NOTES: Ok. Here is the last chapter of this story. But WAIT! Stay tuned for the last story of The River Arc. There is a complementary summery of the newest story coming soon (whenever I get to it) at the end of this chapter.
God I stink…but anyway, please review if you like it, and e-mail me if you want to ask any questions. It makes any writer feel like their writing is worth something if there is some…ANY kind of response from the reader .
Actually, I must apologize because this fic was supposed to be uploaded on June 13, but my grandfather passed away, and I had to go to New Jersey to be with my family. Then I went on vacation for a month. I just got back, so here it is.
Um…a couple of months ago I was looking at some scanned pictures from some of the newest installments of Gaiden. Goku was going postal up in heaven and his shirt got torn up and he had this tattoo thingy on his belly. I guessed that since all youkai have some kind of markings on their bodies (usually on their faces) that was Goku's marking. I don't know what it means, but I'm going to add it in this chapter. If anyone knows what the heck it really is please feel free to send me a message…^_^ \/
WARNING: Son Goku, some blood, some violence, and Sanzou sometimes talking to himself and Goku's voice is his mind. It'll make sense once you read it.
UNABLE TO WINPart IV
"Sanzou-sama, you can't go out alone!"
"Sanzou-sama, if he was able to take down a youkai of such power, how can you go out alone only with your gun to face him?"
"Sanzou-sama! Here, take some weapons! These will surely do the job."
"Sanzou-sama, these wards will help. You can trap him and seal him someplace with these."
…
Idiots. Sick, selfish, idiots.
They all deserved to drop dead for their hypocritical notions.
He could tell by the dull darkness in their shaky eyes that they expected him not to really seal Goku away, but to kill him. Forget the fact that they were Buddhist, and that Buddhism forbade killing. Forget the fact that Genjo Sanzou was one of the few people supposedly closest to Buddha. Forget the fact that Goku had just been running through the halls after some kind of mischief just the day before, laughing and smiling like any other child.
"Sanzou! Look!"
No…they trusted their precious Sanzou-sama to do the job.
He really should shoot all of them through their two-faced hearts.
As Sanzou walked down the muddy path, his thoughts became dark; the rain thundering down on his exposed head and drenching his shoulders, trying to beat him down, trying to hold him back from what he had set out to do. Or was it trying to stop him from what the other's believed he would do? And what was it? Once he found Goku and came face to face with the terror that had gutted a very powerful youkai, what would his final assessment be? To become judge and jury and pull the trigger like the monks believed he would…or try to be some kind of idiotic self-sacrificing champion and return Goku back to the way he was before?
And did he even want the annoying wretch back?
"I…I thought you were the sun."
Sun…heh…stupid, stupid little monkey.
"I don't remember anything before the prison. I know I must have done something really, really bad…"
What happened was that Goku's diadem was taken off, or broken off. And by looking at what had happened to the youkai Inu, it could be easily said that Goku's mind was not there, only the hunger and need for blood. Yet…Sanzou had never heard about a child youkai so out of control so that they thirsted and hunted for blood. Or at least not one that lost control without a limiter…Actually, Sanzou had never heard of a child youkai needing a youki limiter to control his power. Or of a youkai child that possessed such strength to be able to butcher a youkai that was older, larger, and more experienced that it.
"Right. It's Goku. Son Goku!"
Idiot…annoying…pest of a monkey!
Day and night had passed since he had left Chou-an to find Goku, and for the whole day and night it had rained abysmally without any signs of letting up. The sky was the most depressing shades of shifting gray, the gloom weighting down on the earth like a malignant hand sent to smother the inhabitants with its dreary calling. To a romantic, a day like this would be perfect for some lover to kill himself or herself is some fevered hope to join a loved one who had passed away from this world and into another. It was all idiotic drivel in Sanzou's opinion. In this world, in this reality, there was no such thing as love, only an illusion made by said romantics and young naïve people who believed in lies and self-deception to try to be happy.
There was only one truth to Sanzou, and that was what his master had taught him. If you meet a person, kill him…. and if you meet Buddha, kill him as well…the way of non-attachment, to remain unfettered with no one holding you back or getting in your way…to be invulnerable.
