Dedicated to Sakura Sama Blossom.
Chapter13: Out of reach* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Knew the signs
Wasn't right
I was stupid for a while
Swept away by you
And now I feel like a fool
Too confused
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach
Too far
I never had your heart
Out of reach
Couldn't see
We were never meant to be
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The next morning Syaoran went back to the house. He washed quickly, and then phoned Tomoyo.
"Tomoyo? It's Syaoran. I need a favour."
"Sure. What is it?"
"I need you to help me do something."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The day when Sakura was allowed home had arrived. When Syaoran went to her hospital room he found her ready to leave.
"Come on! Let's get out of here!" she whined. Syaoran grinned.
"Hang on, we need to get your medicine first."
"Don't want it."
"You need it. We'll just go to the front desk." He pulled her down to the first floor and approached a pretty blonde receptionist.
"I need Sakura Kinomoto's medicine please."
"It's all ready for you. Take care now!" The receptionist smiled dazzlingly. Syaoran took the brown paper bag and turned to Sakura.
"Now we can go."
"Finally!" Sakura said, marching to the hospital doors. Touya was waiting just outside, in the car.
"Come on. We need to get going." He called. They both jumped into the back seat and the car lurched forward.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"I'm so glad to be home!" Sakura said happily, collapsing on the sofa. Touya took her bag upstairs and Fujitaka brought in a tray of cake, biscuits, sandwiches and tea.
"I took the liberty of inviting a few guests for tea." He said, smiling. Sakura looked at him suspiciously.
"Who?"
There was a knock at the door, interrupting any conversations that may have started. Touya opened it and Tomoyo, Eriol, Meilin, Naoko, Rika, Chiharu and Yamazaki poured through the door, talking loudly. They fussed around Sakura, asking questions, talking about school and Noriko and Leon, and helping themselves to refreshments.
Sakura had never been so glad to have her friends as she did right then.
An hour later they were chatting comfortably when Yelan arrived. She called Syaoran into the kitchen. Syaoran stood up and smiled at Sakura.
"I'll be right back. You want anything?"
"No, I'm good." Sakura smiled. Syaoran went into the kitchen. Yelan and Fujitaka were talking but she turned to her son.
"Syaoran, I am so proud of you. You have been so supportive of Sakura."
"I did what had to be done." Syaoran muttered. How could he answer it otherwise? He had just done what he knew he must do. It was instinctive, not worthy of praise.
He looked at his mother.
"I still have a month left don't I?"
"About that long, yes." Yelan agreed. Syaoran nodded thoughtfully, then said,
"I'll go back in now. If that's alright."
"Yes. Go ahead…" Yelan waved him away.
Sakura was giggling at a joke Yamazaki had told her when Syaoran sat down beside her.
"Everything OK?" she asked. He smiled.
"Yeah. How are you feeling?"
"Fantastic! I thought I'd feel tired, but I don't."
"Are you lying to me?" Syaoran asked. Sakura flushed.
"How do you know?"
"Apart from the fact you're the world's worst liar?"
"Am not!"
"Oh, you are too!" He said. Sakura stuck her tongue out at him.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
By eight the guests had all left. Fujitaka, Touya and Yelan were in the kitchen and Syaoran looked across at Sakura who was still sitting on the sofa.
"Do you want to go to bed?"
"Not yet. I… I wanted to thank you. You've been beside me the whole time. And now you're still taking care of me."
"I'm just doing what I want to do. You're my friend."
"So you'd do this for Eriol?"
"I don't know. You're special."
They sat in silence until Syaoran said,
"I've only got a month left."
"Is that all?"
"Yes. The time's flown by, hasn't it?"
"Yeah… being unconscious for two weeks doesn't help." Sakura joked. Syaoran looked at her, amber eyes filled with a kind of longing and despair. Sakura saw this and took his hand.
"Hey… what's wrong?"
"I… I thought you were going to die." Syaoran choked. Sakura hugged him.
"I'm not going anywhere."
"Seeing you on that hospital bed. You were so pale… you didn't look like you at all."
"It's OK… It's OK."
"No. It isn't. What if you'd died and I didn't tell you how much you mean to me."
Sakura pulled back. She stared at him.
"Syaoran…"
"Listen to me. I know that our relationship has been far from ordinary. But, god, Sakura… do you have any idea what it's like? I don't know if you do. I kept hoping and wishing you'd wake up, and you have, and now I don't know how to feel. Sakura, I'm leaving in a month. And I can't go without at least telling you how much I care for you."
"Syaoran, what do you mean?"
