garage reading. Sidus had left earlier to run an errand for Mrs. White, who lived three doors away.

"H'lo, lil' precious......"

I looked up. Stanley's face was the red of drunkenness. To prove it, his hand clutched an empty glass bottle.

I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck rise. Never in my whole life had Stanley called me 'precious'. It was usually 'girl' or 'kiddo', but that's a different story.

His eyes, bloodshot from all that alcohol, taunted me.

I felt my insides twist like a pretzel. I was still too young to understand and follow my instincts. They were screaming at me to run, to get away from this drunken brawler.

Before I could move, he grabbed my arm so roughly he bruised the skin.

"Doan worry, precious........I'll tak care o' yer........"

He giggled like a schoolgirl on her first date.

I opened my mouth to scream, and he immediately smacked the other hand over it.

"Now now.........none o' zat..........."

His face was so close to mine, I could smell the booze that lingered in his breath.

He lost interest in my face, and his eyes made their survey on the rest of my body. I trembled, and that excited him.

I was roughly shoved against the wall, and his now free hand reached down.

I closed my eyes as muffled screams emitted through his huge hand.

Then there was one loud crack.

The rough hands broke away from me, and I slid to the floor, gasping for breath.

Stanley was on the other side of the room, groaning. He had one hand to back of his head.

"YA LEAVE HER ALONE, YA MONSTER!"

I looked the other way. There was Sidus, his eyes burning with rage. He held a baseball bat firmly in his hands.

Stanley staggered to his feet, swaying a little. "Back off, Russell boy.......Zis.......none o' yer business......"

But as he started to step forward, Sidus raised the bat high, making himself look bigger.

"Ya back off, Griffin. Get away from Kylie, or I bust yer sorry ass wide open." Sidus' voice came out like a growl.

I was as surprised as Stanley looked.

Sidus had never fought back when Stanley beat him silly. He always bore it in silence. Yet now here he was, armed to kill, to protect me.

The two males glared at each other for a long long time.

Finally, Stanley beat a retreat and escaped up the staircase.

The moment the door slammed, Sidus dropped the bat and ran to me. His hug was tight and fierce, but it made me feel safe.

"I'm so sorry, Ky..... I shouldn't have left ya alone with him..... I'm so sorry....."

I wanted to tell him that none of this was his fault, but my fright had wrought my power over my voice.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

That was during my seventh year of life. After that one incident, Stanley stopped pretending and pulled aside the curtains.

I remember at first, Mother tried to stop him. This led to an all-out battle of vulgarities that I do not wish to recall. Then Mother finally lost it and hooked herself to drugs.

Mother's need for drugs soon dominated the welfare of her children, and they argued over trivial things.

As they argued, Sidus would hide with me in the garage, promising me that someday we would leave this madhouse together to find Daddy.

Personally, I didn't really care whether we found Daddy. Daddy, and now Mother too, was no longer Family.

That one time Sidus defended me with the bat burned something deep into my soul.

Sidus............

My Brother.....

My Friend.......

My Family.......

= * = * = * =