Nosgoth Gets F***ed Up
Chapter 3: Bunnies?
"Once we reach your time, you must provide me with butter!" "Relax. Now let me tell you a little story about a little boy named Vorador..." "What trickery is this??" "No trickery, Kain, I'm just telling a story..." Kain pointed urgently ahead of the two and shouted, "No, you fool! That!!" In front of Vorador and Kain was a milking cow on a spike, dead and pitiful, and a sign saying "No butter for you vampires! Go home!!!!". and it was signed by the sinister sideways 8, Moebius' infinity symbol. But some how, they didn't realize that they were standing in an ant hill, Kain and Vorador did not feel the ants that were crawling all over their legs. Poor Kain, I wonder how he's going to get out of this one, since the poor bastard is stuck in his armor.
Vorador suddenly shouted, "My God! The bunnies.... Kain, they tricked us! They killed the family cow! .And I am saying your lines!" Kain suddenly had a mighty inspiration! He yells at Vorador, "Let's transform into mist and get the hell outta here!"
The ants suddenly find themselves stranded in the air, with no Kain, no Vorador, no yummy old milk and bloody hell, no wings!!!
They each yelled in their tiny ant voices: "Damn you, Kain!!!"
The ants decided to go home and redesign the ant anatomy (remember this is the very distant past, so now we all now why an annoying species of ants do have wings and why people instinctively pluck those wings off whenever they can.)
Meanwhile, Kain and Vorador finally turn back from the mist form cause you can't really have a conversation like that and none of them wanted the chance to mix their mists together. After traveling by foot for some time, Kain finally pulls himself together to ask Vorador the BIG question- "WHO ARE THE BUNNIES?!"
Vorador stopped in his tracks, turns and says with a tear in his eye (which is slowly searing his flesh), "My mother. my mother was brutally murdered by THE BUNNY, it was a horribly fluffy creature and it smothered her with all the fur balls it produced seemingly endlessly... then the attack of THE BUNNIES began. At first there was only 1 of them, than another one, so suddenly there were two... and the rest is history... they breed like BUNNIES you know... our cows never had a chance..."
Kain turned to him and said, "Hey- wait a minute... even if all your cows died, there's still that butter you will have been keeping for so long. Now where could that be?" Vorador stops his tragic story to contemplate a bit. He then turns to Kain and says, "That's right, now we can go and save the butter... but the bunnies have it now and we must devise a plan..." Suddenly, Vorador is interrupted. Another Kain (not wearing the armor) appears out of thin air and states, "Here! Take this butter and get that armor off for crying out loud!" He then points to Vorador and says, "Oh, and just so you know, you and I break up!"
He then disappears angrily. Kain take the butter and moves to the side to have a little privacy. He removes the armor and sign with relief. He than decides it is better to be unarmored; who needs an armor anyway when you have the repel spell? Stupid thing.
Kain realizes he still needs Vorador to get to the future butter so despite Vorador's annoying mumblings and ramblings they still have a ways to go together- but Kain vows to himself to dump vorador as soon as he gets to that butter!!!
He goes back to vorador- who looks at him way too appraisingly- and glaring at him, said, "Don't even think about it! (Pervert)." Vorador shakes himself out of it and says, "Well, I believe we were about to devise a plan to reclaim my family's lost butter..." "Ah, yes, the mysterious 'butter'. Perhaps now you will tell me where it is?" Kain asked.
"I will not tell you. For secrecy's sake." says Vorador.
"Oh come on, please???"
"No!"
"Well fine, then." Kain crossed his arms and looked at Vorador sulkingly. "Show me the way." Vorador looked at Kain incredulously and said, "First we need to make a PLAN, not just go up to the bunnies and ask!! What I propose is this..." Vorador and Kain huddle together and whisper:
"First we need to build a giant wooden cow on wheels."
"Why are we whispering?"
"Because it sounds conspiratorial, now don't interrupt me again. Where was I?" "Building a cow?"
"Yes, yes, then we hide in the cow." Kain stares at vorador stupidly as the green vampire lays out his plan.
"What madness is this? What madness is our time coming to? First we have the 'soul salmon,' then old butter and vicious cow killing bunnies, and now Trojan cows!?" Kain curls up into a little ball on the ground drooling and muttering about bunnies and laughing maniacally, mumbling, ".and they thought I was insane when I was a fledgling....."
Vorador just stares at Kain. Vorador gives up and says to Kain, "Ok, ok, let's just go and kill all the bunnies, drink their blood, burn their houses, make slaves out of their families and teach the foxes how good they really taste raw!"
Kain straightens up and gives Vorador a shaky smile... he is starting to remember that after all they are both mature bad @$$ vampires- the strongest of their era and no little thing like a bunny can ever even wish to stop THEM!
Vorador and Kain look each other in the yellow eye and fade to thin air... they reappear at the middle of the bunnies' community who were just celebrating their victory on the cows and their conquest of the butter.
After about 20 minutes of happy merciless killings they regroup again and survey the dead-bunny-covered hills all around.
Vorador declared, "This is the most beautiful sight I have seen in years."
"Yeah, yeah now let's get the butter!" The two find the butter and now faced the problem of sharing it. After getting their hands.... claws? On the butter, Kain said to Vorador, "Okay, I get the butter."
"Why? You're already out of your armor."
"I have to go back in time and hand it to the old me to get that way!"
"But I need it!!!"
"For what?" Kain asked sarcastically. "I need to butter up my whores!"
