A/N: THANK YOU! The reviews are such an honor to receive and give me much
satisfaction Really, please keep reading and commenting, because that gives
me the drive to write. Yes, Lumos-girl, I did understand what you meant
about the twist and thank you for the compliment.
Disclaimer: J.K.'s got everything, except Rowena.
Rowena stayed at the House of Black for her Christmas break. She decided that she might as well make herself useful, so she started throwing out what Sirius would refer to as "pureblood rubbish", everything from blood flasks to paintings. As she walked down the hallway, she came across the painting of Sirius's mother. Her gray hair was wispy and was drawn up into a tight bun, her eyes a piercing blue, her mouth drawn into an arrogant sneer. Rowena had spent her two months with her favorite Marauders avoiding this painting at all costs, as Sirius informed her that his mum could scream pretty loud.
"Filthy half-blood. You and my shameful son, destroying this house. . .curse you!", the woman seethed, her oil-painted nostrils flaring.
Rowena strongly recalled the time, the ONLY time, she came to the House of Black while enrolled at Hogwarts. It was long ago, when the house was located in the grassy, English countryside. . .
*Rowena looked over at Lily, who was already studying for N.E.W.T.'s, completely ignoring the summer weather beckoning her to come outside. Rowena, however, could not ignore the soft wind running past the window, blowing the occasional blade of grass. The sun was brilliant, the sky blue with just the right amount of clouds, and the large trees encircling the Evans' all-too-perfect, muggle home.
Lily had invited Rowena to stay at her home over the summer before sixth year, as they had developed a bit of a friendship and Lily was sick of the treatment she received from her obviously jealous older sister, Petunia. Rowena was grateful to come, as she enjoyed living in a home, not a place of learning. She even asked Petunia about every facet of muggle life, which the bitter girl did not seem to mind answering, but she always gave Rowena a suspicious look as though the house would end up in flames.
Lily looked up at Rowena, giving her a small smile.
"Don't look at me like I'm mad, Rowena! Mark my words, you'll be begging me to help you with N.E.W.T. classes. Just let me study, okay? We'll do something fun later."
Rowena rolled her eyes, feeling like she was a four-year-old begging her older sister to play with her. She let herself slip off into imagining what it would be like at Sirius's house, until a pecking at the window woke her up.
A barn owl was clearly asking to be let in, a heavy letter hanging temptingly from its leg. Lily opened the window, the only time she let her book down, and let the owl perch on her arm, gently untying the envelope from it's small, white, feathered leg. Lily was perfect in every way, Rowena had found herself noticing. No wonder James would do anything to have Lily think of him once.
A mischievous grin found its place upon Lily's face, her green eyes glittering with the same feeling. Rowena felt her stomach drop; what did she know?
"Ooh, guess who can't live without Rowena Flintwood this summer!", Lily said mysteriously, in the voice of an anchor woman off a show about celebrities.
Rowena glared viciously at the red-haired girl, who giggled in reply. Rowena snatched the envelope out of Lily's hand, noticing the address was written in the hand of Sirius. Rowena's heart leapt several feet; Sirius hadn't talked to her since they reached the station. She eagerly opened the letter, fumbling with the envelope fastening. It read:
Dear Rowena,
How's your Summer at Lily's place? I'm guessing she thinks James is as much of a git as he was after O.W.L.'s. Poor bloke doesn't have a chance, does he? I've been missing you. I'm turning sixteen tomorrow, so, if you want, I'd like you to come over. I know you hate Floo Powder, and to get here by muggle way would be hectic and long, so there's one of my penknives in the envelope. Don't touch it until you're absolutely ready to come over. Can't wait to see you.
Love,
Sirius
Rowena felt a surge of excitement inside of her that made her want laugh and scream. To see Sirius was a greater pleasure than any in the cosmos. She noticed little things about Sirius's letter. For instance, the word 'Love' at the end was written rather shakily compared to the rest of the words. Lily had looked over her shoulder at the letter.
"What a pity, he didn't confess his undying desire for you.", Lily said jokingly, but it bothered Rowena nonetheless, as she had a strong recollection of the infirmary incident.
"Oh, go off and snog James Potter! You KNOW you want to.", Rowena shot back, knowing that she had no reason to be so angry. . . or did she?
