Disclaimer: The Lord of the Rings, and all its characters, races, and creatures, as well as our beloved Middle Earth, belongs to JRR Tolkien.
Elrond allowed me to rise and clean up as soon as all the 'loose ends' had been taken care of—so to speak. I was very shaky, so he helped me with my bath—a quick dip in and out of the tub. I had left the baby in the care of Elladan. He was going to take him down to the Healing Halls, so that Haldan could look him over—and to spread the glad tidings of his birth. I made Elladan promise to bundle him up and guard him with care. He smiled and gave me his word. I knew I had not to worry.
I wanted to weep at how sweet Elrond was with me. All I had to do was sit in the tub—he washed me. Then all I had to do was stand on the mat beside the tub—he dried me. I could not muster the strength to be embarrassed, and what was the point? He'd seen all I had to show when he'd guided my child into this world. He was being extremely respectful of me in all ways; I had nothing of which to be ashamed. He gave me supplies of the things I would need to see me though the time until I would quit bleeding after the birth. I took care of this, have no fear. He found undergarments, and a nightdress and the bundles of cloths and pins, and then left me to dress myself.
I was soon clothed and once more settled in the bed. It too, had been stripped and the sheets replaced with clean ones—Elrond again. I wondered why he had not called Nivia or some other help from the household to do these mundane chores, but I did not ask. The atmosphere in this room was one I wished not to break. There was an aura of peace and tranquility, and my soul reveled in it. Perhaps he felt it too, and he wished for no one to intrude upon it either—at least no outsider, one not within our close circle. I fully expected Haldan and Elrohir to come soon; perhaps even Glorfindel may pay a visit. I supposed Erestor could come. I cared not, in my elation, one way or another, as long as he kept his mouth somewhat civil. I was ready for my baby to be returned. I had not held him long enough yet. I did not think I could hold him long enough.
Elrond finally had put things to rights to his satisfaction, and sat in the chair he had pulled up beside my bed. A wide grin bloomed over his fair face.
"He is beautiful, is he not?" he asked almost reverently.
"I believe I am the one who is supposed to say that," I said facetiously.
"Humor me," he directed.
"Yes," I admitted, "he is beautiful beyond words, even though I say it myself."
"Estel will be very proud of his son," Elrond said, with a faraway look in his eyes. "Arwen will fall in love with him the moment she beholds him for the first time."
Why was what Elrond saying leaving cold dread in the pit of my stomach? I decided I would not allow it to, and I squashed the terrible emotions down and out of my consciousness.
"Arwen cannot wait to have babies of her own," I replied. "And yes, she seems the type who would love babies—whoever they belong to."
"Yes," he agreed, his smile still warm.
Our gazes were drawn to the door when it opened suddenly, and in poured Elladan and Elrohir, followed by Haldan, who now had possession of the baby. Glorfindel was bringing up the rear. There was no sign of Erestor, thanks be.
The expression on Haldan's cherubic face nearly stopped my heart. He looked first at the baby, and then he turned his liquid, crystal eyes on me, his smile small but genuinely heartfelt.
"You are extremely talented in the art of making children, Maeren," Haldan said sincerely. "This has to be one of the most beautiful of babies I have ever beheld in my entire lifetime."
I knew not what to say. After all, I'd had some help accomplishing the feat. I decided to go for simplicity.
"Thank you, Haldan," I replied. "If not for you keeping me in line, I would have had a harder time accomplishing it, I think." His smile grew wider. He handed my child down to me.
"He grows restive," Haldan remarked, "and the last time I had dealings with an infant, that indicated hunger, most of the time."
"You are probably correct," I said, as I prepared to nurse my baby for the first time. I seemed to be the only one the least bit timid about baring my breast in front of the room full of males. They did not even bat an eye—none of them. I asked Elrond for a towel, which he provided for me, then I draped it over my shoulder. I offered the baby my breast beneath that cover, and I felt much more at ease. Elves were truly something else.
"Maeren," Elrohir said, as he drew a small leather message pouch from a pocket in his tunic, "I have here a message from Estel. He gave it to me before we left the White City, and I have held it for you for safe keeping."
