Slightly Condoned
Disclaimer: Don't own anything…Lyrics by Vertical Horizon
Rating: R
Pairing: Eric/OC, Speed/Calleigh
Summary: A surprising discovery, a surprise visit, and a surprise mutual understanding.
Spoiler: Tinder Box, Body Count
A/N: Boy, this chapter is just damn full of surprises…meh.
Dedication: To Tessa and Tina, one of you had better post the next part of a fic, and the other is making me blush with her compliments.
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Part 29- For The Sake Of Pessimism
The silence in the room was defying, more so because Elisabeth had just received a very big stab in her chest, and not because Eric had asked the question, but since the look on his face was heart breaking.
She slid off the bed, and reached out to take his flaccid hand into hers, pulling him back onto the blue spread.
" Liz, just-…" He began but was cut off when she placed a ginger kiss on his forehead, and nudged him on the bed beside her, then she got up.
" I'll be right back." With that Delko was alone with his thoughts again, and they weren't so pleasant, thus he was a little distraught over having to confront them.
Another reason to hate the woman that just left him hanging, but the scariest part of the whole situation was that deep inside him Eric knew he wouldn't be able to hate her…ever.
Drawing small patterns on the soft canopy, he hadn't heard his counter part come in until she shoved in front of him the only framed photo he'd seen in her home, but not closely.
" That." Elisabeth slid down on the bed, perched at the edge, " Is Jack."
She placed her fingernail over the face of the man in the photograph. He had chestnut tinted hair, and dark blue eyes, smiling down at the woman he was embracing, he found her to have a significant resemblance to the lawyer hovering over him.
Then it dawned to him.
" He was your boyfriend?" Delko asked, unable to mask the tint of jealousy in his voice, and Elisabeth took a heaving breath, as she shook her head.
" Nope."
Delko then looked at her again, and by her expression, he couldn't deny that there'd be a bigger significance of this man in her life, and thus he couldn't take a relieved breath.
" He was my fiancé." Elisabeth picked the photo up, and admired the man in the picture with an adoring smile on her face that Eric couldn't ignore, but only stare longingly at.
" And he died, because of something I did." She continued, dropping the final bombshell on the man beside her, looking at him, Eric detected that her hazel eyes were sparkling but not from happiness.
A more brackish substance filled her bottomless jade eyes-tears.
" Liz, Liz, please don't do this to yourself." He pleaded uselessly, knowing he'd opened a flood gate, awakening old feelings, reopening old wounds that were supposed to have healed by now.
Odd thing was though, Eric had concluded successfully while taking a shower, that if she still dreamed of this fallen man, then perhaps her wounds had never been tended to, perhaps they had been condoned, and now that pain was building up, maybe, this was a good thing.
" Why? Eric." Elisabeth exclaimed, throwing his hands up and getting up, " It's the truth, you asked to know who Jack was, and I'll tell you."
Eric swallowed, and picked up the frame again, unable to argue, " Okay."
" Good." Elisabeth sighed and then walked out of the room again, only to return a few minutes later with a bottle of beer, handing it to Delko.
" Sorry I don't drink this early." Eric declined it, but felt himself encounter cool, perspiring glass.
" This is an exception." Elisabeth sat down on the middle of the bed, cross-legged, and Eric detected that she was getting comfortable, perhaps so should her?
" Besides, what I'm about to tell you…you're gonna need it."
And no further arguments ensued…
***
" Listen, I'm gonna head down to the lab, Mia had talked to me last night and decided to pick up the case from Elisabeth left it, asked me for a favor." Calleigh said, as she placed the half empty carton of Lucky Charms back into the drawer Horatio took it out off twenty minutes before.
Horatio watched her, with a slight scowl forming on his face at the mention of his ex wife, the bitter after taste of the kiss they'd shared the morning before still evident in his mouth, even though he'd done everything to avoid it.
" What kind of favor Cal, to fuck up your life?" He asked bitterly, knowing that sort of resentment was uncalled for seeing as though, he was fighting a lost battle, trying to subtly convert his best ballistics expert.