Lily's face turned the color of sour milk, her eyes had turned into daggers, and her mouth formed into a very narrow, twisted line. She bore some resemblance to Petunia at this moment. Lily turned swiftly and sat down and started reading again, though in a much less peaceful mood than before. Rowena felt a tad awful for what she said, knowing that Lily loathed James more than the Dark Lord.
Rowena looked inside the envelope, seeing the penknife looking more enticing than anything did at the moment.
"Hey, I'm going to go see Sirius. I'll see you later."
Lily didn't answer.
Rowena grabbed for the penknife, too eager to care how long Lily's anger would endure. Whirlwinds of color surrounded Rowena, as she felt her stomach lurch, a dizzy feeling forming inside her head all the while. She found herself in an unnaturally dark bedroom, even more unnatural to know that this was most likely Sirius's bedroom.
"Ugh. . .", Rowena muttered, clutching her head, as she was prone to headaches.
"Took you this long, did it? Didn't miss old Sirius at all?", an amused voice said, trying to sound hurt, but this was all mock.
Rowena gave a short laugh and turned around, only to look into those eyes she had been able to read for so many years. The laughter faded slightly from them, the familiar grin eased itself into a pleased smile. Sirius walked towards her swiftly, embracing her tightly. He really HAD missed her, as she could sense the exultation in his abrupt breaths, along with the length of his embrace. She held on to him tightly as well, for Sirius had something no one could offer her, not even the eternally-flawless Lily Evans.
"So, how's Remus been?", Rowena asked, before mentally kicking herself, knowing that Sirius Black, her best friend, was standing in front of her, eagerly awaiting words of how much she missed him.
Indeed, Sirius's face fell; Remus was not a subject he was expecting, she was sure. Rowena avoided his eyes and noticed a painting on the wall.
"Sent him an owl a few days ago. He's alright, but he's pretty tired since the full moon was just last week. He asked about you, too. I guessed you were alright. Hope those muggles didn't give you a hard time. You ARE okay, aren't you?", Sirius said, looking a little worried.
"Yeah, fine.", Rowena replied distantly, feeling entranced with a portrait of Sirius's family, or more with Sirius showing a very proud, strong streak that his brother, Regulus, and his parents lacked. When she realized what little attention she was paying to Sirius, her eyes darted to him, only to find he was simply grinning and shaking his head.
"What?", Rowena asked, puzzled.
"You seem to like my family a lot, Merlin knows why. Why don't you just move in?", Sirius joked.
"No, I'm just surprised. I mean, I thought what you said about them was just you being rebellious. Then, Regulus came to school, and he was sorted to Slytherin, along with being a prat. But I thought he was just spoiled as he is your younger brother. They really ARE that bad, aren't they?", Rowena replied solemnly, noticing the way his mother eyed him with disgust in the portrait. She wanted to gouge the woman's eyes out.
"Why Sirius? What did he do wrong?", Rowena asked herself silently.
Sirius came to her side, eyeing the portrait. Despite the anger that brimmed in his eyes, the hurt that could not be mended, there was a very small, soft feeling that could be none other than love. A very tormented, confused love, no doubt, but the feeling was clear.
Rowena moved herself slightly closer to Sirius, and looked at his eyes, which were focused on the portrait, and slowly becoming misty.
"They couldn't have always been like that, could they?", Rowena asked, unsure of the answer.
"Well, before I went to Hogwarts, things were okay. Mum didn't know who I was, though. When she found out what House I was in, she knew I wasn't the son she expected me to be.", Sirius said, his voice dark and bitter. "Then she started paying more attention to Regulus, giving him whatever he wanted, teaching him to hate them."
Rowena knew "them" had to be half-bloods and muggle-borns. Rowena knew her father would be proud to have a son like Sirius, despite the fact that he gave in to the Dark Lord. Rowena felt a pang of anguish and quickly dispelled the thought. She would be proud to have a brother like Sirius, and in a way they were siblings. They had many relationships. The sympathizer to the victim, good friends, brother and sister, kindred spirits. . . soul mates, even. Rowena dispelled this thought as well. That just could not happen. It was Sirius, who was handsome, yes, but she never seemed to care anymore if he was or not. It didn't matter, because he was Sirius.
