Disclaimer: I do not own "Harry Potter", etc, etc, etc. It all belongs to
J.K Rowling, except for stuff you don't recognize. The poem "Stopping By
Woods on a Snowy Evening" belongs to Robert Frost.
Summary: Some wounds may never heal . . .
**
*
~ Miles To Go Before I Sleep
- Chapter Seven: I Have Promises To Keep
*
**
"What'll it be today, Mr. Black? Uh - Mr. Black - James?"
Sirius blinked sharply as the familiar voice jerked him out of his thoughts - deep thoughts in fact, ones that centered (as they always did) on Hermione. It had been four months since he'd left the country - four long, agonizing months with no Remus, no Harry - no her. God, but he missed her.
He was in the local pub of the village near the cave where he had hidden the previous time. However, as this was a secluded little village with not many wizards living in it, he didn't need to hide in a cave this time and could live in the local inn. During his evenings, which he invariably spent trying to drown himself in Muggle drinks, he hung around the pub and had made friends with the bartender - another wizard.
Of course, the villagers all knew the handsome man that wandered their streets as James Black.
"Oh, hey, Derek," Sirius greeted the bartender, who was looking at him with some concern. "I'll - uh - have one of those Rum thingies."
"Bacardi or Khodays?" Derek asked with a grin, and Sirius shook his head with a smirk; Derek knew perfectly well that Sirius didn't have a clue about the various brands of Muggle drink, even after four months in the village.
He shrugged. "You take your pick," he said to the Muggle-born wizard, who chuckled and then frowned. Sirius sighed inwardly; he knew what was coming.
"You still thinking about the girl, James?" Derek asked quietly. "The gorgeous kid in that photograph you have?"
Sirius bristled. "She's not a KID, Derek." He said irritably, feeling slightly guilty despite himself. "She's a lot more mature than a normal seventeen-year-old, all right? And she's of age now, remember?"
"Luckily for you."
"We haven't even done anything!"
"All right, James, don't hex me, I'm only joking." Derek grinned and then sobered up as he continued the polish the counter of the bar. "But look, if you miss her so damn much, why don't you write to her? I know you did something wrong, can't go back to England yet, but surely you can send her a letter?"
"I can't," Sirius sighed heavily. "It - it hurts too much. I don't want to hurt her even more by writing now and getting her - and my - hopes up. Besides, she's thinking along the same lines and hasn't written either."
"If you ask me, I'd say you're both stupid." Derek poured a whiskey for a customer who had just come up. Sirius shook his head and stared down at the counter miserably, aching to be with her and to hold her.
Did he regret what he'd done? No - he considered it - he didn't. Agonizing as this was, if he had a chance to do it again, he would have still killed Krum for what he'd done . . .
"Holy shit, what's that bird doing in here!"
Sirius started at the male voice yelling behind him, and realized the customer was pointing at a tawny owl that had just swooped into the pub. Derek shot Sirius a quick look and then tried to distract the customer while Sirius felt a letter drop onto his head. The owl screeched and disappeared.
He glanced around to make sure Derek had chased away the customer with his drink, and slowly, with trembling hands, unfolded the first letter he'd had from Remus in over a month.
// Hey Padfoot,
Forgive me for not writing for so long. Things have been happening here. Anyway, I finally have the update: things have settled down again. See attached article.
Always, Moony //
Sirius felt the first genuine grin flicker across his face as he read his best friend's familiar handwriting and then smoothed out the attached article from the 'Daily Prophet'. It featured a smiling young man with twinkling eyes and a big grin, waving energetically with one hand as the other held a Firebolt broomstick.
- Seamus Fletcher, the new Seeker of the Bulgarian Quidditch team, earns instant fame and popularity after miraculous catch in the latest match between Bulgaria and Ireland. Fletcher, whose move rivaled that of 'Boy Who Lived' legend Harry Potter's, outstripped even the late Viktor Krum's 'Wronski Feint' and has justly earned Fletcher his rightful place in Quidditch history. Journalists strongly advise girls to get a move on before this boy is taken! -
Something ignited in Sirius's heart as he stared down at the article in disbelief. To Derek or any other wizard, this article would mean very little (as Fletcher was probably on the wizarding news everywhere already), but Sirius knew exactly why Remus sent it to him and what great significance it had . . .
