SEQ CHAPTER \h \r 1
Disclaimer: The Lord of the Rings and all its characters, races, and creatures, as well as our beloved Middle Earth, belongs to JRR Tolkien.
After my little performance last night, I woke up on the apprehensive side of my bedroll the next morning. I opened my eyes, looking all around me before I moved so much as a finger. I halfway expected to find myself tied to a tree or floating in the nearby pond. Perhaps floating in some pond—unless I was dead, and I doubted the Elves would go that far—would be a bit far fetched, but with Elves involved, who knew what was possible? So far, I could discern no evil deed done to my person. I cautiously pulled back the blanket that covered me and sat up. I looked around again, both to the left and to the right, but still found nothing amiss. I checked around to see if I could make out the other members of our party at various places around the campsite. I could see Gimli. I could hear Gimli; his snoring was always a dead giveaway. The other three had stirred up the fire, and were sitting around it talking quietly. Amazing. It had to be too good to be true.
I rose, and took myself to greet nature for the first time today. It was a glorious morning, and I drank in the sunrise. The colors were the richest of pinks and oranges and reds. They filled my soul with joy. I wondered how long it would take the Elves to empty me of it.
I stretched and breathed deeply of the cool morning air, and then simply stood, looking out at the picture nature had painted in the eastern sky. I was taken by surprise and gasped as a stab of pain lanced through my lower abdomen. I doubled over with the pain, but it went away as quickly as it came. It took me a few moments to catch my breath, and it left me feeling a bit weak and disoriented. It concerned me and worried me—for my baby. I should not be having this type of pain. I sincerely hoped this did not occur again. It was very alarming.
I went back to the campsite and returned to my bedroll. I sat down, and then lay back down, covering myself up once again, snuggling beneath my blanket. I was worried, and as I lay there, the stab came again, bringing tears to my eyes, this time. Again, it came and went. It was unlike the pain of childbirth, for it came and went with too much speed. So I lay there, waiting for it to strike me again, but it came no more. I continued to lie there for another few minutes, and I no longer hurt, but I did not feel right. Perhaps if I just lay quietly for a bit longer, I would feel better. It wasn't long before I had company.
"Is anything wrong, Maeren?" Elladan asked. "You do not look well."
"No, not anything I can put a finger on. I just feel a bit puny this morning," I replied. I knew not which twin this was, but I had learned that to simply act confident when dealing with them tended to make them think twice about pulling a prank on me.
"Are you troubled again with that 'morning sickness' human woman are afflicted with?" he asked.
"No," I answered, "for once, that is not the problem. I just do not feel well."
"Perhaps we should stay here for the day?" he asked.
"No," I replied. "I'll be fine in a little while. Just let me rest for about half an hour, and then I am sure I will be all right. We will be fine to go on today."
"Since you are a healer with a woman's condition, I leave you to know what is best for yourself. Tell us when you believe you are ready to be going." With that, the Elf rose and made his way silently back to the fire to join the rest of our party, for by now Gimli had risen and joined the others.
It did not take long before I was asleep once again, for before I knew it, I was again awakening. I did feel refreshed, so I decided to start my morning anew. I rose and made my way cautiously to the fire, for fear there may still be something cooking. The others were nowhere to be seen, but I could hear their voices in the near vicinity. They were probably at the stream, up to something or other. I just hoped the something had nothing to do with me.
I felt fine, as I took a mental inventory of my physical well-being. My stomach wasn't upset nor did I have any pain—I seemed completely normal. I sat down near the fire and poured what I certainly prayed was tea. It was. I thanked Eru and dosed it with plenty of honey, before I allowed it to cool somewhat and drank it as quickly as its heat would allow. I heard a Dwarf approaching, for there could be no mistaking Gimli's movements for those of an Elf.
"Maeren," Gimli said as he sat, "how are you faring? Elladan said you were trying to go sour on us this morning."
"Gimli," I said, feigning hurt, "you speak of me as if I was a bucket of old milk!"
