A/N: Hey everyone! I hope you appreciate this chapter! The hardest part for
me is writing the middle of this story. From the beginning I knew how it
was going to end, and how it would start, and these chapters just come to
me as I write really. Thanks so much for everyone who appreciates this
story and just keep reading and reviewing =) (Oh yeah, I realize Emma was a
bit out of character, but I needed that whole little fight to happen for
further events. you'll see in this chapter)
Keeping one hand in her pocket, Paige picked up the phone. She clutched the pills tightly, afraid of who may be on the line.
"Hello?" Paige said tentatively.
"Hey. This is Paige, right?" A male voice asked. It wasn't a familiar voice, but it wasn't completely foreign either.
"Yeah, this is Paige, who are you?" There was a trace of apprehension in her voice.
"Oh, it's Craig. Sorry, I should've told you it was me right away." Craig sounded really concerned, it was obvious he had heard the slight tremble in Paige's voice.
"No, don't worry about it Craig, that's okay. It wasn't your fault. So what's up? Are you calling about homework or something?" Paige said, sounding as normal as possible. If only Craig could see her now, with her big, baggy clothes, and her tear stained, blotchy face. If only he could see the pills in her pocket, and the way her knuckles were turning white from clutching onto the case so tightly.
"No, it's not about homework. I was just-"
Then something dawned on Paige. "Um how did you get my number, Craig?" she asked, her voice trembling. Was it that easy to contact her?
"I looked it up in the phonebook. There's only like three Michalchuk's, so I looked at the addresses and figured out which street was closest to Degrassi."
"Oh." Paige said. All Dean had to do was pick up the phonebook, which was available anywhere. and he could contact her. She shivered at the thought of his menacing voice on the other side of the phone.
"Yeah. Anyway, I heard about what happened at school today, you know, with Emma and Manny? And I think what they did, and said was really unfair to you, and untrue. So I wanted to apologize on their behalves. I'm really sorry about that Paige."
She felt her insides melt. What a nice thing to do. She couldn't even begin to fathom why Craig was being so kind to her, but it really meant a lot to her. Even though it was the last thing she wanted to do, she felt inclined to trust him, somewhat.
"That's really sweet Craig, but you don't have to do that. It's not your fault at all. Girls get scarily possessive when they're into a guy. But seriously, it's okay. I'm. I'm. okay." Paige said, struggling to get the last sentence out. Her voice cracked on the last word.
"Paige? Are you sure that everything's alright?" Craig asked gently.
"Yeah I'm fine. Anyway I gotta go. Bye Craig, thanks for calling." She said in one breath, and then hung up the phone. That had been too close. For a split second, she had wanted to tell Craig everything. The secret weighed more and more heavily on her as time passed. No one needed to know her dirty secret. Who was she fooling? Craig wouldn't care anyway.
"Hey Paige?" Mike walked into the kitchen, holding his empty bowl of chips.
She closed her eyes and sighed. "Yes?" Who knew what more motivational speeches he had in store for her. Sometimes she loved how she and her brother were so alike, but right now, she flat out hated it.
"Who was on the phone?" he asked. Just like her, he was too nosey for his own good.
"Just this guy, Craig. Nothing important." Paige said, trying to sound as uninterested as possible.
"Ooookay. Anyway, before I forget, mom called earlier, while you were at school. She's worried about you Paige. You haven't been yourself lately. So she wants to take you out for a nice mother daughter dinner, and shopping trip. Just thought I'd pass along the message" he said breezily, putting his bowl in the sink.
"Wait! I. I can't do it tonight!" Paige protested. Her mom would see through her right away. She couldn't break her mother's heart. She couldn't tell her that she was a slut who got what she had deserved. She couldn't lose any and all respect her mother ever had for her. "I have other things to do! A school project that's due tomorrow! That's why Craig was calling!" she said frantically, spewing out the words quickly.
Mike eyed Paige carefully before speaking. "Okay, calm down hun. I'll tell mom, you do whatever it is you have to do." His eyes never once left her face as he spoke and her face burned with embarrassment and shame.
"Thanks Mikey." She said, picking up the phone. Quickly she dialed *69, which then connected her to Craig.
"Hello?"
"Hey Craig! It's me! Paige! I'm gonna come over now, to work on our project, okay? Can you meet me at the park?" Paige said cheerfully.