"Oh, I saw that in the paper this morning," Derek commented, nodding at Sirius as he peeked at the article briefly. "Great player, that Fletcher. It's pretty much a good thing, I'd say, that Krum went when he did. The old boy was wearing out his popularity anyway."
Sirius looked up into Derek's hazel eyes and would have hugged the man right then and there for his words.
He leaped up off his stool.
"James?" Derek looked surprised and puzzled. "What's wrong? Where're you going?"
"Leaving, Derek. Leaving town!"
"Bloody he - JAMES!" Derek was, understandably, startled. Sirius stopped and turned around to look back at the bartender. "Don't be reckless, James," Derek warned him. "You're beat. Why don't you get some rest here tonight and then leave in the morning?"
Sirius chuckled, the yearning knot in his throat unknotting for the first time in months. "Have to decline, Derek," he said, shaking the other man's hand gratefully. "But thanks for everything. I'll get a haircut and have a shower when I'm back in England."
Derek grinned suddenly. "Good luck, James Black."
"Make that Sirius."
The bartender didn't bat an eye. "Well then, Sirius Black. Take care of yourself, all right? I think I know why you're in such a hurry."
Sirius smiled. "I have promises to keep, Derek, and miles to go before I sleep."
***
Hermione shrugged slowly into her outer robes and left the Gryffindor common room quietly. Harry and Ron were asleep, she knew, and she didn't want to wake them. There were no other Gryffindor students in the school at that time either.
It was Christmas, over four months since Sirius had left, and the pain wrenching her heart was growing worse each day, even each minute that he was gone. Would he, she couldn't help but wonder, ever come back? Or would he find someone else to love in his hideout and stay there even after Krum's protests died?
That was a terrifying thought, and she didn't like thinking it.
These walks were frequently taken, almost every night, in an attempt to escape the confines of the world she had always loved - a world she now felt trapped in simply because he wasn't there anymore.
She swallowed hard, blinking back tears. She needed him. She loved him.
Why hadn't she told him?
In jeans and a tank top, with her robes wrapped around her to keep her slightly warm, she felt oddly empty and lost, with nowhere to go and no one to be with. Her heart felt like a silent tomb, a cold wasteland that could no longer rest, no longer live, no longer breathe. It was a weight that bore down on her in the moments when sheer willpower was all that kept her going, the futile hope that she'd turn around and somehow he'd be there.
"Miss Granger?"
Hermione flinched slightly, sighing and looked up to see Albus Dumbledore standing at the foot of the stairs a few feet away from her. His bright blue eyes were concerned.
"Hi, Professor." She greeted softly.
"Insomnia, Hermione?" he asked gently.
She nodded. "Can't sleep."
"Because of the nightmares? Or simple unrest?"
He was blunt if nothing else. Hermione couldn't help but smile slightly at the twinkling eyes of her Headmaster and watched as he smiled back. She shrugged. "Simple unrest, I'd say. How did you know - ?"
"About Viktor Krum?" Dumbledore's eyes softened even more behind his half- moon glasses. "Let's just say I deduced that no other force in the world that the one that arose from that crime could have driven Sirius to the murder he committed. I'm not telling you murder is excusable, Hermione, but had I been in Sirius's position, I'd have done the same thing." He winked slightly.
Hermione thought about what he'd just said. "You - you said a force that arose from the crime drove him to it . . ." she said slowly. "What - what force do - do you mean?"
Professor Dumbledore looked amused. "Love, of course."
Her knees nearly buckled, but by amazing control, she straightened and looked at the old wizard with incredulous eyes. "You think he's in love with me, Professor Dumbledore?" she demanded, unable to believe it.
"Certainly. I'd have thought it was quite obvious. Although Mr. Weasley might have taken his own time to allow the signs to penetrate his unusually - er - strong - skull, I'm sure Harry and Professor Lupin had a good time concealing their amusement about the situation."
If Hermione hadn't been so startled by the possibility that Sirius might actually want and love her as deeply and as achingly as she did for him, she would have laughed at Dumbledore's way of putting things.
She blushed; her Headmaster was indirectly giving her relationship advice!
"You'd better get back to your common room," Dumbledore's eyes were definitely alight with amusement and laughter now. "Goodnight, Hermione - and sleep well."
