Chapter 23

By Crystal

Author's Notes:

*We all know who this belongs to... ^^;;*

I back up with a step to look into his eyes and felt my heart clench in pain as I watched concern flutter across his eyes.  "Are you well, melamin?"  He asked tenderly as he cupped my face.

Nodding, I smiled softly, "Perhaps we should go on another walk.  We...  We might not get another chance to."  I said, implying both the war and perhaps, my possible death.

Although of course, he had only known one of the meanings.  He nodded without looking at the arrangement on my pillow and I almost sighed out in relief.  I pushed him out the door softly and turned around to close the door.  Afterwards, I felt his fingers lace through mine and I felt him squeeze it reassuringly, "We will win this war."

I nodded, smiling, knowing he would indeed win the war.  Except with a price to pay.  I was not talking about myself, but the life of many.  The life of young sons and brothers, the life of men and husbands, the life of grandfathers would soon be taken away.  Any men able to fight would have to pay.  They would have to pay with either their lives, or with nightmares of tonight's battle in their sleep.

Like I have said before, fate is horrifying cruel.

Sighing, I leaned my head on Legolas' shoulder, "I love you so much..."

He smiled, "I know."

The rest of the journey to wherever was silent.  I watched with pain as mothers got teary eyed as their sons and husbands left them to join the war, perhaps never to be seen again.  I watched them as they said their farewells and I watched them pulled away from on another.  Suddenly grabbing onto Legolas, I hid my head into his chest, not wanting to see the cruel reality.  I felt myself being dragged away and soon enough, most of the voices and sobs were nothing but memories to me.

"The war is tonight..." Legolas stated as he looked at the horizon again.

"I know..." I whispered quietly, "Uma auta amin...  Gwesto nin tolathach nad" (Don't leave me...  Promise me that you will come back.)

"Uma."  (Yes.)  He replied, looking at me.

I felt tears sting my eyes...  Will you really come back to me, Legolas?  Or more like, will I really ever come back to you?  This might be the last peaceful moment we have together.  The war is finally here...  The war at Helm's Deep is finally here.  I sighed shakily as a single tear rolled off again, "Lle vesta?"  (Do you promise?)

Legolas looked at me with tenderness I had not thought possible, concern and worry marred his face as he cupped my face with his left hand and brushed the tears away with the back of his right hand then with both hands, he drew my face close.  Before kissing me, he whispered, "Amin vesta tolothon nad na edh..."  (I promise I will come back to you...)  I felt desperate for his kiss and I felt warmth and security run through my veins as his lips landed on mine.  "Amin mela lle."  (I love you.) He said as he muttered against my lips, then backed up an inch, his breath still on my lips, "Avo nallo, melamin."  (Do not cry, my love.)

"N'uuma lembuva amin...  Amin anta lle.  Lle rangwa?  Amin il'coie avaena lle...  Lle caeluva a' tuluva n'alaquel a' amin."  (Don't leave me...  I need you.  Do you understand?  I cannot live without you...  You have to come back to me.)  I said, as I finally looked away, his eyes too intense for me to handle.  The emotions that shone in his eyes for me...  I bit my lips, not knowing why I was saying the wrong things.  I would be one leaving him, and not him leaving me.  I would be the one that died, not him.

"En ie'amin, Jessica."  (Look at me, Jessica.)  I looked at him and understanding was clear in eyes, "Amin rangwa."  (I understand.)  Every possible emotion showed on his face, every possible emotion that I had wanted my love to show for me was there.  Love, admiration, adoration, concern, worry...  anything.

I embraced him close suddenly, "Amin gorga..." (I am afraid.)  I admitted.

He returned the warm embrace, "Amin sinome, n'gorga."  (I am here, don't be afraid.)

I sighed as I looked at the almost setting sun, "Tira ten'rashwe, Legolas" (Be careful, Legolas.)

He smiled as he played with a few strands of my hair, "Amin uva."  (I will.)

