Nosgoth Gets F***ed Up
Chapter 4: Debauchery and Step-Dancing
And so the dirty secret is finally out! The mysterious reason why vorador needed the butter!
Kain stared at vorador in shock and incredulously said, "And for that you withheld your butter from my imperious demand!?!? You PERVERT!"
Vorador straightened to his full green height and said, "I do NOT recognize YOU as imperious, whelp!"
Kain angrily decided to strand vorador in this era. He snatched the butter and teleported away- back to his armored self. And then home - to the future Nosgoth where Umah is waiting and he still needs to get the butter off... or maybe not... "Hmm. Umah?" muttered Kain to himself. (Traveling with Vorador can teach you bad habits anytime.)
Vorador looked around and said, "Oh well, it's good that he only took the little box." He then sits beside the 20 pound box of superb butter and contemplates the hazards a butter must face in this oh so cruel world.
Determined to preserve the butter for all time as a legacy of his family and as a source of fun and envy of the wives he constructs the box and spell he remembers so well from the 5000 years of safe keeping- he knows this butter will be safe, at least until Kain comes around, but since he knows exactly when that will be, and has already made plans to replace the precious butter with some stinky old milk at the right time.
After all, Kain is such an amusing character in tights... and its such fun looking at him squirm so.
Now, since his maker is still around maybe he can drop by, say hello, and celebrate the successful rescue of the butter. And hopefully get drunk in the process. But as Vorador was about to teleport to Janos he remembered that he forgot to get drunk first, then go to Janos. So he went to the nearest pub, beat the crap out of the tapster so he could help himself, and proceeded to get royally hammered. After which he staggered off to find Janos, who was currently at a help-meeting for schizophrenics.
Vorador decided to take a beer just in case he finds someone who would agree to get drunk on it so he can get drunk on the poor fool's blood! He then went ahead and started on his way to Janos, hoping that Luck will send a fool his way when he realized he had been so hammered that he had wandered straight into a vampire's sorority were Umah was currently hanging out. He sidled over to her and said with slurred speech, "Hey Umah, you wanna get drunk? I have a beer."
Umah, who is not a vampire yet, only a vampire lover, was already more than a little drunk so more beer was just perfect in her sodden mind. She downed the beer rather quickly and with amazing skill and agility didn't spill even one drop even though she was seeing the world in two's and it kept turning around for some reason. When she looked at the hand- claw? That was holding the glass she thought green was kind of a nice color and wondered how the rest of the body would look like as Vorador grinned drunkenly at her; although his gaze seemed to be directed not at her face, but a few inches below.
Suddenly- "Woop-Woop! Booty police! Woop-Woop! Pull it over you two!"
Two winged ancients materialize wearing blue uniforms and dark sunglasses just in the nick of time! "I'm sorry Mr. eh? Vard... Vorador, but your 'booty' is being confiscated in order to prevent a future apocalypse." They handcuffed Umah and began to take her away.
So now, Vorador, thoroughly confused by the ancients, keeps walking straight to Janos' place for a visit.
The ancients had Umah, and they took her to the Abyss..... one of the two ancients laughed evilly as the other was ready to throw her into the waters.
He shouted, "Hasta la vista, bitch!" and tossed her in. Umah screamed in terror as she plummeted.
Now, Umah was still just a drunk human and the Abyss was not so big a whirlpool yet so she just got dunked on the edge of it and just had the nastiest bath of her life while in a drunken state- which didn't improve anything, needless to say.
The ancients were already gone, unfortunately, so was the handcuffs key. So Umah swam like a sick fish to the banks and climbed out.
Meanwhile, Vorador was having the show of his life out of her and since she was not as drunk as before after this cold shower he thought it would be nice to try and get some beer back into her...
He gave her the 'gentleman façade' and helped her out. "That was no way to treat a lady," he said. "I will buy you something hot to drink at the next inn." He gave her his red coat so the hand cuffs would not be seen and off they went...
Vorador had not realized that this particular inn was actually a most terrible place! As they went inside the music hit them like a rolling rock... and the doors closed ominously behind them. 2 huge red demons stood guard and wouldn't let anyone out! Not to mention the place was magically sealed.
The waiter came towards them holding a giant metal cutter and two pair of (Oh, the horror!) step shoes!
"Whoever enters here must win the right to exit by step-dancing." Vorador was readying himself to perform the most horrible of spells when Umah said, "My mother died while she was dancing." Vorador still can't believe how the mother of Umah did it while she was dead. So Vorador drank his beer quickly and suddenly everything makes more sense! He even started to feel like dancing, so he turned to Umah and said (drunkenly), "You wanna dance??"
