*~*~*
The Newsie Princess Of Brooklyn
*~*~*
All of a sudden, I needed out of that city. It felt as if I had cut the last tie that was tethering me to the ground and now I was ready to fly.
Everything was crowded. I would walk outside in the morning and not be able to breathe. The dust was too thick to see the sun in the daytime and the lights were too bright to see the stars at night. I knew I couldn't stay there a day longer. That if I didn't leave as soon as I could, I would be suffocated. There was only one person left who I cared about, only one person, it seemed, who would really care if I went away. And even he didn't put up much of a fight.
"You really wanna do this?" Spot asked.
I nodded, my mouth full of toast. It was breakfast again. There are, as it turns out, some traditions that you just have to honor, even after everything else has changed.
He looked down at his plate. "It's the right thing to do," he said reluctantly.
"I know," I said. But for some reason I needed to be told, just one last time. "You don't think it's runnin' away?" I asked, my voice low despite the fact that the place was nearly empty.
"No," he said. "You needed some time away. You need t' figure some things out."
I looked out the window at the people going by, men hunched down into their collars, children with mittens fastened to their sleeves being lead across the street by their mothers. Winter was closing in on us now, and the first snow would come any day. I had been in Brooklyn too long-I needed to see the rest of the world, to follow the setting sun out west. I needed to stretch my legs.
These were my excuses for leaving home, and both of us could go on believing they were true for as long as we wanted. Not that they were lies, exactly. They all took part in my decision. But they weren't the truth, that both Spot and I knew. We knew that that no amount of sun- loving or itchy feet would have made me want to leave the closest thing I had ever had to a home. We knew that there was only one thing that had made me choose to go, and only one thing that would make me choose to stay.
"He really loved you, y'know," Spot said.
I didn't have to answer for him to know what I thought.
"He did. He practically grew up with you. You were the closest thing he ever had to real family, an' if he had given you a chance you would've been the closest thing anyone ever had t' real love."
"Yeh, then why didn't he?" I said dully.
"Don't talk that way," Spot said fiercely. "You know what it feels like to be the underdog yer whole life and not have anything goin' for you. The minute something good happens, you're gonna grab hold of it while you can. Jack's got a girl he's crazy about who feels the same way about him, an' you got no right to expect him to throw that all away."
My god, I would have killed him right then and there if he hadn't been right. He looked at me apologetically, and saw that I understood.
"He broke my heart, you know," I said softly.
"I know. Don' worry about it, though. The first few times it usually grows back."
I smiled. I think it was then that I truly realized I was finally leaving all of this behind, the good and the bad. But mostly the good.
"You can always come with me," I said suddenly. I knew that the answer would be, but something still made me ask.
"Nah," he said. "I gotta take care of the boys. Besides, you gotta do this on yer own."
"I know. But you'll still miss me, won't you?"
"Like it or not, I'm still your brother."
It was the only answer I wanted to hear. "So you'll take me down to the station?"
"Already?" he said reluctantly. I nodded. I had money in my purse, my suitcase hidden neatly under my chair. I had said my good-byes, and whoever I hadn't taken care of-the one person I hadn't taken care of, if I was going to tell the truth-Spot would for me. I had everything I needed, including the courage that it had taken so long for me to find. I was ready.
*~*~*
"So where you going?" Spot asked. We were standing at the ticket office, ready to shell over the money for a ticket, and I suddenly realized I had no idea. I had always thought Santa Fe, but that seemed impossibly wrong now that only one ticket was going to be bought.
"I dunno," I said. He didn't seem all that surprised.
"Well where do you wanna go," he asked.
It was such a simple question. "I always wanted t' see the Pacific," I said.
"California?"
"Yeh, sure. Why not?"
"Why not?"
So we bought the ticket. I still had enough money to keep me fed and clothed and taken care of for a while, and after that I could work. By the time the train was ready to leave it was already crowded with holiday travelers and the like, but I still manage to find an empty compartment. I loaded my suitcase, and when I took my seat Spot was on the platform, right outside my window. I reached out my had and took hold of his to say a last goodbye.
"Write me," he said.
"Yeh? You'll be able to read it?" I said, making a feeble attempt at humor.
He grinned. "You'll come back. Ya just need some time away. Don't go thinkin' you can lose me this easy."
I laughed, more for his benefit than mine. "I'll be okay."
"I know you will."
"You'll say goodbye to him for me?" I asked quickly.
"Of course."
I could feel the engines starting. A strange mechanical shifting and I was on my way. Spot shouted something above the noise that sounded like 'love' as my hand was ripped from his. The train was going faster by the second and he ran alongside until the platform ended and I was hurtling into the unknown, farther and father away, until I couldn't see him at all.