Yet that was another thing that suddenly made Horatio feel bitterness inside him, he was trying so desperately to make everyone else around him that he didn't give his own change of attitude a second thought, and when he did stop to analyze it he didn't like what he saw.
And the most fearful part of Horatio's inner changing was the fact that someone who was so distant to him and someone he should just condone was suddenly the bane of his existence, it wasn't supposed to be like this.
Calleigh, meanwhile, frowned deeper then her boss could've imagined, she still didn't understand why Mia was suddenly targeted for every little nitpick, every cause of annoyance, and depicted so wonderfully in the minds that hated her.
Granted, she knew the DA wasn't a saint, but whom, in this lifetime, was?
*That* should've been the question plaguing the consciences of people who despised her, not '1000 ways I can murder Mia'.
" No, Horatio, she asked me to reanalyze any evidence that could provoke a search warrant for the ex boy friend's place. She thinks that he's hiding something, judging by the transcript of the interview he underwent with Liz, Eric, and Tim." Calleigh explained as a matter-of-factly, resulting in both people frowning even further.
" Then you'd best be going." Horatio got up from the chair, and simultaneously drained his coffee, placing it in the sink besides Calleigh.
" It will be okay you know." The blonde said tentatively, trying to read Horatio's expression as best she could, without being too nosy or worse…preaching.
Horatio turned to her, and couldn't help but reach in and gather her into his arms as only a father could. All other thoughts escaped his mind and he smiled leaning in to cradle her head in the crook of his neck, " I know, same goes for you."
And he was glad to place that smile back on her face, ridding it of some of its natural paleness.
" Thank you, I think somehow I needed to hear a little lie to get me psyched up for the rest of the day." Calleigh pointed out, and Horatio couldn't deny the sadness touching her tone of choice.
Horatio frowned right along with her, feeling almost empathic to her emotions as she slid away from him.
" Calleigh, whatever it is-…"
" Horatio I beg you not to finish that sentence." Calleigh picked up her purse, and flung it over her shoulder, almost daring the older CSI to oppose her.
" I'll take a plea bargain." The other investigator challenged, and Calleigh smiled despite the ache she felt inside. Knowing that she'd come to the right place for the sort of solace she'd been looking for.
Horatio Caine was a great friend, and where he was, Calleigh always seemed content…he was everything she would hope for in a guy and more, but something held her back, something, or more like someone else took hold of her heart already, and was very unwilling to give it back.
And it really didn't bother her…not anymore.
Not at moments like these when she knew exactly that even if her and Tim were to end right then and there, she'd still have people to fall back on, remnants of feelings of better days, and definitely the sweet ingenuousness of love…or what was left of it.
" I don't do court, you know that." Calleigh reminded him, and quite frankly too, " Calleigh-…" Horatio made a step toward her, but never really got to speak his mind.
She proved to be impatient, and honest, delivering and probing but inside he knew she remained broken and beaten, by what or who it was not yet evident, although he did have a pretty good idea.
" Horatio. Please don't." she begged, ducking her head away from his curious glance, never sympathy, or pity and she didn't know which gaze felt worse.
" It's just, it's complicated alright. I'm not telling you to forgive Megan, so please don't tell me to forgive Tim. It's been building up you know. Our relationship, it didn't start normally, so why should it be predicted to prosper when it wasn't even the intimate factor in the beginning." Calleigh started, but Horatio had the need to interrupt her.
" Calleigh, are you sure you should be telling me this, placing all your eggs in one basket?" he asked cautiously as only he could without sounding parental or annoyed.
But nonetheless Calleigh wasn't in the mood for any sort of eye opening plea for something better. She knew what she knew, and would always trust the evidence when her own intuition was tainted with biased emotion.
" It was primitive, I realize that now." She went on as if her audience hadn't objected, " It was also foolish, we made a good team before Horatio, good friends, and although that's supposed to be a good basis of a strong relationship, it started out with me suffering. He helped me with my grief, and then stuck around, I don't want to ever feel caged Horatio."
" Calleigh, sweetheart, Tim is the most open-minded man I know, he would never make you feel caged." Horatio pointed out logically, as he knelt before her, and took her hands, sitting on her lap, into his.