He handed me the pouch, which I in turn handed to Elrond, so he could remove the contents. Elrond handed back to me the envelope the pouch had contained, along with the unfolded piece of parchment within it. I first perused the outside of the envelope,; it had something written on it as well. Written on the outside of the envelope was a simple message: 'To be Opened Upon the Birth of Our Son'.
So he had known the baby was going to be a boy. And he had been very confident about the fact.
I then glanced at the missive the envelope had contained and frowned. Shifting the baby so that I could use both hands for a moment, I tore the parchment into two pieces and let them waft down wherever they may fall.
Elrohir could not stand it—his curiosity got the better of him, and he bent and retrieved the pieces of paper—one was on my knees, and the other had fallen to the floor at his father's feet. He put the two pieces together and a smile gradually formed on his face. He glanced up and me and a short burst of laughter erupted from him.
"It is a list of names Estel has given for Maeren to select from—to name the baby," Elrohir said to the room at large, with apparent glee. "Which one will you call him, Maeren?"
I frowned at him, wishing to shout, but thought better of it, not wanting to startle the baby at my breast.
"None of them, Elrohir," I replied frostily. "I have already chosen my son's name, as is the prerogative of a Rohirric mother. His name will be Leofa, named after the eleventh King of Rohan. I trust Aragorn will have no quarrel with the fine name I have chosen."
"I trust he will not," Elrond agreed. "Leofa was indeed a fine king. The people of Rohan held him in great esteem. He was most generous in his actions, and he shared all that he had with his people. His true name was Brytta, though, was it not? Leofa was what the people called him familiarly—it means 'beloved' in Rohirric, I believe?"
I smiled at Elrond's knowledge of Rohan's history.
"Yes, that is what it means," I answered him. "And this baby is exactly that to me—beloved. I cannot name him otherwise, no matter what Aragorn wants."
"He will understand that, Maeren," Elladan said quietly. "Estel will have no objections to such a beautiful name for his son."
"No he will not," Elrond agreed. "You have chosen well, as I knew you would."
I turned my attention back to Leofa, who had fallen asleep at my breast, allowing my nipple to slip from his mouth. He would have to be encouraged more often than most babies, since he was early, and weaker than his full term brothers usually are. But for now, Mother was weary and needed some rest along with her baby. I covered myself and lowered infant and towel from my bosom. Elrond immediately sat forward to take Leofa from me. Apparently the Lord of Imladris could not hold Aragorn's newborn son enough either.
Elrond stood with the baby cradled next to his body and announced that it was time for all my company to exit the room so that I may sleep. One by one they came to me, telling me how wonderful it was to have a baby at last among the Elves, even though he was not actually Elven.
Haldan. How I love Haldan. I know not when he stole my heart; perhaps the very first time I beheld his angelic face, I suppose. He was the last to bid me goodbye. He knelt by my bed and placed a chaste kiss on my cheek.
"You did good, Maeren," he said, his eyes sparkling. "But how are you? Are you in pain? Should I fetch you anything? May I lay my Elven hands on you and ease you into sleep?"
A tear crept from the corner of my eye nearest to him. One day before he left for the Undying Lands, I must tell him exactly how much his friendship has meant to me.
"I would like that, Haldan," I replied quietly. "But first, I need a bit of your common sense to help ease my mind."
His brow creased, in puzzlement or concern, I was not sure which. I hurriedly explained myself.
"I fear for Leofa," I said with trepidation. "Call it foreboding; call it being a mother hen; I care not what you call it. He's so tiny, Haldan; he should not be here yet." My tears were increasing, and my voice grew strained, so Haldan produced for me a hanky—I often wondered where the Elves kept these things so handy. I seemed to need them often enough.
"Will you please keep a close watch on him, while I sleep?" I almost pleaded. "I fear not for him while Elrond holds him; you know that. But otherwise, will you please not let him out of your sight? His breathing must be watched. His lungs are immature. I am so afraid. I do not ask this lightly, Haldan. I have lost a child before—I cannot lose another. I would not survive. Believe me, I would not."
The healer looked stricken, but did not ask me to explain. That was a fortunate thing; I could not have, even had he requested it.
"You have my word," was all he said to me.
"Speak with Elrohir," I simply added. "He can explain all."