"Sakura… I think I love you. I mean, I can't be sure. I don't know what love is exactly. But when I look at you, and I see you smile, my heart just jumps. That might be heartburn, but I'm pretty sure it isn't."
He was walking around the living room now. Sakura's eyes were fixed on him. He turned and looked at her.
"Sakura… I know we didn't want to do this. And I'm not doing it for my Mother, or your Father, or for Nadeshiko. I'm doing it because it feels right. Will you marry me?"
"I'll understand if you just want to stay friends. Or if you want me to head straight back China right now. And you don't have to answer straight away. Think about it. I just thought I'd tell you…" His voice faded away. He felt in his pocket and pulled out a small, velvet box. Opening it, Sakura saw a small gold ring, with a single emerald surrounded by tiny diamonds to create the image of a flower on top. She had never seen anything more beautiful and delicate in her life.
Sakura took a deep breath.
"Syaoran… I'm not ready." Syaoran's face fell and he turned away. Sakura continued hurriedly.
"I'm hurting so much right now. And everybody hurts sometime. You understand that right?"
"When will you be ready?"
Sakura looked down.
"Not for a long time. A very long time. Everything that's happened."
"I understand."
"Please… please don't think I don't want you to stay. I do. Syaoran, you're one of my closest friends, I don't want to end that."
"It's fine. But you never know until you ask." Syaoran said, shrugging it away. He closed the box and put it back in his pocket.
"I think I might go to bed…" He said, leaving quickly. Yelan, Fujitaka and Touya arrived just to see him leave, and Sakura stare after him. Touya sat down.
"What's up?"
Sakura burst into tears.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
In his room, Syaoran stared up at the ceiling. Why on earth had he thought that she'd say yes?
"You've been a complete fool." He told himself.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Sakura was still sleeping when Syaoran got up the next day. He didn't feel like being sociable, so he skipped breakfast and headed straight for school. Tomoyo and Eriol were already talking at their desks. Tomoyo jumped to her feet as Syaoran came in. Her face was lit up with hope. Syaoran destroyed it with a shake of his head.
"She said no."
"What? Why? How?"
"Three excellent questions, to which I hold none of the answers." Syaoran said, sitting down. Eriol looked from to the other.
"What's going on?"
"Syaoran asked Sakura to marry him."
"And she said no. She's not ready."
"Sorry." Eriol said. Syaoran half-smiled.
"It's OK. What's it they say? Better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all."
"Maybe she'll come round." Tomoyo suggested. Syaoran shrugged.
"I don't know. She said no, I'm not going to push her."
They fell into silence. Eriol sighed.
"What are you going to do?"
"I don't know. Look, I really don't want to talk about it."
"Talk about what?" Demanded Noriko, standing hands on hips beside Syaoran's desk. Syaoran glared at her.
"Something that has absolutely nothing to do with you." He told her. Noriko glared at him and her eyes rested on Sakura's empty seat.
"Kinomoto's missed a lot of school recently." She commented. Syaoran turned to speak with Eriol and Tomoyo. Noriko stared at him, then sat down at her desk.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Sakura was watching TV when Syaoran came back from school. She smiled.
"How was school?"
"Big grey building, full of misery and despair."
"So it was the same as always?"
"Yeah. Amano is still trying to get me to talk about you."
"She just doesn't give up, does she?"
"Nope." Syaoran replied, sitting down. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine. I actually want to go to school. I'm that bored here."
"You can go back tomorrow, Sakura." Fujitaka said, entering with a tray of drinks. "I rang the hospital and they said it was alright since you've recovered so well."
"Oh, thank god! I was about to die of boredom." Sakura sighed settling into the cushions. Fujitaka smiled at went back to the kitchen. Syaoran pulled his and Sakura's homework out of his bag.
"Got all your homework right here."
"Gee, thanks. How generous." Sakura said in a deadpan tone. Syaoran passed it to her and she flipped through it.
"The usual thrilling stuff, I see."
"Yep. Let's start on the maths."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Syaoran was woken at 7 by Sakura. She rapped on his bedroom door and said,
"Come on. We need to get ready."
"I'm getting up." He said groggily.
She was eating breakfast when he came down.
"Morning." He said. She smiled.
"Hi. I'm so excited!"
"Why?"
"Tomoyo called me last night. She said that she's got a surprise for me!"
"What is it?"
"Well, if I knew it wouldn't be a surprise, would it?"
"I guess not."
"Did you hear about this dance?" Sakura asked.
"There's a dance?"
"At school. It's nearly the summer, so they're going it hold a Summer Ball. It's next Friday."
"Really?"
"Yeah." Sakura swallowed her tea and got up.
"Come on."
