Author's Note: This story's rating has been raised to "R" because of violence, language, and strong thematic elements.

After all the excitement and unexpected turns of those two weeks, my life began to drift back into a predictable routine. There was still the constant pain and uncertainty I felt inside, but like always, I was able to push those feelings aside and go through life like an automaton.

I grew used to Claire. Her affections only grew deeper over the next few weeks, and she started getting overly attached to me. I still hated her touch and even felt angry inside because there was nothing I could do about it, but somehow it became a natural part of the routine. There were so many things in my life that I hated doing or being a part of, but I did them anyway. What was one more?

Nic backed off completely. He no longer harassed me in science class, and he spoke to me only when necessary. This much was a relief. I was also pleased to see that Jordan was much more eager to hang out with me. This was a terrific boost to my social status, but at times it could be something of a bother. He seemed to think of me as his confident, and came to me whenever things were bothering him. I often grew sick of listening to him complain about Penny, his parents, and the cruel cold world in general. His company was more than welcome, but there were times when I just wanted to scream at him, "Suck it up!"

My relationship with Penny became stronger, as well. I suddenly found myself spending a huge amount of time with her. It was true that I was more of her lackey than her friend, but I was aware of how the ascent of the social ladder was organized, and I was not timid when it came to climbing. I took this opportunity to make connections with other upperclassmen, familiarize myself with the workings of Hillridge hierarchy, and watch Penny's every move for tips on how to live throughout the rest of my high school career.

And like always, there was Lizzie. She was always there, right in front of my eyes and deep in my thoughts, and yet she wasn't a part of my life at all. It was so surreal for me to watch her. She would always be living her life, and I would be living mine. There was no common thread between us, and yet a day didn't go by when I didn't think of her. She was the hidden part of me, the part that just stayed in the back of my head and watched while Kate went through the motions of every day.

Outwardly, my life was the best it had ever been. Things were looking simply superb for me at school. I was nominated the Freshman representative for the Homecoming Court, and my social rank was on the rise. High school was quickly becoming home to me as I fell into my niche. On the inside I was always aching and miserable, but that much was to be expected. The fact was, my fake outer shell was finished. I accepted this routine and was completely prepared to ride it out for the rest of my high school days.

But in late October, on the week of homecoming, things began to turn in radical directions. And everything changed.

"Dead Sea Scrolls, baby, yeah!" howled Ethan. He had come up to me at lunch, clutching two tickets with sheer joy.

I sighed and gave him a look. "Why don't you take Nic?" I said impatiently, not at all eager to attend a heavy metal concert.

He frowned. "But you've got to check these guys out, Kate. They're so, like..." Rather than describe them in words, Ethan proceeded to swerve his head back and forth with vigor as he furiously plucked an air guitar.

"I'm sure they are, but that doesn't mean I'd be caught dead at that concert."

"I'll go," chimed in Claire. Both of us turned to look at her. It was unusual for Claire to be willing to spend time alone with Ethan. Then again, she had mentioned liking Dead Sea Scrolls.

Ethan was hesitant. He looked pleadingly at me, but my face was set; not even his puppy dog eyes could get me to that concert. "Well... okay. I'll come pick you up around seven tonight, Claire."

"Stellar." Claire paused and looked over at me. "That is okay, isn't it, Kate?"

"Of course. Have fun, both of you." Sure. My boyfriend and girlfriend going on a date together. Why not? It's not like my life could get any more twisted.

As I settled in to relax that evening, I suddenly became aware of an intense freedom. There was no Claire or Ethan around to bother me. I had the whole night to myself, and for the first time in my teenage life, that was actually a comforting thought. Having two significant others was exhausting. When you weren't with one, you were with the other. It was a relief to know that I could, for one brief moment, have time to enjoy myself and let my thoughts settle. I popped a bag of popcorn, slid in my Bring It On DVD, and curled up on the couch for a night alone.

At some point during the movie, I dozed off. I awoke later to the ring of my cell phone, just as the end credits were rolling.

"Hello?" I said.