"Isn't that what love is all about, Rowena?", she thought.
"You love Sirius, why don't you just accept it?", a voice much like Lily's calmly argued.
"It doesn't have to be a romantic love, Rowena. It can be platonic, if that's what you want.", a Remus-like voice added intelligently.
"Why would you want that? You're mad for old Prongs!", she heard James's voice exclaim admonishingly.
"Love can get you into a lot of trouble. It hurts. The most painful thing in the world. Well worth it, for some, but for others. . .", Peter's voice uttered shakily.
Rowena didn't want to hear this. 'Love' was moronic. Girls at school claimed they 'loved' their boyfriends so much that they would die for them. She saw them all at the Winter Balls and what not held at Hogwarts. That DEFINITELY was not love. Fanciful, mushy, meaningless, selfish, fluff, yes, but not even close to love. Love was divine, the highest form of selflessness, something that easily rivaled and defeated any other human feeling in the universe. It was much too overwhelming to think that perhaps this thing that all of humanity searched and strived for existed between her and Sirius.
"Rowena, what's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost! Well. . . you certainly could have. Centuries of Blacks lived here. . .", Sirius said, his voice icy on the last statement.
Rowena opened her mouth. She had to tell him. Maybe it would make her feel better.
"Sirius, we've known each other a long time, right?", Rowena said, knowing the answer.
Sirius was about to say 'yes', when a door, most likely downstairs, opened swiftly.
"Great.", Sirius muttered sarcastically, as he grabbed his trunk, which was half-full, and started filling it with clothes and books.
"What are you doing?", Rowena asked, aware that someone undesirable had arrived, but unaware of Sirius's plans.
"What does it look like? I'm packing.", Sirius answered, slightly frustrated.
"Where will you go?"
"James's place. He invited me a few weeks ago. I don't think I can stand much of this 'honorable family of Black' rubbish. My patience has worn too thin. If they think they can keep me here and make me listen to all their bloody opinions, they're wrong.", Sirius answered as though it was only him in the room.
Rowena was about to tell Sirius that his decision was rash, but realized that she wasn't in his position, and that if she had been, she would have packed up and left, perhaps even sooner.
When Sirius appeared to be finished, Rowena opened her mouth again, only to be cut off by him.
"Can you just wait here? Make sure they don't find out you're in here, okay?"
Sirius left the room, closed the door behind him, and Rowena heard him run down the stairs. She heard yelling, from a woman with a shrill voice, to a man with a deeper one, to Regulus's much too smooth voice, and Sirius's bitter replies. Rowena sat on the iron-wrought bed, straining to listen, but hearing only parts of the argument.
Sirius had yelled, "You don't love me!", while his father said loudly enough for Rowena to hear in completion,
"If you deserved it, we would. But you have been a shame to the family ever since you went to school. Honestly, the likes of Potter? Do you know how many times I've told you to choose your friends carefully? And that Lupin boy is no more better! They come from families so much lower than ours, I don't see how you can get along with them. Why not Malfoy's boy?"
Rowena rolled her eyes; why not Lucius Malfoy? Was this man kidding? Lucius Malfoy made James look like a saint, which was very difficult to do. He embodied all the worst traits of Slytherin, placing himself in a stereotype. Snape was a different story. He had not talked to Rowena much lately and she was sure he was aiming to get the Dark Mark, but he wasn't always so dreadful. He desired power, perhaps even the chance to kill Sirius and James, but he just wanted vengeance.
Snape was not a bad person, just someone who did not understand the complexities of Sirius. Sirius was arrogant and foolish, yes, but there was the side that Rowena was more used to seeing. The person who just didn't care about school anymore, about life in general. The one who understood that popularity was a fickle friend that would come and go as the winds changed direction. The one who knew that everyone, EVERYONE, suffered the same problems, some in secret, others in blatant view.
Sirius's angry footsteps came towards the door. He burst in, his face red, his whole body shaking in fury. Rowena looked at him as calmly as she could, trying to think what Dumbledore would say and do, as he usually was right. Sirius looked at her with apologetic eyes.
