Part 3

The day after, I took a quick shower. When I got out, I changed into some comfortable clothes and hiked to the elevator to take me to Van's dorm. I was starting to knock on the door, but he opened it. I almost hit his face with my fist.

"Oops." I smiled ashamedly and lowered my hand. "Hi."

"Hey…uh…I was just…uh…"

"What's going on?" I asked, trying to peek in.

"Uh…I got…a…"

"Van, who's there?" A high voice called from the living room.

I didn't know why but my heart just stopped. "You've got a girl in there." I mumbled, looking dumbstruck.

"Yeah…"

I looked down. "I'm sorry, I-I-I didn't know."

"No, you don't need to-"

"I'm going to go." I finally looked up at him. "Bye."

"Hitomi, wait-"

I waved one last time and walked away.

This hurt me a lot more than the break-up, but tears wouldn't come. I felt really…I don't know…I guess ashamed…embarrassed…humiliated…and of course sad. That's when it hit me. I held feelings for Van and the feelings that I did hold…they were a lot deeper than what I felt for Allen. This realization didn't surprise me, but it hurt me so much.

All this time, I didn't even know he was the one. I was too blind to see it. His smile made me feel so warm and fuzzy inside, his eyes melted my heart…and I felt so bad. Then the tears came. Slowly, one by one, droplets flowed down. He was way too sweet for his own good. He was there when I really needed him, he made me laugh when I was down, and…I don't know…I guess he was everything I looked for in a guy.

***

The next day seemed pretty boring to me. I stayed in my dorm and I decided never to leave unless I had no choice. If I never had Van in the first place, I felt that I didn't have the right to complain and cry about losing him to another girl.

I was eating some potato chips that I bought early that day. The TV was on, but I wasn't paying attention to the show. Then something happened in the show that made me freak out. I guessed that I was watching a scary movie. My eyes flitted to the screen and I saw a really…the scariest vampire I had ever seen my entire life. I started to whimper, but it wouldn't go away. The next thing I knew, more vampires came and attacked the poor girl. She was half-naked while they sucked on her neck.

I shut my eyes and looked away. I then heard someone knock on the door. That just scared me right there. My heart jumped. I decided to stay on the couch and just ignore it, see if the person would just leave. But the knocking continued. I didn't say anything…I guess the show had that impact on me.

I heard that wonderful deep voice and all my fears went away. "Hitomi, come on, I need to talk to you."

'It's Van.' My mind thought instantly. I slowly walked to the door after turning off the TV of course, and opened it. "Hi." I smiled forcefully.

"Don't smile if you don't want to." He muttered. "Can I come in?"

I frowned. "Yeah." I opened the door wider and he went in.

"So what were you doing in here?" He asked, surveying the room.

"Um…nothing…just watching TV and pigging out." I said innocently.

"Uh…the TV's off."

"Hehe. I think it turns off by itself."

"Ok…" He started to turn on the TV.

"NO!" I almost yelled out.

"What?"

"I mean, um, the TV, well…"

He turned it on and the vampires started screeching. I turned around and whimpered quietly.

"It's off." He called.

"I don't believe you…" I mumbled, my eyes still shut.

I felt his hands on my shoulders and there was a little tingle in my heart. I breathed silently and turned around. His eyes were huge and so beautiful. I felt small under his gaze.

"So you were telling the truth."

"I was." He said quietly. "I need to talk to you."

"About?" I asked fearfully.

"About this thing…between us."

"Oh."

I took a seat on the couch and he sat beside me. I looked down at my hands at all times. We were facing each other, but I was too afraid to look at him...I felt that I'd start to cry just watching him.

"I guess I'll talk first." He started.

I nodded.

"Uh…the thing is…that girl you heard…uh…she's this girl who keeps bothering me…"

"Mm-hmm."

"She wanted to get back with me…and…uh…we were in the middle of talking and you knocked."

"I'm sorry I really didn't mean to." I said.

"No that's not what I'm saying." He paused. "I said no to her."

I then looked up at him. "How come?"

"I'm interested in someone else."

"Oh." I looked down again. "So…what does this have to do with me?"

"I-I…kind of-"

Someone knocked on the door. "Hitomi, it's me Allen."

"Shit." I heard Van mutter under his breath.

I felt the same way. I groaned inwardly. "Sorry." I whispered as I passed by him and opened the door.

"Allen." I fixed my hands on my hips and frowned at him. "You're back."

"Yeah, uh, I was thinking of stuff, and uh..." He glanced in and saw Van. "Van…?"

I glanced back at Van and he stood up. "Hey man."

"What are you doing in Hitomi's place?"

"We were just talking." He shrugged. "Uh…I just remembered I got to do something. I'll talk to you later." He told me and smiled forcefully at Allen. "Nice seeing you again, buddy."

"Yeah, ok." Allen looked really confused.

***

When Van left, Allen went in. I absolutely gave him no right to go in, but he did. I mentally slapped a picture of his face in my head and closed the door.

"What is it that you want?" I asked, irritated.

He turned and faced me. "We were together for a really long time."

"So?"

He sighed. "I realized something when I left."

"And what was that?"

He took a deep breath. "I'm still in love with you."

That blew me away. "Whoa…" I felt light-headed.

I sat on the nearest chair and looked down. My mind was jumbled…all my thoughts were mixed. 'Oh my god…why did he just tell me that??' I closed my eyes and then looked up at him angrily.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"What?" He stopped. "Because-"

"I so don't need that right now." I rubbed my temples. "You just realized it now?? Are you stupid or something??"