"Just a second. I need to get my schoolbag." Syaoran ran upstairs. Sakura stood by the front table and waited impatiently. Syaoran came back downstairs and they set off.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Tomoyo and Eriol were waiting in the form room for them. Sakura hugged them both and sat down. Syaoran sat down too as Tomoyo said,
"Sakura, I haven't quite finished your surprise. Something came up last night, but I'll have it ready by tomorrow. That's Saturday, so come by my house. You can come too, Syaoran."
"Oh, but I want it now!" Sakura joked, sticking her lip out in a sulky fashion. The door opened and Leon and Noriko came in. Sakura rolled her eyes and turned back to Tomoyo.
"I want to talk to you, OK? At break time. In private."
"That's good, because I want to talk to Eriol in private." Syaoran said. They laughed, but the chuckling died away as Noriko planted herself firmly in front of them.
"Where have you been, Kinomoto?"
"I've been ill."
"Is that all?"
"Yes. Why else would I be absent?" Sakura asked, curious. Noriko frowned.
"Must have been pretty serious, for you to have missed two weeks of school."
"It was. Haven't you got to go and cover your face with animal by-products or chemicals of some sort?"
"Go to hell, Kinomoto." Noriko sneered. Sakura started applaud.
"Congratulations Noriko! You just won weakest comeback of the year award! Would you care to say a few words?"
"Yes. You're a stupid slut and I wish you would die."
"Oh, my heart is breaking." Sakura said sarcastically. Noriko glared at her and Leon said,
"Did it take you two weeks to come up with those insults?"
"Nope. But it took me two weeks to figure out why you're hanging out with Noriko."
"Why?" Leon demanded.
"You lost a bet."
"Hey!" Noriko retaliated. Sakura waved her hand.
"Off you go. Come back when you have some decent insults."
"Kiss my ass, Kinomoto." Noriko spat. Sakura smiled.
"What, and put Leon out of a job? I wouldn't be so cruel."
Noriko seemed at a loss for words. She flounced away, Leon behind her. Tomoyo stared at Sakura.
"That was amazing!"
"That's been building up for ages. I needed to vent some frustration." Sakura grinned. Eriol laughed.
"I don't think I've ever seen Noriko look more shocked!"
"Yeah. It was refreshing wasn't it?" Sakura agreed as the teacher came in.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
At break time Sakura and Tomoyo went out to the fountain in front of the school.
"What is it Sakura?"
"Syaoran asked me to marry him."
"Really?"
"I said no."
"Why?"
"Because. I'm scared." Tomoyo groaned at this answer.
"Sakura! You've got to face your fears! Syaoran's only going to be around for a few weeks more. If you keep running away you're going to leave him behind."
"Tomoyo, you don't understand. I'm too frightened. What if it all goes wrong?"
"It won't. You and Syaoran are soul mates."
"I just don't know what to do."
"Yes you do. You just don't want to admit to yourself that you do. Sakura you have to tell him, or I will! Yu are meant to be together. So tell him!"
"I will, Tomoyo. Soon."
"When?" Tomoyo demanded.
"At the dance. That'd be perfect. I don't want to let him go, Tomoyo. But I don't see how things can turn out right if he stays."
"They'll be wonderful, Sakura. Isn't it obvious?"
Sakura smiled. At the dance. She'd tell him at the dance.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Under a tree, behind the school, Syaoran and Eriol were walking around. Syaoran took a deep breath.
"Eriol, I know what I have to do."
"What?"
"Sakura and I… we're not meant to be. I've finally realised that."
"Syaoran, what do you mean?"
"I'm going back to China. Next Friday."
"What? Syaoran, no! You can't!"
"Yes. I can. And I'm going to. Sakura's out of my reach. All the signs were wrong and I've made a huge idiot of myself. She doesn't want or need me. But don't tell her. I'm going to tell her myself, when the time is right."
"You love her!"
"Yeah, well she doesn't love me!" Syaoran was angry now. He turned on Eriol, "Don't you understand? I can't stay here, pining after someone, who is never going to feel the same way for me! I'm going back to China and nothing can stop me."
"Fine. But I hope you know you're making a huge mistake."
"But I'm not. That's the worst part. I'm doing the only thing that's right."
Eriol sighed. He didn't want to be around when Syaoran told Sakura. For some reason, he didn't think it was going to go down too well.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Hee hee, Cliffhanger! And just to be really mean… I'm going on holiday tomorrow! So the next chapter won't be up for at least three weeks. I'm really sorry, but I have many other fics! Mostly Harry Potter, but a few Final Fantasy and one Princess Diaries story.
So check 'em out!
Lotsa luv 'n' huggles
Katie.