Showers are a girl's best friend.
Faye's POV
I look back on what happened in the past years sometimes late at night. Jet pulled me through the two years of hell we endured. I don't know how he did it. He managed to look after Ed and me. I knew he must have been suffering inside just as much as I. I feel guilty about that day I left him alone, I felt like I was deserting him, hell I was deserting him. I should have told him I'd be back, but I think he secretly knew anyway.
I never forgot the day I left. I felt so lost, so out of place. I thought I was going to just break down and cry. I managed to get a hotel room and sleep there for the week. I wanted to call up Jet or just fly back to Bebop, but something inside of me kept telling me that I had to do this; I had to get this over with. I finally after a couple of days, got up the courage to go to the cemetery, where his body lay six feet under. I just walked up to the little headstone and looked down. I carried with me a single long stemmed red rose, and a mountain of thoughts in my pounding brain. I was so angry at him for leaving Jet and I, I felt like I was betrayed by my closest friend. Yet, I couldn't help but feel despair for his death. Even though I know he thought nothing more of me than just that little whore who cracked jokes at him and spent his money. I couldn't help but love him, whether I liked it or not, I did. I can't lie to my heart; it just doesn't work that way for me. I loved the little things about him, his curious playful stare, his cocky, sarcastic grin, and his moppy green hair. His uncanny ability to look into you head and seem to know what you are feeling and what your weaknesses are. I missed almost everything about him, except the part that would never love me. He loved Julia, his angel, his golden goddess, his little dream girl. She was stunning; I could see how even he could be memorized by her sheer mysteriousness, and her unmatchable beauty. I knew from the moment I met Julia, I had no chance in hell of winning his taken heart. I was at his grave anyway, on my knees crying like a damn baby.
'Hey...I know you're down there.'
'You don't even have to listen just let me say this.'
'I really was crushed you know, when you deserted me, I know that you didn't like me, but I never would have thought you would have left me like that.'
'Actually, I knew you'd leave sometime, but I didn't want you too. You could have stayed! With Jet and I and lived with us. I didn't ask for you to love me, or like me I just wanted you to be there for me.'
'I guess you never wanted to be there for me though, I guess you didn't care one way or another if I needed you or not. You just didn't value me I suppose, you just didn't care about what happened to Jet or I, and you went, like we were just strangers or just street trash!'
I punched the ground with my fists over and over disturbing the grass attempting to grow there. My large, hot tears landed on the ground like a waterfall. A few people turned to look at me.
'I hate you for what you did, for what you didn't do, and for what you failed to see. You failed to see that we were your family, God dammit! You failed to see that you turned you back on the closest father figure you had.'
'You failed to see that Jet loved you like a brother and like a son, you were just too stupid and selfish to see that. Too caught up in your own past life to realize what was unfolding at you feet. A ticket to a good, painless life, but you just stepped over it and kept walking towards your past.'
'You also failed to see that I...I loved you... not that it mattered you were head-over-heels in love with Julia, but you could at least give me the liberty of a nicer goodbye then 'I'm leaving to see if I was truly alive' you son of a bitch!'
People were starting to stare at me in the graveyard but I didn't care I went on.
'Why were you so selfish? I loved you even though I knew you would never love me, I stuck with you through anything, I just masked it. I didn't want you to read me like pages in a book, but I did want you to at least see the front cover. I cared for you... I looked after you, somewhat, you were always stronger than I, but I did look after you.'
'I would like to thank you though, for the instances you were there for me, like when I got caught up in that dumbass cult. Ha, I can't even believe that I joined it, but when I woke up you were there. Looking at me as if I were the stupidest bitch you ever saw, but at least you were there... thanks.'
I noticed I was attracting a small crowd, I just kept going though, and I might as well put on a show.
'I don't know if I have the will power or the moral capability to forgive you for what you did to me. I do know that Spike, I did love you, and even though you did shatter my heart and abandon me, I can't help but to cry for you.'
'If you are in hell, I hope that this message might cause God to change his mind. You might not have loved me, but you loved Julia, and since she was your angel on earth, she must be in heaven.'