" He doesn't make me feel caged Horatio, *I* make myself feel caged." Calleigh then withdrew from the embrace ineffective to brighten up her spirits, diminish her pessimism.
" I know you don't think so now, but when love comes around and your fortunate enough to feel this strongly about someone, you should hold on to it." Horatio advised wisely and Calleigh leaned in to brush her lips chastely against his cheek.
" I know and thank you for letting me know where you stand, and how you approach this, however, our relationship did not withstand the test."
" Love isn't supposed to be tested Calleigh, you just know."
" Yeah, and I know this much." Calleigh stood up and walked off to the doorway, then she turned around and smiled, " I love him, and I always will, but that doesn't necessarily mean, we have to be together."
And with those words, Calleigh Duquesne, left her supervisor speechless and alone, making him wonder if her words applied to him as well…
***
" Tim this was delicious thank you." Megan reached out and ran a lazy hand through the young man's unsettled hair.
He seemed to blush reluctantly, and murmur something resembling, " you're welcome." As he stood up and began clearing the table.
Megan stopped him half way to the fridge, " No, Tim, you cooked, the least I can do is help ya out with the clean up." She compromised in such a way that no one could be immune to her ways.
Speed however, had mastered the art of rebuking anything his mentor said, through years and years of practice, " Nah, you're my guest, better go get ready for work…that is if your coming?"
He asked cryptically and turned back to the refrigerator, set on putting the bottle in his hand away.
Megan could tell he was still unsure of how to feel about her arrival, and although her reentry into his world in particular had not been very timid but honest, and overdue, she knew Tim still felt very insecure about her presence.
Whether it'd been because she had so abruptly left the first time, without a good bye, only to reconnect a few days later, to let him know everything was okay.
Megan hadn't counted on keeping touch with him, but she hadn't counted on being unable not to pick up the phone and dial his number either. It always been that way with them, and neither were to keen on exploiting their relationship that way.
To the outside world they were mentor and apprentice, but to their little world they were actually friends…best friends…and in leaving a friend hurt the other friend badly.
Made one lose trust in the other, and thus redeeming herself would be fairly inane at this point, since it'd only intensify her guilt and make Speedle doubt her even more.
All she could do now, is give him time, and rest uneasily in the bed of her own making.
" Yeah, I'm coming to work with you today, I might as well face the music right?" Megan added with a bitter chuckle as they worked analogously to clean up the remnants of their meal.
Speed didn't answer her question, mostly because both of them knew what his answer would be, it was pretty much premeditated, Megan knew his feelings toward her departure, and the way that she'd detoured the problem at hand, feeling less than compliant about facing it.
How she'd run away, and didn't think twice about leaving everything, and everyone behind, mostly him, and for that Megan thought, that somewhere inside him, lay a tiny piece of hatred for her, and being unable to bare it forced the DNA specialist never to openly look the trace expert in the eye.
Self-loathing was one thing, but having someone who had idolized you before loathe you was nearly insufferable even for the usually strong CSI. She never wanted Speed to blame her, for anything, she wanted him to understand.
Yet Megan concluded that it was a bit too late for that…he'd tried to understand, and couldn't, and that by all accounts had been okay, even sort of daring that he went along with her little plan not to inform anyone but him of her existence and whereabouts. It was when he had indirectly suffered for *her* actions that the final straw broke the camel's back.
Or so Megan predicted, and unfortunately she had proof to back it up with.
Last night was the exact moment that Megan realized that perhaps she shouldn't' have come back, no matter what any one said otherwise, this may not have been her place anymore. Who was to say that the mere action of unpacking one's bags depicted the true 'welcoming' of their arrival?
Did it mark their departure in some way too did it make things easier on those around them? It didn't seem likely, or at all credible.
The term, "unpack your bags" never sat well with Megan anyway, and now she succeeded in making herself hate that phrase.
They continued to tidy up the kitchen, Megan requested that she do the dishes, and he dry them but he provided her with the idea of just simply using the dishwasher, she blushed at her forgetfulness, and told him to go get ready for work, she'd clean everything up.
