AUTHOR: Emlyn
DESCRIPTION: Lily wants desperately to be a mother but is afraid to let James know for reasons you will discover. This story is dedicated to the Lily's amazing love for her son that brought about miracles.
RATING: G, so far
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the other names, places, etc. in this story. They belong to J.K. Rowling and Warner Brothers.
October 29, 1979, Order of the Phoenix Headquarters
"So why are we at this social thing?" James Potter complained to his wife as they stepped out of the fireplace together, both covered in soot.
"It's not a 'social thing', it's a Halloween party," Lily said with a slight smile. "Don't worry, your fan club will be here as well."
"Fan club!?" James protested. His voice was muffled by her hands as she was rubbing soot off his face. "I haven't got a fan club! Anyway --" He took her hands off his cheeks and caressed her fingers. "I'd much rather be spending the holiday at home with you."
Lily rolled her eyes. "You flatter me," she said, shaking her head, refusing to play.
James leaned forward and kissed her cheek and whispered into her ear, "Do you think we could both fit in the bathtub at once?"
Lily could not supress her smile at this point -- but it was wasted, because just then the flames in the fireplace rose and turned green, and Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew were admitted. James left his wife's side without another word to greet his friends and Lily watched them with exasperated admiration. Chattering and arguing about what sort of Halloween pranks everyone deserved, they left the entrance hall and went into the dining hall where the party was taking place. Lily followed forlornly, and was greeted by a smiling Arthur Weasley when she stepped in the door.
"Mr. Weasley! What are you doing here?" Lily said brightly, shaking his hand.
"This party isn't restricted for Order members only, is it?"
"No, of course not, thank goodness. I'd be quite lonely if it was. I don't suppose Molly's here?"
Mr. Weasley gave her a bewildered glance. "Yes, she is. Didn't you know?"
Lily shook her head. "Sorry. Know what?" She had a moment of panic, knowing Molly Weasley was pregnant and worrying -- "She's all right, isn't she?"
Arthur Weasley threw back his head and laughed. "All right! She's perfect. And so are her sons."
Lily gaped at him in delight. She'd had her baby, then! Not just a baby -- two babies! She turned around, scanning the guests gathered in small groups near the walls, the fire, at the tables -- "Where is she?"
"Little Bill and Charlie've created a mess of the punch over there. She's in a frenzy. Thought I'd best shy away for a while."
Lily laughed and started to move towards the table where she could make out among the guests flashes of red hair, then doubled back and kissed Mr. Weasley's cheek jubilantly. "Congratulations!"
"Many thanks, Miss Ev -- well, Mrs. Potter, I suppose I mean!" Mr Weasley called after Lily as she bounded away happily to join Molly Weasley and her children.
~*
"Prongs, you didn't put Charlie Weasley up to the stinkbugs in the punch, did you?" Remus said accusingly to his friend.
"No, I didn't! The boy found them outside and he thought they were chilly and might die in the cold."
"And that they'd be safe in spiked punch?" Sirius retorted.
"Spiked?" Peter said fearfully, peering into his glass. James elbowed Sirius.
"Blow our cover, why don't you."
"Wormtail!" Sirius exclaimed, knocking the wine out of his hand. "James told you --"
"I didn't tell him! I told you to!"
"I told you to!"
"James, you don't act much like a married man," Remus said, half-joking, half-scolding. James and Sirius stopped arguing.
"No, I suppose I don't," James admitted. "Not around Sirius, anyway."
"Lily acts very much like a married woman, though, doesn't she?" Peter put in, pointing across the room to Lily, who was speaking animatedly with Mrs. Weasley, being circled by Charlie and Bill.
"Lily!? She acts like my mother! Always rubbing dirt off my --" James stopped midsentence when he caught sight of Lily, now holding one of the sleeping twins in her arms.
"Always rubbing dirt off your what?" Sirius prodded, sniggering, but James didn't hear him. His gaze was fixed on Lily and he couldn't remove it. She was touching the baby's face with a bright smile, and there was a light in her eyes that James had never seen before. He was entranced by the scene . . . the sense of wholeness that seemed to eminate from her and the child in her arms.
"James?" Remus asked, looking between James and Lily. "What is it?"
James shook himself mentally. "Nothing . . . nothing."
"Rubbing --" Sirius began.
"Shut up, Padfoot!" James said, smacking him upside the head.
"Ow! You wanna scuffle? Let's scuffle! Right here, right now!"
"They need personal prefects, or something," Remus muttered to Peter.
"Just so long as his wife doesn't come over, let them go at it," he said with a shrug.
~*
Later that night, Lily lay in bed staring out in the darkness, thinking. James was sleeping peacefully next to her.
She remember a conversation they'd had soon after they'd been married, after James's beloved little sister had been murdured.
"It's my parents fault."
"Your parents? James, how can you say that?"
"How could they do it? How could they choose to bring a child in this world when they knew there are so many things wrong with it?"
"If everyone lived by that, we'd die out, James . . ."
"They could have at least waited! Our generation was better. There was no murder or constant terror -- this war has to stop sometime, doesn't it?"
"I don't know. I don't know."
"Tell me it will. Promise me it will. I need to hear that from you . . ."
"Oh, James . . ."
~*
James was pulled out of his sleep abruptly. At first he couldn't figure out what had woken him, then realized that Lily was awake as well. She was lying on her side with her back to him, but he knew somehow she wasn't sleeping, and knew that was probably why he'd woken up.
"Lily?" he whispered.
Startled, she turned to him. "Did I wake you up?"
He shook his head. "No. Are you all right?"
"Yeah, I'm fine." She turned away from him again.
James was silent for a moment. Then -- "Lily, you know you don't have to hide anything you're feeling from me, don't you?"
This I must hide, Lily thought to herself. I don't know for how long . I don't know how long I can bear to keep it secret, but I must hide it. "I'm not hiding anything," she said lightly.
James didn't speak after that. He was silent, and moments passed, but then she felt his hand on her shoulder.
Lily reached up and intertwined her fingers in his, drawing comfort from him . . . and James moved his arm around her, moved closer to her and pressed his lips to her hair, and put his hand on her belly, and Lily knew that she could not hide anything from her husband.
TO BE CONTINUED... in a while.