"Now, do you understand?", Sirius ruefully said, his voice dangerously soft.
Rowena still had no idea what to say. Her family life had been good in comparison and she couldn't tell him that, of course. Sirius took his wand and put several charms on the door, most likely ones to lock it.
He sat down next to Rowena, which made her flinch.
"Shocks you that much, does it?", Sirius said gently, a cold laugh proceeding the statement.
"I had no idea anyone could say that to their own son.", Rowena replied, the reluctance clear in her tone of voice.
"They aren't my parents. I don't have a mother. I don't have a father.", Sirius uttered in all the bitterness he seemingly could muster, but his voice shook.
"You're only sixteen, you shouldn't have to say things like that.", Rowena said.
Sirius didn't answer.
"I'm taking my broom to James's. I guess you'll be wanting to get back to Lily's place now, you know. . .after all this."
"Nah, she's mad at me. I teased her about James. She won't even look at me.", Rowena replied, sighing at her blunder.
Sirius laughed, not coldly, but heartily as though he had not heard anything truly funny in the longest time.
"Come with me to James's then. He did invite you, mostly because he wants to hear everything about Evans, but it still counts."
Sirius was grinning.
Rowena shook her head.
"Lily would kill me. I mean, honestly, James is YOUR friend, not necessarily mine. I'm not too keen on the messy hair, catching-the-snitch bit. I think that's the reason Lily hates him so much. He is pretty conceited, you have to admit."
Sirius's face fell. His eyes hardened and he stood up. Rowena recognized her mistake, but it was a little too late.
"James has always been nice to you. What do you have against him?"
"Unlike you, Sirius, my friends aren't all in the same circle. It's difficult to be perfectly diplomatic. James doesn't make it any easier for me."
Sirius snorted derisively.
"Look, I'm not begging you to come to James's place. I just asked if you wanted to come, not how much moral-fiber James Potter is in possession of. And, now that I think of it, you told us the reason you were nice to Snape was because he was nice to you, and he isn't exactly chums with us. So, if you are following your own rules, you ought to be nice to James, even if he isn't friends with your other 'friends'. You're arrogant, too, Rowena, but it doesn't bother me, so I let it go."
Rowena stared and felt her jaw drop. She couldn't believe it. He was so glad to see her when she first arrived and now he was attacking her own principles. She made a perfectly honest, truthful statement about James, and he was shooting her down.
"Do tell me, Sirius Black, how have I shown arrogance? I am dying to hear your words of enlightenment."
Sirius gave a sideways smile and cleared his throat.
"To start off, any girl who approaches me during lunch or class you immediately attack, starting with their looseness of character and intelligence, or lack thereof. That takes a rather conceited person, does it not? In Dark Arts class, you call everyone on their mistakes just because you can, and not because it would be beneficial to their skill. You're even cruel to Peter, the poor bloke. What has he done?"
Rowena laughed, knowing that this argument definitely was not one Sirius Black would win.
"Well, if you REALLY want your groupies annoying you, that's fine with me, but steer clear of the vomit that their cheap flirtation will induce. As far as Dark Arts class is concerned, I only call on Bellatrix's and Narcissa's mistakes, and you hate them, so what's the harm? They asked for it, being the horrid spoiled brats they are. And Peter? He's a leech, a parasite of your popularity. I've known it a long time, and trust me, if you let him any closer, he will take advantage of you, if he hasn't already. He isn't strong enough on his own, so he needs you and James to protect him."
Sirius sat down again, avoiding Rowena's eyes.
"You don't know Peter."
"You're not really friends with him. He feels inferior. Someday, he'll rebel."
Sirius remained silent.
After a few minutes, he quietly got up and attached the trunk to his broom, the newest Cleansweep. He opened the large windows that were doors to a balcony. He took off, without so much as a goodbye wave. Rowena sighed, feeling the internal struggle between stubbornness and tact. She couldn't attack any of the Marauders, especially in front of Sirius. She looked into the envelope she had been clutching and grabbed the penknife, ending up in Lily's bedroom. Rowena knew her expression must have been ghastly, because Lily beckoned her to sit down and tell her everything. Rowena was too tired and upset to keep that day's happenings to herself, so she emptied the entire story to Lily, not caring about any secrets being told.*
Suddenly, the feeling of guilt that had consumed Rowena had left. The weight on her shoulders had left.