For a minute, Craig was quiet. Then he finally spoke. "Yeah, sure. The one from yesterday, right?"
"Yeah, that's the one! I'll see you then!" Paige chirped, and then slammed down the phone while smiling widely at her brother.
He looked at her, bewildered, but still said nothing. She smiled at him weakly. Then she headed towards the door, but then she stood still for a minute, thinking something over. She headed back to the kitchen.
"Mikey?" she said slowly.
"Yes Paige?" he asked, curiously.
"When you told everyone that you were- that you were gay, what was it like?"
Mike's face twisted into a painful grimace, as he closed his eyes, all the memories flooding back.
"Well Paige, it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. I didn't know how people would react, would they support me, or turn away from me? I knew that my life would change forever, and that people would shun me, and that I would always be treated differently. I didn't even know if my own family would be supportive of it. I knew that some people would be afraid of me, other people would make jokes. And I almost didn't go through with it, Paige. Trust me, there were plenty of straight girls interested in me, and I could've been with anyone of them, pretending to be straight too. But that would've been a lie. And in the end that's why I did it, that's why I told. Because I was so sick of living a damn lie, Paige. I wanted to finally be myself, stop hiding behind a fake façade. And it was worth it. Some people acted like idiots, and yeah, I lost some friends. But in the end it was all worth it. People now know who I really am, and they accept me for who I am. Nothing feels better than that."
Paige opened her mouth, but nothing came out. What could she say to that? So instead, she just smiled sadly at her brother, and turned on her heel, and walked out the door.
As she walked to the park, the whole while, all she could think of how Craig would react if she told him. How everyone would react if she told them. She thought about it, trying to convince herself that it wasn't her fault. *But why would they care anyway? It's not like a makes a difference in their life. It's not like it's gonna change what happened. It's not like it's gonna make everything go away. Nothing will be better. I'll still be a slut.* So deep in thought, Paige nearly passed the park. She sat on the park bench, clutching onto her arms tightly. From the basketball courts, she saw a familiar peroxide blonde. Spinner. Immediately she felt a pang in her chest. How could she have chosen Dean over Spinner? She looked over at him again. He was grinning stupidly at something Marco had said. *He's such a moron..* she thought. *But he's my moron.* the other half of her brain added. Spinner and Marco seemed to have noticed her and they seemed to be having a heated discussion. Now Spinner was walking over to her. She kept her eyes downcast, as he approached. He sat down beside her.
"Hey Paige."
"Hey Spin." She said as lightly as possible, trying to ignore the pangs in her chest.
"Ummm, I just wanted to say that. that even though you didn't want to go out with me. we can still be friends." He said quietly. Paige could tell it was hard for him to say it. He definitely had to swallow his pride. And Jimmy wouldn't let him off easily for doing this. Paige sat quietly, trying to figure out what to say. She still really cared about him. A lot.
"Thanks Spin. That really, really means a lot to me." Paige paused once again. Maybe she should just tell him. Maybe it would help. Maybe he could help her make everything okay again. She looked up at his face and he was looking at her just as intensely. Spinner looked concerned about her. Spinner never looked concerned. Why did they all have to grow up so fast, face things they weren't ready for? It wasn't fair that this had to happen to Paige. It wasn't fair that she couldn't even be normal anymore. As soon as those thoughts went through her mind, she wanted to hurt Dean. Badly. And she would need help.
"Actually Spin? There's something..." Paige stopped and fidgeted with her hands. "I just don't want anyone to hate me." She whispered to herself, holding back her tears.
"What did you say, Paige?" Spinner was leaning closer, trying to hear her better. Paige shut her eyes tightly and then opened them again. She searched for the right words. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Craig walking towards the park. She was immediately on her feet.
"Um, I gotta go. I'm... I'm supposed to go to Craig's house." she said meekly.
A dark look passed over Spinner's face. "I get it. You're on to another guy already, are you? I guess I'm never good enough for you, am I?" he yelled.
"No! Spin! It's not like that!" she shouted back at him. But it was too late. He had already turned his back and started walking back to Marco, shaking his head angrily.
Paige sat back on the bench dejectedly. She pulled her knees to her chest, trying not to cry. She messed up, again. The pills in her pocket were looking more and more appetizing.