He was a Buddhist monk…yet he killed, drank, and smoked. Not his position nor any monk could dictate the way he lived, not Buddha himself could stop him on whatever he would decide when finding Goku. Sanzou had sealed his fate from the moment he freed the little pest high up in the mountains, when he had given in to the incessant calling that drove him to find the one who dared disturb him. Goku was his responsibility, no one else's. They were stuck together till one of them died…
Sanzou stopped short, the rain's thundering ringing loudly in his ears, his hair completely matted on his head and laying limply over his downcast eyes. Brooding, considering.
No. The decision wouldn't be made until he saw Goku. He didn't care what the youkai said, or what the other addle-brained monks believed: he would see with his own eyes what was the true form of Goku, and judge for himself what the next step would be.
"But the sun is over there, and you are over here, so you can't be the sun, right?"
…The sun of what, Goku? How does a monkey with a half brain like you think? The sun is something untouchable and burns whatever touches it. You get close you get hurt. Isn't that what happened Goku? You allowed yourself to become attached to me and became the target of one of my enemies. If you survive, what will you do? Will you stay with the person whom you once believed to be the sun itself? Or will you shun it, like you said the day we met, to look away and never believe it will come to you…
Sanzou blinked in mild surprise when a squirrel dashed from between his robbed legs, making a beeline towards a large tree not far off the muddy path he was on. He nearly jumped, completely startled, when five other squirrels dodged around him, following that first little fugitive, as if racing to see who would reach their large destination first. Lifting his water logged head up, his eyes widened as he witnessed dozens of squirrels jumping through dripping braches, to other trees, all going the same way…the same route.
Funny that they'd be out and about in the rain. Woodland animals usually searched for dryer places when Mother Nature decided to go gloomy. Looking over his shoulder from the direction the little furry mammals had come, Sanzou found himself sensing nothing out of the ordinary. But when he turned his concentration to the large tree that the squirrels were flocking to, for a moment his mind reeled from the immense presence that he sensed there.
Could it be…?
He paused…hesitated. Was it even possible for such a small creature like Goku to possess such power? But he had seen the strong ancient wards on Goku's prison, he had been aware that the diadem emitted an amazing amount of spiritual power to contain Goku's youki. But still…that much strength was incomprehensible!
Sanzou clenched his jaws together, grinding his teeth in agitation. Was this some kind of sick joke? Bad karma from a previous life? What????
"You're not letting me go because you're a big mean jerk!"
Stupid, good for nothing, loud mouthed monkey!!!!!
His resolve was set, and he started to march toward the large tree, the squirrels above making faster progress on the branches above him. The gods were laughing at his expense, watching him following some pea brained creatures in the middle of the pouring rain. If Goku were the imposing presence that the squirrels were flocking to, then everything would end soon, for better or for worse…if there even existed a better.
He could barely tolerate the sloshing noise coming from his sandals when coming into contact with the wet ground. The only form of relief he was getting was the fact that NOW the rain was beginning to recede and lessen.
As the large tree came into Sanzou's view, the young monk noticed that not only squirrels were heading the same direction, but so were some rabbits, raccoons, badgers, and he spotted a couple of boars sloshing through the bushes not to far away. Could these simple creatures also sense the strong youki and therefore feel drawn toward it…like a moth drawn to a light?
But he stopped short, his mind going blank in bewilderment as he came to the giant tree and found a sight that he never would have imagined himself to see in any reality. For it seemed as if he was not in this world, but another, where everything remained pure and untouched from the harsh realities of life: A reality where there is life that ends in death, blissful ignorance corrupted by harsh truths and realizations that youthful dreams would never come true.
It was Goku…but a different Goku. His long brown hair which usually was tied back in a tail flowed open down his back, his ears elongated and pointed high like any other youkai, and his nails long and sharp enough to shred through the toughest skin. For some demented reason he was wearing the remnants of what used to be a novices robe, though it was torn almost beyond recognition, the top completely gone and the bottom barely able to keep the boy decent. But what had stilled all movement and thought from Sanzou was the way the wild boy lay curled in between two large roots that protruded from the earth, taking refuge beneath the tree's canopying branches and leaves from the rain. Surrounding him, unafraid, were hundreds of woodland creatures, all sitting in total silence and stillness as if making sure nothing would disturb the youkai boy's sleep.