The Newsie Princess Of Brooklyn
*~*~*
All of a sudden, I needed out of that city. It felt as if I had cut the last tie that was tethering me to the ground and now I was ready to fly.
Everything was crowded. I would walk outside in the morning and not be able to breathe. The dust was too thick to see the sun in the daytime and the lights were too bright to see the stars at night. I knew I couldn't stay there a day longer. That if I didn't leave as soon as I could, I would be suffocated. There was only one person left who I cared about, only one person, it seemed, who would really care if I went away. And even he didn't put up much of a fight.
"You really wanna do this?" Spot asked.
I nodded, my mouth full of toast. It was breakfast again. There are, as it turns out, some traditions that you just have to honor, even after everything else has changed.
He looked down at his plate. "It's the right thing to do," he said reluctantly.
"I know," I said. But for some reason I needed to be told, just one last time. "You don't think it's runnin' away?" I asked, my voice low despite the fact that the place was nearly empty.
"No," he said. "You needed some time away. You need t' figure some things out."
I looked out the window at the people going by, men hunched down into their collars, children with mittens fastened to their sleeves being lead across the street by their mothers. Winter was closing in on us now, and the first snow would come any day. I had been in Brooklyn too long-I needed to see the rest of the world, to follow the setting sun out west. I needed to stretch my legs.
These were my excuses for leaving home, and both of us could go on believing they were true for as long as we wanted. Not that they were lies, exactly. They all took part in my decision. But they weren't the truth, that both Spot and I knew. We knew that that no amount of sun- loving or itchy feet would have made me want to leave the closest thing I had ever had to a home. We knew that there was only one thing that had made me choose to go, and only one thing that would make me choose to stay.
"He really loved you, y'know," Spot said.
I didn't have to answer for him to know what I thought.
"He did. He practically grew up with you. You were the closest thing he ever had to real family, an' if he had given you a chance you would've been the closest thing anyone ever had t' real love."
"Yeh, then why didn't he?" I said dully.
"Don't talk that way," Spot said fiercely. "You know what it feels like to be the underdog yer whole life and not have anything goin' for you. The minute something good happens, you're gonna grab hold of it while you can. Jack's got a girl he's crazy about who feels the same way about him, an' you got no right to expect him to throw that all away."
My god, I would have killed him right then and there if he hadn't been right. He looked at me apologetically, and saw that I understood.
"He broke my heart, you know," I said softly.
"I know. Don' worry about it, though. The first few times it usually grows back."
I smiled. I think it was then that I truly realized I was finally leaving all of this behind, the good and the bad. But mostly the good.
"You can always come with me," I said suddenly. I knew that the answer would be, but something still made me ask.
"Nah," he said. "I gotta take care of the boys. Besides, you gotta do this on yer own."
"I know. But you'll still miss me, won't you?"
"Like it or not, I'm still your brother."
It was the only answer I wanted to hear. "So you'll take me down to the station?"
"Already?" he said reluctantly. I nodded. I had money in my purse, my suitcase hidden neatly under my chair. I had said my good-byes, and whoever I hadn't taken care of-the one person I hadn't taken care of, if I was going to tell the truth-Spot would for me. I had everything I needed, including the courage that it had taken so long for me to find. I was ready.
*~*~*
"So where you going?" Spot asked. We were standing at the ticket office, ready to shell over the money for a ticket, and I suddenly realized I had no idea. I had always thought Santa Fe, but that seemed impossibly wrong now that only one ticket was going to be bought.
"I dunno," I said. He didn't seem all that surprised.
"Well where do you wanna go," he asked.
It was such a simple question. "I always wanted t' see the Pacific," I said.
"California?"
"Yeh, sure. Why not?"
"Why not?"
So we bought the ticket. I still had enough money to keep me fed and clothed and taken care of for a while, and after that I could work. By the time the train was ready to leave it was already crowded with holiday travelers and the like, but I still manage to find an empty compartment. I loaded my suitcase, and when I took my seat Spot was on the platform, right outside my window. I reached out my had and took hold of his to say a last goodbye.
"Write me," he said.
"Yeh? You'll be able to read it?" I said, making a feeble attempt at humor.
He grinned. "You'll come back. Ya just need some time away. Don't go thinkin' you can lose me this easy."
I laughed, more for his benefit than mine. "I'll be okay."
"I know you will."
"You'll say goodbye to him for me?" I asked quickly.
"Of course."
I could feel the engines starting. A strange mechanical shifting and I was on my way. Spot shouted something above the noise that sounded like 'love' as my hand was ripped from his. The train was going faster by the second and he ran alongside until the platform ended and I was hurtling into the unknown, farther and father away, until I couldn't see him at all.