A/N: This Chapter seems really long to me. so I'm leaving it off here. I'm not sure if you guys caught on, but the reason Paige asks her brother how hard it was telling everyone he was gay is because she's *contemplating* telling her secret. I hope you like this chapter, sorry it took so long to write, and keep reviewing! =)
Keeping one hand in her pocket, Paige picked up the phone. She clutched the pills tightly, afraid of who may be on the line.
"Hello?" Paige said tentatively.
"Hey. This is Paige, right?" A male voice asked. It wasn't a familiar voice, but it wasn't completely foreign either.
"Yeah, this is Paige, who are you?" There was a trace of apprehension in her voice.
"Oh, it's Craig. Sorry, I should've told you it was me right away." Craig sounded really concerned, it was obvious he had heard the slight tremble in Paige's voice.
"No, don't worry about it Craig, that's okay. It wasn't your fault. So what's up? Are you calling about homework or something?" Paige said, sounding as normal as possible. If only Craig could see her now, with her big, baggy clothes, and her tear stained, blotchy face. If only he could see the pills in her pocket, and the way her knuckles were turning white from clutching onto the case so tightly.
"No, it's not about homework. I was just-"
Then something dawned on Paige. "Um how did you get my number, Craig?" she asked, her voice trembling. Was it that easy to contact her?
"I looked it up in the phonebook. There's only like three Michalchuk's, so I looked at the addresses and figured out which street was closest to Degrassi."
"Oh." Paige said. All Dean had to do was pick up the phonebook, which was available anywhere. and he could contact her. She shivered at the thought of his menacing voice on the other side of the phone.
"Yeah. Anyway, I heard about what happened at school today, you know, with Emma and Manny? And I think what they did, and said was really unfair to you, and untrue. So I wanted to apologize on their behalves. I'm really sorry about that Paige."
She felt her insides melt. What a nice thing to do. She couldn't even begin to fathom why Craig was being so kind to her, but it really meant a lot to her. Even though it was the last thing she wanted to do, she felt inclined to trust him, somewhat.
"That's really sweet Craig, but you don't have to do that. It's not your fault at all. Girls get scarily possessive when they're into a guy. But seriously, it's okay. I'm. I'm. okay." Paige said, struggling to get the last sentence out. Her voice cracked on the last word.
"Paige? Are you sure that everything's alright?" Craig asked gently.
"Yeah I'm fine. Anyway I gotta go. Bye Craig, thanks for calling." She said in one breath, and then hung up the phone. That had been too close. For a split second, she had wanted to tell Craig everything. The secret weighed more and more heavily on her as time passed. No one needed to know her dirty secret. Who was she fooling? Craig wouldn't care anyway.
"Hey Paige?" Mike walked into the kitchen, holding his empty bowl of chips.
She closed her eyes and sighed. "Yes?" Who knew what more motivational speeches he had in store for her. Sometimes she loved how she and her brother were so alike, but right now, she flat out hated it.
"Who was on the phone?" he asked. Just like her, he was too nosey for his own good.
"Just this guy, Craig. Nothing important." Paige said, trying to sound as uninterested as possible.
"Ooookay. Anyway, before I forget, mom called earlier, while you were at school. She's worried about you Paige. You haven't been yourself lately. So she wants to take you out for a nice mother daughter dinner, and shopping trip. Just thought I'd pass along the message" he said breezily, putting his bowl in the sink.
"Wait! I. I can't do it tonight!" Paige protested. Her mom would see through her right away. She couldn't break her mother's heart. She couldn't tell her that she was a slut who got what she had deserved. She couldn't lose any and all respect her mother ever had for her. "I have other things to do! A school project that's due tomorrow! That's why Craig was calling!" she said frantically, spewing out the words quickly.
Mike eyed Paige carefully before speaking. "Okay, calm down hun. I'll tell mom, you do whatever it is you have to do." His eyes never once left her face as he spoke and her face burned with embarrassment and shame.
"Thanks Mikey." She said, picking up the phone. Quickly she dialed *69, which then connected her to Craig.
"Hello?"
"Hey Craig! It's me! Paige! I'm gonna come over now, to work on our project, okay? Can you meet me at the park?" Paige said cheerfully.
For a minute, Craig was quiet. Then he finally spoke. "Yeah, sure. The one from yesterday, right?"
"Yeah, that's the one! I'll see you then!" Paige chirped, and then slammed down the phone while smiling widely at her brother.