Chapter 3: Bunnies?
"Once we reach your time, you must provide me with butter!" "Relax. Now let me tell you a little story about a little boy named Vorador..." "What trickery is this??" "No trickery, Kain, I'm just telling a story..." Kain pointed urgently ahead of the two and shouted, "No, you fool! That!!" In front of Vorador and Kain was a milking cow on a spike, dead and pitiful, and a sign saying "No butter for you vampires! Go home!!!!". and it was signed by the sinister sideways 8, Moebius' infinity symbol. But some how, they didn't realize that they were standing in an ant hill, Kain and Vorador did not feel the ants that were crawling all over their legs. Poor Kain, I wonder how he's going to get out of this one, since the poor bastard is stuck in his armor.
Vorador suddenly shouted, "My God! The bunnies.... Kain, they tricked us! They killed the family cow! .And I am saying your lines!" Kain suddenly had a mighty inspiration! He yells at Vorador, "Let's transform into mist and get the hell outta here!"
The ants suddenly find themselves stranded in the air, with no Kain, no Vorador, no yummy old milk and bloody hell, no wings!!!
They each yelled in their tiny ant voices: "Damn you, Kain!!!"
The ants decided to go home and redesign the ant anatomy (remember this is the very distant past, so now we all now why an annoying species of ants do have wings and why people instinctively pluck those wings off whenever they can.)
Meanwhile, Kain and Vorador finally turn back from the mist form cause you can't really have a conversation like that and none of them wanted the chance to mix their mists together. After traveling by foot for some time, Kain finally pulls himself together to ask Vorador the BIG question- "WHO ARE THE BUNNIES?!"
Vorador stopped in his tracks, turns and says with a tear in his eye (which is slowly searing his flesh), "My mother. my mother was brutally murdered by THE BUNNY, it was a horribly fluffy creature and it smothered her with all the fur balls it produced seemingly endlessly... then the attack of THE BUNNIES began. At first there was only 1 of them, than another one, so suddenly there were two... and the rest is history... they breed like BUNNIES you know... our cows never had a chance..."
Kain turned to him and said, "Hey- wait a minute... even if all your cows died, there's still that butter you will have been keeping for so long. Now where could that be?" Vorador stops his tragic story to contemplate a bit. He then turns to Kain and says, "That's right, now we can go and save the butter... but the bunnies have it now and we must devise a plan..." Suddenly, Vorador is interrupted. Another Kain (not wearing the armor) appears out of thin air and states, "Here! Take this butter and get that armor off for crying out loud!" He then points to Vorador and says, "Oh, and just so you know, you and I break up!"
He then disappears angrily. Kain take the butter and moves to the side to have a little privacy. He removes the armor and sign with relief. He than decides it is better to be unarmored; who needs an armor anyway when you have the repel spell? Stupid thing.
Kain realizes he still needs Vorador to get to the future butter so despite Vorador's annoying mumblings and ramblings they still have a ways to go together- but Kain vows to himself to dump vorador as soon as he gets to that butter!!!
He goes back to vorador- who looks at him way too appraisingly- and glaring at him, said, "Don't even think about it! (Pervert)." Vorador shakes himself out of it and says, "Well, I believe we were about to devise a plan to reclaim my family's lost butter..." "Ah, yes, the mysterious 'butter'. Perhaps now you will tell me where it is?" Kain asked.
"I will not tell you. For secrecy's sake." says Vorador.
"Oh come on, please???"
"No!"
"Well fine, then." Kain crossed his arms and looked at Vorador sulkingly. "Show me the way." Vorador looked at Kain incredulously and said, "First we need to make a PLAN, not just go up to the bunnies and ask!! What I propose is this..." Vorador and Kain huddle together and whisper:
"First we need to build a giant wooden cow on wheels."
"Why are we whispering?"
"Because it sounds conspiratorial, now don't interrupt me again. Where was I?" "Building a cow?"
"Yes, yes, then we hide in the cow." Kain stares at vorador stupidly as the green vampire lays out his plan.
"What madness is this? What madness is our time coming to? First we have the 'soul salmon,' then old butter and vicious cow killing bunnies, and now Trojan cows!?" Kain curls up into a little ball on the ground drooling and muttering about bunnies and laughing maniacally, mumbling, ".and they thought I was insane when I was a fledgling....."
Vorador just stares at Kain. Vorador gives up and says to Kain, "Ok, ok, let's just go and kill all the bunnies, drink their blood, burn their houses, make slaves out of their families and teach the foxes how good they really taste raw!"
Kain straightens up and gives Vorador a shaky smile... he is starting to remember that after all they are both mature bad @$$ vampires- the strongest of their era and no little thing like a bunny can ever even wish to stop THEM!
Vorador and Kain look each other in the yellow eye and fade to thin air... they reappear at the middle of the bunnies' community who were just celebrating their victory on the cows and their conquest of the butter.
After about 20 minutes of happy merciless killings they regroup again and survey the dead-bunny-covered hills all around.
Vorador declared, "This is the most beautiful sight I have seen in years."
"Yeah, yeah now let's get the butter!" The two find the butter and now faced the problem of sharing it. After getting their hands.... claws? On the butter, Kain said to Vorador, "Okay, I get the butter."
"Why? You're already out of your armor."
"I have to go back in time and hand it to the old me to get that way!"
"But I need it!!!"
"For what?" Kain asked sarcastically. "I need to butter up my whores!"