Well, guys, its been a few weeks. I'm at my personal hell again, which
means several consecutive chapters to any of you who care at all. Every
night I write here, when I have to stay in this goddamned hell hole. These
last few weeks have been kinda bad, you guys, so just bear with me if my
story lags. If you are reading this. Which you are not. All my friends,
*static darklighter*, *achilles4*, and the rest all have probably forgotten
me and my stupid story anyhow. Anyhow, here goes.
P.S. Ben Folds is the most amazing man on the face of the earth currently, as well as my hero of the piano, and the only stable thing ever is 'Dawson's Creek' coming on every morning at ten and ending at twelve on channel thirty nine.
P.P.S. I realized I forgot to dedicate my story to someone. So the dedication is to Anne. I love you so much.
_ _ _ * _
Harry Potter stepped out of the tall green flames in the familiar grate which he recognized as that of number fourteen, Grimmauld Drive in London. Sirius's old house. Harry felt a pang of guilt because he had not really thought of Sirius since the previous day, before all this had started. However, he did not have a long time to dwell on this thought because as soon as he stepped out of the fire, the room exploded with noise. Shouts of Harry's name and loud, high pitched giggles met his ears and he was engulfed by several people throwing themselves at him. Harry was dimly aware of these distractions, though, because he was overcome with a distinct longing for Sirius as he heard his name from all directions. There was nothing, no amount of people, no amount of hugging and shouting and laughter that could fill the place where his heart had been.
"Oh, Harry! - we've been so worried for you - I'm so glad to see you - Harry, you look so thin - I'm so sorry our letters have been so short - we missed you - are you okay- oh, Harry!!"
The voices and the people merged together. 'Isn't it so funny,' Harry mused to himself, as he forced himself to smile at all the people goggling at him and hugging him, 'that one moment, when I'm alone, I don't think of Sirius once, and the next, when I'm surrounded with wonderful people, I can't stand it.' Harry resisted the urge to scream out loud, and instead looked about the room at all the smiling people. Ron was the first person he saw, grinning happily from straight ahead of him. His eyes seemed brighter, his grin bigger. Harry was glad to see him happy. Right next to him was Hermione, smiling shyly and containing her joy at seeing him very successfully. If Harry had not known her so well, he would have thought that she was actually bored. Next to her was Ginny, who, for the first time, Harry realized was really very beautiful. He wondered absently if Hermione was beautiful too, and he glanced back at her, and realized that she was. They had both grown, they were no longer just the girl who paid attention in History of Magic and got he and Ron out of tight spots and the girl who wrote the most terrible valentine in the history of the world who had a crush on him. It struck Harry, very suddenly, that all of them were almost adults. Harry decided to definitely avoid that certain thought, and so moved on in his surveying of the room. He saw Tonks, who also looked very different than she had before. Her face was the same, but since she was a metamorphmagus, she had changed her hair to take the colors of the rainbow, each color in a different ponytail. She was also wearing a rather strange black shirt that said the words "My Name Is Jonas". Harry wondered what these words meant, but continued looking over the crowd at the grate. Next to her stood Arthur Weasley, who looked no different than usual, except that he was not looking at Harry. Harry followed his eyes to Tonks's neck, where a pair of muggle headphones rested. Remus Lupin stood next to Mr. Weasley, and next to him stood Juliet, who was every now and then glancing at Mad-Eye Moody very apprehensively. Harry got the distinct feeling that she was extremely uncomfortable, and that she would be even if she were not standing next to Mad-Eye. Mad-Eye Moody's mad eye was wheeling around madly, and whenever it passed over Juliet, her own eye twitched. Harry was just about to say something when suddenly his view was again obstructed.
