Disclaimer: The Lord of the Rings, and all its characters, races, and creatures, as well as our beloved Middle Earth, belongs to JRR Tolkien.

Aragorn's visit lasted four days and five nights, and I did survive it—just barely.

I slept fitfully without my baby in his cradle beside my bed—all four of the nights he was not there. Part of me wished I had taken Elladan up on his offer. Being alone in my bed was torturous while my son was missing from my room. I was tied in knots, and when I did sleep I had dreams of fire and death or darkness and treacherous voices. Every morning I nursed my son for much longer than necessary, just to be near him, and to convince myself that he was truly fine and no harm had come to him. Aragorn could not leave soon enough to suit me.

The night before he was to leave the following morning, we were all once again in the library, enjoying one another's company. I was lost in thought, just holding Leofa to my bosom, gazing down into his sweet face and stroking his cheek. He was looking back at me, his silver gray eyes seeming to memorize my face. I wondered what he was thinking.

"Maeren," Aragorn suddenly said, "I almost forgot—this letter from Eomer had found its way to the bottom of my pack. I found it just a little while ago when I was packing to leave. I am sorry for the delay in giving it to you."

"Would you like to hold Leofa while I read it?" I asked him.

"Need you ask?" he replied, smiling, obviously in love with his son. He took the child, who by now was also delighted with his father as well.

I tore open the envelope quickly. A letter from Rohan! I had not received any messages from home since I had been here—none at all! I began to read Eomer's fine script:

My sweetest Maeren—

I am hoping this missive finds you well. I have by now been told you have another boy. Tis glad I am to hear it. Leofa is his name—well chosen, mother! I told Aragorn all there was to know about our eleventh king, and glad he was to hear it—or so he told me! Our new King of Gondor is quite the stuffed shirt at times, is he not?

I stopped and snickered out loud, catching Aragorn's attention, but I quickly looked back down to the letter and continued to read.

It is with a glad heart that I tell you that your brothers and their families all made it through the dark times, not quite unscathed, but with their lives and their homes intact. Haedren took a nasty wound to the side, and he was sore ill for quite a long time, but he has recovered fully at last. Had you been here to heal him, he would have been cured in half the time, or so he says. He is very proud of you, sister, and that is a fact, even though I am sure he has never uttered a word of that to you.

Small Saelden received a commendation—from me, in a formal ceremony, no less—for bravery beyond the call of duty, when he faced down an Oliphaunt to save a comrade. He pulled one of the fallen riders from under the feet of one of the fell beasts. Others around him stood there frozen in their tracks, for the beast towered above them, and all but Saelden seemed to grow roots on their boots. Now you will not believe this, but I think he may have grown taller sometime during all this. I am not sure if it was from the fright, or from drawing himself up with the pride of it all!

I again had to laugh at the picture Eomer had me tracing in my mind. Saelden, with his chest thrown out and his head held high! I again bent my head to read. However, my smile faded quickly from my face as I continued reading Eomer's words.

Now I come to the part of this missive, which I wish not to write, my dear, sweet Maeren. It is with a very heavy heart that I tell you of your father's death. I am very sorry to have to impart the news to you in a letter, and so far away from you that I cannot put my arms around you and hold you as you weep, for weep I know you will.

When the King bade the people to leave to Helm's Deep, your father refused to leave his land. You know how he was—stubborn to a fault and loving his home. It was later found that he died there at the hands of Orcs and Dunlandings. By that time, your brothers were riding with the Eorlingas, and your sisters-in-law were at Helm's Deep, where most stayed until after all the fighting was done at the Black Gate. None knew of your father's death, and I'd not come to Rohan until after the King's coronation and wedding. I am sorry, I could not have told you sooner, Maeren. I could have brought you home instead of your having to go to that forsaken land of the Elves, wherever it may be. I hope it has not been too much of a hardship on you, my sweet girl.

I dropped the letter into my lap and covered my face with my hands. My tears were coming in sobs now, and I could not control them at all. Aragorn was sitting in a chair opposite me, and he sat forward, very concerned. Elrond was up and at my side instantly, as were both twins.

They all began speaking at once, and I knew not who to answer, but it mattered not, because I could not speak through the choking tears anyway. I handed the letter to Elrond, pointing to the last paragraph in particular. He read it briefly.