"G…Goku…?"
As if his human voice infected the surreal atmosphere, the animals all took flight, shrieking in terror as they scrambled away to safety from some unknown danger. Their frightened noises were shrill and grating, and Sanzou had to suppress a shiver as the last drop of rain fell and disappeared into the muddy earth.
Whether it was from the animals' flight or Sanzou's voice, Goku began to stir. Sanzou watched impassively, not taking any step closer as the young youkai he had saved all those months ago turned onto his back, stretching lazily. Golden orbs that seemed to glow ominously in his full state cracked open and gazed up into the drenched leafy branches of the tree he lay under, the first rays of sunlight seeping between them. He raised his arm, and opened his clawed hand wide, entranced by something that only he could see and understand.
"I see things…and I start to remember, but then its stolen from me, and I forget."
Did this Son Goku remember his past? Did he know what crimes he had done to deserve the punishment of memory loss and centuries of imprisonment? Maybe now he could get some answers out of the stupid monkey that he couldn't before.
"Oi…Goku!" he called out roughly, not acknowledging at all the relief he was feeling at finally finding the little pest safe and sound.
At his call, the little youkai went totally rigid, his hand dropping and his head twisted slowly to meet him. Sanzou stopped short at the confrontational look that threatened a very long painful death if he dared come any closer. It was something he never thought Goku was capable of. It was a daunting thought, but this Goku intimidated Sanzou.
But like hell if he was going to let the other know it.
Clenching his hands into fists, Sanzou approached Son Goku. The little youkai leapt to his feet, and growled, a feral noise that vibrated from his soul. Sanzou had never seen the boy so tense, so filled with rage and fury so obvious that his mere gaze seemed to sizzle the air between them.
"You'll walk away and not look back…and forget…"
…I'm here aren't I, little monkey? And there's no way in hell am I going to walk away with you looking down at me so disrespectfully. But then you never had respect for anyone, did you, Goku? The way you went around breaking things, snitching food, and bringing in anything that caught your eye AND the mud that was on it. Actually, you're the only one who calls me without that dreaded "sama" title that makes me want to hurl…
"Disrespectful? You're always disrespectful to your elder's, Sanzou. I think you just like to hit me…and you hit hard!"
…You think so? Who gave you the right to be so familiar with me, Goku? Who gave you the right to become so attached that by someone else threatening me; you lost yourself in your anger? Look at you…you're little more than some animal with its territory trespassed. What are you going to do about it?…
"I hate you!"As if hearing Sanzou's inner taunting, Son Goku snarled, his fangs clashing together. Standing there, Sanzou saw an odd circular tattoo in the middle of Goku's young compacted abdomen. It was a symbol Sanzou did not recognize and wondered about its hidden meaning.
With a final snarl, Goku lunged, his deadly clawed hand going for Sanzou's abdomen. It would be a painful wound that would bleed a lot and take a long time for him to die. So…Son Goku wanted pain as well as blood. Interesting since he had left the youkai Inu in the temple dying from both pain and blood loss. His would be assassin had said that Goku was smiling when he had struck, smiling at the blood, smiling at the agony he was inflicting, the anguish of the dying sustenance for a soul shrouded in hate and fury.
Sanzou dodged the attack pushing aside the mild surprise that Goku was capable of attacking him. He wondered if Son Goku had managed to strike him…would he have smiled, his eyes shining in cruel delight at causing pain to the one he looked up to…the only one he looked for in a crowd…his supposed sun…
"I finished all the work you gave me already, and I finished the reading assignment. See, I did everything!"
…Idiot. Haven't you learned yet that I'm a stubborn bastard? You thought that just by begging in that aggravating voice of yours that in the end I'd take you with me? You had won with me in many things, monkey, but for once I beat you and managed to leave, even though you were mad at me, even though you cried, even though you said you hated me. As if your feelings mattered, your concerns, your emotions had an affect on me? I am Genjo Sanzou, and if I choose it, I will kill you. What have you to say to that…Goku?…
The small youkai attacked him again, his bare feet and hands everywhere, trying to rip him apart. He dodged easily, for even though Goku had the strength and youki, he was still just a child, an infant in experience. There was barely any calculation in his attacks, just the maddening urge to shred the existence of the person in front of him.