I heard sniffles and moans on the other end. "Kate," said a crying girl. She broke into sobs.

"Penny? What's wrong?"

I could hear her sniffle some more and swallow her tears. She spoke again, slightly more calm. "I'm in trouble, Kate. I can't explain it over the phone, but... could you come over? And then... then I need a ride into the city."

"Um, sure thing, Penny. But, what are we driving to the city for?"

Her voice softened. "I need a ride to the abortion clinic."

"WHAT?"

"Just come over," she said in between frantic sobs. "I'll explain everything."

Penny gave me directions to her house, and I hurried over. As I arrived in her neighborhood, I was confused. It was on the far edge of Hillridge, just fifteen minutes from Jefferson, the city of which Hillridge was a suburb. The houses were small and dilapidated; many were abandoned and boarded up. A dim streetlight illuminated thuggish teens wandering around. They eyed me with cold curiosity, and I realized I must have looked like a total freak, driving a brand new Spyder in that neighborhood.

I found the address Penny had given me; it was a duplex. She was waiting in the yard, and when she saw me she dashed into the passenger's side of the car. She kept her eyes on her lap. I looked at her for a moment, bewildered.

"I know," she said, still not looking up at me. "I know. I live in Skanksville. I didn't want you to see where I lived... but I didn't have much of an alternative." She looked up at me, her face stained with tears. "You were the only person I could trust."

I swallowed, nodding vaguely. "Um... so, what happened?"

"Let's get out of here, first. I'll explain on the way."

I obeyed and pulled out of her driveway, leaving behind the last neighborhood I would have expected to find Penny Hawkens in.

"Jordan was supposed to take me," she said softly as we drove through the night. It was at least a half-hour drive. Penny was so different from any way I'd ever seen her. She was tired and miserable, and her voice lacked its usual confidence and eloquence. "His father called in a favor, to have it done after the clinic was closed, and to keep it quiet. But I can't get hold of Jordan..." She started sobbing for a moment, and turned to me. "Thank you so much, Kate. I can't thank you enough."

I smiled weakly, trying to reassure her. She sighed and laid her head against the car door. "So... so Jordan is the father, right?" I asked, not stopping to think it might be an insensitive question.

Penny did not answer. Instead, she only started crying again.

"He's not? He's not the father?"

Her cries grew louder.

"Then who is the father?"

I waited with intense curiosity. Penny cried for a minute longer, clutching her face with her hands as if she were battling her own thoughts. She threw her head back in the chair and looked skyward, sighing heavily. "I don't know," was her defeated reply. "It could be anyone."

"What do you mean, anyone?"

"I mean it could be anyone, damn it!" As if she had been holding it all in, her thoughts started pouring out. "I mean I'm the biggest slut Hillridge has ever seen, okay? I admit it. I mean, you've seen where I live. You think someone from that neighborhood could possibly get as popular as I am without help? You think I could possibly afford all my shit without a little outside income?" She laughed bitterly to herself, tears pouring from her eyes like rain. "This is my life! I wanted to be at the top and, damn it, I am!" She began slamming her fist on the car door as she spoke. "No one out there has the nerve to say I didn't earn this! Everyone else had their perfect little worlds handed to them on a silver platter. But me? I sacrificed every shred of dignity I had to get what I have." She laughed again. "Remember that essay, Kate? State recognition. I got money for college from that essay. You think I wrote it? Hell no I didn't write it. I slept with Baxter fucking Thompson to get that essay..." Suddenly, she turned to me and placed her hand on my shoulder. "Be grateful, Kate. You're already rich, beautiful, and smart. You can have everything I had, without having to lose who you really are." She buried her face in her hands, sobbing.

I tried to say something, but words never came. She didn't need to hear my false comfort, anyway. She wasn't even talking to me. She was just letting it all out. The rest of the drive was in silence.

At last I pulled into the parking lot of a gray square building. A fading sign read, "Harper's Community Clinic." There were only two other cars in the parking lot. Slowly, Penny crept out of the car and we walked towards the clinic without talking. Someone opened the door for us and we stepped inside. A woman with cropped red hair and glasses greeted us. She wore a white lab coat and held a clipboard in her hands.

