Tittle- An Explanation III: Meditations
Author- JMA
Rating- none
Disclaimer- the usual; no money, no ownership.
Pairing- HP/SS Pre Slash
Spoilers- none
Summary/notes- This is the third instalment in my Whomping Willow story
fixation. It moves kinda slowly but it's necessary. Sev and Harry's thoughts.
Archive- eh
Snape woke almost immediately.
/It couldn't be. It couldn't possibly be/
But the feeling that had plagued him for weeks, the feeling that he was missing something, was gone. And it was possible. Something had obviously happened to the boy when the time turner fell into his mistake of a potion. It was possible than in his anger at the time he'd missed the clues now remembered. Clues that suggested James Potter did not come to his rescue that night. As much as he tried to convince himself otherwise, he was certain that it was Harry Potter.
/Fine, it was one Potter instead of another. Doesn't mean anything./
But to Snape it did. It meant that he owed James nothing. He was neither a hero, nor a coward.
/He meant to go through with it. They all meant to kill me. So much for the Golden Boy./
His hatred for James surged, unrestrained. He had warned Dumbledore that the Dark Lord was after the Potters. He had put his life on the line for that information, believing he couldn't just let James die because James didn't let him die.
/Much good that did, but then, how was I to know. But all that means nothing. He didn't chicken out, he really wanted me dead. No better than Black./
But what of Harry? The obnoxious brad had saved him. So what? Snape knew full well the boy didn't like him, not that he had given him any reason to. Still, he had done what his father had not. Why?
/It's not like I haven't saved his life countless times. Too many times seeing as the little shit keeps trying to get himself killed./
Perhaps the boy was a coward and did it so that his father wouldn't get into trouble. That was more likely than any feeling he may have had for Snape.
/Feelings for me? I'm going senile/
Nevertheless, Snape could not forget the look of pure panic on Potter's face as he pulled him out of danger.
/there are a million explanations for that. So it was Harry instead of James. Potter./
Snape needed to hate Harry, although he wouldn't admit it. It made him feel. But it wasn't the same any more.
/Oh for Merlin's sake, NOTHING has changed. He is still the pretentious, obnoxious, irksome troublemaker his father was. It changes nothing!!/
He was partly right.
***
/I have to see Harry./
***
Harry had been quiet most of the day and, despite Ron and Hermione's constant prodding, had said nothing about what happened the previous day. He kept up the 'I don't remember ' façade, but he was sure at least Dumbledore knew better. Harry did remember, that was his problem.
/What does it mean?/
He'd always, despite what Snape said, held his father a hero in the Shrieking Shack incident. But now it seemed as if he was wrong. His father hadn't had anything to do with the whole thing. Snape was wrong thinking that his father had a hand in setting the prank up too.
Harry now found himself asking the questions that he probably should have asked when he first the story, or at least in the years since. But he hadn't. A part of him now realised that it was because he was afraid of those answers, afraid of what they would mean about his dad. Recognising this made him feel guilty. If he refused to believe those things about his dad, then how could he now entertain them for the rest of the Marauders. It was possibly because the incident was no longer long in the past. For Harry it happened only yesterday.
And he was there.
/Why did they pull such a dangerous trick? Whose idea was it? Was it a trick?/
That was the worst question of all. Did someone he loved really want Snape to die? Sure his professor was a horrible greasy git but it was no reason for trying to kill him. He didn't believe his Godfather or Lupin capable of unjustified cold-blooded murder.
/Then why?/
His trip may not have changed anything in the outside world. If nothing, Snape was more horrible in class. However it made Harry's insides turn about. He had even more questions, but he pushed those even further towards the back of his brain. He certainly wasn't ready for those.
"Come on Harry, snap out of it!" said Ron on his way to their dorm room, "You've been out of it all day. 'Mione's worries about you."
"It's nothing."
"Sirius!" Roan interrupted as he saw Harry's godfather sitting on the edge of Harry's bed, "What are you doing here? Isn't it dangerous?"
"Ron. Harry. It should be all right as long as I stay in here. Albus has called your other roommates out for a 'meeting' so I've got some time."
Harry pushed back the other questions in his head. "Is something wrong?"
"No actually. I just had the strangest feeling that I had to see you. I was about to ask if you thought anything was wrong"
Harry nodded, "We have to talk."