Sanzou winced when he lost footing in the mud and went plummeting to the wet ground. Goku was on him in less that a second, his small weight pushing him back to the earth. Sanzou gasped and shot his hands up, intercepting Goku's claws from plunging into his abdomen. His eyes met Goku's in that moment, looking deeply into the golden depths and trying to see any sign of the boy he had freed and kept with him.
"Sanzou! I'm not here!"
The young monk hissed as Goku pushed down, feeling the sharp knife like nails piercing through his robe and into his skin, blood immediately seeping from the puncture and staining the white robe red. "Goku…" he chocked out, trying to push the boy away, "Goku…snap out of it dammit! Stupid piece of shit! If you make one more tear in this robe I'm going to shoot you through the head and end it! Calm down!!!"
"Sanzou told a lie!"…Where are you, Goku? What happened to you back then that made you go over the edge? Why is there so much hatred in you…so different from the Goku I know? Son Goku…are you the reason for the imprisonment? Also, are you the reason Goku is still alive right now after what happened in the temple? Are you so lost in the turmoil of your rage that you don't recognize anything or anyone you know?…
"I don't wanna stay if you're going to go!"
When the nails dug deeper, Sanzou snarled and let go of one of the boy's hands and swung at his head, sending Goku flying off him. He stumbled to his feet, holding his hand over the deep puncture hole in his stomach. He hissed in pain, and glared balefully at the small youkai that was shaking his head dizzily.
"You think the likes of you can kill me?" He barked out a laugh. "You truly are an idiot monkey if you think you can beat me so easily. I'm not some brainless youkai, nor am I like anyone else in this world."
Goku howled in frustration at being thwarted, and lunged again. A stupid move for even if he did have speed and strength over Sanzou, Sanzou had brains and that was more powerful than anything. Grasping Goku's arm, he twisted it around the boy's back painfully and watched the little youkai struggle for a moment before pushing him away roughly.
The enraged boy stumbled forward, and whirled around to face him again. Never in Sanzou's life had he seen any being with eyes so filled with wrath centered at one person.
He smirked, shaking his head as he looked down at the boy, such a small waif like thing. "Take a good look at me, monkey," he said softly, almost gently. "Memorize my face so next time you will remember that I am the only one who can beat you in this deranged form of yours."
For a moment, Goku hesitated, blinking his eyes and frowning almost curiously at Sanzou, as if trying to remember him, to put his face to someone he once knew. His golden eyes shimmered with something haunting, something that went deeper than the rage…a deep wound in Goku's soul that he knew of, but could not remember from where or what. Those memories of the past, the cause of his imprisonment, those things even made this Son Goku pause.
So there it was, the one thing Sanzou had been looking for. The sign that beyond this creature of hate and malice there still existed the idiotic monkey who had called him all those months ago. Goku still remained in Son Goku, and as long as there was that, Goku would never die in such a state of turmoil. Not by his hands, not by any other hands.
Goku's diadem had been made by a large amount of spiritual energy, and if a Sanzou is supposedly was one of the closest human to Buddha, then he, Genjo Sanzou damn well should be able to focus enough to make another. Almost like making a ward, but without anything to transmit all that ki into…it had to be strong enough to become solid on its own.
"I don't want you to leave me alone!"
…Yes Goku. That is your fear, to be left alone, abandoned. A stupid notion that only you would come up with. To be alone is to never form any attachments, and non-attachment meant invulnerability. Are you happy knowing that your…caring…for me is your weakness? Your fear of abandonment your only fear. Not death, not pain…no they cannot touch you. Being with me, and being a bleeding thorn in my side means that you are not alone. If you killed me with those hands of yours…how would you feel, Goku? What would go through you're mind? Would you cry?…
The moment broke and Goku growled, clenching his fists that shook.