'If you are already in heaven then it looks like I wasted my time here, and gas money flying out here.'
'If you, yourself are listening to this, then I hope you realize that you did shatter me, and it will take me a while to pick up the pieces and to heal, but I will eventually do so. I loved you lunk head, but I also hate you for not at least valuing me in the least, so when I get up in Heaven, expect a serious ass-kicking ok?'
'Oh I almost forgot, this rose is...well it's for you and if you notice really carefully you'll see that it still has all of its thorns. The bloom represents my love towards you, but the stem represents the pain you caused me.'
I purposely pricked my finger on one of its thorns, and kissed the petals softly. I then placed the rose on the grave
'There now you have my blood, you took everything else, my heart, my brain and my judgment, so you might as well have my blood. I have to go find Jet now, you wouldn't understand considering that you never thought of returning. Well I'm going back home, see you space cowboy.'
I got up to see that a crowd of people had collected around me and listened to my eccentric yelling and crying to no one. They were crying though, crying for me, crying for the story I told. The Cemetery security guard was looking at me. He was tall like… him, I don't know why I remember that. I do know why I remembered when he came up to me after I finished my little serenade.
'Was that story true?' He asked
'Err...yes' I said wiping my eyes
'You young lady are truly honorable for living that love story, I'm sorry it didn't work out.' He tried to smile
'Thanks but I don't need your sympathy.' I looked down at his grave
'Oh I know, but you deserve it.' He said as he put a hand on my back
With that, a group of strangers that had crowded around me, started to clap softly. I didn't know what to do, so I cried as I made my way back to my Red Tail. I remembered when I came back to Bebop that Jet never asked me about where I was exactly; I bet he had a clue though.
I played with my necklace gently as I listened to the stillness of Bebop.
This is the best present I have ever gotten from anyone. I still can't believe he got it for me, after all the shit I put him through. Ha, I bet he was even questioning himself after he bought this. I'm never taking this necklace off; it reminds me that I am loved by someone, fatherly love of course. I am being thought about, that I belong. Everyday I wake up I look at it and it reminds me that I have a family, no matter how small or dysfunctional. I won't leave Bebop again, I don't want to leave, and I don't like doing things I don't like to do. I have no where else to go, I know that no one likes me as much as Jet or Ed does. I love them both. Ed is like the little sister I never had, she is crazy and loud, but she is bright and she is one of the most innocent people I know. Jet is the father, Jet is one of the kindest people I know. He also had the knack for saying things you wanted to hear. He never seemed to lose his head over a situation or get enraged, he was the most reliable person I ever heard of. I owe my happiness to Jet. He looked out for me, but yet knew when to let me handle my own things, and when to step in. He cared for me I know, although he would never admit it openly. I never forgot when he looked for me when I was with Gren; Jet alone looked for me, not him. Whatever made him fight that guy tonight he must have done it for a good reason. I can't even think of him hitting someone with out any good reason, like he used to do. Jet looked shaken up though, maybe the guy was an old ISSP cop and he was being a jerk... I don't know, I don't think I want to know.
I want to repay Jet though for the necklace, but to tell the truth, I have no idea what in the hell to get him. As long as I knew him He doesn't seem to really want anything in particular except...bonsai! I'll get him a bonsai tree and a bonsai cutting thing...scissors? I don't know I'll just ask the florist. I feel accomplished, I think I'll spend 10,000 woolongs at the craps table, and use the rest for Jet's tree.
I woke up to hear bumping and crashing, I saw Jet was trying to repair something or other, I couldn't really see but he looked really out of sorts.
"Jet, what are you doing? It's too early in the morning to be breaking something."
"Faye it's four in the afternoon, and I'm trying to fix this part to Ed's ship, she ran into a steel beam and this got bent, so I'm fixing it."
"Ed is very sorry Jet, I didn't see it." Ed blushed and flipped backwards
"Oh sorry, well I'm taking a shower then heading back to the craps table ok."
