Disclaimer: One of these days… they'll all be MINE. Bwuhaha. But that'll happen when pigs fly outta my ass… Ah well. For now (and most likely forever) these characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi and Vis. Damndamndamndamndamn
Author's Note: bleargh. Writing is hard! This was definitely not as easy as I thought. BUT I'll keep working on this li'l story until it's finished…It should only be a couple more chapters. After that – I think I may very well start another M/S story ^_^ I'm so glad that you guys like this fic! It's my first after all, so I'm still very insecure even with all your wonderful reviews. Teehee. Keep em comin….
Ooo – and just to clear something up – in the last chapter, Kagome was NOT getting some of Sango's memories. They were bad memories of her own (i.e. – Inuyasha being dragged into hell) that were brought to the surface because…well…just read this chapter. I'm sorry if I wasn't clear enough while describing the scene, and I hope that the fact that Kagome had her own bad memories doesn't disappoint any readers. mrrrrr I'll definitely do better in this next chapter!
*feh – inu potty mouth warning
The Reality of Things
Chapter 5
Miroku stared blankly ahead of him at Inuyasha and the girl in his arms. Thoughts raced through his mind, trying to understand the connection between Kagome and Sango's illness. They had both gone to the clearing…but Kagome did not have the same wounds as Sango, just the same look of unhealthiness. She had not met with the oni as Sango had, so why was she unwell? It was a mood – shaper. That thought seemed to nag at the back of his mind. There was something wrong about all this.
Inuyasha was still panting in the doorway, exhausted from worry, panic, and just being plain pissed off. He didn't like not understanding things, especially not when those "things" made Kagome faint for absolutely no reason. He was soaked, Kagome was wet and shivering, even though she seemed to be burning with fever, and there was NO way that anyone around him was going to rest until he knew what the hell was going on around here.
"Inuyasha" Kaede said, "bring Kagome near the fire beside Sango. I will have to change her out of her wet things. Go on and sit in the corner with your backs turned until I instruct thee otherwise." Kaede gave a distracted wave of her hand in the direction of the corner in question as she scrutinized Kagome. Miroku absentmindedly got up and sat in the corner with Inuyasha after the hanyou had placed Kagome in Kaede's care.
Miroku was thinking very hard. He was sure that that thing was a mood – shaper. He had sensed and seen it. He understood that due to the power of the oni, Sango had probably experienced her worst memories over and over again, since that was the purpose of such oni. They fed off of bad karma and unhappiness, taking the visual form of any of the worst memories of their prey. It was not had for Miroku to guess what the mood-shaper had seen when it delved into her mind. The spider youkai had been the demon her family was to exterminate when Kohaku had been possessed. That would explain why she had been unable to fight. She was too overcome with her past to focus on the present and defend herself. Not that it would have worked even if she could. A mood-shaper could only be defeated with holy seals and prayers.
What was this nagging feeling on his mind?
He had defeated the oni. He had sealed it right? So what…
"Oi, bouzu."
Miroku shook his head to clear himself momentarily from his thoughts. "What is it Inuyasha?"
"Kagome's all set up bouzu. Go on and say some prayers or something. Or whatever it is you monks do."
Miroku sat up hazily and moved towards the two girls lying near the fire in the hut. Realization was beginning to dawn on him as he looked at each girl in turn.
He compared the two of them as he gazed. Kagome looked flushed and ill, her breathing heavy and uneven. Sango, well, Sango was much worse. Her eyes were sunken in, she tossed and turned every few moments or so, and she was feverishly warm. How was she so unwell when he had killed the oni? Moreover, how was it that Kagome seemed to be suffering from a milder form of whatever illness that Sango was suffering from? He looked around the hut, searching for the answer. He saw Shippou and Kirara huddled in a corner, worried expressions on their faces. Inuyasha was ever moving closer to Kagome, wanting to help but painfully ignorant of how to do so. Kaede on her knees, ready to aid him in any endeavor he might suggest. He thought back to the fight. He had thrown the ofuda, the oni disintegrated, and then…and then…
"Kuso!" Miroku cursed rather loudly. Everyone in the hut, with the exception of the two sick girls, had jumped at the sudden exclamation. They watched as Miroku sunk to his knees in front of Sango, and hold his head in his hands. He was softly mumbling to himself. Words that only youkai ears could hear.