Sanzou stood straight and lifted his arms up, leaving himself wide open and vulnerable. "Come on, you brainless animal. Drive your fist…" he pointed to his heart, tapping his chest with his thumb, "drive it straight through. That's what you want, don't you? Well, we'll see who will win over who…Goku."
Goku roared at this, whether from understanding the words or understanding the taunting tone. Crouching low, he leapt to the side, trying to strike from his blind side. The first intellectual move since Sanzou met him. Sanzou ducked from a blow that would have left a gaping hole in his cranium. Turning around, he watched coolly as the boy ran around him, trying to confuse him with his speed.
Stupid monkey.
Concentrating, he waited for Goku to pass by the large tree before he let out a loud shout, flinging his arm outward and letting loose the full binding power of his holy sutra. The elongated divine scrolls shot out, catching the little youkai by surprise and wrapping themselves around the boy, sending him crashing into the large tree, his small muddied feet tangling off the ground. He let out a loud shriek, and struggled ferociously, kicking his scrawny legs, and attempting to claw at the scrolls that held him in place.
Sanzou watched mildly at Goku writhing in the constraints before taking steady steps to him. They wild youkai became more frantic as he approached, tossing his head from side to side in an attempt to escape the inevitable. His struggles were in vain since the holy sutras could probably even hold back a kami if need be. When Sanzou came to stand before Goku, the boy turned his head away, shaking in rage and helplessness, his eyes shut, his teeth bared and clenched.
"I never looked for the sun…I always looked away…"The young man lifted his hand, which was covered in his own blood, and placed it on Goku's head, causing the boy to start and look up at him in shock at the gentle almost fatherly touch. "I've already told you this, ape," he said, "never look away from me. No matter what, you're going to face me and look me in the eyes like a man. If you close your eyes and turn your head away, you'll never escape for the rest of your life…"
With these gentle words, he lifted his other hand and placed it over Goku's forehead, ignoring the way the boy stiffened at this new contact. Focusing on his spiritual power, he concentrated it into his hand, the image of Goku's golden diadem, and watching it take solid form on the boy's brow.
"…But then you came, and for a moment I thought the sun was coming to me…"Goku convulsed, and his eyes dilated. In mere seconds Sanzou witnessed Goku's ears shrinking, and his hands returning to his more human looking form. The sharp fangs in the boy's mouth that could probably break bones if needed disappeared to the small baby teeth of a very human looking child. And when Sanzou removed his hand, and retracted the sutra, the boy collapsed in a dead faint into his waiting arms.
"…and I couldn't look away…"
With Goku in his arms, Sanzou let his knees buckle, and allowed the exhaustion and relief to finally set in. Leaning his back against the strong trunk of the mighty tree that had witnessed their confrontation, Sanzou let the boy sleep on his lap while he lit a cigarette and let the addicting nicotine sooth his nerves. He'd start making his way back to the temple…once he could think straight.
"…see?"
***~*~*~***~*~*~***~*~*~***
Deeper…push…go deeper…
The sun's warm rays helped stir Goku into wakefulness. The familiar scent of his pillow and the warm quilt on his bed making him instinctively curl deeper into his comfort and consider going back to sleep. But like every other morning, wakefulness brought the maddening hunger that made his stomach growl quite loudly in demand for sustenance to quell its wants. Perhaps Sanzou would take him into town and buy him some of his favorite meat buns…
"No one will hear you when you scream, Son Goku."
It hit him, a thundering blow that made his eyes open wide and made that hungering growling in his stomach clench uncomfortably, nausea making him swallow hard as the urge to hurl. He remembered the youkai that had disguised himself as the new elder, the way he had maliciously driven him into hiding in Sanzou's study, only to attack him in the hopes of getting rid of him so he may assassinate Sanzou.
"Just like no one will hear Sanzou's struggles when I kill him."
"Sanzou!" cried Goku, lurching upward and throwing his warm quilt off. He had to find Sanzou; he had to save him before…
If it were possible for a living creature to swallow its own tongue, then Goku would have defiantly swallowed his, for sitting on the wooden chair next to his small table sat Genjo Sanzou reading a newspaper, the epitome of nonchalant. As Goku sat frozen in his bed, Sanzou slipped off his reading glasses and flopped the worn newspaper on the table, looking at Goku with unfathomable eyes.