"Oh, Harry, darling, its wonderful to see you! You and Juliet look positively dreadful. I don't know whats in that air there in Little Whinging, but the two of you just look like you might keel over any second. Remus, don't protest, you don't look so well yourself. I really don't know how Arabella can live there so comfortably, though of course shes a strong old woman, but then again, shes lived there all her life and you were never really meant to live amongst muggles, and plus your aunt and uncle never really fed you very well, did they? Im just glad they've begun treating you half civilly this summer and you write and everyuthing." Mrs. Weasley had come up from behind him and had wrapped both he and Juliet as tightly as she could in thick blankets as she spoke. Harry barely had the time to wonder what had happened to Mrs. Weasley since he had last seen her, because she was definitely a very, very different person. However, almost as though she could read his thoughts and didn't want him to think what he was, Mrs. Weasley began speaking again. "FRED!! GEORGE!!! WHERE ARE YOU?? HARRY HAS COME!! WHERE ARE YOU????" Juliet, who Mrs. Weasley was rewrapping in blankets, stared down at the squat, red-haired woman with the noticeable expression of one who is scared stiff. Mrs. Weasley, however, did not seem to notice. Instead, she turned to Ron, Hermione, and Ginny, and ordered, "Take these two upstairs to their rooms, they need rest and relaxation. We will come get you for dinner in about two hours, kids, theres actually an Order meeting in about half an hour," she added more kindly to Harry and Juliet. So Harry, Juliet, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny shuffled out of the room and began to walk towards the stairs.
When they got to the foot of the stairs, Ron turned to Juliet and Harry and said, "Hey- listen, I'm really sorry about my mum. She hasn't been herself since- well, you kn-"
"Shes not been the same since Sirius died. She pretended to hate him, but she really did love him like the rest of us, Harry," Hermione interjected firmly. Then she looked at Ron and nodded slightly, as though she was giving him permission to speak again.
"Er- anyways," Ron began again, "She's just been a little messed up lately, you know. When one of us coughs or sneezes or something, she forces us to drink that horrible Pepperup stuff. And I mean, the other day, I was outside, right? And this fly, this dumb, prat fly flew right up my nose! And so I sneezed and my mum heard me and she freaked out. I tried to tell her it was a fly, but she forced me to take this medicine and stay in bed all day. And I had to get Fred to magic the fly out when she finally left me alone." Juliet giggled, and Ron seemed to be encouraged. "Yeah," he said, "Shes just been so afraid of illness since, well y-" Hermione stomped on Ron's foot- "Well," Ron began yet again, his eyes tearing, "Since Sirius died. Shes afraid she is going to lose someone else."
Harry looked at the floor and he felt four pairs of eyes boring holes into him, holes into his soul, as if they were trying to inspect the place where his heart had been torn out, as though he was some kind of an exhibit in the zoo. He pushed past them and walked upstairs to his room, where Phineas Nigellus's empty frame hung blankly on the wall. He wondered if Phineas was mocking him. He wondered if Phineas was angry that the Black family tree had ended. He wondered if Mrs. Black was upset. He wondered if Phineas ever wanted to cry. He wondered if Phineas had any friends. He wondered if Sirius had had any friends since his father died. He wondered if his friends would die and it would be all his fault. He wondered if all his friends would die before the final showdown came and whether he would care whether he lived or died. He wondered if Sirius's death was just another way of making him different from everyone else. Harry wondered and wondered and wondered until he heard a loud, loud crash. Harry jumped up from his bed, where nobody had bothered him since he had left them all at the foot of the stairs. Harry did not know how long he had been upstairs, but he was sure it wasn't a good idea that he had left them all. He should never, ever leave them, for fear they would be gone. He opened the door and ran down the stairs. Harry stopped dead when he reached the second stair from the top, however, because he could see down the stairs. In the front hall, Voldemort was standing in front of Juliet and Ron, who were kissing, and Hermione and Remus, who were playing a clapping game that girls used to do during recess when he was in primary school. Hermione, however, looked quite different than usual: she was wearing a very slinky black dress, long earrings, and lots of dark makeup. They were standing right in front of the doorway- they could get out. Voldemort hissed at Harry "This is the moment of truth. Choose your life or the life of your friends." Harry stood there for what seemed like hours, for what seemed like a millennia, trying to decide, until Voldemort began to speak again. "Harry, your time has run out, and for this, I have decided to set my friends on your friends," and with that Voldemort snapped, and four dementors glided into the hall from all sides and bent over to kiss each of them. Harry's brain woke up as he watched Hermione fall limp in the Dementor's arms and he tried to call out his decision, the one he knew he would make from the very second Voldemort had told him his choices, but Voldemort merely pulled out his wand and said, "I'm sorry, Harry, you are much too late. Lupin, Granger, Weasley, and Black will be mine forever." Harry began to run then, faster and faster and faster, until he was out of the house, out of the world, floating about in the Universe, he was still running and running. He saw the Milky Way and in it, he saw Sirius's face grinning, and he tried to get there, but he couldn't move in space. And all the while Voldemort's voice still rang in his head. "Harry, you are much too late. Lupin, Granger, Weasley, and-"
"H-H- Harry?"