"Forgive me, sweet lass," Gimli laughed, not at all put off. "Now, humor an old Dwarf. How fare you now that you have rested a bit more?"
"I am feeling very well, Master Gimli, thank you very much," I replied with a smile.
"And for that, I am grateful," Gimli said with a bow of his head.
"I hear laughter," came an Elven voice, one belonging to a son of Elrond, though to which one, I knew not. "I will take that to mean that our fair healer is hale once more, and ready to ride with the wind, to make up for lost time."
"She is, indeed," I stated. "I need only to saddle my trusted mare, and hop upon her back."
"You are well ahead of the game, it would seem," Gimli stated. "The Elves have been splashing in the stream—bathing they are calling it, though it looked suspiciously like playing to me!"
By this time, the other two Elves of our group had joined the rest of us at the campsite, with dripping hair—but clothed, thank Eru.
"Gimli," Legolas said, "you are fortunate that all three of us do not descend upon you and toss you into the stream clothes and all, for the stench of you is becoming unbearable!"
Gimli drew himself up to his full height, placed his hand on the head of his axe and said in a conversational tone, "If you would care to try, Master Elf, proceed in doing so."
All the Elves laughed, but did nothing except disperse, going their separate ways, and then readying themselves to be off for the day's ride. I rose as well, for even though I had boasted that I was ready, I still had a few things left undone.
It did not take any of us long though, and we were once again on our way. It was indeed, a glorious morning. The sun had completed its initial rise into the sky, which was the richest of blues. Clouds were being shaped into fluffy drifting sculptures in the heavens, and I trusted Dori to follow the others while I decided what forms the clouds were taking at any given moment. It was a game I used to play after my mother had died, when I was young and felt alone and sad. Today it was a fitting game, for I was a bit melancholy. We were just leaving the borders of Rohan, and were fast approaching the Gap. We would pass through it today, in fact. I was departing from the place I had always called home, for a place I would probably never call home. A place I had never even heard of until a little over a month ago.
We rode fast and hard for a few hours, until the noon sun was directly overhead. Elrohir called a halt, and we let the horses rest after we loosened their girths a bit. We only stopped for perhaps half an hour, if that, and then we were again on our way. We rode in this manner for the remainder of the day, passing through the Gap of Rohan about mid afternoon.
It was almost dark when we finally halted, having taken two short stops for various necessities during the afternoon. A fire was made, but no game was killed. We ate from what we had brought with us, some dried meat, fruit, and bread, with a bit of cheese. The fire was merry, and the Elves were at their best, as usual.
Elrohir was sharpening his dagger, and since he had lost some sort of wager to Elladan and Legolas, he was sharpening theirs as well.
Glancing up from his work, he said, "Maeren, get your dagger, and I will sharpen it with the rest of these, while I am in the mood for sharpening."
"There is no need, Elrohir" I replied. "My dagger is razor sharp. Its edge is keen, I can assure you."
He looked at me, his brows drawn together skeptically and said, "I hate to tread upon your sensibilities, my lady, but I doubt it would pass my inspection, were I inspecting it."
I smiled and shook my head, thinking to myself just how foolish he would look if I presented Aragorn's dagger to him now. It would serve him right, for being such an ass. If he hadn't added his next sentence, I would have let it alone.
"Maeren," he said, "are you just too exhausted from the pace we set today? Can you not rise to retrieve it?" He was making fun of me, and the last part of his sentence was said in such a pitying tone, I almost wished to slap him.
"No, Elrohir," I replied with a smile. Reaching to my belt, I released Aragorn's dagger from its sheath, and handed it to the soon-to-be-abashed Elf. "I simply do not believe this dagger needs honing, that is all."
Elrohir took the dagger and inspected the edge, noting its sharpness, and as he did so, noticed also the runes etched upon the blade and the carvings on its hilt. His face paled, it did not redden, as I expected it to. He knew exactly whose dagger it was, and it didn't embarrass him, it shocked him. I wondered why, but he did not hasten to explain, he simply handed the dagger to Elladan without a word.