Disclaimer: J.K.'s got everything, except Rowena.
Rowena stayed at the House of Black for her Christmas break. She decided that she might as well make herself useful, so she started throwing out what Sirius would refer to as "pureblood rubbish", everything from blood flasks to paintings. As she walked down the hallway, she came across the painting of Sirius's mother. Her gray hair was wispy and was drawn up into a tight bun, her eyes a piercing blue, her mouth drawn into an arrogant sneer. Rowena had spent her two months with her favorite Marauders avoiding this painting at all costs, as Sirius informed her that his mum could scream pretty loud.
"Filthy half-blood. You and my shameful son, destroying this house. . .curse you!", the woman seethed, her oil-painted nostrils flaring.
Rowena strongly recalled the time, the ONLY time, she came to the House of Black while enrolled at Hogwarts. It was long ago, when the house was located in the grassy, English countryside. . .
*Rowena looked over at Lily, who was already studying for N.E.W.T.'s, completely ignoring the summer weather beckoning her to come outside. Rowena, however, could not ignore the soft wind running past the window, blowing the occasional blade of grass. The sun was brilliant, the sky blue with just the right amount of clouds, and the large trees encircling the Evans' all-too-perfect, muggle home.
Lily had invited Rowena to stay at her home over the summer before sixth year, as they had developed a bit of a friendship and Lily was sick of the treatment she received from her obviously jealous older sister, Petunia. Rowena was grateful to come, as she enjoyed living in a home, not a place of learning. She even asked Petunia about every facet of muggle life, which the bitter girl did not seem to mind answering, but she always gave Rowena a suspicious look as though the house would end up in flames.
Lily looked up at Rowena, giving her a small smile.
"Don't look at me like I'm mad, Rowena! Mark my words, you'll be begging me to help you with N.E.W.T. classes. Just let me study, okay? We'll do something fun later."
Rowena rolled her eyes, feeling like she was a four-year-old begging her older sister to play with her. She let herself slip off into imagining what it would be like at Sirius's house, until a pecking at the window woke her up.
A barn owl was clearly asking to be let in, a heavy letter hanging temptingly from its leg. Lily opened the window, the only time she let her book down, and let the owl perch on her arm, gently untying the envelope from it's small, white, feathered leg. Lily was perfect in every way, Rowena had found herself noticing. No wonder James would do anything to have Lily think of him once.
A mischievous grin found its place upon Lily's face, her green eyes glittering with the same feeling. Rowena felt her stomach drop; what did she know?
"Ooh, guess who can't live without Rowena Flintwood this summer!", Lily said mysteriously, in the voice of an anchor woman off a show about celebrities.
Rowena glared viciously at the red-haired girl, who giggled in reply. Rowena snatched the envelope out of Lily's hand, noticing the address was written in the hand of Sirius. Rowena's heart leapt several feet; Sirius hadn't talked to her since they reached the station. She eagerly opened the letter, fumbling with the envelope fastening. It read:
Dear Rowena,
How's your Summer at Lily's place? I'm guessing she thinks James is as much of a git as he was after O.W.L.'s. Poor bloke doesn't have a chance, does he? I've been missing you. I'm turning sixteen tomorrow, so, if you want, I'd like you to come over. I know you hate Floo Powder, and to get here by muggle way would be hectic and long, so there's one of my penknives in the envelope. Don't touch it until you're absolutely ready to come over. Can't wait to see you.
Love,
Sirius
Rowena felt a surge of excitement inside of her that made her want laugh and scream. To see Sirius was a greater pleasure than any in the cosmos. She noticed little things about Sirius's letter. For instance, the word 'Love' at the end was written rather shakily compared to the rest of the words. Lily had looked over her shoulder at the letter.
"What a pity, he didn't confess his undying desire for you.", Lily said jokingly, but it bothered Rowena nonetheless, as she had a strong recollection of the infirmary incident.
"Oh, go off and snog James Potter! You KNOW you want to.", Rowena shot back, knowing that she had no reason to be so angry. . . or did she?