"Penny?" she asked, looking at the two of us over the rims of her thick glasses.

"Yes, that's me," Penny replied in a quiet voice, staring at her feet.

The woman looked at me. "Are you her ride?" she asked. I nodded.

"All right then. We have everything set up, Penny, whenever you're ready."

"Do I... do I need to sign anything?"

The woman smiled, but in a sarcastic sort of way. "No. Don't worry about anything like that. Mr. Barnum has already taken care of everything." The woman held out her arm to Penny, motioning for her to follow. The two of them disappeared through a side door, leaving me all alone in the waiting room.

I took a seat in a corroding orange plastic chair, sighing. The current happenings were still soaking in. So the elite Penny Hawkens was not everything she seemed to be. I couldn't help but be impressed by the brilliance of her disguise. The irony of it was too remarkable to go unnoticed: the person I had admired most in the world was the biggest fraud of them all.

I looked around the waiting room with its informational posters and buzzing florescent lighting. I wondered how many young girls came to this place everyday, sitting in these hard plastic chairs reading Seventeen while they waited for their numbers to be called. Watching the side door with fear and curiosity, waiting to see the looks on the other girls' faces when they left. I wondered how many of them came with their mothers, or how many came with boyfriends or maybe just a random friend. I wondered what it must feel like inside to have gone through this decision.

I thought about my own mother. It was common knowledge that I was unwanted. My mother was too beautiful, too special to be burdened with something as dull as raising a child. Did she ever consider coming to a place like this? Would she have had my father "call in a favor" and come to Harper's Community Clinic after hours, so that no one would ever know? I knew in my heart that she must have at least considered it. In the corners of my mind, I mused over which was worse: to let the child live but never love it, or to end its life before it begins.

I was starting to nod off when Penny finally came back through the door a few hours later. She looked nauseated and exhausted as the woman gently led her by the hand. The woman handed me a small plastic container.

"Make sure she takes two of these as soon as she gets home," she said. She turned to Penny, who still looked a little out of it. "You're going to bleed for awhile... change your pad as often as necessary but don't use a tampon. The nausea will probably persist for a few more hours. Just get some sleep. You can take two more of these in the morning."

Penny nodded and thanked her. I stood up and helped her out the door and back to my car. I only hoped we wouldn't get pulled over, as it was hours past curfew. I tuned the radio to an upbeat pop station to keep my mind from wandering as I drove. When we arrived at Penny's house, I had to help her out of the car and into her house. It was so strange, walking through her house. Magazines and used dishes littered the living room floor; there was a stereo and television resting on a piece of plywood laid across two plastic milk crates. Penny directed me past the living room and through the 70s-ish avocado and yellow kitchen to her bedroom.

She got comfortable beneath her covers, moaning slightly about the pain. I got a glass of water for her and gave her two of the white pills in the plastic container.

"Thanks, Katums," she said softly, turning over on to her side. Within a few seconds she had drifted off to sleep.

I twisted a lock of hair around my finger nervously. I wasn't keen on hanging around in Penny's house all alone. I nudged her shoulder gently. "Penny," I whispered.

"Huh?" she replied sleepily.

"Are you going to be all right? Because I really need to get home…"

"Oh... sure thing. Go on."

I set the bottle of pills on her nightstand. "Here. I'm leaving your medication right here, okay?" She grunted weakly in reply, meaning she was already falling back asleep. I tiptoed quietly out of her house and back to my car, where I wasted no time in getting out of that neighborhood.

By the time I walked through the door of my house, I was exhausted. This whole unexpected adventure had me feeling somehow unclean. I combed my fingers through my hair as I slunk through the entryway, tossing my keys onto the small table by the door. I wanted nothing more than to head straight upstairs and crash right into my mattress...