Elladan accepted the weapon silently, for his twin's reaction had already alerted him that something was wrong. He turned the dagger over in his long fingers, tracing the etchings reverently, as if their meaning told of something blessed.
"Estel gave this to you?" Elladan asked me incredulously.
"Yes," I said quietly. "Just before we left. He wanted to make sure I was well-armed."
"You certainly are that," Legolas put in.
I was surprised to hear a comment from that Elf, but it mattered not to me. What mattered to me was why this dagger was so important to the sons of Elrond—and why the fact that Aragorn had given it to me was so hurtful to them.
Elrohir seemed to come back to himself suddenly.
"Well, you are right," he said, as he handed the dagger back to me. "It does not need sharpening. As Estel has always known, it has been kept in its finest form his whole life. It is of the finest of Elven-made weapons, and one does not treat it with disrespect. I hope that you guard it well."
"I have," I said, still puzzled. "I can see it is known to you. What know you of its origin?"
"It was our father's," Elrohir answered. "He gave it to Estel when he left Imladris with the Ringbearer. Before that, Father had it his entire lifetime. It was given to him by the High King Gil-Galad, during the First Age—and I can see that has no significance to you whatsoever, does it?" He said the last in a matter-of-fact tone, not accusingly, nor with any scorn.
"And that is why it galls you that Aragorn has given it to me, is it not?" I said, without malice and with complete sincerity.
"I mean no disrespect to you Maeren—" Elrohir started.
"None is taken, Elrohir," I interrupted him. "I cannot believe Aragorn would give me such a priceless heirloom, and not even tell me the significance of it! I know not what he thinks I have in my head, for he certainly does not believe it contains a brain! Please take this back. I have a perfectly adequate dagger in my bag that I can use, and it does need sharpening, for it is not Elven made, and it does not keep an edge well at all!"
"What do you think, Elladan?" Elrohir asked his brother. "Do you think we should do this?"
"Estel meant for her to have it, Elrohir," Elladan replied. "I am not sure we have a right to go against his wishes."
"If I have any say in the matter," I piped in, "I want it no more. I have no business with such a treasure, something that—while it is very beautiful—means very little to me—but means the world to your family, and to all Elves. Please, take it with you to Imladris. Keep it for when you see Aragorn again. If you do not wish for your father to know of how Aragorn tosses about family heirlooms, I certainly will not inform him. Please, you will be doing me a favor by taking it from me. I have enough to worry about, without having to worry about losing something that cannot be replaced."
I took Elrohir's hand in mine and placed the dagger onto his upturned fingers. I unfastened my belt, and removed the sheath from it, and handed that over as well. I rose and retrieved my own trusty dagger from my bag containing my healing supplies. I resumed my seat at the fire with the others, unsheathed my dagger and handed it to Elrohir.
"Now this dagger, I would appreciate you sharpening," I said with a smile.
He accepted it and said, "I would be honored to do so, Maeren, and thank you for understanding. I cannot begin to understand any human's mind, especially Estel's, but I believe his gift of the dagger to you probably has something to do with the child you carry. I would guess it would have to do with the child being his firstborn. I understand that is very important to human men, especially if the child happens to be male."
"But he does not even know if the child is a son as of yet, Elrohir," I said. "Does not a gift such as this seem a bit premature?"
"Ah but you forget—Or perhaps you know not—of the Dunedain—" Elrohir rambled.
"You are confusing me, Elrohir," I said, blinking my eyes at him.
Elladan decided it was time for him to take over the explanations.
"Estel is a descendent of Numenor, Dunedain by birth," he said. "Some of his people have the gift of foresight, and he is one of them. Perhaps he does know that you carry a son. He has not told Elrohir or I of such a thing, but Estel can be rather closed-mouthed at times."
Elrohir gave a huff of a laugh as he added, "That is putting it very mildly, if you ask me, Brother."