"Sure, oh and watch out there are some creeps in those casinos who cheat."
"Yeah I know, I'm one of them remember?" I laughed as I went into the shower
I heard him chuckle a bit, as I took off my clothes and turn on the hot water.
Showers are a girl's best friend and anyone who denies it needs to take one now and see. The shower is the only thing that won't criticize you of your singing capability, or complain you need to loose a few pounds. The shower is the only thing that will see you naked and not judge you by how you looked or what you sing like. The shower was a sturdy little friend, which will listen to your thoughts and help you out. The shower was the one who unlocked my past and showed me to the light at the end of the tunnel. Even if there was nothing at the end of that tunnel, the shower helped me anyway. Now don't get me wrong it's not like I just stand in the shower and talk to it, I cleanse my self while doing so. I cleanse my self of all my troubles of all me dirt and all my thoughts, both mentally and physically. If the shower were a guy I'd fall head-over-heels in love with it faster than falling rain. Yet even though this shower might seem like a flawless device, it isn't. It breaks down or runs out of hot water or the showerhead falls off and sprays you with ice water. No matter how perfect anything may seem, it is flawed somehow. I continue to use it because I like the sensation it gives me, when I am clean of all my troubles and dirt. It revives me, no matter how short or long it may seem. Everyone should take a lesson from the shower, never judge, never hate, and always listen; you never know where it might take you. As for now, even the shower is more holy than I am, but at least I am trying to make progress.
I stepped out of the shower with my robe on and a turban-towel around my head. I walked into my room and changed into my little shorts and my top with the red shirt draped about my arms. I looked at my self in the mirror. The mirror was evil I had decided. The mirror is the complete opposite of the shower, it is the one who judges you on your appearance, it shouts at you. "Put on eye liner.... your hair cut makes your head look fat, you need to loose a few pounds, or who are you fooling wearing that outfit." I hate the mirror, mirrors are just like people; they are just like those strangers who judge you before they even know you. You have to look good for the mirror though, or the mirror will get you eventually. If you don't at least look half descent, your whole day is ruined. If you constantly try to appease the mirror, however, you will fall into a state of depression. You can never appease the Mirror, it will always seem to find fault in you. No matter how hard you try to deny it, mirrors bring out the worst in you. Mirrors bring out all the things you wish not to see, whether they are wrinkles, or bad hair, or the feelings you're trying to mask. I now vow to refuse to give the damn mirror the time of day now. I don't care what it thinks about me. Fuck you mirror! Well, at least I'm trying to make progress in not caring about that thing.
I came to my Red Tail, my other little friend. It stayed by my side like a true, blue friend. As I clambered into the cockpit and sat in its seat I noticed that my Red Tail has never let me down, ever. It always was there to get me out of trouble; it was there to console me when I gambled all my money away. It was there when I had to run away, and when I had to return. The Red Tail always trusted me to make the right decisions no matter if they were small, like to put fuel in her, or big ones like whether to return to Bebop after I left. It always trusted me that my decisions would eventually turn out to be good ones. I let her down more than once, like not having fuel, or accidentally getting shot down. It was always there to either laugh with me, or to just stand by my side bruised and look at me with 'I told you so' eyes. We have been though a lot together, from the very beginning as Poker Alice the Romani. I can't say that the Red Tail ever liked him or not, but I know that the Red Tail knew I did, and valued me for my likings. The Red Tail, like the shower, knew me like no one else; they knew all my faults, all of my perfections, all of my shining moments, all of my defeats, all of my fears, all of my secrets and all of my regrets. The closest people that come close to them would be Jet and Gren. Gren was beautiful in all sorts of ways; if that Red Eye incident didn't happen to him then I would be probably with him right now. God why did that have to happen to him? Fate? Fate is a kick in the ass; fate seems to like screwing up lives like Jet's, Ed's Gren's and mine. Fate sure seems to enjoy it.