Haldan grasped my hands in his tightly for a few minutes, and looked deeply into my eyes. I felt that same sort of boost that Elrond had given me, when I had almost fainted once while being intimidated by him. I would have blessed Haldan, had I the strength to have done so. Haldan relaxed his grip on my hands slowly, and I felt the inner peace that always accompanies the healing bestowed by the Elves. His face softened, and his smile turned sweet. He placed one of his healing hands to the side of my face gently, and there it softly tingled.
"Sleep easy, sweet Maeren," he said serenely.
Sweet Haldan. How I love him.
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I rose from my nap a short while later, mildly surprised that a hungry child had not awakened me by now. Then I remembered that being early, he would more than likely need prompting to suckle. I did wonder, however, why Elrond or Haldan had not brought him to me already. Surely they would have thought of this on their own.
I felt surprisingly strong, so I wrapped up well in a sturdy robe and put on some stout slippers and headed downstairs. I hoped I made it before someone caught me. I would be sure to get an earful about doing too much too soon after giving birth if I was found out. I took it slowly. I was a bit sore, naturally. Even an early baby's head is much larger than the opening it is allowed to come through!
You would have thought Eru, himself, had entered the library, when I crossed the threshold of the room. All eyes were upon me, and the room grew still. I scanned each Elf in turn, looking for Leofa, and my eyes finally found him—nestled in Glorfindel's lap as he sat on a couch in front of the hearth. All five of the Elves were seated either in chairs grouped around the couch or on the couch itself. The low table in the midst of them was already littered with things they had been using to tend to Leofa—diapers, washcloths and some sort of absorbing powder. Glorfindel looked as if he had been born to hold a baby, as at ease did he appear.
His smiled and waved me over, apparently trying not to wake the sleeping child.
"I was just about to bring him to you," Elrond declared. "He should be nursed again, I think. He seems not to care, but that would be his lack of age showing."
"I agree," I said quietly, beaming down at my son. I sat gingerly beside Glorfindel, as the Elf lord gently scooped Leofa up from his lap and deposited the waving infant into my arms. Valar, the feel of holding this child left me breathless with joy!
The robe I was wearing made discretion possible while nursing Leofa this time, so I accomplished offering him my breast with little thought of embarrassment. He began rooting for my nipple eagerly—for a moment—but was soon tired, so I began stroking his cheek, to keep him somewhat alert. I knew he wasn't getting much from me yet, but it was important that he suckle—practice for him, stimulation for bringing in my milk for me. Add to that the sheer joy of the closeness of having his skin next to mine. I cannot describe the feeling. I was a mother again.
"I sent a messenger to Minas Tirith earlier this afternoon," Elrond informed me, "taking tidings of Leofa's birth to Estel and Arwen. They will be very pleased when they hear the good news."
"Of course," was all I could manage to say. I was going to have to overcome my feelings of dread every time Aragorn's name was mentioned in the same breath as Leofa's. That was all there was to it. I could not live my life in constant fear that the King of Gondor was going to take my son away from me. Elrohir assured me that it would not happen. I had the most powerful Elves on Middle Earth on my side. What more could I ask for? I found that even as I was thinking these thoughts, I was calming inside.
"Did you tell them his name?" Elrohir wanted to know, his smile was sly, and I could tell he wanted to laugh.
"I did, indeed," Elrond declared. "I will be quite surprised if Estel does not already know the story of Brytta, and the meaning of the name 'Leofa', but in case he does not, I added it. Of course, I wrote it in the guise of a missive to Arwen, so as not to insult the intelligence of the King."
"Of course," Elrohir laughed. I smiled as well.
"Maeren," Elladan said with quiet concern, "you look very tired. Would you allow one of us to help you back upstairs? Maybe we could bring you a small meal?"
"I would like that," I replied. "I find I am pretty tired after all."
Leofa had long since succumbed to slumber, even with my continued prodding to his cheeks. I had even resorted to uncovering his tiny feet, stroking his arches and rubbing his toes. He cared not. I rearranged my clothing and handed the baby up to Elladan, then accepted hands from Glorfindel and Elrond to rise. With Elladan preceding me holding my offspring, an Elf lord supporting each of my arms, and Elrohir and Haldan walking behind, we made quite a parade mounting the stairs. I was put to bed and Leofa was placed into a beautiful cradle that had magically appeared from nowhere in my absence. At my inquiry as to its origins, I was told that it had been made especially for Leofa by order of Aragorn, per plans he had sent—again along with Elrohir—and had been in the works since his arrival back in Imladris. It was beautiful, indeed.