Harry's eyes opened and he saw Hermione standing over him.
"Harry? Are you okay? You were moving in your sleep, and talking- youre not still having strange dreams, are you? You are still-"
"Hermione," Harry began, sweating from his terrible dream, "I just- listen, I just had a bad dream."
"Tell me about it."
"Well-"
"Harry?" Hermione interjected meekly. "Please don't lie to me."
Harry considered this request and decided that he would tell her the truth. He loved Hermione, he always had, she was always full of good advice, and she was best when Ron wasn't around. So he told her the truth.
"Well- I didn't know I'd fallen asleep- so I thought I heard a really loud crash, when really I was asleep. And then Phineas Nigellus said that the Dark Lord would win at last, and I ran down the stairs. But Voldemort was standing by the door, and behind him were you and Remus, playing those old 'Miss Mary Mack' games, except you were wearing this slinky black dress and all this makeup and your hair looked like it did on the night of the Yule Ball. And Ron and Juliet were in the corner, snogging, and nobody seemed to care that they could leave, they could escape through the front door behind them. And so Voldemort said, 'This is the moment of truth. Choose your life or the life of your friends.' And I knew what I was going to choose, what I had to choose, but I couldn't say it. But when I finally could open my mouth, Voldemort said, 'Harry, your time has run out, and for this, I have decided to set my friends on your friends,' and four dementors came out and kissed all of you, but you, Hermione, you kissed them back and fell to the floor and you didn't move. And then Voldemort took out his wand and said, 'Youre much too late, Harry. Lupin, Granger, Weasley, and Black will be mine forever.' So I ran and ran until I ran myself up into space and I kept on hearing his voice and hearing his voice but in space I saw Sirius's face in the Milky Way and I was trying to get there but I couldn't and-"
Harry realized he had been crying since he told Hermione about the dementors kissing his friends. Hermione stared at him. When she finally spoke, it was not about the tears that Harry was still trying to stop. She began, "Harry, whats Juliet's last name?"
Harry wiped away a tear. "Figg. Like her grandmother. Her mother was never married."
Hermione nodded quietly and then looked down sideways. "Harry?" she asked.
"Yeah?"
"I'm really sorry."
And Hermione put her arms around Harry and for once, he didn't try not to cry.
P.S. Ben Folds is the most amazing man on the face of the earth currently, as well as my hero of the piano, and the only stable thing ever is 'Dawson's Creek' coming on every morning at ten and ending at twelve on channel thirty nine.
P.P.S. I realized I forgot to dedicate my story to someone. So the dedication is to Anne. I love you so much.
_ _ _ * _
Harry Potter stepped out of the tall green flames in the familiar grate which he recognized as that of number fourteen, Grimmauld Drive in London. Sirius's old house. Harry felt a pang of guilt because he had not really thought of Sirius since the previous day, before all this had started. However, he did not have a long time to dwell on this thought because as soon as he stepped out of the fire, the room exploded with noise. Shouts of Harry's name and loud, high pitched giggles met his ears and he was engulfed by several people throwing themselves at him. Harry was dimly aware of these distractions, though, because he was overcome with a distinct longing for Sirius as he heard his name from all directions. There was nothing, no amount of people, no amount of hugging and shouting and laughter that could fill the place where his heart had been.
"Oh, Harry! - we've been so worried for you - I'm so glad to see you - Harry, you look so thin - I'm so sorry our letters have been so short - we missed you - are you okay- oh, Harry!!"