Elladan gave a curt nod of his head in agreement. "Yes, that is rather an understatement, is it not?"
"Aragorn can see things before they have occurred?" I asked in wonder.
"Not as such," Elladan said, trying to explain this phenomenon in terms I could understand. "The way he explains it to us is that it is more of a feeling; a passing idea. That sort of thing. But it is always a thing of which he is very confident."
"I certainly wish his foresight would have been working a bit better when we—" I broke off my statement, not even realizing before it was too late that I had been speaking out loud. I looked down, and placing my elbows on my knees, I buried my hands in my hair, lacing my fingers over the back of my head. I expected to hear raucous Elven laughter, but nobody laughed.
"That is the strange thing with the foresight," Elladan continued, as if I hadn't said anything, "Estel never knows when it will manifest, and when it will not."
"We used to tease him," Elrohir continued the conversation. "We would tell him he was making things up. Do you remember the shades of red he would turn in anger, Elladan?"
"It backfired badly once, though, did it not, Elrohir?" Legolas asked, laughing. "When he told you a certain Elf loved you, and you thought you knew who it was?"
"Legolas," Elrohir warned, "do not even think to tell that story."
"I believe I would enjoy this story immensely," Gimli, who had been quite silent all this time, said with an evil grin. "Please, Legolas do tell us."
"Unless he would savor sleeping with his eyes permanently shut, he will not dare to tell you," Elrohir said, with no teasing left in his voice.
"Oh Brother," Elladan said, trying to lighten his twin's mood a bit, "the story is not that bad—in fact, it is really pretty funny." Elladan began laughing, unable to contain himself any longer.
I was beginning to wonder if Elrohir would indeed kill Legolas if he told the tale, and if so, if he would also kill Elladan if he laughed? I was no longer sitting, cowered with my hands covering my head; I was once again a part of the group, thanks to Elladan and Elrohir. They had quickly let my little slip of the tongue pass, much to my relief. I watched the three Elves, and could tell that mischief was in the making, but whether or not it would be deadly, remained to be seen.
Legolas and Elrohir were eyeing each other, Elrohir daring the Prince, and the royal one grinning like a demon about to unleash havoc on an unsuspecting innocent, if Elrohir could be compared to such a one.
"Let me see—" Legolas began. "Estel told you an Elf loved you, and you told him to have her meet you by the fountain in the east grotto that same night."
By now, Elrohir was on his feet, as was Legolas. Elrohir was slowly advancing, and Legolas was likewise retreating.
Legolas continued the tale, "He tried to tell you who it was, because he did not think you would truly wish to meet this Elf in the east grotto for the purposes you had in mind—that night, or any time—for that matter, but you would not listen to him."
Elrohir was slowly inching closer to his prey, as his prey was fleeing him just as slowly.
"Estel told me who it was, so of course I had to go watch the meeting, and we had to tell Elladan. All three of us went to the east grotto well before the meeting time, and waited for you and the Elf to appear. And the look on your face, when you saw who it was!" Legolas began laughing, and by now Elrohir was chasing him around the campsite. I could feel the air whiff against my back as they flew past in their mad dash—Legolas fleeing, and Elrohir chasing. By now, however, all the anger was gone from Elrohir, and he was laughing as well. It was very refreshing to see the Elves acting so young at heart.
After a couple of laps around the campsite, the two Elves disappeared into the night, leaving their laughter echoing behind them.
Turning to Elladan, Gimli asked, "Who was this mysterious Elf that was in love with Elrohir?"
Elladan threw back his head and laughed. When he had sobered enough to speak, he said, "It was a very nice, but very male Elf, who had recently come to train with Father in the healing halls. Estel had been studying with Father during one of this Elf's training sessions, and he 'sensed' this Elf's feelings for Elrohir. And the rest you know."
Gimli looked shocked, but then let out a hearty bellow of laughter. He howled he was so filled with mirth. I have to admit I was right there howling with him. I cannot imagine such a thing, but in trying to imagine such a thing, I was left with some rather intriguing mental pictures.
