***Please note*** If you notice any spelling mistakes, punctuation
mistakes, or grammatical errors, consider it just one of Frodo's stupid
mistakes. Hey, I'm just retyping what he wrote, okay? We all know hobbits
aren't the sharpest tools in the shed, right?
The Adventure Continues
Dear Diary,
Sometimes I wonder about things. For example: what is the meaning of life? Why is the sky blue? Why do birds chirp instead of moo? And why does Sam enjoy singing annoying songs all the time? So we're hiking on our way to Bree, right? And Sam decides that he wants to sing some really stupid song about a trout. I love Sam and all but, sheesh, what kind of person would sing a song about a trout? They're fish for crying out loud! We eat fish, not worship them! So this singing went on until Sam had sung this song about twenty times when I lost it. I lost it! I took my frying pan out of my pack and held it up threateningly. I told Sam that if he didn't shut up soon, he would be looking forward to a big bump on his head, bigger than Bilbo's birthday party. Apparently he didn't take the hint and went on singing. I lost my patience and knocked him over the head with the pan. He went limp, and then collapsed to the ground. Looking around to check whether anyone was watching, I bent down and checked for a pulse. Unfortunately - uh, I mean thankfully - I could feel one. I dragged him over to the side of the road and propped him against a tree. I figured it would be a good time for second breakfast, so I took some bacon out of my pack and fried it up using the same pan that had knocked him cold. And here I am now, siting here eating bacon next to a maniac who's out cold. If he wakes up, I'll tell him he tripped and hit his head on a rock or something. He's so crazy over me he won't even question what I say.
You're totally annoyed hobbit friend, Frodo
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*
Dear Diary,
Will strange things ever stop happening? Sam woke up after about an hour later. (I told him the tripping and landing on a rock story and thankfully he believed me) We started to walk again and Sam decided that he was bored with singing. As I always say, the best way to change somebody's mind is with a frying pan. So we're walking through Farmer Faggot's - uh, I mean Maggot's - fields when all of a sudden we're bombarded by two more maniacs bursting through the corn stalks. Sam screamed bloody murder until we realized that it was just Merry and Pippin. They told us to run because Farmer Faggot - uh, Maggot - was chasing them because they had stolen some of his stuff. Sam asked Isn't it only a few crops? Merry responded with a sly smile. He and Pippin outstretched their hands to reveal a gold watch, some diamond jewelry, a big ruby ring, several coins, and a book titled Pina Coladas. So we ran and ran and ran until we got to the road. Big Oaf Sam decided that he wanted to trip and fall on his face right then and there. Due to the fact that he was running in the front of all of us, we all tripped on him and fell flat on our faces as well. We all lied sprawled in the middle of the road when I heard a noise. It sounded like a cow. Get off the road! I told them. A cow's coming! They didn't listen to me, so I cried Get off the road you friggin hobbits! I was starting to sound like Gandalf. Fine, Mr. Touchy! said Pippin and they rolled off to the side. Then, what do you know, a big black cow came wandering down the road with some strange dude on its back. This dude was so strange! He was wearing some black sheet. I smelled cologne and thought to myself WHAT? Cologne? This doesn't look like a guy who would wear cologne! Anyway, he continued down the road and Sam was all like Wow! That was a close one! Then Merry yelled Run! I don't know why he wanted us to run. Personally, I think he has a fear of cows. Or maybe it's a fear of cologne. Anyway, we ran. Merry said to me That black rider was looking for something - or someone...Frodo? I'm all like Me? Why would he be looking for me? He said I don't know, but you sure acted strange around him. Then Pippin squealed in my face Maybe you LIKE him! This didn't make Sam happy. He said I thought you were MY man! For the rest of the day, he wouldn't talk to me. I tried to explain that that wasn't the case, but he wouldn't listen to me. Now I won't ever get my love letter! This world is so friggin confusing! Ahhh! I'm starting to sound like Gandalf again - he always uses the word friggin! I hope that I won't turn old and ugly if I keep using that word!