Glorfindel had gone to the kitchen while the baby and I were being settled in our respective beds, and he returned quickly not long after he had left. He brought to me on a tray, a large bowl of chicken soup—the staple of one not feeling quite up to par. Also on the tray was a big glass of milk and a large slab of fresh, soft bread—so soft it could almost melt in your mouth. All the Elves by now new my penchant for breads of all types—sticky buns in particular. I now knew my secret was no longer so secret. I set about eating with relish—I was surprised by how hungry I actually was.
My tray was taken away as soon as I was finished. Elladan fluffed my pillows and made sure I was comfortable. Elrohir offered a bedtime story, which I surprised him by accepting. He was merely being silly, and I called him on it, but he did not even miss a step—he thought of a story right off and began the telling of it right away. It was some inanity about an Elfling stuck in a tree or some such nonsense. I laughed a lot—and groaned, from the pain of laughing. Elrond finally shooed all the others save Haldan out of the room, claiming I needed a good night's rest.
"Maeren," he asked, "how fare you this evening? Ordinarily I check on new mothers frequently, monitor their bleeding, but since you are a healer yourself, and have likewise given birth before, I will leave it to you to tell me if you think it necessary that I examine you."
"Thank you, Elrond," I said with a smile, "I appreciate your care of me—for this entire time of my confinement, if I have not already told you so. And especially for today. Your delivery of Leofa and your tender care of me afterward. You know not what your care and friendship means to me. You really do not. As to an examination, you are right, I am keeping a watchful eye on myself, and all is just as it should be. An examination is truly unnecessary."
"Very well," he said. "For tonight do you wish to have someone in here to monitor the baby's breathing and general health, or do you wish to regain your strength, and have him taken to the Healing Halls and monitored there by Haldan? Again, it is your decision."
"I would wish that someone keep him in here," I replied, "and wake me every few hours to nurse him, if that would not be too much trouble."
Elrond had a smirk on his lips. "Keeping the Elves away from the baby will be more the trouble, I will be wagering," he said facetiously. "No trouble will it be at all. Either Haldan or I will share the duties for the next few weeks, until we all deem him out of danger. Does this suit you?"
"It suits me very much," I said, holding my hands out to both him and Haldan. Both Elves approached me and took my hands in theirs.
"We did it," I said, my voice strong and a smile firmly on my mouth. "He is early and small, but he seems hale and whole. I thank you both from the bottom of my heart. Bless you both, and I love you both, you know that, do you not?"
They only smiled.
"Lay you down now, new mother," Haldan said as he disengaged himself from my grip. He pulled the pillows from behind my back and settled me down for sleep. "I'll take first watch," he told Elrond solemnly. I laughed, and he shot me a stern look.
"Did I not tell you to sleep, young lady?" he asked sternly.
"No," I told him, "you merely said 'lie down'."
"Well, I'm telling you now," he admonished. "Go to sleep. No more talking or laughing. Is that understood?"
"You sound like my father," I said frowning, almost pouting.
"Good," Haldan said, "that was just what I was intending to do."
Elrond chuckled softly. "Call me when it is 'my watch', Haldan," he said as he walked from the room.
"Good night," I called after him." Haldan again scowled at me. "What?" I asked him.
"You are being a very bad girl," he returned.
"All right," I laughed, "I am going to sleep. Wake me in a few hours, will you?"
He smiled. "That I will do. Pleasant dreams, sweet one."
I heard him walk over to the cradle where my new son lay sleeping. There was a rustle of cloth, when he fussed over Leofa for a few minutes, then more footsteps as he went to the chair to sit down.
Then the room was filled with soft, melodious singing—a sweet Elvish lullaby lilted into my ears, and drifted into my dreams as I fell into sleep. I dreamt of beautiful castles and handsome princes riding atop gallant steeds and rescuing comely maidens. Nice pleasant dreams for a change.