"Look what the cat dragged in," said a voice. I turned away from the stairs and walked into the living room, where my mother was sitting in the dark green recliner with her feet propped up on the coffee table. She took a swig of the glass she held in her hand.

I sighed. "Not now, Mother. I'm really tired..."

"I'll just bet you are." She glared at me with cold, bloodshot eyes. "Why don't you stop a minute and tell me where the hell you've been all night."

"I had to help a friend." I met her icy gaze with equal intensity. I wasn't about to let her intimidate me.

She laughed coldly and shook her head. Her body flopped around like jelly as she sat there laughing at me. "So I guess you must think you're really something now, huh? What a big girl you are... think you can leave whenever you damn well please without telling anyone?"

I assumed she was pretty plastered. "It was an emergency."

"Oh, it was, was it?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, Mom. What, don't trust me?"

"As a matter a fact I don't. I know just what goes through the heads of little girls like you and I won't be tricked."

I couldn't help but laugh. "No offence, Mom, but you couldn't possibly know what goes on in my head. You don't know anything about me."

She smiled evilly. "I know about you and your little colored friend fooling around all the time." She had a dark expression on her face, as if that statement sickened her, yet gave her pleasure because it was something she could use against me. She raised her voice. "And I know about all the liquor that's gone missing. In fact, missy, let's start talking about EVERYTHING that I don't know about you..."

I fought to keep a neutral expression on my face. "I don't know what you're talking about. Just what is your problem tonight, anyway?"

"My problem?" She angrily rose to her feet, stumbling as she did so. She drunkenly staggered towards me, pointing her index finger at me with the glass still in her hand. "My problem is YOU."

Hasn't that always been your problem, Mother? I thought bitterly to myself.

She continued ranting, taking sips of her drink every so often. "My problem is your behavior. I can tell you something right now, young lady, you are grounded!"

"Uh! Grounded?" Since when did my mother ground me? When did it suddenly dawn on her that she's a parent? "Who's going to enforce that? You? You're never here! You don't have control over my life."

"Don't sass me, young lady. I'm not going to stand for this! I'm not going to put up with you thinking you can just cruise around at all hours of the night doing God knows what and get away with it!"

"What, are you afraid I'm having more fun than you are?"

Her eyes flared up with anger. "Shut your mouth..."

"Come on, Mom, you and I both know what the real issue is here. You could care less about where I am or what I'm doing. It's not about me. It's about you. Look at yourself! You're a miserable mess, and you know you it. The only thing you can do is bring me down to make yourself feel better."

"Don't talk to me like that! I am your mother!"

I shook my head and spoke softly. "No, you're not..."

I felt a heavy hand smack my face hard. I touched my cheek, which stung, and looked at my mother. My eyes widened in fear as I saw her vicious, angry eyes staring back at me.

"Listen, you raunchy piece of filth, I made you. I have made so many sacrifices over these years..."

"Bull shit! You never sacrificed a damn thing for me! You were too busy loving yourself to even think about loving your own daughter."

She got even angrier, and raised her hand again. I quickly moved away, scared she was going to hit me again. "Don't talk about things you don't understand, little girl. I will put you in your place." She threw down her glass, shattering it into to pieces. "Why... I mean, what is it in this house? Every day... I'm so sick of being stuck in this house!" She began to trip over her words, muttering and sobbing incoherently to herself. "No one ever cares about how I feel... you don't care, your father doesn't care... Do you know how many women want to be me? I never yelled at my mother when I was your age..." She came after me again, whacking my head repeatedly, shrieking so much that I couldn't understand a word she was saying. I backed away as she hit me, too shocked to do anything else in my defense. Finally her nonsense rambling shifted into one phrase, over and over again as she pounded me, "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!"

I gathered my strength and shoved her away from me. She staggered backward and fell to the ground. "You're fucking crazy!" I shouted. Frantically, I looked for my keys and cell phone.

My mother started to break down in tears, sputtering out more sentences that didn't make any sense. She ungracefully climbed onto the couch and sat there with her face smothered in her hands. I took one last look at her before marching out the front door, making a point to slam it hard behind me.