"Her father was killed in the War," he announced to all who were gathered around me.

There were muted sounds of sympathy and hands of support from all around, giving me pats and squeezes. Elrond parted the sea of well-wishers, and he scooped me up suddenly and carried me bodily from the room. He took me up the stairs and to my room, sitting me on the bed.

"Should I send for Nivia to help you undress, or can you manage it for yourself?" he asked me sympathetically.

"I can manage," I uttered tearfully.

"I am returning in the amount of time it will take me to brew some Valerian tea—with honey—and I expect you to be dressed for bed by the time I get back. If you are not, I will help you myself. I will return shortly."

I nodded and rose and got myself ready for bed. I knew Elrond would do exactly as he said. If I had not dressed myself in a nightdress by the time he returned, he would do so himself. Enough time had elapsed since the birth of Leofa that my modesty had returned, and I wished not for that type of attention from him any more.

The Lord of Imladris was true to his word, and he returned straight away, bearing a steaming cup of tea steeped with Valerian. Thankfully, he had put in a liberal amount of honey, so it was not vile tasting as his Valerian brews tended to be otherwise. I drank it slowly. He sat on the edge of my bed as I did so.

"You needn't stay, Elrond," I said as a tear slid down my cheek. "I will truly be fine."

"I know that you will," he told me, "but you need not be alone, unless you want to be so."

"What about Leofa?" I asked vaguely.

"He is well taken care of, young one," he said kindly.

"No, Elrond," I said quickly, "you misunderstand me. He will never know his other grandfather. He will miss out on knowing another fine person. And you will be gone soon. Who will guide Leofa with the wisdom of the elder?" My sobs grew loud once more. Elrond drew me to his chest and held me tightly. I suddenly felt his uneven breathing—he was weeping with me. I pulled away from him, angry with myself that I had drawn him so far into sorrow with me.

"Elrond, I am sorry!" I exclaimed through my tears. "I meant not to cause you such hurt. Please forgive me."

"There is naught to forgive, young one," he told me. His face was stained with tears, and I hated seeing him so bereft. "You mention nothing I have not thought of myself. When I sail, I leave the baby behind. And not just Leofa, but Leofa's mother as well." He stroked my cheek with his long, smooth fingers, and smiled into my face, looking at me as if trying to make sure he would remember me always. "I have become quite attached to you. It will rend my heart in two when I leave you. If not for the fact that I will be joining the one I love best in the entire world, I would not do it. She will help me heal from my hurt when I join her. Worry not about me, Maeren; I will be fine. Celebrian will dry my tears and still my weeping heart. As for Leofa not knowing any elder kin, that is unfortunate, but I am sure you will be able to find a replacement grandfather for him, among the Rohirrim. So many good and old riders there are still, willing to share the lore of your people." Elrond smiled through his weeping, and he caused me to smile too. I held him nearer again—I could not hold him close enough of a sudden.

A quiet rap on the door caught our attention, drawing us apart. I invited whomever it was to enter, and Aragorn poked his head in the door.

"Is there anything any of us can do for you, Maeren?" he asked gently. "Anything at all?"

"No, Aragorn," I replied. "Only bring Leofa to me for just a few minutes? You may have him back—I only wish to kiss him goodnight."

"I will bring him to you now," Aragorn said, and he closed the door quietly. Very soon, the door opened wide, and Aragorn brought Leofa into my room, but Elladan, who was carrying the cradle, followed him. Aragorn was giving Leofa back to me tonight—of all nights.

Elrond had risen from beside me, and as soon as I realized the gift Aragorn was giving to me, I hopped from the bed, and smiling through my tears, and sobbing besides, I hugged the King of Gondor, as hard as I might, careful not to squish the wonderful son we had between us.

"You know not what this means to me," I half cried and half whispered into his ear. "I take back any thoughts I may ever have had of you being anything of a tyrant!" I stepped back to look into his face. I laughed at my own jest and sobbed and hiccuped, too. Aragorn smiled sheepishly, not sure what to do with me at all. I gently took our son from his father and cradled him to me. I looked back into Aragorn's eyes and thanked him sincerely one more time, then I got back into my bed, with my son in my arms.

Aragorn came and knelt beside my bed, and I wondered at his actions, but I was too bewildered with grief to wonder very much or long about it. As it turns out, he only wanted to tell Leofa good night.