Deeper…
Shock turning to elation, Goku let out a joyful laugh and shot up to his feet. "Sanzou! You're…" He went rigid, smelling a familiar metallic scent coming from the monk. In actuality, the smell was all Goku could smell.
Blood…Sanzou's blood.
Eyes wide with worry, Goku asked, "Sanzou, did the vampire get you?"
"Vampire?" asked Sanzou, one fair eyebrow rising up to hide behind his bangs. Shaking his head, he said sardonically, "I don't even want to know."
"Sanzou, you don't understand," gushed Goku, hoping up and down and waving his arms, "there was this vampire guy and he dressed up like an old man, but he wasn't he was a vampire and he was ugly, and he was really mean, making me dress up in that little dressy thingies all the kids here wear, and he hit me a lot and it hurt, and…and…all the monks here thought he was great, but…but…he said I was just like him and that he was going to kill me so that he could kill you! But I'm not a vampire! Right, Sanzou?" He took a deep lung-full of air, not noticing that he had narrated the whole story in one breath.
Somehow managing to ignore the whole 'vampire' references, Sanzou asked softly, "Do you really think a peace of shit like that could touch me?"
Goku blinked at that, but argued, "But I can smell you're blood! That means you got hurt!"
"You smell my…" Sanzou rolled his eyes in exasperation, "You really are an animal."
Goku growled and was about to retort angrily, when he noticed something that made his blood go cold with dread. Unless Sanzou's blood had splattered all over his room, then there was no reason for it to be so concentrated so that he couldn't smell anything else. The reason why all he could smell around him was Sanzou's blood was because the smell was coming from him. Sanzou's blood was on him. With the monk still looking at him silently, Goku lifted his hands and sniffed them.
"Goku…snap out of it dammit! Stupid piece of shit! If you make one more tear in this robe I'm going to shoot you through the head and end it! Calm down!!!"
He remembered…staring at his hand he remembered quite clearly Sanozu's voice shouting up at him as he drove his sharply clawed hand into Sanzou's abdomen, the need to drive deeper and deeper compelling to push down, the need to see the blood and to see the pained suffering on the one pinned beneath him sating the maddening hunger to …to punish…to calm the mad rage…
Deeper…go ahead…deeper…
Sanzou's voice drifted to him where he stood rooted in his spot, "What? You look like you've just realized that you really are a monkey."
How could he? How could Sanzou just sit there making fun at him as if nothing happened? As if…everything was still the same? For a moment, Goku hated the monk. Was it some type of game, to make him think everything was okay only to be thrown out, locked away without a seconds thought? No, Goku knew that Sanzou did not play such games. Swallowing hard, Goku whispered, "It wasn't that vampire that hurt you, was it Sanzou?"
Sanzou glared, but only said, "Oh?"
Something from inside Goku broke, shattering, for with that glare he knew that he was right. Clenching his fists tight, wishing to burn the limbs, to cut them, to get rid of them in any way possible, Goku spoke, his voice trembling, "I…I'm the one…I hurt you…I…tr…tried to kill…you." Unable to keep looking at Sanzou, he looked down at the wooden floor, feeling tears of shame and disgust of himself threatening to come.
It was a long deadening silence, as Goku fought the coming tears before Sanzou said quietly, "You're diadem broke."
"Huh?" Goku wiped at his eyes with his arm then touching the golden trinket on his brow. He frowned; trying to imagine himself without the diadem constantly on is head. It felt wrong, out of place in a way. He knew that he was never to take it off. He knew that. So how in the world did it break? And what was so important about it coming off anyway?
"It somehow broke," continued Sanzou his voice even, as if he was talking to Goku about the weather or the color of the grass, "then you went berserk, killed the youkai, wrecked my office, and then tried to gut me when I found you."
Deeper…go deeper…push deeper…
Goku could not suppress a shiver as he heard a small sinister voice whispering…how long had the voice been there? "I guess…maybe whatever I did…and I was punished…I…I deserved it. I deserved to be locked away…away from everyone…" He shut his eyes and looked back down to the floor. It safe looking away, it was better than looking up and facing the truth about himself.