She stared at him. Hadn't she just told him she had insomnia? What was he talking about?
"Thank you, sir." She said softly and with genuine gratitude. "Thanks a lot. Sweet dreams"
"I'm certain I'll get them tonight, Miss Granger. And about your gratitude - you may count on me anytime."
Watching him as he ascended the flight of stairs, Hermione turned around and slowly headed back to the common room. Within moments, however, her elation about Sirius possibly being in love with her broke away to reveal the deep pain that had dominated her for so long, mixed with a little confusion about Dumbledore's 'message' to her.
Tears stung her eyes again as she mumbled the password to the Fat Lady and climbed into the common room, her eyes lowered as she blinked the salt away yet again. How she wished she was with him.
As she began to pull the portrait shut, she heard a husky voice behind her speak:
"Out a little late, aren't you?"
Every muscle in her body froze. Hermione felt her heart suddenly speed up, not daring to believe her own ears. And then, slowly, she turned around to find Sirius standing less than three feet away from her, looking exactly how she remembered him, a sexy smile playing on his mouth.
That was all she needed. As the fire burned again in the cold wasteland of her heart, Hermione broke down completely. Sirius held her close, letting her cry and feeling the tears of incredible relief and amazement fill his own eyes.
When she finally let go, she tilted her head back to look into his eyes. "You came back." She whispered, shaking her head, still unsure of whether this was a dream. It couldn't be, though, because she never slept.
"I had a promise to keep, didn't I?" Sirius gently brushed away a stray tear from her cheek and then before either of them knew what was happening, he kissed her. Fire exploded in every cell of his body while every muscle in hers melted into nothing. When they broke the kiss, Sirius leaned closer and whispered in her ear, "I love you, 'Mione. Nothing's going to take me away from you ever again."
Fumbling for her wand, she flicked it. Then she slid down towards the squashy mattress she had conjured up, pulling him down with her. He grinned, and leaned down to kiss her again as she murmured, "I love you too, Sirius. Always."
The miles finally covered, they both slept deeply that night.
** THE END
**
A/n: And so another story ends. I hate the fact that he was killed in OOTP so I'm going to keep writing about him like he's still alive. Anyway, I hope you guys liked the story and please review and let me know what you think. Thanks for all the support and encouragement so far!
Luv, ViXeN
Summary: Some wounds may never heal . . .
**
*
~ Miles To Go Before I Sleep
- Chapter Seven: I Have Promises To Keep
*
**
"What'll it be today, Mr. Black? Uh - Mr. Black - James?"
Sirius blinked sharply as the familiar voice jerked him out of his thoughts - deep thoughts in fact, ones that centered (as they always did) on Hermione. It had been four months since he'd left the country - four long, agonizing months with no Remus, no Harry - no her. God, but he missed her.
He was in the local pub of the village near the cave where he had hidden the previous time. However, as this was a secluded little village with not many wizards living in it, he didn't need to hide in a cave this time and could live in the local inn. During his evenings, which he invariably spent trying to drown himself in Muggle drinks, he hung around the pub and had made friends with the bartender - another wizard.
Of course, the villagers all knew the handsome man that wandered their streets as James Black.
"Oh, hey, Derek," Sirius greeted the bartender, who was looking at him with some concern. "I'll - uh - have one of those Rum thingies."
"Bacardi or Khodays?" Derek asked with a grin, and Sirius shook his head with a smirk; Derek knew perfectly well that Sirius didn't have a clue about the various brands of Muggle drink, even after four months in the village.
He shrugged. "You take your pick," he said to the Muggle-born wizard, who chuckled and then frowned. Sirius sighed inwardly; he knew what was coming.
"You still thinking about the girl, James?" Derek asked quietly. "The gorgeous kid in that photograph you have?"
Sirius bristled. "She's not a KID, Derek." He said irritably, feeling slightly guilty despite himself. "She's a lot more mature than a normal seventeen-year-old, all right? And she's of age now, remember?"
"Luckily for you."
"We haven't even done anything!"
"All right, James, don't hex me, I'm only joking." Derek grinned and then sobered up as he continued the polish the counter of the bar. "But look, if you miss her so damn much, why don't you write to her? I know you did something wrong, can't go back to England yet, but surely you can send her a letter?"
