Chapter Five: Truths and Examinations

"I do not believe I have ever seen you study a mission plan so intently, my padawan."

There was something in the way Hiiro'eza said my padawan but Anakin kept the thought wrapped under careful shields so not to concern his master, as she too had similarly done since the meeting with the High Council. For the first time, he felt fear from the great Jedi Master.

He looked up at the light blue skin of the tall Isa'rui woman. Her black eyes were intent on studying every expression and every nuisance of his movements. "I justthis mission–"

"Is difficult."

She always knew the words when he did not.

"Things, do not make sense," he said, straightening in his seat and placing the data reader on the small table of to the side of the common area of their ship. They were only a day into the journey to Selenoor Buhka, barring any trouble it would take at least another three days. For once in his life, he had not had the urge to push the ship a little farther, a little faster to get their sooner.

Anakin had set the ship's navigation computer to the standard route.

He was in no hurry.

"This whole missionmaybe it is just me."

Hiiro smiled and took the reader from the table. She quickly scanned through the information at speed beyond human capabilities. Her delicate pale azure fingers danced over the controls with such grace that Anakin could only envy her.

"I can manipulate the reader very fast," she said calmly, not glancing at her padawan. "But you are far more skilled at manipulating fighter controls and controlling a lightsaber. Envy is often in the eye of the beholder."

Anakin stole a quick smile and looked away, his cheeks burning red in embarrassment. She always could see right through him.

Placing the reader back on the table, Hiiro leaned forward. "Tell me, my padawan, what about this mission that bothers you so?"

"I don't know."

"Start at the beginning," her soothing voice intoned.

Allowing a deep sigh, Anakin sank back into the tall chair. "Where should–"

"What was your first inkling about the mission?"

"My dreams," Anakin whispered. "My dreams." His fingers traced across the smooth tabletop drawing small circles with his fingertips. "My dreams had begun to face over the last couple of years."

"And I was grateful," Hiiro quietly added.

"It's funny I missed them when they were gone. I wished for them when I was able to sleep good." He laughed. "My dreams–no, nightmares–remind me of my mistakes and that I must strive harder to correct them."

"You are too hard on yourself."

"You say that, but that does not change what I did." He frowned. The gentle circling of his fingers broke off and brushed it through soft sandy blond spikes. "I disobeyed Obi-Wan. I was so angry. It blinded me to the dangers–"

"Anakin–"

"No." Shaking his head sadly, he then nervously folded his arms across his chest. "He had been right to tell me to stay with Lady Anjah's entourage during the siege. I thought I was better and smarter. I was the Chosen One."

He paused, stealing a quick glance at Hiiro before shifting his gaze across the empty chamber. Never in the years of his apprenticeship had she ever indulged the belief that he was the Chosen One. When he thought himself so bold, she was always quick to kick him down a few notches.

"I thought he was belittling me leaving me under the protection of Lady Anjah's Shingen Guard. I should have been in the fight against the rebels that had stormed the negotiations and murdered the Selé dignitaries." His hand briefly tightened into a fist before relaxing once more.

"You were eleven."

"I thought I could help. I ran away and into the fighting. I was the Chosen One."

"Anakin."

He shook his head. "In the middle of the slaughter, Obi-Wan found out I had taken off and when in search of me. Alone. No protection. Away from the fighting and Nural's Chinoumi soldiers. It was my fault because I was an angry child."

Hiiro did him the favor of not interrupting.

"His search for me led him out in the open and gave the Buhka militia a chance they otherwise would never have had to ambush him."

For a time, silence reigned between the two of them. Anakin's mind raced over the memories of the past and the helplessness that always returned. He could do nothing to change what was.

"Now I am being sent back."

"Think of it as your chance to follow orders this time. Make amends."

"I didn't know this mission was about to happen."

"Maybe it was the Force warning you through your dreams and preparing you for what was about to happen. Think of it as a premonition and take it as the gift you have. Meditate on those dreams, there may be more to their sudden nightly return on the eve of your journey back to Selenoor Buhka."

Bright blue eyes suddenly met his master's black. "You didn't want me to go on this mission."

It was Hiiro'eza's turn to be uncomfortable. He could feel it every time she called him padawan. The word somehow had changed and he didn't know why. She shifted in her seat before focusing on him once more.

"It will be a difficult mission for you. I am concerned that you are not ready for it."

"I do not think I ever will be. The Council was insistent that I go."

"Yes," came an uncharacteristically bitter tone.