Lily's face turned the color of sour milk, her eyes had turned into daggers, and her mouth formed into a very narrow, twisted line. She bore some resemblance to Petunia at this moment. Lily turned swiftly and sat down and started reading again, though in a much less peaceful mood than before. Rowena felt a tad awful for what she said, knowing that Lily loathed James more than the Dark Lord.
Rowena looked inside the envelope, seeing the penknife looking more enticing than anything did at the moment.
"Hey, I'm going to go see Sirius. I'll see you later."
Lily didn't answer.
Rowena grabbed for the penknife, too eager to care how long Lily's anger would endure. Whirlwinds of color surrounded Rowena, as she felt her stomach lurch, a dizzy feeling forming inside her head all the while. She found herself in an unnaturally dark bedroom, even more unnatural to know that this was most likely Sirius's bedroom.
"Ugh. . .", Rowena muttered, clutching her head, as she was prone to headaches.
"Took you this long, did it? Didn't miss old Sirius at all?", an amused voice said, trying to sound hurt, but this was all mock.
Rowena gave a short laugh and turned around, only to look into those eyes she had been able to read for so many years. The laughter faded slightly from them, the familiar grin eased itself into a pleased smile. Sirius walked towards her swiftly, embracing her tightly. He really HAD missed her, as she could sense the exultation in his abrupt breaths, along with the length of his embrace. She held on to him tightly as well, for Sirius had something no one could offer her, not even the eternally-flawless Lily Evans.
"So, how's Remus been?", Rowena asked, before mentally kicking herself, knowing that Sirius Black, her best friend, was standing in front of her, eagerly awaiting words of how much she missed him.
Indeed, Sirius's face fell; Remus was not a subject he was expecting, she was sure. Rowena avoided his eyes and noticed a painting on the wall.
"Sent him an owl a few days ago. He's alright, but he's pretty tired since the full moon was just last week. He asked about you, too. I guessed you were alright. Hope those muggles didn't give you a hard time. You ARE okay, aren't you?", Sirius said, looking a little worried.
"Yeah, fine.", Rowena replied distantly, feeling entranced with a portrait of Sirius's family, or more with Sirius showing a very proud, strong streak that his brother, Regulus, and his parents lacked. When she realized what little attention she was paying to Sirius, her eyes darted to him, only to find he was simply grinning and shaking his head.
"What?", Rowena asked, puzzled.
"You seem to like my family a lot, Merlin knows why. Why don't you just move in?", Sirius joked.
"No, I'm just surprised. I mean, I thought what you said about them was just you being rebellious. Then, Regulus came to school, and he was sorted to Slytherin, along with being a prat. But I thought he was just spoiled as he is your younger brother. They really ARE that bad, aren't they?", Rowena replied solemnly, noticing the way his mother eyed him with disgust in the portrait. She wanted to gouge the woman's eyes out.
"Why Sirius? What did he do wrong?", Rowena asked herself silently.
Sirius came to her side, eyeing the portrait. Despite the anger that brimmed in his eyes, the hurt that could not be mended, there was a very small, soft feeling that could be none other than love. A very tormented, confused love, no doubt, but the feeling was clear.
Rowena moved herself slightly closer to Sirius, and looked at his eyes, which were focused on the portrait, and slowly becoming misty.
"They couldn't have always been like that, could they?", Rowena asked, unsure of the answer.
"Well, before I went to Hogwarts, things were okay. Mum didn't know who I was, though. When she found out what House I was in, she knew I wasn't the son she expected me to be.", Sirius said, his voice dark and bitter. "Then she started paying more attention to Regulus, giving him whatever he wanted, teaching him to hate them."
Rowena knew "them" had to be half-bloods and muggle-borns. Rowena knew her father would be proud to have a son like Sirius, despite the fact that he gave in to the Dark Lord. Rowena felt a pang of anguish and quickly dispelled the thought. She would be proud to have a brother like Sirius, and in a way they were siblings. They had many relationships. The sympathizer to the victim, good friends, brother and sister, kindred spirits. . . soul mates, even. Rowena dispelled this thought as well. That just could not happen. It was Sirius, who was handsome, yes, but she never seemed to care anymore if he was or not. It didn't matter, because he was Sirius.
