The sunlight shined brightly through the window onto the kitchen table.
Eric absent-mindedly searched the fridge for something to eat. He was
trying to keep his mind from wandering. No matter how hard he tried, it
seemed his thoughts always returned to the same subject: Jack.
He realized he couldn't deny it anymore. He was in love with Jack. He continued to rummage through the fridge, inadvertently letting his mind wander. He knew everything about Jack-his eyes, his smile, the sound of his laughter.
"Hey, bud!" Jack's cheerful greeting made him jump, and as always, the sight of Jack made his heart skip a beat.
"Morning," he replied nonchalantly, trying to keep his cool. "I was just about to make breakfast. You want some eggs?"
"No thanks, man. I was just on my way to class. If I don't leave now I'm gonna be late. See you later, though."
"Alright, see ya."
As soon as Jack was out in the hall, he let out a heavy sigh. "Why can't you just tell him how you feel, you fool?" he reprimanded himself. For weeks Jack had promised himself that he would finally admit to Eric that he loved him, but simply could not bring himself to do so. "The longer you go on pretending that nothing happened between the two of you after the funeral, the more insincere this whole thing is going to sound." He continued to scold himself on his way to school. Although his heart ached to tell his secret, he could not bear the thought of Eric's reaction when he told him he was gay after denying it months earlier. He didn't know if Eric could possibly understand or if Eric would want him even after he had hurt him so badly.
*****
Eric desperately fought back the feeling of hopelessness that was quickly enveloping his whole body.
It had been months since Jack's father had died. Eric could still
remember how distraught Jack had been after coming home from the
funeral. He could still remember how Jack's sadness had brought them
close that night. What started as a comforting embrace between friends
soon led to more. He remembered his surprise as Jack's lips found his
own, how Jack's hands had undressed him, how he and Jack explored each
other's bodies, and how glad he was that his first time was with the
man of his dreams. He could replay the entire night in slow motion
inside his head. He could still remember the taste of Jack's skin. He
had been in love with Jack since shortly after they had met and it
seemed to Eric, at the time, that all his dreams were coming true.
However this dream of finally being Jack's boyfriend shattered the
morning after.
"Hey, Eric? Man, we need to talk about what happened last night. You
know it was a mistake, right? I was just in a very vulnerable place
last night.you know. So I was hoping we could forget the whole thing
ever happened." Jack's words from that night still echoed in Eric's
head, still hurting him as much as the first time they were spoken to
him.
"Yeah.sure.a mistake. Of course it was a mistake." Eric felt his heart
breaking as he lied to Jack, praying that his hurt wasn't as evident
to Jack as it was to him.
Eric had since been trying to get over Jack, but found it impossible to do. He still wanted Jack as much as before and still dreamed about being with him again, only with the feeling of love being reciprocated. He hid his feelings as well as he could, but that only made his heart ache even worse. Eric was just relieved that the tension he and Jack had both felt in the days immediately after the night of the funeral had diminished and that things had pretty much returned to normal.
Eric wished he had someone in whom he could confide how he truly felt about Jack and how he longed to be with him. Although his family and friends had known for a little over a year that he was gay, he could not admit to anyone that he was in love with Jack even though he longed to tell someone.
To take his mind off of things, he decided to go on a walk. He had nothing planned for the day, anyway. He grabbed his coat and left the apartment with a heavy heart.
*****
"Mr. Hunter? Mr. Hunter!" Mr. Feeney's voice startled Jack, bringing his fantasies of Eric to a sudden halt.
"Oh. Sorry, Mr. Feeney, I didn't mean to space out during your lecture again."
"Well, Mr. Hunter, you've managed to beat your own record today. Usually you snap back to reality just as class is ending. Today you didn't realize when class ended. Something on your mind?"
"Well, yeah.but I don't think it's anything you can help me with."
"Are you sure? Try me."
"Well, see.the thing is.I think I'm in love. But the person who I'm in love with.well, I hurt that person very badly not too long ago. This person doesn't know how I feel, and I want to tell them so badly how I feel-"
"But you're scared of rejection." Mr. Feeney finished Jack's thought for him.
"Yeah. How did you know?"
"Mr. Hunter, something like this happens to most people at one point or another. It's natural for people to fear rejection."