"I can't," Sirius sighed heavily. "It - it hurts too much. I don't want to hurt her even more by writing now and getting her - and my - hopes up. Besides, she's thinking along the same lines and hasn't written either."
"If you ask me, I'd say you're both stupid." Derek poured a whiskey for a customer who had just come up. Sirius shook his head and stared down at the counter miserably, aching to be with her and to hold her.
Did he regret what he'd done? No - he considered it - he didn't. Agonizing as this was, if he had a chance to do it again, he would have still killed Krum for what he'd done . . .
"Holy shit, what's that bird doing in here!"
Sirius started at the male voice yelling behind him, and realized the customer was pointing at a tawny owl that had just swooped into the pub. Derek shot Sirius a quick look and then tried to distract the customer while Sirius felt a letter drop onto his head. The owl screeched and disappeared.
He glanced around to make sure Derek had chased away the customer with his drink, and slowly, with trembling hands, unfolded the first letter he'd had from Remus in over a month.
// Hey Padfoot,
Forgive me for not writing for so long. Things have been happening here. Anyway, I finally have the update: things have settled down again. See attached article.
Always, Moony //
Sirius felt the first genuine grin flicker across his face as he read his best friend's familiar handwriting and then smoothed out the attached article from the 'Daily Prophet'. It featured a smiling young man with twinkling eyes and a big grin, waving energetically with one hand as the other held a Firebolt broomstick.
- Seamus Fletcher, the new Seeker of the Bulgarian Quidditch team, earns instant fame and popularity after miraculous catch in the latest match between Bulgaria and Ireland. Fletcher, whose move rivaled that of 'Boy Who Lived' legend Harry Potter's, outstripped even the late Viktor Krum's 'Wronski Feint' and has justly earned Fletcher his rightful place in Quidditch history. Journalists strongly advise girls to get a move on before this boy is taken! -
Something ignited in Sirius's heart as he stared down at the article in disbelief. To Derek or any other wizard, this article would mean very little (as Fletcher was probably on the wizarding news everywhere already), but Sirius knew exactly why Remus sent it to him and what great significance it had . . .
"Oh, I saw that in the paper this morning," Derek commented, nodding at Sirius as he peeked at the article briefly. "Great player, that Fletcher. It's pretty much a good thing, I'd say, that Krum went when he did. The old boy was wearing out his popularity anyway."
Sirius looked up into Derek's hazel eyes and would have hugged the man right then and there for his words.
He leaped up off his stool.
"James?" Derek looked surprised and puzzled. "What's wrong? Where're you going?"
"Leaving, Derek. Leaving town!"
"Bloody he - JAMES!" Derek was, understandably, startled. Sirius stopped and turned around to look back at the bartender. "Don't be reckless, James," Derek warned him. "You're beat. Why don't you get some rest here tonight and then leave in the morning?"
Sirius chuckled, the yearning knot in his throat unknotting for the first time in months. "Have to decline, Derek," he said, shaking the other man's hand gratefully. "But thanks for everything. I'll get a haircut and have a shower when I'm back in England."
Derek grinned suddenly. "Good luck, James Black."
"Make that Sirius."
The bartender didn't bat an eye. "Well then, Sirius Black. Take care of yourself, all right? I think I know why you're in such a hurry."
Sirius smiled. "I have promises to keep, Derek, and miles to go before I sleep."
***
Hermione shrugged slowly into her outer robes and left the Gryffindor common room quietly. Harry and Ron were asleep, she knew, and she didn't want to wake them. There were no other Gryffindor students in the school at that time either.
It was Christmas, over four months since Sirius had left, and the pain wrenching her heart was growing worse each day, even each minute that he was gone. Would he, she couldn't help but wonder, ever come back? Or would he find someone else to love in his hideout and stay there even after Krum's protests died?
That was a terrifying thought, and she didn't like thinking it.
These walks were frequently taken, almost every night, in an attempt to escape the confines of the world she had always loved - a world she now felt trapped in simply because he wasn't there anymore.
She swallowed hard, blinking back tears. She needed him. She loved him.
Why hadn't she told him?
In jeans and a tank top, with her robes wrapped around her to keep her slightly warm, she felt oddly empty and lost, with nowhere to go and no one to be with. Her heart felt like a silent tomb, a cold wasteland that could no longer rest, no longer live, no longer breathe. It was a weight that bore down on her in the moments when sheer willpower was all that kept her going, the futile hope that she'd turn around and somehow he'd be there.