It wasn't long before two very winded Elves returned to the campsite, each with the other's arm around his shoulders, and we all decided that dawn would be coming before any of us would be ready for it. By mutual agreement, we decided to continue the pace we had set today—ride long and fast, for we were all becoming travel weary, yet we had leagues upon leagues yet to go. With my little scare of this morning, I knew not if this was the wisest plan to follow. On one hand, I very much needed to get where I was going, and relax and recline for the rest of my confinement. On the other hand, what harm would I be doing to my baby, if I put my body through this rigorous ride, when it may be trying to tell me it really did not relish being put through such paces? I decided to try the agreed-to plan, and if I had any more occurrences of the pain I had this morning, I would admit my weakness to the others, and we would simply have to slow down. With that decided, I went to my bedroll, and lay down, after my obligatory call to nature was answered, of course.
It felt so good to lay down. I felt my little bundle, as Aragorn had called the baby, squirming within my body. Whatever had been stabbing through my abdomen this morning hadn't really affected the baby any, if all this movement was any indication. He was certainly lively tonight that was for sure. He. Was the baby really a boy? Did Aragorn really have foreknowledge of this? I would have to ponder this some other time, for right now, I was much too tired. Right now, I was going to sleep. Right now. Sleep.
~ * ~
I was walking in a golden field in Rohan. My Tristin was trotting a few feet before me and my husband was at my side, holding our sweet toddling daughter perched upon his shoulders, a chubby leg on either side of his neck. He held on to each of her feet, periodically rubbing the bottoms of them against his stubbly chin, making her cover her mouth and squeal, as only a two year old girl-child can. He turned his blue eyes on me, smiling because he knew I hated it when he made her scream so shrilly. He stopped and pulled me to him, and kissed me soundly, our daughter's wet fingers twining in my hair.
We were then in the streets of Edoras, and the fire bells were ringing. People were running in the direction of the stables, and Dustin was picking up his pace. I was trying to keep up with him, but he was beginning to run. I shouted at him to wait, and he stopped. We were now right in front of the stables. The water line was forming, and someone was shoving a bucket into my hands. Tristin was walking towards the stable, and I grabbed for his tunic, stopping him where he stood.
"You take one step further, young man," I said, "and I will tan your hide! Now do not move from that spot! I am speaking with your father."
Dustin had lifted our baby from his shoulders and gave her to me. He started to walk away, but I grabbed his sleeve.
"What do you think you are doing, husband?" I screamed. "Have you no sense? You will not be going into that fire—not while I still breathe!"
"Maeren, your job is in the bucket line," he said calmly, "you know that. Now go take the baby with you, and get in line. Tristin and I are going to see to the horses. When the fire is contained, we will meet you back here. I love you." With that, he kissed me, and was gone. Tristin joined his father, and looked back at me in question, for I had told him not to move. I smiled and waved at him. Perhaps this dream would turn out differently than I thought it would. It was, after all, a dream.
We all know that our thought processes are very different in our dreams than they are in our reality, at least they are for most people. That is the only explanation I have for my ridiculous behavior. In reality, had I known beforehand that my husband and son would be killed in this fire, being a sane woman, I would have naturally given them both sound knocks on the head and dragged them home. I never would have just waved and told them goodbye.
But dreams, being what they are, have meanings of their own. Sometimes their meanings are plain, and sometimes their meanings defy all attempts at solving their mysteries. This dream was a mixture of I know not what. Reality? For bits of it did indeed happen. Bits of it never happened and never will. Still other parts may have contained things not directly spoken of, but whose presence in another time and place may someday be acknowledged. I never had a daughter, but who is to say that I never will?