Your friggin hobbit friend, Frodo
The Adventure Continues
Dear Diary,
Sometimes I wonder about things. For example: what is the meaning of life? Why is the sky blue? Why do birds chirp instead of moo? And why does Sam enjoy singing annoying songs all the time? So we're hiking on our way to Bree, right? And Sam decides that he wants to sing some really stupid song about a trout. I love Sam and all but, sheesh, what kind of person would sing a song about a trout? They're fish for crying out loud! We eat fish, not worship them! So this singing went on until Sam had sung this song about twenty times when I lost it. I lost it! I took my frying pan out of my pack and held it up threateningly. I told Sam that if he didn't shut up soon, he would be looking forward to a big bump on his head, bigger than Bilbo's birthday party. Apparently he didn't take the hint and went on singing. I lost my patience and knocked him over the head with the pan. He went limp, and then collapsed to the ground. Looking around to check whether anyone was watching, I bent down and checked for a pulse. Unfortunately - uh, I mean thankfully - I could feel one. I dragged him over to the side of the road and propped him against a tree. I figured it would be a good time for second breakfast, so I took some bacon out of my pack and fried it up using the same pan that had knocked him cold. And here I am now, siting here eating bacon next to a maniac who's out cold. If he wakes up, I'll tell him he tripped and hit his head on a rock or something. He's so crazy over me he won't even question what I say.
You're totally annoyed hobbit friend, Frodo
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*
Dear Diary,
Will strange things ever stop happening? Sam woke up after about an hour later. (I told him the tripping and landing on a rock story and thankfully he believed me) We started to walk again and Sam decided that he was bored with singing. As I always say, the best way to change somebody's mind is with a frying pan. So we're walking through Farmer Faggot's - uh, I mean Maggot's - fields when all of a sudden we're bombarded by two more maniacs bursting through the corn stalks. Sam screamed bloody murder until we realized that it was just Merry and Pippin. They told us to run because Farmer Faggot - uh, Maggot - was chasing them because they had stolen some of his stuff. Sam asked Isn't it only a few crops? Merry responded with a sly smile. He and Pippin outstretched their hands to reveal a gold watch, some diamond jewelry, a big ruby ring, several coins, and a book titled Pina Coladas. So we ran and ran and ran until we got to the road. Big Oaf Sam decided that he wanted to trip and fall on his face right then and there. Due to the fact that he was running in the front of all of us, we all tripped on him and fell flat on our faces as well. We all lied sprawled in the middle of the road when I heard a noise. It sounded like a cow. Get off the road! I told them. A cow's coming! They didn't listen to me, so I cried Get off the road you friggin hobbits! I was starting to sound like Gandalf. Fine, Mr. Touchy! said Pippin and they rolled off to the side. Then, what do you know, a big black cow came wandering down the road with some strange dude on its back. This dude was so strange! He was wearing some black sheet. I smelled cologne and thought to myself WHAT? Cologne? This doesn't look like a guy who would wear cologne! Anyway, he continued down the road and Sam was all like Wow! That was a close one! Then Merry yelled Run! I don't know why he wanted us to run. Personally, I think he has a fear of cows. Or maybe it's a fear of cologne. Anyway, we ran. Merry said to me That black rider was looking for something - or someone...Frodo? I'm all like Me? Why would he be looking for me? He said I don't know, but you sure acted strange around him. Then Pippin squealed in my face Maybe you LIKE him! This didn't make Sam happy. He said I thought you were MY man! For the rest of the day, he wouldn't talk to me. I tried to explain that that wasn't the case, but he wouldn't listen to me. Now I won't ever get my love letter! This world is so friggin confusing! Ahhh! I'm starting to sound like Gandalf again - he always uses the word friggin! I hope that I won't turn old and ugly if I keep using that word!
Your friggin hobbit friend, Frodo