I shook the thoughts out of my head as I lifted out of the hangar and sped away to the casino in which I won my small fortune. I am actually very excited; I love to gamble. I love the way it seemed like everything was hanging in the balance, all or nothing. I love it even though I most of the times I lose. I am not that lucky in gambling or in life, but I do it anyway, praying that my luck will turn around.
I set down the Red Tail clumsily, I had I lot of stuff on my mind. I walked into the casino and looked about it seeing if there was anything that stuck out in my mind. Nothing in particular did so I made my way, slightly seductively, to the craps table and gazed at the guy nearest to me.
"Hey there beautiful lady luck, are you here to gamble?" a tall muscular man, with pushed back dark hair, next to me at the craps table, smiled.
"You bet." He called me beautiful, he is polite and cute, pinch me I'm dreaming.
"Well then, how about the first one's on me." He smiled and handed me the dice and put two, 10,000 dollar chips
"Are you sure? I might not as be as lucky as you think." I grinned and stared into his stormy slate blue eyes
"Oh, I'm not worried." he put his hands on mine and closed them around the dice "Roll me a winner."
I smiled and threw the dice. I really am going to make a fool of myself, I know I can't possibly win.
The dice bounced and rolled on the table, until a four and a three appeared as their sides up.
"Seven!" I screamed I must have looked like a fool but I screamed anyway and smiled
"Whoa there beautiful, looks like your luck is turning around. Want to come back to my place?" He smiled grabbed his chips and grabbed my hands his slate blue eyes flashed.
"Thanks but no thanks, I have to go actually." I confessed
"Is there another man? Damn it, I knew it." he frowned and turned away.
"No not another man... I just have to go sorry." I bit my lip and went to the door of the casino; I walked down the streets with the sun setting fast. I decided I need a drink, so I slipped into a bar.
"I now had just rejected a potential date; I need to get over this. He is dead and gone and never loved me, and he never looked back." I murmured to myself as I half drank, half stared at my shot of vodka in front of me.
I looked around the bar out of boredom; it was an old bar with old run down people. It needs a paint job and new stools; the one I'm sitting on is ripped open. There aren't very many people in the bar, just a few desolate souls looking for relief. I know that feeling all too well.
I sighed heavily "This is too familiar, I think I better go. I have to get him out of my head." I lowly muttered
Then someone sat down on the stool next to me, I didn't look to see, what was the use anyway?
"I see your still drinking vodka, good for you." I froze and almost dropped my glass... no it couldn't be I looked up to see him…he was looking down at me with that classic grin on his face and those deep garnet eyes.
"Spike...you're...you're..." I stuttered I couldn't even maintain speech I was so shocked
"Yes I am alive Faye, Jet figured that out last night." He said with a sadder tone
"Spike why didn't you come back? Did you just not give a damn?" I said my heart beginning to sink into my stomach and flip.
"No, that's not it. If I didn't give a damn then I would have come back." He said simply with a hint of sadness as he looked into my eyes with his garnet ones.
"You don't make any sense Spike.No one leaves their friends behind to die… Then not return when they don't die." I felt like crying, but I couldn't, I couldn't let him see me cry, not again. "Were we even FRIENDS to you?" I clutched my necklace out of habit and he noticed.
"Who gave you that... that necklace?" He asked curious but seeming not wanting to know the answer
"Why should I even give you the time of day?" I hissed
"Please Faye, please don't be angry..." He pleaded while staring at his drink
"You deserted us Spike; you left us like we meant nothing to you at all... I see that now, we are nothing to you are we? Let me guess, your running low on money!" I snapped, I tried not to sound as harsh as I felt
He looked at me with the eyes of a child who looks like we were being scolded for getting lost in a store.
"Faye I'm here for a lot of things, but I'm not here for money." He confessed
"Why are you here? Why? My life was finally turning around and you waltz back in and destroy everything!" I couldn't take it any more I broke down and cried.
I felt him put his arm around me and try to look into my sad wet eyes. His words felt like a warm, distant melody in my ears
"I am here about this." He held out a wilted, long stemmed red rose with some of its thorns and pedals still there. Some of them had fallen off. I looked at it pretending I didn't know what he was talking about.