The voices and the people merged together. 'Isn't it so funny,' Harry mused to himself, as he forced himself to smile at all the people goggling at him and hugging him, 'that one moment, when I'm alone, I don't think of Sirius once, and the next, when I'm surrounded with wonderful people, I can't stand it.' Harry resisted the urge to scream out loud, and instead looked about the room at all the smiling people. Ron was the first person he saw, grinning happily from straight ahead of him. His eyes seemed brighter, his grin bigger. Harry was glad to see him happy. Right next to him was Hermione, smiling shyly and containing her joy at seeing him very successfully. If Harry had not known her so well, he would have thought that she was actually bored. Next to her was Ginny, who, for the first time, Harry realized was really very beautiful. He wondered absently if Hermione was beautiful too, and he glanced back at her, and realized that she was. They had both grown, they were no longer just the girl who paid attention in History of Magic and got he and Ron out of tight spots and the girl who wrote the most terrible valentine in the history of the world who had a crush on him. It struck Harry, very suddenly, that all of them were almost adults. Harry decided to definitely avoid that certain thought, and so moved on in his surveying of the room. He saw Tonks, who also looked very different than she had before. Her face was the same, but since she was a metamorphmagus, she had changed her hair to take the colors of the rainbow, each color in a different ponytail. She was also wearing a rather strange black shirt that said the words "My Name Is Jonas". Harry wondered what these words meant, but continued looking over the crowd at the grate. Next to her stood Arthur Weasley, who looked no different than usual, except that he was not looking at Harry. Harry followed his eyes to Tonks's neck, where a pair of muggle headphones rested. Remus Lupin stood next to Mr. Weasley, and next to him stood Juliet, who was every now and then glancing at Mad-Eye Moody very apprehensively. Harry got the distinct feeling that she was extremely uncomfortable, and that she would be even if she were not standing next to Mad-Eye. Mad-Eye Moody's mad eye was wheeling around madly, and whenever it passed over Juliet, her own eye twitched. Harry was just about to say something when suddenly his view was again obstructed.
"Oh, Harry, darling, its wonderful to see you! You and Juliet look positively dreadful. I don't know whats in that air there in Little Whinging, but the two of you just look like you might keel over any second. Remus, don't protest, you don't look so well yourself. I really don't know how Arabella can live there so comfortably, though of course shes a strong old woman, but then again, shes lived there all her life and you were never really meant to live amongst muggles, and plus your aunt and uncle never really fed you very well, did they? Im just glad they've begun treating you half civilly this summer and you write and everyuthing." Mrs. Weasley had come up from behind him and had wrapped both he and Juliet as tightly as she could in thick blankets as she spoke. Harry barely had the time to wonder what had happened to Mrs. Weasley since he had last seen her, because she was definitely a very, very different person. However, almost as though she could read his thoughts and didn't want him to think what he was, Mrs. Weasley began speaking again. "FRED!! GEORGE!!! WHERE ARE YOU?? HARRY HAS COME!! WHERE ARE YOU????" Juliet, who Mrs. Weasley was rewrapping in blankets, stared down at the squat, red-haired woman with the noticeable expression of one who is scared stiff. Mrs. Weasley, however, did not seem to notice. Instead, she turned to Ron, Hermione, and Ginny, and ordered, "Take these two upstairs to their rooms, they need rest and relaxation. We will come get you for dinner in about two hours, kids, theres actually an Order meeting in about half an hour," she added more kindly to Harry and Juliet. So Harry, Juliet, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny shuffled out of the room and began to walk towards the stairs.
When they got to the foot of the stairs, Ron turned to Juliet and Harry and said, "Hey- listen, I'm really sorry about my mum. She hasn't been herself since- well, you kn-"
"Shes not been the same since Sirius died. She pretended to hate him, but she really did love him like the rest of us, Harry," Hermione interjected firmly. Then she looked at Ron and nodded slightly, as though she was giving him permission to speak again.
"Er- anyways," Ron began again, "She's just been a little messed up lately, you know. When one of us coughs or sneezes or something, she forces us to drink that horrible Pepperup stuff. And I mean, the other day, I was outside, right? And this fly, this dumb, prat fly flew right up my nose! And so I sneezed and my mum heard me and she freaked out. I tried to tell her it was a fly, but she forced me to take this medicine and stay in bed all day. And I had to get Fred to magic the fly out when she finally left me alone." Juliet giggled, and Ron seemed to be encouraged. "Yeah," he said, "Shes just been so afraid of illness since, well y-" Hermione stomped on Ron's foot- "Well," Ron began yet again, his eyes tearing, "Since Sirius died. Shes afraid she is going to lose someone else."