Inuyasha listened, stunned at what the monk was saying. "It's all my fault, all of it. I didn't say it… I've never forgotten before, but I did this time, when it turned out that it was the most important. Why didn't I say it? What stopped me? I was too distracted…too overcome with fear. I was careless, and now she suffers, for my own irresponsibility…"
"Oi, monk. What didn't you say? I thought you saved Sango. What really happened?" Inuyasha asked.
Miroku raised his head slowly, looking straight ahead of him at the wall. His face was set in a hard, unreadable expression. "I didn't say the prayer."
Inuyasha stared blankly at him. "Nani?"
"The prayer, to seal the oni – to put it to rest and make sure that it never disturbs anyone again. The ofudas defeat the physical form of the oni, but the prayers that I say are not empty. They calm the monster's spirit. It is a necessary step, and my duty as a servant of Buddha. Therefore, Sango and Kagome's present conditions are entirely my fault. I was too busy wondering if Sango was still alive to complete the normal ritual…"
"Miroku - dono, you should not blame yourself. Ye were merely concerned over your…companion. It is not your fault. There is still hope that they will both come out of this sickness without any negative side-effects" Kaede soothed.
Inuyasha gave a nearly inaudible growl. "I still don't understand bouzu. It was an oni. You killed it. It should have ended there. Why are they sick? And" he said pointedly, "if I didn't say it clearly enough a few minutes ago; what the fuck is going on!" His voice had risen drastically by the time he had finished speaking. Even though his frustration was focused on the monk for the moment, Miroku seemed hardly to notice.
"Let me put it this way Inuyasha. The spider-youkai that I fought was not the oni's true form. It was the form that it took on after following Sango-san and reading her thoughts. Its – how should I put this – its essence is what Sango-san and Kagome-sama are suffering from at the moment. This essence is what encourages the bad karma inside of its subject to increase, therefore giving the oni more to feed off of."
"Feed off of!? Feh! How the hell…" Here, Miroku cut Inuyasha off.
"Yes, feed off of. That is what a mood –shaper does. It gains strength from human insecurities. Which is why neither you, nor Shippou, nor Kirara were affected by it. In your hanyou form, the youkai half of you protected your human half."
"But the oni was already dead!" Shippou asserted.
"Yes, but to a sensitive miko like Kagome, the essence could still have a mild affect on her. Which is what we're seeing now. Sango-san on the other hand…" he trailed off. "Sango-san was the oni's main target, and therefore it was more focused on her. It also managed to injure her, allowing it to reach her more directly through her blood stream. Had I said the prayer, Sango-san might only be injured physically instead of emotionally as well."
Miroku looked sadly down at Sango's face. It was creased with frustration and confusion, with a touch of fear. He would never deserve her now. Not after he had caused her even further pain.
"Miroku – dono. I believe it is time that we began to expel the oni's presence." Kaede tentatively suggested. She was worried by the sad look that the houshi was giving the taiji-ya.
"Hai."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Kagome didn't know what was going on. She had felt the odd sensation of being held and moving swiftly. But whenever that happened, she was always on Inuyasha's back. Right now she was being held bridal style. And then suddenly she was aware of being cold, and wet, and at the same time mysteriously warm but ill at ease.
She then knew no more of reality. She, like Sango, was existing elsewhere. Naraku became a vague appearance in these vision-like nightmares, a constant nagging worry. She saw herself being chased by the centipede youkai, and feeling a new kind fear, since at the time her life had never before been in danger.
But all of these troublesome memories paled in comparison when she replayed the experience of Inuyasha and Kikyou. She barely thought about the time that he chose a dead woman over herself. That had been disturbing, but at least she knew that Inuyasha would be happy. Instead, her subconscious focused on an earlier event. The time that Inuyasha had come within a hairsbreadth of being dragged into hell.