"Isn't that what love is all about, Rowena?", she thought.
"You love Sirius, why don't you just accept it?", a voice much like Lily's calmly argued.
"It doesn't have to be a romantic love, Rowena. It can be platonic, if that's what you want.", a Remus-like voice added intelligently.
"Why would you want that? You're mad for old Prongs!", she heard James's voice exclaim admonishingly.
"Love can get you into a lot of trouble. It hurts. The most painful thing in the world. Well worth it, for some, but for others. . .", Peter's voice uttered shakily.
Rowena didn't want to hear this. 'Love' was moronic. Girls at school claimed they 'loved' their boyfriends so much that they would die for them. She saw them all at the Winter Balls and what not held at Hogwarts. That DEFINITELY was not love. Fanciful, mushy, meaningless, selfish, fluff, yes, but not even close to love. Love was divine, the highest form of selflessness, something that easily rivaled and defeated any other human feeling in the universe. It was much too overwhelming to think that perhaps this thing that all of humanity searched and strived for existed between her and Sirius.
"Rowena, what's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost! Well. . . you certainly could have. Centuries of Blacks lived here. . .", Sirius said, his voice icy on the last statement.
Rowena opened her mouth. She had to tell him. Maybe it would make her feel better.
"Sirius, we've known each other a long time, right?", Rowena said, knowing the answer.
Sirius was about to say 'yes', when a door, most likely downstairs, opened swiftly.
"Great.", Sirius muttered sarcastically, as he grabbed his trunk, which was half-full, and started filling it with clothes and books.
"What are you doing?", Rowena asked, aware that someone undesirable had arrived, but unaware of Sirius's plans.
"What does it look like? I'm packing.", Sirius answered, slightly frustrated.
"Where will you go?"
"James's place. He invited me a few weeks ago. I don't think I can stand much of this 'honorable family of Black' rubbish. My patience has worn too thin. If they think they can keep me here and make me listen to all their bloody opinions, they're wrong.", Sirius answered as though it was only him in the room.
Rowena was about to tell Sirius that his decision was rash, but realized that she wasn't in his position, and that if she had been, she would have packed up and left, perhaps even sooner.
When Sirius appeared to be finished, Rowena opened her mouth again, only to be cut off by him.
"Can you just wait here? Make sure they don't find out you're in here, okay?"
Sirius left the room, closed the door behind him, and Rowena heard him run down the stairs. She heard yelling, from a woman with a shrill voice, to a man with a deeper one, to Regulus's much too smooth voice, and Sirius's bitter replies. Rowena sat on the iron-wrought bed, straining to listen, but hearing only parts of the argument.
Sirius had yelled, "You don't love me!", while his father said loudly enough for Rowena to hear in completion,
"If you deserved it, we would. But you have been a shame to the family ever since you went to school. Honestly, the likes of Potter? Do you know how many times I've told you to choose your friends carefully? And that Lupin boy is no more better! They come from families so much lower than ours, I don't see how you can get along with them. Why not Malfoy's boy?"
Rowena rolled her eyes; why not Lucius Malfoy? Was this man kidding? Lucius Malfoy made James look like a saint, which was very difficult to do. He embodied all the worst traits of Slytherin, placing himself in a stereotype. Snape was a different story. He had not talked to Rowena much lately and she was sure he was aiming to get the Dark Mark, but he wasn't always so dreadful. He desired power, perhaps even the chance to kill Sirius and James, but he just wanted vengeance.
Snape was not a bad person, just someone who did not understand the complexities of Sirius. Sirius was arrogant and foolish, yes, but there was the side that Rowena was more used to seeing. The person who just didn't care about school anymore, about life in general. The one who understood that popularity was a fickle friend that would come and go as the winds changed direction. The one who knew that everyone, EVERYONE, suffered the same problems, some in secret, others in blatant view.
Sirius's angry footsteps came towards the door. He burst in, his face red, his whole body shaking in fury. Rowena looked at him as calmly as she could, trying to think what Dumbledore would say and do, as he usually was right. Sirius looked at her with apologetic eyes.
"Now, do you understand?", Sirius ruefully said, his voice dangerously soft.