Harry looked at the floor and he felt four pairs of eyes boring holes into him, holes into his soul, as if they were trying to inspect the place where his heart had been torn out, as though he was some kind of an exhibit in the zoo. He pushed past them and walked upstairs to his room, where Phineas Nigellus's empty frame hung blankly on the wall. He wondered if Phineas was mocking him. He wondered if Phineas was angry that the Black family tree had ended. He wondered if Mrs. Black was upset. He wondered if Phineas ever wanted to cry. He wondered if Phineas had any friends. He wondered if Sirius had had any friends since his father died. He wondered if his friends would die and it would be all his fault. He wondered if all his friends would die before the final showdown came and whether he would care whether he lived or died. He wondered if Sirius's death was just another way of making him different from everyone else. Harry wondered and wondered and wondered until he heard a loud, loud crash. Harry jumped up from his bed, where nobody had bothered him since he had left them all at the foot of the stairs. Harry did not know how long he had been upstairs, but he was sure it wasn't a good idea that he had left them all. He should never, ever leave them, for fear they would be gone. He opened the door and ran down the stairs. Harry stopped dead when he reached the second stair from the top, however, because he could see down the stairs. In the front hall, Voldemort was standing in front of Juliet and Ron, who were kissing, and Hermione and Remus, who were playing a clapping game that girls used to do during recess when he was in primary school. Hermione, however, looked quite different than usual: she was wearing a very slinky black dress, long earrings, and lots of dark makeup. They were standing right in front of the doorway- they could get out. Voldemort hissed at Harry "This is the moment of truth. Choose your life or the life of your friends." Harry stood there for what seemed like hours, for what seemed like a millennia, trying to decide, until Voldemort began to speak again. "Harry, your time has run out, and for this, I have decided to set my friends on your friends," and with that Voldemort snapped, and four dementors glided into the hall from all sides and bent over to kiss each of them. Harry's brain woke up as he watched Hermione fall limp in the Dementor's arms and he tried to call out his decision, the one he knew he would make from the very second Voldemort had told him his choices, but Voldemort merely pulled out his wand and said, "I'm sorry, Harry, you are much too late. Lupin, Granger, Weasley, and Black will be mine forever." Harry began to run then, faster and faster and faster, until he was out of the house, out of the world, floating about in the Universe, he was still running and running. He saw the Milky Way and in it, he saw Sirius's face grinning, and he tried to get there, but he couldn't move in space. And all the while Voldemort's voice still rang in his head. "Harry, you are much too late. Lupin, Granger, Weasley, and-"
"H-H- Harry?"
Harry's eyes opened and he saw Hermione standing over him.
"Harry? Are you okay? You were moving in your sleep, and talking- youre not still having strange dreams, are you? You are still-"
"Hermione," Harry began, sweating from his terrible dream, "I just- listen, I just had a bad dream."
"Tell me about it."
"Well-"
"Harry?" Hermione interjected meekly. "Please don't lie to me."
Harry considered this request and decided that he would tell her the truth. He loved Hermione, he always had, she was always full of good advice, and she was best when Ron wasn't around. So he told her the truth.
"Well- I didn't know I'd fallen asleep- so I thought I heard a really loud crash, when really I was asleep. And then Phineas Nigellus said that the Dark Lord would win at last, and I ran down the stairs. But Voldemort was standing by the door, and behind him were you and Remus, playing those old 'Miss Mary Mack' games, except you were wearing this slinky black dress and all this makeup and your hair looked like it did on the night of the Yule Ball. And Ron and Juliet were in the corner, snogging, and nobody seemed to care that they could leave, they could escape through the front door behind them. And so Voldemort said, 'This is the moment of truth. Choose your life or the life of your friends.' And I knew what I was going to choose, what I had to choose, but I couldn't say it. But when I finally could open my mouth, Voldemort said, 'Harry, your time has run out, and for this, I have decided to set my friends on your friends,' and four dementors came out and kissed all of you, but you, Hermione, you kissed them back and fell to the floor and you didn't move. And then Voldemort took out his wand and said, 'Youre much too late, Harry. Lupin, Granger, Weasley, and Black will be mine forever.' So I ran and ran until I ran myself up into space and I kept on hearing his voice and hearing his voice but in space I saw Sirius's face in the Milky Way and I was trying to get there but I couldn't and-"
Harry realized he had been crying since he told Hermione about the dementors kissing his friends. Hermione stared at him. When she finally spoke, it was not about the tears that Harry was still trying to stop. She began, "Harry, whats Juliet's last name?"
Harry wiped away a tear. "Figg. Like her grandmother. Her mother was never married."
Hermione nodded quietly and then looked down sideways. "Harry?" she asked.
"Yeah?"
"I'm really sorry."
And Hermione put her arms around Harry and for once, he didn't try not to cry.