"I don't know what that is." I cried again knowing very well what that was
"I was there that day you were, I heard every word you said. I remember every word you said." He said softly as he brought me close to him
"I know you heard, you were in that casket six feet under, I was talking to you." I said meekly from his arms. Under any usual circumstances I would love the way he held me, I would love the way he talked to me, but my life was far from usual.
"Faye, I came back to apologize to you... to apologize for what I did, for what I didn't do, and what I failed to see." he looked at me with sincere eyes filled with masked anguish.
I looked up at him my eyes were heavy with tears and sadness
He looked into my eyes and into my thoughts. His facial expression turned from pity to horror "Oh god, look what I've done..." He turned away from me, he looked horrified about something or another. His eyes turned wide.
I couldn't hide the fact I loved him anymore, so I just played off of it. "You broke my heart Spike." I said as I pulled away from the bar and him. "You broke my heart and didn't even bother to look at the pieces..." another tear rushed down my cheek "Now you come back after all the damage is done. That is what you have done." I looked down and collapsed on my knees as my tears hit the floor.
"Faye..." He knelt down beside me and tried to pick me up "I'm sorry for what I did...it was horrible wasn't it."
"Yes Spike, Jet, and Ed we all changed after you left. Jet lost a son, Ed lost a friend and I lost something I never had." I cried again, I couldn't help it, I couldn't stop myself. Then I saw Spike do something I haven't seen him do before, he cried. I watched as a tear hit the floor that wasn't mine, I looked up to see his eyes welled up with tears.
"Spike..." I looked up at him
"Faye you're right, you and Jet, both of you were right. I don't deserve you, or much less your selfless hospitality." He looked away from me "Will you tell Jet I'm sorry for what I said." with that he got up and walked out of the bar.
"Spike wait!" I leapt up after him but as I ran out. He was gone, he disappeared just as silently as he came.
I took out the communicator and called Jet, I didn't know what else to do really.
RIIIIIINNNNNNGGG RIIIIII-
"Yeah what is it Faye?" He asked apparently exhausted
I couldn't find words they had all escaped me.
"Faye what is it?" He asked this time more concerned, I think He figured out I had been crying
"I saw a ghost Jet, and you saw the same one." I finally managed to get my vocal chords working
"So you saw him too..." He looked away from the communicator
"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked
"I wanted you to see him, before I told you..." Jet said
"I see, well I'm coming back." I turned off the communicator and walked slowly to my trusty Red Tail and slowly took off towards Bebop
I can't believe he is back, after two fucking years he decides to return. I don't know whether to be mad or to be relieved, or to be sad. I am so confused. Why couldn't he have just said something at the cemetery to me? Maybe he felt guilty, or the more reasonable answer is that he didn't love me the way I did and he got scared or something. I am tired, tired of all of this. Why did I have to fall in love with such a selfish bastard? I hate him; I hate him because I love him when I hate him. I loved his deep searching garnet eyes, his comical green hair, his funny, cocky grin, even sometimes his attitude. I hate the things he did with those attributes though. I hate the things he did to Jet, Ed and I. I need some answers. I think this time I'll go try to find him; try to get some goddamn answers out of him. I need to know why he did all of those things he did. Why he left, what he thought about us, what he thinks about me, why he got in a fight with Jet, Why he didn't return, and why he cried.
I finally got to Bebop and Jet was there, although I doubted this would be a happy welcome.
"Hey Jet, He's back, the bastard." I smirked a frown, and climbed out of the Red Tail
"Yeah he is." Jet said simply
"He told me to tell you he didn't mean the things he said to you last night, he said he was...sorry." I spoke trembling slightly
"He did, did he? Well that's the first 'sorry' I heard out of him." Jet rubbed what has left of his black hair
"Yeah, what did he say?" I asked suspiciously
"He just pissed me off that's all." He answered defensively
"Well, I am going to find him and get some answers tomorrow." I told him
"I'll go too; I have some questions I'd like answered." He replied
"I'll ask Ed tomorrow where we might find him." I said walking into the main room fiddling with my necklace
"Ed will be happy he is back." Jet said
"I wish I could be." I murmured as I walked to the couch and fell asleep. This was the first time I fell asleep on the couch in a year.