With much needed conviction, Speed scurried off, and only when the shower was heard running from the bathroom joining the two rooms, Megan loaded up the appliance, cleaned off the table, and was about to go into her room and grab her jacket when the door bell sounded.
Deep, deep within her the DNA specialist sincerely hoped it would be a certain southern belle on the other side of the threshold, having come to her senses, Megan basked in the sheer anticipation of knowing Calleigh had returned to make amends.
That she'd realized that life was too short for petty arguments and dishonesty, that Speed really was trustworthy, and would never directly do something to cause her pain, that it was Megan, in fact, who'd asked him to keep her whereabouts a secret as well as their late night phone calls.
However, when Megan neared the door, a smile on her face, from knowing perhaps all hope had not been lost for her two friends, she hadn't counted on her opening the door for someone else.
" Hello Megan."
***
" So…who is he?" Eric asked, finally accepting the fact that whatever Elisabeth was going to tell him next, held great significance in the future of their relationship, especially how uncertain it was.
Elisabeth smiled, as she basked in the glow of remembrance, although her happiness was short-lived, as she frowned at the thought of how that bliss had come to an end.
" Jack oh." She exhaled heavily, letting Eric know once again something he was already familiar with-the fact that whoever this man had been, or still was in Elisabeth's heart,
he had played an important role in bringing up Elisabeth to how she was today, though Eric wasn't sure if he should've thanked the man or feel ashamed by the fact that he was jealous of someone who was currently six feet under.
" Jack oh? Was that his last name?" Delko asked in spite himself and took a long pull from the beer. Elisabeth frowned at him, and he frowned along with her, between sips.
There would be no further implication that he already didn't like this man, this *dead* man, but he didn't fucking care if he was alive or dead, or resurrected. All he cared about was that Elisabeth was having dreams of him…not Eric.
" No, his last name was Glendale, technically the name still exists, but on a gravestone." Elisabeth sighed, and pulled herself up against the headboard, resting her arms over chest protectively, the pink tank top bunching up in the center, and Delko couldn't look away, or hide from the thoughts entering his mind vicariously.
Eric said nothing. Didn't apologize, not because he thought Elisabeth expected him to, but because he didn't believe he should. He encountered death everyday and it was starting to become increasingly difficult to feel sorry anymore.
As robotic as that sounded, it was how he felt, and there was nothing that would reverse it.
So Elisabeth spoke again, more reluctantly this time, " Anyway, Jack, he was the first Armani suit that actually made me feel half as good as you do."
Eric choked on the beer.
Of all the things he expected to hear within the span of time during which Elisabeth would divulge to him her extant of feeling for someone she apparently loved, her latest confession was no where near what he had in mind.
" Surprised you didn't it?" Elisabeth asked, smirking almost and Delko's blood ran cold.
Why was she so cynical about this? Was she honestly this bitter toward some one who was now long gone, or did he awaken this feeling inside her when they had first met, was the love he was so cryptically offering her was making her this way?
Okay, now he was just being corny, Eric decided to hear her out completely before he jumped to conclusions.
" You could say that, though I'd have to find out first how I make you feel exactly." Eric decided humor would be his safe bet at this point, and sarcasm was even better.
Elisabeth rolled her eyes, " Smart ass."
" It's what I do." Eric smiled back softly and took another sip of beer, bringing Elisabeth back to the initial matter, the matter of her divulging a part of her past so intimate that it hurt to think about it sometimes. And if that wasn't bad enough, she was telling this to someone she barely knew.
Mentally, not physically, though those two should not have been separated in the beginning, but that was her own fault and she'd pay for it later, they'd pay for it later.
The silence lay heavy on the duo, and Elisabeth felt compelled to breech it.
" I met him in law school-NYU, sophomore year. At first he annoyed the complete shit out of me, ya know? He wouldn't leave me alone, it was the very big cliché of boy meets girl, boy annoys girl until boy makes girl realize that he's actually not all that bad." Elisabeth paused, and then averted her glance away from Eric.
Though there were no signs of tears yet, she still knew if they made any sort of eye contact he'd know how much this was killing her, and so far Elisabeth had not been able to shake the feeling that she needed to get this out.
Regardless.