He looked at her, bewildered, but still said nothing. She smiled at him weakly. Then she headed towards the door, but then she stood still for a minute, thinking something over. She headed back to the kitchen.
"Mikey?" she said slowly.
"Yes Paige?" he asked, curiously.
"When you told everyone that you were- that you were gay, what was it like?"
Mike's face twisted into a painful grimace, as he closed his eyes, all the memories flooding back.
"Well Paige, it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. I didn't know how people would react, would they support me, or turn away from me? I knew that my life would change forever, and that people would shun me, and that I would always be treated differently. I didn't even know if my own family would be supportive of it. I knew that some people would be afraid of me, other people would make jokes. And I almost didn't go through with it, Paige. Trust me, there were plenty of straight girls interested in me, and I could've been with anyone of them, pretending to be straight too. But that would've been a lie. And in the end that's why I did it, that's why I told. Because I was so sick of living a damn lie, Paige. I wanted to finally be myself, stop hiding behind a fake façade. And it was worth it. Some people acted like idiots, and yeah, I lost some friends. But in the end it was all worth it. People now know who I really am, and they accept me for who I am. Nothing feels better than that."
Paige opened her mouth, but nothing came out. What could she say to that? So instead, she just smiled sadly at her brother, and turned on her heel, and walked out the door.
As she walked to the park, the whole while, all she could think of how Craig would react if she told him. How everyone would react if she told them. She thought about it, trying to convince herself that it wasn't her fault. *But why would they care anyway? It's not like a makes a difference in their life. It's not like it's gonna change what happened. It's not like it's gonna make everything go away. Nothing will be better. I'll still be a slut.* So deep in thought, Paige nearly passed the park. She sat on the park bench, clutching onto her arms tightly. From the basketball courts, she saw a familiar peroxide blonde. Spinner. Immediately she felt a pang in her chest. How could she have chosen Dean over Spinner? She looked over at him again. He was grinning stupidly at something Marco had said. *He's such a moron..* she thought. *But he's my moron.* the other half of her brain added. Spinner and Marco seemed to have noticed her and they seemed to be having a heated discussion. Now Spinner was walking over to her. She kept her eyes downcast, as he approached. He sat down beside her.
"Hey Paige."
"Hey Spin." She said as lightly as possible, trying to ignore the pangs in her chest.
"Ummm, I just wanted to say that. that even though you didn't want to go out with me. we can still be friends." He said quietly. Paige could tell it was hard for him to say it. He definitely had to swallow his pride. And Jimmy wouldn't let him off easily for doing this. Paige sat quietly, trying to figure out what to say. She still really cared about him. A lot.
"Thanks Spin. That really, really means a lot to me." Paige paused once again. Maybe she should just tell him. Maybe it would help. Maybe he could help her make everything okay again. She looked up at his face and he was looking at her just as intensely. Spinner looked concerned about her. Spinner never looked concerned. Why did they all have to grow up so fast, face things they weren't ready for? It wasn't fair that this had to happen to Paige. It wasn't fair that she couldn't even be normal anymore. As soon as those thoughts went through her mind, she wanted to hurt Dean. Badly. And she would need help.
"Actually Spin? There's something..." Paige stopped and fidgeted with her hands. "I just don't want anyone to hate me." She whispered to herself, holding back her tears.
"What did you say, Paige?" Spinner was leaning closer, trying to hear her better. Paige shut her eyes tightly and then opened them again. She searched for the right words. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Craig walking towards the park. She was immediately on her feet.
"Um, I gotta go. I'm... I'm supposed to go to Craig's house." she said meekly.
A dark look passed over Spinner's face. "I get it. You're on to another guy already, are you? I guess I'm never good enough for you, am I?" he yelled.
"No! Spin! It's not like that!" she shouted back at him. But it was too late. He had already turned his back and started walking back to Marco, shaking his head angrily.
Paige sat back on the bench dejectedly. She pulled her knees to her chest, trying not to cry. She messed up, again. The pills in her pocket were looking more and more appetizing.
A/N: This Chapter seems really long to me. so I'm leaving it off here. I'm not sure if you guys caught on, but the reason Paige asks her brother how hard it was telling everyone he was gay is because she's *contemplating* telling her secret. I hope you like this chapter, sorry it took so long to write, and keep reviewing! =)