"I'm not! Hitomi…I know I sound like a jerk and I know I am, but I'm being honest right now. It was a stupid thing that I did. I'm still in love with you and I shouldn't have broken up with you."

"Wait a second." I interrupted. "Tell me the reason you broke up with me again."

"Well I-"

"You were in love with Millerna! All right, so I dealt with that. I totally understood what you were telling me. I respected your honesty and I left you all alone! I didn't try to be mean and rude towards her, because no matter what, she'd always be my friend. So now I don't get why the hell you're telling me that you love me!"

He looked helpless. Then he looked down at the carpet. "I don't know why I felt that way. I am in love with Millerna…but I'm also in love with you…"

"No." I stopped him and stood up. "You are not in love with me. You are feeling regret for hurting me so much! That's all!! It's called GUILT!"

"It's not!! Look, I am in love with you!!"

"Stop it!" I yelled. "Shut the hell up, Allen! I've had enough!! You broke my heart once and I will not get my heart broken twice! You can't be in love with two people at once! That's just stupid!! And I'm telling you now to stop feeling what you're feeling for me, because it's not real! You don't love me and you didn't for 2 months."

He walked furiously towards me and looked down at me. He was so close to my face our lips almost touched.

"Damn it, you listen to me now. I know I made a mistake. I admit to it, but I'm not wrong about this. When I left to go for vacation, all I could think about was you. I didn't once think of Millerna…you were in my mind the whole time. At first I thought it was because I felt guilty for doing that to you. I thought that I was the worst person in the world for hurting the one person I loved." He put his hand around my cheek. "When I lost you…I then realized that you meant so much to me. I love you, Hitomi, and I'm so sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for making you cry…but I'm not wrong about this. I-I…I want us to work again. Please…"

Tears were already going down. I almost wanted to forgive him and take him back, but something was stopping me. I looked down and pulled away. I faced away from his hand. I shook my head many times and I couldn't stop feeling something in my heart pulling me back.

"No." I said quietly, and then louder. "No." I hesitated for a while.

"I loved you so much, Allen. I gave you my whole heart…and in return, I got a quarter of yours. The thing is I'm not going to fall for the same thing twice. Nothing you'll say will make me feel in love with you ever again. I can't do that. Just thinking that you're in love with Millerna too…I feel like a player. It's like you're playing with both of our hearts and you think that you can have either one of us…but no…not anymore. I won't let you have me. You got me and you let go of me. That was your mistake." I paused. "If your love for him dies, he's not the one." I remembered a quote I heard somewhere. "I don't love you anymore. I think I fell out of love for you when you forgot my birthday. I know it was an honest mistake, but…" I shrugged. "And listen, I was so ready to take you back just now. Something's pulling me back…"

He kept quiet.

"And I think I know what it is." I whispered and stared down. "I-I'm falling in love with someone else, Allen."

I almost heard his surprise. "You are?"

I nodded and let the tears fall. "When you were gone, he was here with me…and he gave me what I needed. Even before that, he was always there…but I just didn't notice him. It might be too early to see if I do love him, but I know for sure I'm falling in love with him. No matter how I looked or how I felt, he accepted me and comforted me. A simple smile that crosses his face makes me feel happy even when I'm at my lowest…"

"Who is he?" He said in a really pained voice.

"Does it really matter?" I said quietly. "My heart's pulling back. I know that we only broke up a week ago…but that was the only time I needed to find him." I said it more confidently. "So you see?"

He nodded sadly. "I guess I was too late huh?"

"Way too late." I replied and looked up at him.

He nodded again. "Well…" He looked at me. "I hope you're happy though."

"I am." I smiled lightly through the tears.

"Ok." He walked towards the door and opened it. "I'll see you."

"Yeah."

The door clicked shut and I stared at my shadow for a while. I stayed there standing and I didn't want to do anything. After maybe 15 minutes, the door opened. I looked up slowly and saw Van giving me an apologetic smile. I shook my head and walked over to him.

"You okay?" He asked quietly.

"I'll be fine."

He pulled me close and I hugged him tightly. That was all I needed and he gave it to me.

***

Later, he and I sat in the living room. I told him about what happened. I felt so glad that even though he didn't say much, he listened.

"What did he say to you?" I asked quietly, drawing lines on the couch.

"He told me the gist of it. Said you were in love with someone else." He hesitated. "So are you?" 

I looked up and blushed. "I am."

"Oh." He looked a little hurt, which puzzled me. "So who is he?"

"You don't need to know." I said, smiling.

"I don't?"

I shook my head. "You'll find out after Spring Break."

"Fair enough." He gave me a grim look. "Anyway, it was pretty surprising, huh?"

"Big surprise." I rested my head on the couch and glanced up at Van. "So what were you going to say to me before he knocked on the door?"

His eyes widened in surprise. "Oh uh…"

"Go ahead." I urged.

"Well…um…" He shook his head finally. "No, it's nothing important."

"It seemed like it."

"No, it's not." He nodded. "I'm sure."

"Ok." I gave him a confused look and smiled. "Thanks for being here."

"No big deal. After what he did to you, I don't think I want to be in the same room with the guy."

I hugged him tightly. "I didn't know you meant so much to me until the recent events."

He laughed. I felt my heart jump eagerly. He hugged me back. "Same here."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~