"So what do you think I should do, Mr. Feeney? Do you think I should risk being rejected and humiliated? Or should I just keep quiet? I want to tell this person so badly, but every time I'm about to tell, I choke."
"Now I can't tell you what to do," Mr. Feeney began in his expert, advice- giving tone, "but I can tell you that that if you never tell this person how you feel, you might miss out on a lifetime of love. You see, Mr. Hunter, if you reveal your feelings to this person, you might find true love.or you might find nothing. You need to decide whether or not you can live without knowing what could be. Remember, the saddest thing to think about is what could've been"
"Thanks, Mr. Feeney. I know what I need to do."
Jack hurried out the door, more anxious than ever to get back to the apartment. Mr. Feeney had instilled a new confidence in him.
*****
Eric was returning from his walk as Jack came running from class.
"Eric!" Jack called to his friend excitedly and he ran towards him. "Eric, man, we have to talk. I have something very important to tell you!"
Eric, who had been fumbling with his keys, looking for the proper one to open the apartment building's main door, stopped to face Jack and replied to him in an indifferent tone, "Ok, go ahead. Talk." In his frame of mind, Eric couldn't have cared less what Jack had to tell him. He knew it couldn't possibly what he wanted to hear.
Jack hesitated. His friend's tone and the number of people surrounding them made him uneasy. "Once we get upstairs. Then I can tell you."
"Suit yourself."
They rode up the elevator in silence. Eric made a mental list of the things he thought Jack's news could possibly be about. Either he had met some girl, gotten a great job that he was excited about, or he had gotten a good grade on a paper for school. Eric couldn't imagine the news being about anything that would interest him.
As soon as they were inside their apartment, Eric started to head to his room.
"Eric, where are you going? I told you I have very important news to tell you."
"It can't wait five minutes? I'm just going to go put my coat away, I'll be right back." Eric was getting impatient.
"No, it can't wait. I have to tell you this or I might never work up the courage to tell you again. Please, sit down on the couch so I can tell you before I get too nervous."
He waited until Eric had situated himself on the couch, and despite the look of boredom and annoyance Eric was giving him, he continued on.
"I have been wanted to tell you this for so long, Eric. You really must understand. I don't know how you're going to take this, but I just have to get it off my chest." Jack paused before continuing, then he hurriedly blurted out the truth. "Eric, I love you. I mean, I'm in love with you. I just didn't want to admit it to myself. That night that we slept together.that meant something to me. That night meant a lot to me. But the morning after, I hurt you. I told you it was a mistake, and for a while I believed that. But I haven't been the same after that experience. I can't hide my feelings from you any longer. I have to stop lying to myself and to you. I don't know if you can forgive you for hurting you and lying to you, but I had to tell you how I feel, cause I can't live without knowing if anything could happen between us."
Eric was in a daze. He sat on the couch, speechless, not believing what Jack had just told him.
"Eric?" Jack sat down on the couch next to his friend. "Eric, you okay? Did you even hear a word of what I just said?"
Eric didn't hesitate. He put on hand behind Jack's neck and gently pulled him closer. They kissed, starting off slowly, working their way to a more passionate kiss, their tongues dancing together. Although he did not want to stop, Jack pulled away from Eric's loving embrace.
"Before we go any farther," Jack started uncertainly, "can you just tell me exactly what this is? Is anything going to happen from this? Or is this just revenge for what I did to you?"
At that Eric laughed, "Jack, I haven't been able to get you off my mind since that night we spent together. I've been in love with you since then, but I was so certain that you would never feel the same way about me. I want to be with you so badly. I want to be the one you love forever."
Relieved, Jack grinned. He took Eric by the hand and they proceeded into the bedroom. They took their time exploring and pleasuring each other.
After a long, steamy night, they laid next to each other, breathing heavily, satisfied. "Eric?" Jack whispered in the darkness.
"Yeah," Eric mumbled drowsily.
"Eric, I love you."
Eric felt Jack's love wrap itself around him. It felt warm. "I love you, too, Jack." He said, relieved to finally say it, happy that his feelings were finally being returned.