"Miss Granger?"
Hermione flinched slightly, sighing and looked up to see Albus Dumbledore standing at the foot of the stairs a few feet away from her. His bright blue eyes were concerned.
"Hi, Professor." She greeted softly.
"Insomnia, Hermione?" he asked gently.
She nodded. "Can't sleep."
"Because of the nightmares? Or simple unrest?"
He was blunt if nothing else. Hermione couldn't help but smile slightly at the twinkling eyes of her Headmaster and watched as he smiled back. She shrugged. "Simple unrest, I'd say. How did you know - ?"
"About Viktor Krum?" Dumbledore's eyes softened even more behind his half- moon glasses. "Let's just say I deduced that no other force in the world that the one that arose from that crime could have driven Sirius to the murder he committed. I'm not telling you murder is excusable, Hermione, but had I been in Sirius's position, I'd have done the same thing." He winked slightly.
Hermione thought about what he'd just said. "You - you said a force that arose from the crime drove him to it . . ." she said slowly. "What - what force do - do you mean?"
Professor Dumbledore looked amused. "Love, of course."
Her knees nearly buckled, but by amazing control, she straightened and looked at the old wizard with incredulous eyes. "You think he's in love with me, Professor Dumbledore?" she demanded, unable to believe it.
"Certainly. I'd have thought it was quite obvious. Although Mr. Weasley might have taken his own time to allow the signs to penetrate his unusually - er - strong - skull, I'm sure Harry and Professor Lupin had a good time concealing their amusement about the situation."
If Hermione hadn't been so startled by the possibility that Sirius might actually want and love her as deeply and as achingly as she did for him, she would have laughed at Dumbledore's way of putting things.
She blushed; her Headmaster was indirectly giving her relationship advice!
"You'd better get back to your common room," Dumbledore's eyes were definitely alight with amusement and laughter now. "Goodnight, Hermione - and sleep well."
She stared at him. Hadn't she just told him she had insomnia? What was he talking about?
"Thank you, sir." She said softly and with genuine gratitude. "Thanks a lot. Sweet dreams"
"I'm certain I'll get them tonight, Miss Granger. And about your gratitude - you may count on me anytime."
Watching him as he ascended the flight of stairs, Hermione turned around and slowly headed back to the common room. Within moments, however, her elation about Sirius possibly being in love with her broke away to reveal the deep pain that had dominated her for so long, mixed with a little confusion about Dumbledore's 'message' to her.
Tears stung her eyes again as she mumbled the password to the Fat Lady and climbed into the common room, her eyes lowered as she blinked the salt away yet again. How she wished she was with him.
As she began to pull the portrait shut, she heard a husky voice behind her speak:
"Out a little late, aren't you?"
Every muscle in her body froze. Hermione felt her heart suddenly speed up, not daring to believe her own ears. And then, slowly, she turned around to find Sirius standing less than three feet away from her, looking exactly how she remembered him, a sexy smile playing on his mouth.
That was all she needed. As the fire burned again in the cold wasteland of her heart, Hermione broke down completely. Sirius held her close, letting her cry and feeling the tears of incredible relief and amazement fill his own eyes.
When she finally let go, she tilted her head back to look into his eyes. "You came back." She whispered, shaking her head, still unsure of whether this was a dream. It couldn't be, though, because she never slept.
"I had a promise to keep, didn't I?" Sirius gently brushed away a stray tear from her cheek and then before either of them knew what was happening, he kissed her. Fire exploded in every cell of his body while every muscle in hers melted into nothing. When they broke the kiss, Sirius leaned closer and whispered in her ear, "I love you, 'Mione. Nothing's going to take me away from you ever again."
Fumbling for her wand, she flicked it. Then she slid down towards the squashy mattress she had conjured up, pulling him down with her. He grinned, and leaned down to kiss her again as she murmured, "I love you too, Sirius. Always."
The miles finally covered, they both slept deeply that night.
** THE END
**
A/n: And so another story ends. I hate the fact that he was killed in OOTP so I'm going to keep writing about him like he's still alive. Anyway, I hope you guys liked the story and please review and let me know what you think. Thanks for all the support and encouragement so far!
Luv, ViXeN