I stood in the water line, handing pail after pail of water towards the flames, and I watched as my husband and son led the mares and their foals from the burning stable. How I wished they would come to me, and not return inside. I knew they were going to die, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. It was as if I was an observer of the scene, as well as being a part of it. I watched as I called out to them, and Dustin waved to me. He motioned for Tristin to join me, and when he didn't, he pushed him, knocking him down. Dustin returned to the stable, and then Tristin followed. Only this time, after Tristin returned to the stable, my precious toddling daughter—my sweet, dimpled blue eyed baby—ambled toward the stable door, calling for her daddy. I rushed to go get her, but hands were on me, holding me back. I screamed for her, but people just kept pushing buckets into my hands. I watched as she disappeared into the stable door, and moments later, the whole building came crashing down, killing them all—my entire family—even my baby.
I screamed at that stable door as if it was a living thing, "NO! You cannot take my baby, too!"
There really were hands on me, but they held no buckets. They were Elven hands, and they were embracing me strongly, pulling me up to stand. I was instantly awake, but the images were still scratched deeply into my mind, tormenting me. I wanted to retch, so I fought with the Elf who was holding me, and finally managed to break free, running a short distance away. I fell to my knees and gagged my heart out.
I retched until I thought my stomach would plop onto the ground, but still it was not enough to get the disgusting images purged from my mind. The Elf had found me, and was kneeling beside me, supporting me and keeping my hair out of the vomit. I finally sat back on my heels, running my hand across my mouth. I looked at the Elf.
"Elladan?" I asked.
"Yes," he said, acknowledging his identity.
I could say no more, for my tears began to flow. Elladan quickly helped me rise, and supporting me once again, led me away from the campsite. I could not tell if the others had been roused by my outburst, but I could hardly see how they could not have been. We walked a short distance away, and he stopped, turning me to face him. I looked tearfully into his eyes, and like a stream after the spring thaw, my tears welled in my eyes, and ran down my cheeks. He pulled me to him, holding my head against his chest. He rested his chin in my hair, and stroked my back with one of his hands.
"Humans and their nightmares," Elladan said. "Why did they give such a foul thing a name belonging to such a beautiful animal?"
I gave a small muffled laugh, but made no attempt to answer. I had no words with which to speak.
"It sometimes helped Estel to speak of the nightmares when they plagued him. Does such speaking help you, Maeren?" he asked.
Again I could not answer. I simply shook my head. It had actually been a couple of weeks since I had wept, and I could honestly say that I had not missed it one little bit.
"I have the answer," he said quietly. "Let us go back to the others, lay you back down—"
"No!" I said desperately. "I still see it with my eyes open. I dare not close them!"
"Maeren," Elladan scolded quietly, "let me finish. I wish to ease your pain as I did when I caused you to bump your head. Remember?"
Feeling contrite, I said, "I remember, and yes, that would be very nice. I would appreciate it."
Giving me one final squeeze, he turned us around and headed us back to the campsite. Once there, he helped me down to my bedroll, and actually tucked me in. As soon as I was settled, he sat down beside my head, and after wiping the tears from my cheeks once more, he placed one hand on my forehead. He covered my eyes, forcing me to close them, and I again soon felt the tingling emanate from the palm of his hand.
I knew not what this was, besides Elven magic of course, but it certainly was something I would miss when my time with the Elves was over. And Elladan's friendship was something else I would miss as well. It felt good to have someone to rely on—well someone else, for I did have Gimli. But Elladan so reminded me of having a brother, and it did feel good to have a brother around again.
But since my eyes were shut, I did not see the tiny seeds of love begin to grow and send their shining light from Elven eyes down on me, as peace was restored within my tortured mind.
A/N: Dear readers, I am sorry, but I have never been good with maps and mileage—or in this case, league-age. I have no perception of how long this trip should take. I have looked at the Atlas of Middle Earth, and the Appendices of the Lord of the Rings, to no avail. I am hopeless in this area. I am planning on it taking about two more weeks, for a total of a little over three weeks. I hope that is close. Sorry if I have estimated wrong. It doesn't matter much anyway, because I am going to hurry it up a bit, I think. There's only so much we can do on a prolonged camping trip, you know? Till later....Puxinette