Goku cringed when he heard Sanzou stand up and approach him. He knew what was coming. He would be dragged back up to the mountain…back to the prison where he belonged. Sanzou had freed him therefore Sanzou would put him back.
"Goku," said Sanzou, but Goku refused to lift his head up. He was a monster, like the vampire. He had no right to look Sanzou in the face.
!!!CRACK!!!!
Goku's butt met the floor at the first connection between his head and Sanzou's fan. He stayed down as his head was rained with more loud painful smacks as Sanzou bellowed loudly over him. "BAKA SARU!! HOW MANY DAMN TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU TO LOOK UP WHEN YOU'RE TALKING TO ME!!!"
"But Sanzou," cried Goku in between smacks, "I hurt you!"
The young monk stopped trying to beat some sense into the boy's head, putting away his now bent fan into the folds of his robes. Glaring down at Goku's crouched form he said in a voice filled with wrath, "You think you can hurt me?" He laughed harshly, "Don't think so highly of yourself, ape. Nobody, not you, no some Neanderthal youkai, will ever be able to hurt me!"
All Goku could do was look up at Sanzou in confusion. Goku had injured Sanzou, he could tell by the way Sanzou was favoring his side as he had beat him. What was all this raving about not ever being able to hurt him? It made no sense.
Goku yelped when Sanzou grabbed him by the ear and dragged him to the chair, practically throwing him on it in his temper. Once Goku had seated himself properly, Sanzou leaned on the table across from the boy. Goku made sure he was looking at Sanzou straight in the eyes.
"Now," said Sanzou in a more controlled voice, "what's this crap about you loosing it after the youkai threatened me?"
Goku had no clue how Sanzou knew the exact time he lost it, but he did not question the monk's knowledge. Sanzou was uncanny in the way he found out about things that were just not meant to be found out. Fidgeting in his seat uncomfortably, he replied haltingly, "I…I was worried that he'd hurt you…"
"Who told you to worry about me?" snarled Sanzou.
"But…"
"Shut up."
Goku shut up.
"Get this straight banana brain," said Sanzou, "I don't need a protector, or a guard. I'm not going to deal with a creature that goes wild at any minor thing that distresses it. It's pathetic. Is that sorry excuse for a brain taking in what I'm saying?"
"But," protested Goku in dismay, "but what if you were really, really, really hurt…like lying in a puddle of your own blood with a hole in your stomach and I can't do anything to help you? I can't worry about you even then?"
Sanzou's eye twitched at this. "One: that is never going to happen, idiot. Two: what the hell have you been reading?!"
Goku opened his mouth and shut it, unable to say anything. How could Sanzou be so sure? Anything could happen, right? He never even imagined of striking Sanzou…yet in a maddened state he had stuck and drawn Sanzou's blood. Goku slumped in his chair, despair and guilt eating away at his chest painfully.
When Sanzou said nothing for some time, Goku asked the thing he most dreaded, "Do…do I have to go away?"
"You do whatever the hell you want," snapped Sanzou, sounding extremely mad at this question. "I don't give a shit whether you stay or leave. I'm not your fucking keeper."
"I always cause you trouble…don't I?"
"You're worse than a rabid dog," agreed Sanzou.
The tears that he had been valiantly battling came with a vengeance and spilled, slipping unheedingly down Goku's cheeks and dripped down to his lap. "I…I guess it would have been better if you and I never met…huh Sanzou?"
Suddenly, Sanzou's hand was on his head. Sanzou's hands were always warm and comforting, like the sun after a rainy day, soothing the tormenting emotions with the hope of a new and brighter day to come. "Choose Goku: Stay or leave, no one has the right to make that decision for you," said Sanzou, his voice soft and just as soothing as his warm hand.
Goku sniffled, and sobbed out as he made a futile attempt to wipe at the tears, "I don't care! Stay or leave…I just wanna stay with you, Sanzou. I don't want to be left alone again!"
The hand was removed, and Sanzou straightened as he said, "Then I don't want to listen to shit like that again, got it?"
Still wiping the tears, Goku nodded.