That had affected her deeply. More so than she would ever admit. She would often awake after nightmares of watching the one she loved throw away his life senselessly. She had felt so powerless to stop him. He was under a stronger miko's spell, as was she. But it hardly helped that he was so obviously in love with her. What were her fears? That Inuyasha would die, that she wouldn't even have a chance to try to prevent it. She wasn't so jealous of Kikyou as she was her power over Inuyasha. The idea that the dead miko could simply call to him and get him to give his life for her – to join her in hell – was an idea that caused poor Kagome many sleepless nights. She hated that she might never get to be with Inuyasha the way she wanted to be, but she was appalled that he might toss his life away as if it had no meaning.
These thoughts were filling her with self doubt. She no longer remembered all the times that Inuyasha came back for her, protected her, worried over her, and cared for her. None of that was her reality anymore. She was lost in a world of darkness and despair, and she couldn't find a way out…
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Miroku positioned himself between Kagome and Sango, and began to quietly chant. Keade joined him on the other side of the fire. They chanted and prayed long into the night, the rain still pattering on the roof of the hut. Inuyasha sat sullenly against the wall, never taking his eyes off of Kagome's form. He was startled when he suddenly heard a break in the chanting, and heard Miroku call to him.
"Inuyasha."
"What is it bouzu"
"I need you to hold Kagome's hand." Miroku said quietly.
"Nani?" Inuyasha was slightly embarrassed at this suggestion at first. But then remembered certain occurrences on the other side of the well…and put aside his embarrassment with a small cough. "Umm, why? What do I need to do?"
"Just hold her hand and be with her. Perhaps talk to her about a very happy memory the two of you share" Miroku said with only a suggestive lilt to his voice. "The oni draws on bad karma and bad memories. If she is aware of your presence at any moment, or aware of happy memories, the fever will be much more likely to leave her body."
"Alright" Inuyasha said warily. He slowly shifted over closer to Kagome, and clumsily, but tenderly, took her sweating palm in his. "Uhhh"
"Talk to her" Miroku commanded. "Don't worry, I'm not listening, and Kaede is too deep in prayer to care."
"Fine bouzu. But just wait until you can't put off doing this any longer for Sango" he grumbled.
"That time will come soon enough. I am running out of prayers…and she is not responding as I would wish. When I do…help her… I can only hope that you will show me the same courtesy that I am showing you. Kagome is doing much better, but I think she needs an extra push that only you can give her."
"Sure monk" Inuyasha grumbled a little more (just for good measure) and leaned closer to Kagome's ear.
"Um, hey Kagome. I'm supposed to talk to you about happy memories right? Well, uh, all I can really think of right now is when you were sick, and you drank the medicine I made for you. And when I fell asleep on your bed, and you let me stay. And, I remember when you told me that you wanted to stay with me. I really like that one Kagome… And then I guess," he coughed a bit to clear his throat a little, and stole a furtive glance at the monk, "there's always our most recent memory together. When I went to your world, and I got mad at that Hobo kid – and then you got mad – and I got madder – and you sat me again…" He trailed off, giving a little smile at the memory. "right on top of you. You're really pretty when you blush, ya know that Kagome? Well then, we just talked… and you somehow managed to get me to blurt out that I really liked you. And then – here's the best part Kagome – you said," he took a deep breath, "you said that you really liked me too. Just the way I am. I – I've never met anyone like you Kagome. You make me so happy. I promise that I will always protect you, and I swear, I'll find some way to be with you and never leave you…"
Miroku raised an eyebrow as he cracked his left eye to look at the pair across from him. He didn't know what the hanyou was saying, but whatever it was, was making him blush furiously, and making Kagome squeeze her eyes shut in an attempt to appear unconscious still. Inuyasha was so wrapped up in his little speech that he hadn't noticed that Kagome had awoken shortly after he had finished speaking with Miroku. The houshi suspected that she was enjoying every minute of this, judging by the little smile she was trying her hardest to suppress.
He sighed. Kagome was well. That was good. Now he would have to focus even more on Sango. Not that he really minded, but he was aware that the essence of the oni had probably affected him in a similar way as Kagome. His training as a monk had prevented any physical reaction to it, but he could feel a certain darkness creeping over him minute by minute. He would have to concentrate hard on Sango to help her regain her good karma.