" So you've known him for about eight years huh?" Eric asked gingerly, and Elisabeth nodded, " Knew." But she corrected him just as solemnly, and Eric felt a little embarrassed at forgetting that little detail.
But Elisabeth was quick to let him know it was by no fault of his own as she pulled at his arm, and he placed the beer away, inching closer to her, until she straddled his lap, and he resumed stroking her naked arm in soothing circles, drawing patterns only seen by him.
Elisabeth didn't oppose his loving gesture, knowing that she should bask in this glow as long as possible, as great as it seemed, she probably wouldn't experience it for much longer.
Not after what she was about to tell him.
" He, uh, he died before I got the chance to celebrate our five year anniversary, it took him three years, count it, three years to convince me that love was right under my nose the whole damn time." Elisabeth said it in such a tone that told Eric she was still in disbelief over the situation herself.
And probably would be for the rest of her life.
Not if he could help it.
He responded by planting a chaste kiss on her forehead, and Elisabeth looked up in time to capture his lips, and smile broadly when they pulled back, it was evident that the pair was not yet sure if a relationship would be best ensued after this conversation and the pace of the beginning, yet it was certain they'd have to try.
" It happened shortly after he had proposed to me, about a year and a half ago. It was a beautiful night, he'd taken me out to a Coldplay concert on Time Square, and then we decided that we'd skip dinner and just head home.
It had been his plan all along as I realized when we entered the apartment and it was lit up with candles, the balcony was open and there were two champagne glasses resting on the railing, he offered me one, and I choked on my ring." Elisabeth continued with a chuckle, and even Eric admitted it to be quite humorous.
They shared a timid laugh and then Elisabeth went on, " I said yes of course, and I still wear his ring around my neck." She took out the silver chain, and on it, the white gold band shimmered in the slightly dimmed room.
The shades were pulled shut but the trinkets of diamonds shown directly into Delko's eyes, and he once again had to admit that the ring was beautiful too.
" He had good taste. Both in jewelry and women." Eric concluded, and Elisabeth met him in another soft kiss.
" Thank you, but he probably shouldn't' have associated with him." Elisabeth sighed, and looked away momentarily, until Eric was unable to withstand the torture she was putting herself through.
" Hey, hey." He tilted her chin toward him, " I don't want to hear any of this bullshit, alright, I don't know what it was that killed him but you would've never had done anything to hurt him, you loved him I know that." Eric exclaimed, " I know *you*."
Elisabeth pulled away from him and stood up.
" Like hell you do, you don't know anything about me. You don't know what my parents' names are or the fact that I was an only child and you sure as hell don't know that the first case I ever took and succeeded in, ended up killing my best friend, my fiancé." Elisabeth shot back at him.
" You didn't know that, did ya!" She shot back in his face, and Delko subdued for a few seconds before he spoke again, just as evenly as before.
Never daring to raise his voice knowing how sensitive Elisabeth was right now, not wanting to worsen her mental instability he voiced his concern in a tone a little over a whisper.
" I know that your eyes sparkle when you're happy. And I know how musical your laugh is and the fact that you have the tendency to run your fingers through your hair incessantly when you're nervous." Delko said it with such level headiness he knew he was pissing her off, but nonetheless he continued at that same pace.
" And I don't need to know about your past, because I know your future is with me, and only me, I don't care how you go about it Liz, but your stuck with me and that's that."
Elisabeth openly swallowed, after he concluded, it was pretty evident that she hadn't been expecting such a confession out of him, spoken with such ease and reassurance, that she could almost believe him, hell she did believe him, and when she kneeled in front of him, and took her hands into his, looking down, unable to face him, it completely delighted her to say the next few words…
" Well, Eric Delko it's such a coincidence, I was just about to say the same thing to you."
And through all the tension induced stares, and the bothersome behaviors inflicted on each other, and of course the unforgettable night spent in each other's arms, Elisabeth couldn't remember a time she felt this strongly connected to another person.
A silent agreement was made.
A simple look was all it took, to allow the two people sitting the bedroom of the sixth floor of an apartment building in downtown Miami, to comprehend the fact that somehow fate had brought them together.
And it had no plans on parting them…
TBC…