Sanzou crossed his arms over his chest and sighed; "My office is a wreck thanks to you…so I don't have any place to lock myself in here other than my room. The stupidity of the monks here is driving me crazy, so I've decided to take a little vacation."
"Vacation?" The tears gone with the disaster, Goku looked up curiously at the young imposing monk.
"The capitol city of Chiang Chou has a large library that I'm interested in. I can replace the books that were ruined with my office. Plus I hear they got a lot of trading there, meaning some interesting foods and everything. I just might find some semblance of a civilized society there."
Goku leapt from his seat, his eyes wide and shining with excitement. "Sanzou," he cried, "I wanna come too! Please take me with you! I'm starving anyway, and I haven't eaten anything for a long, long time!"
For a brief second, Goku thought he heard Sanzou muttering something, and barely caught the sight of a small grin before Sanzou turned his back on him. "Like I said, do what you want, I don't give a shit. Besides, I wouldn't be able to win anyway so what's the use?"
Goku let out a joyful cheer, skipping around his room as he started babbling in anticipation, "I can't wait! I can't wait! I can't wait! Do you think they have yakisoba there? I love yakisoba? And meat buns! I wonder if they have the spicy kind? You like spicy don't you, Sanzou? Or maybe they have hamburgers, those taste really, really good. But you didn't like it much, Sanzou, right?"
Sanzou glared from where he had returned to his newspaper, the vein on his temple beginning to throb as Goku continued to bounce, and continued to gush.
"Apples! The red ones are the best! And bananas! Are they in season? I hope so cause I really love bananas, Sanzou. They taste the best with ice cream. That place does know how to make ice cream, right Sanzou? Bananas and ice cream…and strawberries with chocolate syrup! Yummie…"
It was beautiful, the sun; so radiant, so warm. When stuck in his prison, he couldn't reach it, couldn't get touched by the soft embrace. So he chose to look away, to not look forward, to banish all hopes of a new tomorrow under its soothing caress. That way, there was no pain, no maddening rage that grew and festered in his heart. But one day, the sun came to him, and freed him, welcoming him into the world where he could be touched by the everlasting warmth…where he could be finally happy. Yet to get too close to the sun meant to be burned. But even so, just like he had been lonely in his prison…perhaps the sun was lonely in its place high up in the sky where no one dared to reach for it.
"URUSEI!!!!!!!!!!" I woke up in a dream todayTo the cold of the static
And put my cold feet on the floor
Forgot all about yesterday
Remembering that I'm pretending
To be where I'm not anymore
A little taste of hypocrisy
And I'm left in the wake of the mistake
(Slow to react)
Even though you're so close to me
You're still so distant
And I can't bring you back
It's true the way I feel
Was promised by your face
The sound of your voice
Painted on my memories
Even when you're not with me
I'm with you
You
Now I see
Keeping everything inside
You
Now I see
Even when I close my eyes
I hit you and you hit me back
We fall to the floor
The rest of the day stands still
Fine line between this and that
When things go wrong
I pretend that the past isn't real
Now I'm trapped in this memory
And I'm left in the wake of the mistake
(Slow to react)
Even though you're so close to me
You're still so distant
And I can't bring you back
No
No matter how far we've come
I can't wait to see tomorrow
No matter how far we've come
I can't wait to see tomorrow
With you
"With You" by Linkin Park (Hybrid Theory)
THE END……or is it?
SO WHAT DO YOU THINK????? PULEEEEZZEEE TELL ME!!!!
But that's not it! Though this particular fic is finished, there is one more story left in The River Arc. Do you want a sneak peak? Do you? Of course you do!
Where the River Ends (Part III of The River Arc)
After getting lost, run out of a town, and loosing all of their money, Sanzou and Goku come to the land of Chiang Chou, and there they meet the deceptive Lord Kuang-Jui, and his tragic wife, the beautiful Lady Yin. What dark secrets do these two keep locked away within their souls…and what answers can be found where the river ends?
So yeah, if you haven't read "Down the River, My Love" I suggest you go read it. If reading something that involves rape bothers you, feel free to e-mail me and I will give you a summery of what transpired in that fic, so that you won't get confused whenever I write "Where the River Ends".
Sarlinia
Sarlinia@hotmail.com