Part 1
Memories
Connor sat in their motel room looking at his father. Or one of them. Or the only, damn, he was so confused at the moment he didn't know left from right. It's not like he didn't know Holtz was manipulating him, or trying to anyway. He wasn't stupid. But he had to wonder if maybe there was some truth in Holtz's words.
Angel was a vampire. Period. What he wasn't sure about was whether or not he could be trusted, and lately it had only gotten worse. He was having dreams, he was starting to remember things about when he was little. Like year old little, but it wasn't the childhood he'd had. In his dreams he wasn't in the hell dimension. He was in another place, but still not in this dimension. And there was one other thing, he had a mother.
Connor turned his head so he could look out the window with a sigh. He liked the woman in his dream. She was beautiful and had a wonderful voice. If he closed his eyes he could hear her singing.
// So I lay my head back down,
and I lift my hands and pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours.
I know now you're my only hope. //
"Steven," Holtz practically yelled.
"Huh, oh yea," Connor asked feeling sort of embarrassed he'd been caught daydreaming.
"Steven, I know what's wrong and it's alright, son," said Holtz as he sat down across from Connor.
"What's alright?"
"You're confused about Angelus, but you must remember he is a demon. If you are not careful he will use that confusion as our undoing." Holtz didn't want Steven getting confused as to what they were trying to accomplish here.
"I know father. It's not that."
"Then what is it then?"
"It's nothing really, I'm going to go. If I'm gone much longer he will come looking and we don't want that."
"No, we do not. Just remember what I said and keep your guard up."
"I will father." With that Connor was off. In truth he still had another hour before he had to get back to the hotel, but he didn't want Holtz asking more questions.
Holtz watch Connor leave. "He is turning into a liability," thought Holtz. "I'll need to keep a close eye on him."
Connor was smarter than either of them gave him credit for. Truth be told he never really trusted Holtz, he had little doubt that he was only a means to an end to his "father". The problem lied in the fact that in at least some of what Holtz said was true. Angel had been a killer. The question was now was he still a killer, and if not did he still deserve to die anyway.
By this time Connor had reached the hotel. He walked in and sat down taking little notice of anyone or anything.
"Hey Connor, or Steven sorry," said Angel.
"Hey."
"Did you have a nice walk?"
"Yeah, it was fine."
"Well, um.we're researching bangle demons, would you like to help?"
Conner looked up at his dad and almost smiled. Sometimes Angel was so broody and serious he was just plain depressing to be around. Then other times, like now, if Connor didn't know better he'd say his father wasn't much older than him by the way he acted.
"Sure."
"Great."
Connor grabbed a book off the stack on the counter before going to a secluded corner and beginning to read. Connor could tell Angel was disappointed that Connor didn't stay with the group, but Connor wasn't ready for bonding just yet. And in any case Connor had Holtz to worry about.
Connor flipped through the book for about a half hour and was about to get a new one when a piece of paper fell out. He bent down to pick it up when Angel stepped in front of him.
"How are you doing?"
Never missing a beat Connor slipped the paper under his leg, certain Angel hadn't seen it, as he replied, "fine."
"Well have you found anything?"
"Nope, I was about to get another book, but actually I'm sort of tired so I'm going to head up to my room." With that Connor was up, (with the paper) taking the stairs two and three at a time.
When Connor was gone Angel walked over to the counter where everyone had been watching Angel and Connor from and said with a huge smile on his face, "he said 'my room"
*****
When Connor got up to his room he went inside and locked the door. He sat down on his bed and pulled the piece of paper out. On the back there was the date 11-27-97. When Connor turned it over he nearly died of shock. It was a picture, a picture of the woman in his dreams. His mother.
He was shocked. His mom might be alive. His thoughts where going a million miles a minute. What if she didn't want him? No, the woman loved him. Of that he was sure. The question remained where she was and how he could get to her.
Connor laid back and traced the image of his mother very gently with his finger. After looking at it for a while longer he placed under his pillow and rolled over, thinking of her. As time had passed he had begun to remember things. The way she smelled. Her smile. With all these things running through his mind Connor closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.