Rowena still had no idea what to say. Her family life had been good in comparison and she couldn't tell him that, of course. Sirius took his wand and put several charms on the door, most likely ones to lock it.
He sat down next to Rowena, which made her flinch.
"Shocks you that much, does it?", Sirius said gently, a cold laugh proceeding the statement.
"I had no idea anyone could say that to their own son.", Rowena replied, the reluctance clear in her tone of voice.
"They aren't my parents. I don't have a mother. I don't have a father.", Sirius uttered in all the bitterness he seemingly could muster, but his voice shook.
"You're only sixteen, you shouldn't have to say things like that.", Rowena said.
Sirius didn't answer.
"I'm taking my broom to James's. I guess you'll be wanting to get back to Lily's place now, you know. . .after all this."
"Nah, she's mad at me. I teased her about James. She won't even look at me.", Rowena replied, sighing at her blunder.
Sirius laughed, not coldly, but heartily as though he had not heard anything truly funny in the longest time.
"Come with me to James's then. He did invite you, mostly because he wants to hear everything about Evans, but it still counts."
Sirius was grinning.
Rowena shook her head.
"Lily would kill me. I mean, honestly, James is YOUR friend, not necessarily mine. I'm not too keen on the messy hair, catching-the-snitch bit. I think that's the reason Lily hates him so much. He is pretty conceited, you have to admit."
Sirius's face fell. His eyes hardened and he stood up. Rowena recognized her mistake, but it was a little too late.
"James has always been nice to you. What do you have against him?"
"Unlike you, Sirius, my friends aren't all in the same circle. It's difficult to be perfectly diplomatic. James doesn't make it any easier for me."
Sirius snorted derisively.
"Look, I'm not begging you to come to James's place. I just asked if you wanted to come, not how much moral-fiber James Potter is in possession of. And, now that I think of it, you told us the reason you were nice to Snape was because he was nice to you, and he isn't exactly chums with us. So, if you are following your own rules, you ought to be nice to James, even if he isn't friends with your other 'friends'. You're arrogant, too, Rowena, but it doesn't bother me, so I let it go."
Rowena stared and felt her jaw drop. She couldn't believe it. He was so glad to see her when she first arrived and now he was attacking her own principles. She made a perfectly honest, truthful statement about James, and he was shooting her down.
"Do tell me, Sirius Black, how have I shown arrogance? I am dying to hear your words of enlightenment."
Sirius gave a sideways smile and cleared his throat.
"To start off, any girl who approaches me during lunch or class you immediately attack, starting with their looseness of character and intelligence, or lack thereof. That takes a rather conceited person, does it not? In Dark Arts class, you call everyone on their mistakes just because you can, and not because it would be beneficial to their skill. You're even cruel to Peter, the poor bloke. What has he done?"
Rowena laughed, knowing that this argument definitely was not one Sirius Black would win.
"Well, if you REALLY want your groupies annoying you, that's fine with me, but steer clear of the vomit that their cheap flirtation will induce. As far as Dark Arts class is concerned, I only call on Bellatrix's and Narcissa's mistakes, and you hate them, so what's the harm? They asked for it, being the horrid spoiled brats they are. And Peter? He's a leech, a parasite of your popularity. I've known it a long time, and trust me, if you let him any closer, he will take advantage of you, if he hasn't already. He isn't strong enough on his own, so he needs you and James to protect him."
Sirius sat down again, avoiding Rowena's eyes.
"You don't know Peter."
"You're not really friends with him. He feels inferior. Someday, he'll rebel."
Sirius remained silent.
After a few minutes, he quietly got up and attached the trunk to his broom, the newest Cleansweep. He opened the large windows that were doors to a balcony. He took off, without so much as a goodbye wave. Rowena sighed, feeling the internal struggle between stubbornness and tact. She couldn't attack any of the Marauders, especially in front of Sirius. She looked into the envelope she had been clutching and grabbed the penknife, ending up in Lily's bedroom. Rowena knew her expression must have been ghastly, because Lily beckoned her to sit down and tell her everything. Rowena was too tired and upset to keep that day's happenings to herself, so she emptied the entire story to Lily, not caring about any secrets being told.*
Suddenly, the feeling of guilt that had consumed Rowena had left. The weight on her shoulders had left.