Chapter 10
K.D. Toling: It was sort of a spur of the moment thing, I'm still not sure if I should have made him do it! *huggles you* You are so faithful to me, always writing these reviews! Thank you soooo much!
Sequ3stered: *runs away from flying eggs* I'm trying; I'm trying to make it a happy ending even though it seems awful right now! Thanks so much for the review!
Percy Weasley stood on top of a very high business building, completely winded. He had thrown Lockhart off his trail because he really didn't want any interference while he built up his courage. He didn't think Lockhart would object, though, because he didn't think Lockhart would even know what he was doing. He felt this deep sort of hollow ache tinged with hopefulness and fear for an end to all his troubles. Staring down at all the tiny cars and people below, he felt very dizzy. What if he fell on a car or a person? He really didn't want to kill anybody besides himself, but he was feeling too selfish at the moment to think about that at all, and he pushed it from his mind.
What would his parents say once they heard he was dead? Would they cry? Would they laugh and say, "finally!'? Or would they just sit there and continue to do whatever they were doing before they heard the news? Percy thought he knew, but deep down inside he knew his answer was ridicules and that he was only thinking it to calm the rising guilt he was feeling. Penelope? What would she think? Having broken up with him on the pretense of him being at work too much, he wondered if she cared about him at all. Didn't she know that he needed to work? Didn't she know he needed to work to feel accomplished? Didn't she know he needed to advance?
He had wasted too much time. He didn't need to think these thoughts. There was no point to them: he would be dead soon anyways. Breathing, he readied himself. He looked down again. It was awfully far. How could he keep thoughts out of his mind as he fell? Wouldn't that be horrible? What would he be thinking right before he hit the ground? Would he be able to finish that thought? Where would he go after he died? Nowhere? Somewhere nice? Somewhere terrible?
Now he was having second thoughts. He had never been very religious…perhaps he would go to Hell? What would happen to him then? What if—
"Don't—do—it!" someone panted behind him. Lockhart stumbled out of the trapdoor to the roof Percy was on and fell on the ground, panting.
Percy turned around quickly, and for a second he began to wobble back and forth. Fear encased him and he nearly fell off the building several times, only managing to throw himself onto the buildings' top in the last few seconds. That had been awful! His instincts had kicked in, and for that brief struggle he had forgotten that he wanted oblivion. Wait—why did he want this thoughtless daze? He still had a chance…well…half a chance that thinks would work out. Sort of. Not completely, but sort of. He still felt hollow. He still felt helpless and depressed. That wasn't how it was supposed to be. If he saw hope, he should be all happy and never think about wanting to hurt himself again. But he still wanted to do it. Just not as much.
"Give it another week!" Lockhart gasped for air, "Try out another week!"
Percy stumbled up from his sprawled position and stared at his companion. He still wanted to die. He thought he did, but he still was having doubts, "What would you know about it?" He asked, voice a bit high. He just hadn't been quite ready. When he was ready, he wouldn't be so afraid when he fell.
Lockhart didn't answer.
"See, you don't know anything!" Ha! Percy thought, he can't tell me anything, he has never been in my situation!
Lockhart looked blank but also looked like he was trying very hard to think of something, "I can't remember anything, but I know you shouldn't do it!" He said, finally.
"Yeah, right," Percy snapped, "Just like everybody knows everything about me! Everybody goes, oh, that's Percy Weasley, the perfect prefect, and leave it at that! Nobody sees me, they see my shell, what's on the outside, what's easy to see! Nobody bothers to look deeper, nobody cares enough to look!"
"Lockhart looked at him and said quietly, "Maybe because you don't allow anyone to look."
"That's rediculas," Percy snapped again, "Don't be silly. What do you know about suicide, or me, or anything?!" He crossed his arms and scowled at Lockhart. He was holding him up.
Lockhart shook his head like he was trying to remember something important, "I had a sister called…well, the name isn't important. I had this sister and she has something to do with all this…"
"Oh, like what?" Percy said sarcastically, and then realized he sounded quite nasty and put his hand over his mouth.
Lockhart breathed in and out like he was trying to either calm his temper or just getting his breathe back, "Because of something I can't remember! I can't remember anything at all!"
Percy just shook his head, "You're stalling. Is someone else coming? Maybe I should jump now." He knew he was bluffing, he knew he couldn't do it. Not yet. He knew he wasn't ready.
"No!" Lockhart said quickly, "Don't!" For a few seconds, everyone was completely silent. Suddenly Lockhart shouted, "I couldn't save my sister so I have to save you! My sister died because I was too blind to see she was in trouble while I…did something else...for me…so, so, don't jump! Don't jump!" Lockhart lunged towards him, looking desperate.
Percy stared at him, and then looked over the edge.