*****
Running. They were running. He didn't know why or from what only they were running and his mom, like most times, was scared. Not for herself but for him. He was wrapped in several blankets and held tightly to his mother. He felt weird like he wasn't himself. Like his senses had all gone wild. It took him a moment to realize he was little, an infant. "Okay, this can't be right," he thought. p
Suddenly he became aware that he wasn't moving, he'd been set down. He could hear what sounded like a fight going on, though he wasn't entirely sure because everything sounded wrong, like how the world sounds from under water. He had no idea how long it lasted. But he was reassured when some soft singing. p
I//There's a song that's inside of my soul. p
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again. p
I'm awake in the infinite cold, p
but you sing to me over and over and over again.// Ip
He felt himself being lifted and the blankets that completely covered him removed. He should have been surprised with what he saw but he wasn't. It was her, his mom. p
The scene shifted to being near water alone with her being fed. It was one of those times where she seemed peaceful inside. He couldn't feel fear or pain from her, just stillness. It was one of the times he was sure was rare with his mother. And like always her voice. Singing their song. p I// So I lay my head back down, p
and I lift my hands and pray to be only yours p I pray to be only yours. p
I know now you're my only hope. //Ip
Again the scene shifted and they were running again. He was set down but he could still feel how upset his mother was. When they were running like this she was always upset but this was different, something else was going on. p
She backed off, silent tears running down her face. She nodded to someone out of his line of vision. BANG everything was suddenly glowing and his mother, still crying faded from view. p
Suddenly he wasn't the infant anymore, he was himself viewing everything in the third person. He watched as the infant form on him vanished, though he couldn't explain how but he saw his soul flying through the air. p
Next he was in his dad's room. When he turned around he saw his father and a women he hadn't seen before in bed asleep together. He couldn't help but cringe as he thought, "Great, I get the one father that can't sleep with women for fear of losing his soul and I still manage to walk in on him in bed with someone." p
Flying over his shoulder was the soul of the child aka him. It hovered over the bed going from over his father back to the woman back to his father and back again to the woman before it plunged into the woman's stomach. p
The instant the soul hit the woman Connor sat up strait in bed covered in sweat, breathing hard. p
"Holy damn." p
*****p
Memories
Connor sat in their motel room looking at his father. Or one of them. Or the only, damn, he was so confused at the moment he didn't know left from right. It's not like he didn't know Holtz was manipulating him, or trying to anyway. He wasn't stupid. But he had to wonder if maybe there was some truth in Holtz's words.
Angel was a vampire. Period. What he wasn't sure about was whether or not he could be trusted, and lately it had only gotten worse. He was having dreams, he was starting to remember things about when he was little. Like year old little, but it wasn't the childhood he'd had. In his dreams he wasn't in the hell dimension. He was in another place, but still not in this dimension. And there was one other thing, he had a mother.
Connor turned his head so he could look out the window with a sigh. He liked the woman in his dream. She was beautiful and had a wonderful voice. If he closed his eyes he could hear her singing.
// So I lay my head back down,
and I lift my hands and pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours.
I know now you're my only hope. //
"Steven," Holtz practically yelled.
"Huh, oh yea," Connor asked feeling sort of embarrassed he'd been caught daydreaming.
"Steven, I know what's wrong and it's alright, son," said Holtz as he sat down across from Connor.
"What's alright?"
"You're confused about Angelus, but you must remember he is a demon. If you are not careful he will use that confusion as our undoing." Holtz didn't want Steven getting confused as to what they were trying to accomplish here.
"I know father. It's not that."
"Then what is it then?"
"It's nothing really, I'm going to go. If I'm gone much longer he will come looking and we don't want that."
"No, we do not. Just remember what I said and keep your guard up."
"I will father." With that Connor was off. In truth he still had another hour before he had to get back to the hotel, but he didn't want Holtz asking more questions.
Holtz watch Connor leave. "He is turning into a liability," thought Holtz. "I'll need to keep a close eye on him."
Connor was smarter than either of them gave him credit for. Truth be told he never really trusted Holtz, he had little doubt that he was only a means to an end to his "father". The problem lied in the fact that in at least some of what Holtz said was true. Angel had been a killer. The question was now was he still a killer, and if not did he still deserve to die anyway.
