self-deception
i have spent six months wondering why she left me – left us all those years ago-
and now, perhaps, i get the chance to ask the woman i spent nearly thirty years modelling myself on-
i get the chance to ask her why she left me
didn't she love me? love
him?
was it all a lie?
wasn't i a good enough daughter for her?
was there something wrong with the little girl i was that made her leave us?
was it my fault?
and if it wasn't, why did she leave?
didn't my mother love me enough to stay?