He looked over at Kaede and saw that she was very tired. He often forgot how old the miko was, and how exhausted they must all make her. It also wouldn't hurt to have a little privacy with Sango if he were going to help her as he should. "Kaede – sama. Onegai. I will stay up. I think that you and the rest should sleep. I am not tired anyway."
"Hai Miroku – dono. I shall, but only because I believe that in the end it is best to let you and Sango heal each other rather than get others involved. And the dark circles under your eyes betray you houshi – sama. Ye are just as tired as I, if not more so. I will get me to bed, and make sure that the rest do not disturb you in your… healing." She chuckled slightly at herself, despite the ominous mood in the hut. She knew that all would be well. These young people were strong. They would survive.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Miroku yawned. He really was exhausted. His voice was nearly gone from the hours of prayer, and his limbs ached from the sitting stance he was obliged to hold. Sango was looking slightly better, but the oni had harmed her deeply. He sighed. There was nothing for it. He recalled that she had, for some reason unknown to him, enjoyed the closeness they had shared on Kirara's back. He steeled his resolve and moved towards Sango.
She was a dead weight in his arms, but easier to position in his lap than she had been before. She fit easier against him – if that made any sense. This closeness was becoming familiar between them. He sighed again as he looked at her. Her eyes were closed and her brow was still furrowed from frustrating memories. Her chest rose and fell with the deep, gasping breaths the fever was forcing her to take. She seemed calmer in his arms though. An idea that made him smile despite her condition. Even as sick as she was, she was still able to stop his heart with her beauty and strength. Most would have died from the injuries that she had sustained. But not Sango.
She was the strongest person he had ever known, and he was always amazed at how she still managed to go on, even after she had been hurt so deeply. His little curse was nothing to what she had to go through every day. Sure, he knew his death was coming, but everyone dies sometime. They even die young. But poor Sango. There was a constant battle inside her. He knew that she sometimes felt that she should leave the group, and he knew that she was constantly faced with the possibility that she may have to take her dear brothers life at any time. He shook his head. This would not do. The oni had influence on his emotions as well. He began to whisper in her ear.
"Sango - san…Sango. I told Inuyasha to talk to Kagome about wonderful memories between them. Do we have any of those Sango? I'm sure we do. I grope you at times, yes, but that is…all a joke. I'm sorry to admit it, since it isn't funny at all. I do it to keep you away Sango. You shouldn't be hurt, especially not by me. Not I, who…" This next part would be tough. But she was still unconscious right? And, his feelings for her, although so obviously unrequited, were still somehow a happy thought for him. Maybe she would be able to feel the strength of his love for her, and that strength would chase away the dark thoughts. He leaned closer to her, his mouth only an inch away from her own. He took a deep breath, and spoke.
"You should not be hurt by me Sango, since I am the one who loves you the most" he whispered. He then bent his head and kissed her full on the lips, never noticing that her eyes had snapped open at his last statement.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Heh, I never knew that cliffies were so satisfying. Who knew? Gomen minna-san. I'm worried about my computer since I was caught up in the "blackout 2003" HA What a joke that is. I was however divided from my computer for too long. So here I am – and I hope that you are enjoying this fic. Cause I'm spending a lot of time on it! I should really be spending my time on my summer assignment…but when does that ever get done in the summer?
dothemonkey12: = what with?
BaoBlossom: Keh, no problem. I've only read a couple of your fics so far…but I wanna get through most/all of them and leave a trail of reviews. It's the least I could do for such a supportive reviewer. This fic DEF would have crapped out a long time ago if it hadn't been for you. ^_^ and btw – I love Kenshin too!! Ororororo!! What fics are you having writers block with? Can I help at all?
REVIEW onegai!!! Help a sad little fic writer and make their life a wee bit brighter (now that's just pathetic…but oh well – I kissed my pride goodbye a long time ago)
**** note**** this chappie is dedicated to a dear friend of mine. They surely know who they are. Look for the silver lining, ne? Thanks for always being there for me – I'll do my best to reciprocate always…
Ja ne!