By this time Connor had reached the hotel. He walked in and sat down taking little notice of anyone or anything.
"Hey Connor, or Steven sorry," said Angel.
"Hey."
"Did you have a nice walk?"
"Yeah, it was fine."
"Well, um.we're researching bangle demons, would you like to help?"
Conner looked up at his dad and almost smiled. Sometimes Angel was so broody and serious he was just plain depressing to be around. Then other times, like now, if Connor didn't know better he'd say his father wasn't much older than him by the way he acted.
"Sure."
"Great."
Connor grabbed a book off the stack on the counter before going to a secluded corner and beginning to read. Connor could tell Angel was disappointed that Connor didn't stay with the group, but Connor wasn't ready for bonding just yet. And in any case Connor had Holtz to worry about.
Connor flipped through the book for about a half hour and was about to get a new one when a piece of paper fell out. He bent down to pick it up when Angel stepped in front of him.
"How are you doing?"
Never missing a beat Connor slipped the paper under his leg, certain Angel hadn't seen it, as he replied, "fine."
"Well have you found anything?"
"Nope, I was about to get another book, but actually I'm sort of tired so I'm going to head up to my room." With that Connor was up, (with the paper) taking the stairs two and three at a time.
When Connor was gone Angel walked over to the counter where everyone had been watching Angel and Connor from and said with a huge smile on his face, "he said 'my room"
*****
When Connor got up to his room he went inside and locked the door. He sat down on his bed and pulled the piece of paper out. On the back there was the date 11-27-97. When Connor turned it over he nearly died of shock. It was a picture, a picture of the woman in his dreams. His mother.
He was shocked. His mom might be alive. His thoughts where going a million miles a minute. What if she didn't want him? No, the woman loved him. Of that he was sure. The question remained where she was and how he could get to her.
Connor laid back and traced the image of his mother very gently with his finger. After looking at it for a while longer he placed under his pillow and rolled over, thinking of her. As time had passed he had begun to remember things. The way she smelled. Her smile. With all these things running through his mind Connor closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.
*****
Running. They were running. He didn't know why or from what only they were running and his mom, like most times, was scared. Not for herself but for him. He was wrapped in several blankets and held tightly to his mother. He felt weird like he wasn't himself. Like his senses had all gone wild. It took him a moment to realize he was little, an infant. "Okay, this can't be right," he thought. p
Suddenly he became aware that he wasn't moving, he'd been set down. He could hear what sounded like a fight going on, though he wasn't entirely sure because everything sounded wrong, like how the world sounds from under water. He had no idea how long it lasted. But he was reassured when some soft singing. p
I//There's a song that's inside of my soul. p
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again. p
I'm awake in the infinite cold, p
but you sing to me over and over and over again.// Ip
He felt himself being lifted and the blankets that completely covered him removed. He should have been surprised with what he saw but he wasn't. It was her, his mom. p
The scene shifted to being near water alone with her being fed. It was one of those times where she seemed peaceful inside. He couldn't feel fear or pain from her, just stillness. It was one of the times he was sure was rare with his mother. And like always her voice. Singing their song. p I// So I lay my head back down, p
and I lift my hands and pray to be only yours p I pray to be only yours. p
I know now you're my only hope. //Ip
Again the scene shifted and they were running again. He was set down but he could still feel how upset his mother was. When they were running like this she was always upset but this was different, something else was going on. p
She backed off, silent tears running down her face. She nodded to someone out of his line of vision. BANG everything was suddenly glowing and his mother, still crying faded from view. p
Suddenly he wasn't the infant anymore, he was himself viewing everything in the third person. He watched as the infant form on him vanished, though he couldn't explain how but he saw his soul flying through the air. p
Next he was in his dad's room. When he turned around he saw his father and a women he hadn't seen before in bed asleep together. He couldn't help but cringe as he thought, "Great, I get the one father that can't sleep with women for fear of losing his soul and I still manage to walk in on him in bed with someone." p
Flying over his shoulder was the soul of the child aka him. It hovered over the bed going from over his father back to the woman back to his father and back again to the woman before it plunged into the woman's stomach. p
The instant the soul hit the woman Connor sat up strait in bed covered in sweat, breathing hard. p
"Holy damn." p
*****p