I saw Jet watch me as I fell down on the couch not even bothering with pajamas. In spite of my emotional troubles I fell asleep quite easily, I guess I was just emotionally and physically exhausted from that day.
I woke up to see Ed looking at me with her amber eyes puzzled and confused. "Ed…hey." I said groggily
"Why are you sleeping on the couch Faye?" She asked I noted that she no longer referred to me as faye-faye or Jet as Jet-person, she was actually growing up, slowly.
"I was too tired to go to my room Ed." I sat up and straightened out my outfit that became disheveled when I was asleep.
"Oh ok, Jet is up and he said that you wanted Ed to find something." Ed grinned and put her Tomato on her head.
"Oh yes, I want you to find him Ed. Find Spike for me." I asked
"Why choose to find him now Faye?" Ed appeared puzzled I remember Jet and I haven't said his name on Bebop for ages.
"I think it's time for him to come home Ed." I smiled at her, trying to put on a convincing act.
"Ok Faye!" she flipped and in a wind-swift motion began to hack away through ISSP files. After a while she came back
"There is nothing in the police database on Spike except they said he died two years ago, just after I left. Faye, what happened?" Ed looked really confused as if she didn't know which to believe. Her data or her friends
"Spike didn't die, Ed. The police are wrong. Search in any files that have to do with the Red Dragons." I decided to put it simply for her first, later I would explain the whole story behind Spike.
"Ok Faye!" In a matter of minutes she pulled up at least a dozen data windows that had to do with Spike.
"Jet, Jet come here quick! I think Spike is in some trouble here." I gazed at a window reading it quickly
"Huh, you mean more than he is already in with me?" He said both seriously and comically.
"Look at this, it says that Spike Spiegel assassinated the Red Dragon Syndicate leader, Vicious. After the assassination, Spike refused to take part in the Syndicate any longer; he denied the position of being the leader of the Syndicate and soon disappeared. The new leader of the syndicate, a loyal supporter of Vicious named Scythe, has put a bounty on Spike's head of 45,000,000 woolongs. He has also proclaimed that Spike must be working for another Syndicate such as the Black Pegasus, Green Gryphons or the White Phoenix. All of the other Syndicates have put a rivaling bounty on his head as well claiming they had nothing to do with the assassination of Vicious." I gasped after I read this. Spike has been hunted now for years, and by not one, but by four Syndicates. I thought to myself could this be the reason he never returned to Bebop was because he didn't want any trouble to come to us?
"Holy mother of God, Spike is being hunted by four syndicates. How come we haven't heard about this Ed?" Jet appeared to be angry, I was more worried than angry.
"Ed only gets bounties from ISSP, not dirty bounties like Syndicate bounties." Ed explained "Ed never thought of looking in the syndicate for bounties because you and Faye did not like the Syndicate."
"Jet, what are we going to do? Even if we find Spike how can we get the bounties lifted?" I looked down at my feet
"We could turn him in…" Jet said
"Jet!" I yelled; Even though he's only kidding
"Settle down, We could… just go after Spike like we were going to turn him in… but we 'kill' him." He winked
"Jet, that actually makes sense. We could fake his death that way the Syndicates will just drop the bounties." I smiled
"Hey Ed, can you figure out where Spike might be now?" I asked
"Hmm Ed will try." After a while of searching she came up with nothing "Sorry faye."
"It's ok, I have an idea where he might be, I'll go there. You two can inform the syndicates that we are looking for him." I ran got my glock and climbed in the Red Tail. I heard Jet yell something at me but I was too busy checking for ammo, and lifting off to take heed. I hoped he would be there, if he wasn't I'd have to wait for him, I hate waiting.
I can't lose him now, not that I found him, now that I can figure out the truth behind his disappearance.