It Was A Normal Day
by: epiphanies
Warning: I wrote this five hours ago while on a sugarhigh and allergy medicine. Please be cautious. Contains crudeness, slash, and absolute insanity. Read at your own moral risk!!!
MUAHAHAHA!
It was a normal day in the Gryffindor Common Room. Fred and George, who didn't belong to Hogwarts anymore but nonetheless showed up every day anyway, were selling Streaking Steaks and Lick-Her Lollies. Dean and Seamus were snogging in the corner. Hermione and Ginny were watching with red-faced fascination. Harry and Ron were flexing their muscles to each other in the other corner. Luna Lovegood was watching Ron and Harry flexing their muscles to each other, and seeing as though everybody was transfixed with Dean and Seamus, nobody seemed to care that Luna wasn't in her own common room, but in theirs.
As Ron was doing a victory dance after Harry passed out from all of the exhausting flexing, Neville Longbottom, Hot-Man-On-Campus walked into the Common Room.
"Ron," he said, with his Hot-Man-On-Campus voice, smoothing back his chestnut hair with a black comb, "Is that a spider in your pants, or are you just dancing around like a poofter?"
Ron stopped dancing and began to bawl. Luna ran over and shoved his head into her chest to make him feel better.
Neville Longbottom, Hot-Man-On-Campus, rolled his eyes upward. Then, a spotlight appeared on him and he pulled out a tube of red lipstick. He smeared it across his petulant lips and crooned, "To the late night double feature picture show! In the back row! OH OH OH OH OH!"
Everybody stopped and stared at him, except Dean and Seamus, who were still snogging. And Hermione and Ginny, who hadn't stopped staring at Dean and Seamus. And Harry who was unconscious on the floor. And Ron, who was now nuzzling Luna's stomach. And Luna, who was licking Ron's eyebrows.
The spotlight turned off and Neville Longbottom cried, in a very un-Hot-Man-On-Campus voice, "DOES ANYBODY EVEN NOTICE?"
"NO!" They all screamed at him, and he grabbed a microphone from Professor McGonagall, who had just emerged from the broom closet with Professor Flitwick, "DOES ANYBODY EVEN CARE!?"
"NO!" everybody, including both professors screamed at him.
Then, Neville Longbottom, Hot-Man-On-Campus, passed out on the floor next to Harry Potter.
Just then, Justin Finch-Fletchley ran into the room, completely naked, followed by a sexily smirking Draco Malfoy.
He screamed at Dean and Seamus, who were completely oblivious, "YOU PUNCHED MY SPIKE! YOU SILLY BASTARDS!!!"
Then he ran out, flailing his limbs, Draco in hot pursuit.
Hermione and Ginny, who were still staring at Dean and Seamus, suddenly looked at each other with love-puppy eyes and started to snog.
All was un-interrupted by a sobbing Hannah Abbot running down the stairs in a towel, followed by Neville Longbottom, Hot-Man-On-Campus, who was also still laying unconscious on the floor.
"YOU SAID WE'D-!" choked Hannah, her mascara-tears dotting Luna and Ron like dalmatians. They didn't notice.
Neville Longbottom, Hot-Man-On-Campus, said lightly, "What, you thought I was telling the truth? You didn't think we'd actually LEVITATE, did you?"
Hannah fell to the ground, sobbing. Unconscious Harry Potter reached out an arm to her and pulled her to him with his eyes still cemented shut.
Finally, Dean and Seamus stopped snogging, only to stare at Hermione and Ginny for a bit, then Seamus said "Touch me, Dean. Or flirt with me. Or look at me. Please?"
Then they went back to snogging.
Nobody cared that there were two Neville Longbottoms, both as Hot-Man-On-Campus as the other, until Hermione and Ginny ceased their snogging and stared. Then, Ginny shrieked and sped over to the upright Hot-Man-On-Campus while Hermione landed on the unconscious one and started to undress him.
In walked Gandalf the grey and leaned on his walking-stick thing.
"All was normal in the Gryffindor Common Room." he said, then, hearing Professor Dumbledore's roar of fury, giggled and pranced up the staircase to the boys' dormitories. Dumbledore ran in, red faced and carrying a large whip, and streaked after Gandalf right after saying, "That was my line. But yeah, what he said. Oh, and there's a message of advice from Sirius Black - we had tea yesterday - he said moonless nights are fun because it's harder to get caught- doing mature responsible tasks. TA! Now, were have you gotten to, G, you naughty boy, you..."
THE END....for NOW!!! *dun dun dun!*
Actually, this IS the end.
*whispers* "For NOW!"
Actually, this really, really IS the end. Seriously.
Reasoning and point of this fic: sugarhigh and allergy medicine. MUAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!! WAIT UNTIL THE REACTINE GETS TO YOUR HEAD!!!!!!!!!!