Eric drifted off to sleep completely content. He knew this was the beginning of a long, loving relationship. He couldn't wait until the next morning, for he knew there was nothing of rejection to fear. He knew he and Jack would be in love forever.
He realized he couldn't deny it anymore. He was in love with Jack. He continued to rummage through the fridge, inadvertently letting his mind wander. He knew everything about Jack-his eyes, his smile, the sound of his laughter.
"Hey, bud!" Jack's cheerful greeting made him jump, and as always, the sight of Jack made his heart skip a beat.
"Morning," he replied nonchalantly, trying to keep his cool. "I was just about to make breakfast. You want some eggs?"
"No thanks, man. I was just on my way to class. If I don't leave now I'm gonna be late. See you later, though."
"Alright, see ya."
As soon as Jack was out in the hall, he let out a heavy sigh. "Why can't you just tell him how you feel, you fool?" he reprimanded himself. For weeks Jack had promised himself that he would finally admit to Eric that he loved him, but simply could not bring himself to do so. "The longer you go on pretending that nothing happened between the two of you after the funeral, the more insincere this whole thing is going to sound." He continued to scold himself on his way to school. Although his heart ached to tell his secret, he could not bear the thought of Eric's reaction when he told him he was gay after denying it months earlier. He didn't know if Eric could possibly understand or if Eric would want him even after he had hurt him so badly.
*****
Eric desperately fought back the feeling of hopelessness that was quickly enveloping his whole body.
It had been months since Jack's father had died. Eric could still
remember how distraught Jack had been after coming home from the
funeral. He could still remember how Jack's sadness had brought them
close that night. What started as a comforting embrace between friends
soon led to more. He remembered his surprise as Jack's lips found his
own, how Jack's hands had undressed him, how he and Jack explored each
other's bodies, and how glad he was that his first time was with the
man of his dreams. He could replay the entire night in slow motion
inside his head. He could still remember the taste of Jack's skin. He
had been in love with Jack since shortly after they had met and it
seemed to Eric, at the time, that all his dreams were coming true.
However this dream of finally being Jack's boyfriend shattered the
morning after.
"Hey, Eric? Man, we need to talk about what happened last night. You
know it was a mistake, right? I was just in a very vulnerable place
last night.you know. So I was hoping we could forget the whole thing
ever happened." Jack's words from that night still echoed in Eric's
head, still hurting him as much as the first time they were spoken to
him.
"Yeah.sure.a mistake. Of course it was a mistake." Eric felt his heart
breaking as he lied to Jack, praying that his hurt wasn't as evident
to Jack as it was to him.
Eric had since been trying to get over Jack, but found it impossible to do. He still wanted Jack as much as before and still dreamed about being with him again, only with the feeling of love being reciprocated. He hid his feelings as well as he could, but that only made his heart ache even worse. Eric was just relieved that the tension he and Jack had both felt in the days immediately after the night of the funeral had diminished and that things had pretty much returned to normal.
Eric wished he had someone in whom he could confide how he truly felt about Jack and how he longed to be with him. Although his family and friends had known for a little over a year that he was gay, he could not admit to anyone that he was in love with Jack even though he longed to tell someone.
To take his mind off of things, he decided to go on a walk. He had nothing planned for the day, anyway. He grabbed his coat and left the apartment with a heavy heart.
*****
"Mr. Hunter? Mr. Hunter!" Mr. Feeney's voice startled Jack, bringing his fantasies of Eric to a sudden halt.
"Oh. Sorry, Mr. Feeney, I didn't mean to space out during your lecture again."
"Well, Mr. Hunter, you've managed to beat your own record today. Usually you snap back to reality just as class is ending. Today you didn't realize when class ended. Something on your mind?"
"Well, yeah.but I don't think it's anything you can help me with."
"Are you sure? Try me."
"Well, see.the thing is.I think I'm in love. But the person who I'm in love with.well, I hurt that person very badly not too long ago. This person doesn't know how I feel, and I want to tell them so badly how I feel-"
"But you're scared of rejection." Mr. Feeney finished Jack's thought for him.
"Yeah. How did you know?"
"Mr. Hunter, something like this happens to most people at one point or another. It's natural for people to fear rejection."