Aragorn looked at me finally, and said, "I may be gone before he rises in the morn, so I wanted to be sure and get hugs before he slept. I wish to memorize every aspect of him, so I can tell Arwen all about our son to the tiniest detail. I have the letter you wrote to her tucked away in my pack—worry not, I will see that it does not get lost in the bottom of things, I promise. Did you see the portrait Haldan sketched of Leofa? It is a good likeness is it not?" I agreed that it was. "I will have it framed and hung in my private chambers, so it will seem as if he is near me, at least. You will be coming in the spring, as planned?" I nodded that I was. "Good. Elrond will arrange an escort for you." He gave Leofa one last quick kiss on the cheek and stood and strode from the room. The others followed him, after first offering me condolences for my father's passing. It seemed I was suddenly alone in the chamber with my son.

The room appeared empty and huge, and I was alone with my thoughts of home and my family. The sharp stab of pain in my heart precluded any deep thoughts, as did the Valerian in the tea Elrond had plied me with, truth be known. I rose and gently placed my now sleeping baby into his cradle, covering him carefully with his little blanket. He looked like such an angel lying there in his bed. I swayed where I stood, so decided it was past time to get into my own bed. I slowly got covered up and snuggled down into the pillow on my side. I thought of the many times my father had put me to bed, after my mother had died. I was thirteen by then, but I especially needed the comfort at bedtime. I tried to act the mature girl, but I could not stop the tears from coming at night especially. Nighttime was when my mother used to take time out to sit beside me for a few minutes and talk about anything I wished. We would never talk for long, but she would reassure me about things I feared or doubted about myself. So after her death, my father took over that role, and I loved him all the more for it. It was never quite the same, but it was wonderful in its difference.

I could not believe he was gone from this earth! I would never see him again!

All these months—so many times—I had cursed myself for not going home to Rohan, but then had ultimately commended myself for doing the right thing in coming to Imladris, for sparing my father the shame of my sin of having a child without having a husband. And my father had not even been alive when the child had been conceived! The irony of it all would have made me laugh were I not so sorrowful. How had his death gone unnoticed by so many for so long?

If ever anyone would want to believe in fate, it would be me, and it would certainly be now. I had been fated to come here to Imladris. However, the reason was a mystery to me, unless it was to see a beautiful, peaceful place or to experience the Elven way of doing things. I wondered if I would ever truly know the answer to this riddle.

But I could not wonder for long. Elrond's elixir was doing its work on me, and I was near incoherent. I was quickly following Leofa into dreamland. I sincerely hoped that both of our dreams this night would be pleasant. I had no wish to visit 'nightmareland'—it was such an unpleasant place, and I had been there before many times and wished not to return.

I closed my eyes finally, giving in to Lady Valerian. I hoped she was kind to me. After all, I had never done anything to incur her wrath, had I?

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"Papa, what are you doing here?" I asked him. "You're not supposed to be here. You're dead now. I just read Eomer's letter telling me of your passing just this night." I was sitting up in my bed, and my father was sitting in a chair beside Leofa's cradle, lifting up a corner of the blanket covering my son and peeking beneath it to see his tiny face.

"I know I'm dead, my darling girl," he answered back, "but that's what dreaming's for, you know; for souls, such as mine, that did not get to tell their best girl goodbye before they passed on. That is why I am here now, in your dream. Lady Valerian has indeed been good to you tonight. She allowed me entrance into your mind, that I may whisper all my best to you for one last time." He lowered the blanket back against the sleeping child and looked at me once more.

"It seems much has befallen my girl since last I laid my two eyes on her. Maeren, surprised I am at you! 'Tis indeed shame I feel—at myself! That you felt you could not come home to me in your time of trial speaks ill of how I raised you! How could I feel aught but pride and joy at this precious bundle in this cradle? Leofa is indeed a fine name, too! I did chuckle a bit when I saw how you thumbed your nose at the list of names the King sent for you to choose from! What cheek he has—even if he is the King. He should know at least enough of the Rohirrim to know 'tis the mother's right to name the child!"

"You saw that, Papa?" I exclaimed. "But how?"