Author- JMA
Rating- none
Disclaimer- the usual; no money, no ownership.
Pairing- HP/SS Pre Slash
Spoilers- none
Summary/notes- This is the third instalment in my Whomping Willow story
fixation. It moves kinda slowly but it's necessary. Sev and Harry's thoughts.
Archive- eh
Snape woke almost immediately.
/It couldn't be. It couldn't possibly be/
But the feeling that had plagued him for weeks, the feeling that he was missing something, was gone. And it was possible. Something had obviously happened to the boy when the time turner fell into his mistake of a potion. It was possible than in his anger at the time he'd missed the clues now remembered. Clues that suggested James Potter did not come to his rescue that night. As much as he tried to convince himself otherwise, he was certain that it was Harry Potter.
/Fine, it was one Potter instead of another. Doesn't mean anything./
But to Snape it did. It meant that he owed James nothing. He was neither a hero, nor a coward.
/He meant to go through with it. They all meant to kill me. So much for the Golden Boy./
His hatred for James surged, unrestrained. He had warned Dumbledore that the Dark Lord was after the Potters. He had put his life on the line for that information, believing he couldn't just let James die because James didn't let him die.
/Much good that did, but then, how was I to know. But all that means nothing. He didn't chicken out, he really wanted me dead. No better than Black./
But what of Harry? The obnoxious brad had saved him. So what? Snape knew full well the boy didn't like him, not that he had given him any reason to. Still, he had done what his father had not. Why?
/It's not like I haven't saved his life countless times. Too many times seeing as the little shit keeps trying to get himself killed./
Perhaps the boy was a coward and did it so that his father wouldn't get into trouble. That was more likely than any feeling he may have had for Snape.
/Feelings for me? I'm going senile/
Nevertheless, Snape could not forget the look of pure panic on Potter's face as he pulled him out of danger.
/there are a million explanations for that. So it was Harry instead of James. Potter./
Snape needed to hate Harry, although he wouldn't admit it. It made him feel. But it wasn't the same any more.
/Oh for Merlin's sake, NOTHING has changed. He is still the pretentious, obnoxious, irksome troublemaker his father was. It changes nothing!!/
He was partly right.
***
/I have to see Harry./
***
Harry had been quiet most of the day and, despite Ron and Hermione's constant prodding, had said nothing about what happened the previous day. He kept up the 'I don't remember ' façade, but he was sure at least Dumbledore knew better. Harry did remember, that was his problem.
/What does it mean?/
He'd always, despite what Snape said, held his father a hero in the Shrieking Shack incident. But now it seemed as if he was wrong. His father hadn't had anything to do with the whole thing. Snape was wrong thinking that his father had a hand in setting the prank up too.
Harry now found himself asking the questions that he probably should have asked when he first the story, or at least in the years since. But he hadn't. A part of him now realised that it was because he was afraid of those answers, afraid of what they would mean about his dad. Recognising this made him feel guilty. If he refused to believe those things about his dad, then how could he now entertain them for the rest of the Marauders. It was possibly because the incident was no longer long in the past. For Harry it happened only yesterday.
And he was there.
/Why did they pull such a dangerous trick? Whose idea was it? Was it a trick?/
That was the worst question of all. Did someone he loved really want Snape to die? Sure his professor was a horrible greasy git but it was no reason for trying to kill him. He didn't believe his Godfather or Lupin capable of unjustified cold-blooded murder.
/Then why?/
His trip may not have changed anything in the outside world. If nothing, Snape was more horrible in class. However it made Harry's insides turn about. He had even more questions, but he pushed those even further towards the back of his brain. He certainly wasn't ready for those.
"Come on Harry, snap out of it!" said Ron on his way to their dorm room, "You've been out of it all day. 'Mione's worries about you."
"It's nothing."
"Sirius!" Roan interrupted as he saw Harry's godfather sitting on the edge of Harry's bed, "What are you doing here? Isn't it dangerous?"
"Ron. Harry. It should be all right as long as I stay in here. Albus has called your other roommates out for a 'meeting' so I've got some time."
Harry pushed back the other questions in his head. "Is something wrong?"
"No actually. I just had the strangest feeling that I had to see you. I was about to ask if you thought anything was wrong"
Harry nodded, "We have to talk."