Chapter 4: Debauchery and Step-Dancing
And so the dirty secret is finally out! The mysterious reason why vorador needed the butter!
Kain stared at vorador in shock and incredulously said, "And for that you withheld your butter from my imperious demand!?!? You PERVERT!"
Vorador straightened to his full green height and said, "I do NOT recognize YOU as imperious, whelp!"
Kain angrily decided to strand vorador in this era. He snatched the butter and teleported away- back to his armored self. And then home - to the future Nosgoth where Umah is waiting and he still needs to get the butter off... or maybe not... "Hmm. Umah?" muttered Kain to himself. (Traveling with Vorador can teach you bad habits anytime.)
Vorador looked around and said, "Oh well, it's good that he only took the little box." He then sits beside the 20 pound box of superb butter and contemplates the hazards a butter must face in this oh so cruel world.
Determined to preserve the butter for all time as a legacy of his family and as a source of fun and envy of the wives he constructs the box and spell he remembers so well from the 5000 years of safe keeping- he knows this butter will be safe, at least until Kain comes around, but since he knows exactly when that will be, and has already made plans to replace the precious butter with some stinky old milk at the right time.
After all, Kain is such an amusing character in tights... and its such fun looking at him squirm so.
Now, since his maker is still around maybe he can drop by, say hello, and celebrate the successful rescue of the butter. And hopefully get drunk in the process. But as Vorador was about to teleport to Janos he remembered that he forgot to get drunk first, then go to Janos. So he went to the nearest pub, beat the crap out of the tapster so he could help himself, and proceeded to get royally hammered. After which he staggered off to find Janos, who was currently at a help-meeting for schizophrenics.
Vorador decided to take a beer just in case he finds someone who would agree to get drunk on it so he can get drunk on the poor fool's blood! He then went ahead and started on his way to Janos, hoping that Luck will send a fool his way when he realized he had been so hammered that he had wandered straight into a vampire's sorority were Umah was currently hanging out. He sidled over to her and said with slurred speech, "Hey Umah, you wanna get drunk? I have a beer."
Umah, who is not a vampire yet, only a vampire lover, was already more than a little drunk so more beer was just perfect in her sodden mind. She downed the beer rather quickly and with amazing skill and agility didn't spill even one drop even though she was seeing the world in two's and it kept turning around for some reason. When she looked at the hand- claw? That was holding the glass she thought green was kind of a nice color and wondered how the rest of the body would look like as Vorador grinned drunkenly at her; although his gaze seemed to be directed not at her face, but a few inches below.
Suddenly- "Woop-Woop! Booty police! Woop-Woop! Pull it over you two!"
Two winged ancients materialize wearing blue uniforms and dark sunglasses just in the nick of time! "I'm sorry Mr. eh? Vard... Vorador, but your 'booty' is being confiscated in order to prevent a future apocalypse." They handcuffed Umah and began to take her away.
So now, Vorador, thoroughly confused by the ancients, keeps walking straight to Janos' place for a visit.
The ancients had Umah, and they took her to the Abyss..... one of the two ancients laughed evilly as the other was ready to throw her into the waters.
He shouted, "Hasta la vista, bitch!" and tossed her in. Umah screamed in terror as she plummeted.
Now, Umah was still just a drunk human and the Abyss was not so big a whirlpool yet so she just got dunked on the edge of it and just had the nastiest bath of her life while in a drunken state- which didn't improve anything, needless to say.
The ancients were already gone, unfortunately, so was the handcuffs key. So Umah swam like a sick fish to the banks and climbed out.
Meanwhile, Vorador was having the show of his life out of her and since she was not as drunk as before after this cold shower he thought it would be nice to try and get some beer back into her...
He gave her the 'gentleman façade' and helped her out. "That was no way to treat a lady," he said. "I will buy you something hot to drink at the next inn." He gave her his red coat so the hand cuffs would not be seen and off they went...
Vorador had not realized that this particular inn was actually a most terrible place! As they went inside the music hit them like a rolling rock... and the doors closed ominously behind them. 2 huge red demons stood guard and wouldn't let anyone out! Not to mention the place was magically sealed.
The waiter came towards them holding a giant metal cutter and two pair of (Oh, the horror!) step shoes!
"Whoever enters here must win the right to exit by step-dancing." Vorador was readying himself to perform the most horrible of spells when Umah said, "My mother died while she was dancing." Vorador still can't believe how the mother of Umah did it while she was dead. So Vorador drank his beer quickly and suddenly everything makes more sense! He even started to feel like dancing, so he turned to Umah and said (drunkenly), "You wanna dance??"