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The weeks flew by quickly and Leofa grew at an alarming rate. He not only grew, he thrived, and by Yule, he looked like an entirely different child. His hair was fair, as mine was—reddish gold—and his dark blue eyes had faded to silver gray. He had very high cheekbones and his face was wide across the eyes; his chin had a distinct cleft. If Leofa ever thought to make a claim for the throne of Gondor, he certainly would not be taken lightly. All one had to do was look at him. His kinship to the King could not be denied.
The Elves doted on the child shamelessly. He wanted for nothing; but then, what does a child of this age want for, but a breast when hungry, a blanket and arms to hold him when he is cold or frightened, and a cradle and lullabies when he is sleepy? My heart was warmed as I believe it had never been in my life, truth be known. I mourned the fact that I'd not had Elves in my life ere now; everything about them was joyous—especially with a young one in their midst.
I laughed more these past weeks than I had in a very long time. Seeing ancient Elf lords on the rug before the hearth blowing 'raspberries' on an infant's tummy to that infant's delight, nearly made me wet the floor more than once!
The first time Erestor held Leofa, I got my first glimpse of the Elf who may, perhaps, be buried beneath some great pain deep within his heart. Leofa looked at Erestor and the Elf looked back at the baby—whose eyes were wide. Leofa finally cooed and smiled. Erestor gasped and had such a look of wonder on his face. It quickly left, however, and he handed my son back to me without a word. But I'd seen the Elf beyond the wall Erestor kept him hidden behind. I knew Elrond was right to give him his space. His hurt must be tragic and deep.
It was the first Yule that had been celebrated by Middle Earth since the War of the Ring—as it had begun to be called. And what gift did I get? A king, that's what. Aragorn paid a visit to Imladris during Yuletide, escaping his duties as King of Gondor—in fact, leaving all the trappings behind—including the Queen, to my severe disappointment. He rode incognito, as Strider I presume, in the ratty old ranger's clothes I had first beheld him in, when I met him in the Houses of Healing. He had no crown, no velvet robes, and no bodyguards. And no Queen.
The first inkling I had that he was in Imladris was when I woke with a start to find someone in my room holding my child, and it wasn't one of the Elves. The light was dim. I kept a lamp burning very low, so I had a small bit of light by which to get up with Leofa. I sat straight up in my bed, and cursed him in Rohirric, asking him what in Eru's name he thought he was doing. He had the nerve to shush me and that made me furious! I rose in a rage, with the intent to attack him and wrest my child from his unholy grasp. He caught my wrist easily, even holding the baby, and by that time, I was awake enough and near enough to him to see whom he was. I jerked my hand free from him and retreated back to my bed. I got in and covered up, and turned my back to him. I had no wish to see him, let alone speak to him. And, thank the Valar, he did not speak to me, either.
I could not sleep with him there, so I just lay there stewing. All my old insecurities resurfaced, as if they had never been gone. I suppose I had never truly dealt with them, I had only pushed them aside. After all, I was safe here with Leofa in Imladris with the Elves. Aragorn was clear off in Gondor—at least he was supposed to be.
I heard his footsteps cross the floor, and it was apparent that he was leaving the room.
"Wait!" I said, sitting up. "Where are you going?"
"Only downstairs," he said quietly. Leofa was lying in his father's arms, running his tiny fingers through his father's hair, which was resting on his shoulder. "I don't want to disturb you."
My heart was racing. I did not even want him to take Leofa out of my sight. I knew I was being irrational, but I was afraid. I wanted to jump up and snatch my child out of the King's hands, but I knew I had no right to do such a thing. Aragorn was the baby's father. He had a right to see him and hold him. He loved him as I did. I had to make myself calm down.
"Only downstairs?" I asked stupidly.
"Only downstairs," he repeated softly. "Elrond is down there now. We will all three have a nice visit, won't we Leofa?" The last sentence was aimed at his son and said with love even I could hear in his voice.
"All right then," I said. And I lay back down. I hoped he could not see the tears as they began to slide down my face. I felt so completely idiotic weeping like this. Elrond would not allow Aragorn to take Leofa out of Imladris in the dead of winter. That was ludicrous. I knew this to be true.
Well, my happiness was nice while it lasted, I must say.
Happy Yuletide everyone. And to all a goodnight.
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