"So what do you think I should do, Mr. Feeney? Do you think I should risk being rejected and humiliated? Or should I just keep quiet? I want to tell this person so badly, but every time I'm about to tell, I choke."
"Now I can't tell you what to do," Mr. Feeney began in his expert, advice- giving tone, "but I can tell you that that if you never tell this person how you feel, you might miss out on a lifetime of love. You see, Mr. Hunter, if you reveal your feelings to this person, you might find true love.or you might find nothing. You need to decide whether or not you can live without knowing what could be. Remember, the saddest thing to think about is what could've been"
"Thanks, Mr. Feeney. I know what I need to do."
Jack hurried out the door, more anxious than ever to get back to the apartment. Mr. Feeney had instilled a new confidence in him.
*****
Eric was returning from his walk as Jack came running from class.
"Eric!" Jack called to his friend excitedly and he ran towards him. "Eric, man, we have to talk. I have something very important to tell you!"
Eric, who had been fumbling with his keys, looking for the proper one to open the apartment building's main door, stopped to face Jack and replied to him in an indifferent tone, "Ok, go ahead. Talk." In his frame of mind, Eric couldn't have cared less what Jack had to tell him. He knew it couldn't possibly what he wanted to hear.
Jack hesitated. His friend's tone and the number of people surrounding them made him uneasy. "Once we get upstairs. Then I can tell you."
"Suit yourself."
They rode up the elevator in silence. Eric made a mental list of the things he thought Jack's news could possibly be about. Either he had met some girl, gotten a great job that he was excited about, or he had gotten a good grade on a paper for school. Eric couldn't imagine the news being about anything that would interest him.
As soon as they were inside their apartment, Eric started to head to his room.
"Eric, where are you going? I told you I have very important news to tell you."
"It can't wait five minutes? I'm just going to go put my coat away, I'll be right back." Eric was getting impatient.
"No, it can't wait. I have to tell you this or I might never work up the courage to tell you again. Please, sit down on the couch so I can tell you before I get too nervous."
He waited until Eric had situated himself on the couch, and despite the look of boredom and annoyance Eric was giving him, he continued on.
"I have been wanted to tell you this for so long, Eric. You really must understand. I don't know how you're going to take this, but I just have to get it off my chest." Jack paused before continuing, then he hurriedly blurted out the truth. "Eric, I love you. I mean, I'm in love with you. I just didn't want to admit it to myself. That night that we slept together.that meant something to me. That night meant a lot to me. But the morning after, I hurt you. I told you it was a mistake, and for a while I believed that. But I haven't been the same after that experience. I can't hide my feelings from you any longer. I have to stop lying to myself and to you. I don't know if you can forgive you for hurting you and lying to you, but I had to tell you how I feel, cause I can't live without knowing if anything could happen between us."
Eric was in a daze. He sat on the couch, speechless, not believing what Jack had just told him.
"Eric?" Jack sat down on the couch next to his friend. "Eric, you okay? Did you even hear a word of what I just said?"
Eric didn't hesitate. He put on hand behind Jack's neck and gently pulled him closer. They kissed, starting off slowly, working their way to a more passionate kiss, their tongues dancing together. Although he did not want to stop, Jack pulled away from Eric's loving embrace.
"Before we go any farther," Jack started uncertainly, "can you just tell me exactly what this is? Is anything going to happen from this? Or is this just revenge for what I did to you?"
At that Eric laughed, "Jack, I haven't been able to get you off my mind since that night we spent together. I've been in love with you since then, but I was so certain that you would never feel the same way about me. I want to be with you so badly. I want to be the one you love forever."
Relieved, Jack grinned. He took Eric by the hand and they proceeded into the bedroom. They took their time exploring and pleasuring each other.
After a long, steamy night, they laid next to each other, breathing heavily, satisfied. "Eric?" Jack whispered in the darkness.
"Yeah," Eric mumbled drowsily.
"Eric, I love you."
Eric felt Jack's love wrap itself around him. It felt warm. "I love you, too, Jack." He said, relieved to finally say it, happy that his feelings were finally being returned.
Eric drifted off to sleep completely content. He knew this was the beginning of a long, loving relationship. He couldn't wait until the next morning, for he knew there was nothing of rejection to fear. He knew he and Jack would be in love forever.