He chuckled softly. "Death tis not a'tall like what one thinks it 'twould be," he said with irony in his voice. "I always believed I would go and join up with your precious mother, but I've not seen her yet. I suppose I was not the best soul on the land, and I must be setting some things to rights. Perhaps Eru knew you were in trouble and needed your Papa before I was to be taken wherever your mother is; I truly know not. But here I have been, and truth be known, I've minded it not at all, for I've been with my best girl when she's needed me most, even if she's not known I was here."

"I suppose you've seen me in some less than proper moments," I told him, shamefully.

"Fear not dear one," he declared. "I am your Papa still, but my eyes are open wide at last, and I care not about things that don't concern me. You are grown and have your own mind—and can make it up on your own; what you do is your own business. I only come near when I sense your love of the child intensely, or I feel your sadness the same way. Happy I am that you have come to be with the Elves. I had never seen nor dealt with the Elves before, but a fine lot they are—especially that Haldan. A fine lad he is, is he not?"

"Yes, Papa," I agreed, "a fine lad of about four thousand some odd years old." I laughed and so did he.

"Yes, Maeren, these Elves are a mysterious lot, that is for sure," he concurred. "Elrond is a regal being, but a fine gentleman, indeed. I have great respect for the Elf, as I can tell you do, as well. However, I have great concern about his son, Maeren. Being dead, I can sense a great many things you may not be privy to. Elladan is a fine young Elf, to be sure. But he is in love with you, my sweet girl. Do not be fooling yourself any longer, by telling yourself that he isn't. I can see it, and if you look back over your time with him, you will see it too. In your times of trouble, he is always there. If you are ill or hurting, he is there giving you comfort and ease if he can. He longs to give his love to you—in all ways. I am afraid the time has come that you must either take him into your heart or set him free. Either way will hurt you both, for even though you deny it, you love him as well."

"No, Papa, you are wrong—" I began.

"Do not be interrupting me, daughter," said my father lightly and with a smile. "I am not done speaking to you yet. As I was saying, you will deny it, but you are in love with Elladan as well. As I also said, I sense these things, because I am dead. Don't ask me why this is so, it merely is. Anyway, I wish I could tell the future, but being dead does not allow me to do that, wouldn't you know, so I cannot tell you how either choice would turn out, whichever way you choose. You simply must decide."

My father got up from the chair, but bent over the cradle, and gave Leofa a kiss on the cheek. He then walked over to me.

"I wish we would have had more time on this earth together, darling girl," my father said. "Know that I always loved you with all of my heart and I always will. And when I do meet up with your mother, I will hug her good and hard for you!" He bent and hugged me and kissed me fiercely and was suddenly gone.

He vanished as if he were never there, and I was suddenly awake—sitting up in my bed—as if I hadn't been asleep at all.

Had I been dreaming? Of course I had! Hadn't I? Or hallucinating perhaps. That was always a possibility, I suppose, considering the shock I'd had and the Valerian on top of that. What an incredible hallucination—or dream—or whatever it was! It was wonderful! At least the first part of it was. I was not so sure I enjoyed the last few minutes of it, however—the part where my father insisted I was in love with Elladan. That was preposterous! Wasn't it?

He was right about the Elf, though. Whenever I had times of trial or hurt, Elladan was always there to give me comfort or ease. From the very beginning, he had been there. I had certainly liked him well enough even then, but I had never loved him. Had I? No, I had not. I did not. I do not. I don't think.

I did not want to love him. It was completely too complicated to love an Elf—especially a Peredhil! All the choices and mortality and immortality! I wanted no part of it. Above all, I would not be responsible for hurting someone I knew I loved deeply—Elrond. Were I to allow myself to have feelings for Elladan, or to allow him to return those feelings, it would be Elrond—and Celebrian—who would suffer. Elrond had already suffered enough over Arwen's decision; I would not be the reason for him to suffer over another of his children making the same decision that his daughter had. And if Elladan made the decision to live a mortal life, chances were that Elrohir would do the same. They were twins—each almost half of a whole, it seemed at times. I could not see one staying and one going. No, there would be no relationship between Elladan and I. It simply would not be.

I laid myself back down in my bed, nestling my head deep into my pillow. I lay there for quite some time, trying to rid my thoughts of Elves and love, but the subjects just kept spinning round and round in my head. I finally slept when the first tinges of pink were reflecting on the far wall of my room.

I had no more visitors—no fathers, no Elves, no Lady Valerians; just the nothingness of sleep at last.

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