"Amin feirhuva..."  (I will be waiting.)

"Amin sinta."  (I know.)  He replied me.

"Amin mela lle...  ten'oio."  (I love you...  forever.)  I said quietly.  He did not reply to that but the love in his eyes spoke more than words could ever speak.  "I will never forget this moment.  This moment where the sun is setting and where the grass is green and free of blood and Orcs."  I whispered quietly, then added, "I will never forget this moment, the way you are holding onto me..."

He kissed my forehead softly, "Nor I."

"Promise me you will never forget the times we have had.  Promise me you will forever remember me deep in your heart, but also promise me this...  Find a good wife to be Queen."  I said.

He looked at me with shock, "I cannot..."
"I am a mortal, Legolas.  Sooner or later, I will die...  Do not forget me and keep your memories of me deep in your heart.  Find a she-elf worthy of your love and time, one that will bore you children, one that will become a good Queen and that will treat you well."  I saw the pain in his eyes reflect from mine and I finally looked away, "Do not grieve for me when I die..." I paused quietly, not knowing what to say anymore as I felt fresh tears come and roll down, "Remember this, whatever happens, happens for a reason.  I will watch over you and support you in your decisions."

He suddenly turned my head around and made me look into his eyes, making me want to divert my eyes away, but his eyes held my attention, "You know something none of us do."

"Perhaps I do, perhaps I don't."  I replied.

"Please...  Do not torture me so."  He said.

I smiled softly at him as I traced my finger on his cheek, "What will happen, happens.  No one can change anyone's fate no matter how you try.  From the moment I landed in Middle-Earth, I have been waiting for this day.  You are my love, Legolas.  My one true love.  I shall never forget you, and in return, I hope you would never forget me...  But do move on.  You have an eternity ahead of you.

Then he looked at me with truth shining in his eyes, "You too, are my love.  Once an elf has truly loved, it is impossible to stop himself from loving...  I shall never forget you, no matter how much I try.  But I cannot simply move on, for an eternity without you is nothing.  I rather have a lifetime with you than an eternity without you."

I shifted my eyes away, "Mortals are meant to be with mortals...  Immortals are meant to be with immortals."  I let the wind carry my voice away.  Right then, I knew I had said the wrong thing.

"Do you mean to tell me that Aragorn and Arwen aren't meant to be together?  Do you truly mean that?"  He asked, anger in his voice.

"No."  I answered truthfully.  He was shocked at my fast, yet determined reply.  I added, "They are meant together, I see the love between them..." He opened his mouth to say something when I cut him off, "The love between us is quite the same.  Why, you would ask I have said that?  Because it's true."  I paused, "While Aragorn and I will die, both you are Arwen will not.  And when we do, the two of you will be left.  Left with a broken heart, left with darkness and doubt.  Grief and despair will be with you."

His voice was now gentle, "Love without pain is not love.  I am willing to have an eternity of darkness and doubt, grief and despair to be with the one I love for one lifetime.  Mortals will die, immortals will not.  But we immortals will die of a broken heart."

"That is what I'm afraid of," I said truthfully.  "I cannot..." I let out another shaky breath, "I cannot break to think of you dying of a broken heart...  I cannot bear to think that I am the reason of your death, Legolas.  Do not grieve for me when I die..."

"Your death is far away, Jessica.  I do not understand why we are talking of this now."  He said.

I looked at him, "We are in the middle of a war, Legolas.  A war between all races.  Nothing can be sure.  I can die tonight; I can die in a year, or perhaps in ten years.  There is no proof that I will not die soon."

"I will protect you."  He replied stubbornly.

"Sometimes...  I will not be within your reach to be protected by you."  I said.

"Then I will just have to keep you out of trouble."  He said, yet again stubbornly.

I shook my head, "I am going to fight tonight, whether you approve or not.  I am going to the battle at Helm's Deep, whether I have anyone's consent or not."  I was determined to fight tonight, even if it meant the risk of my life...  "I am willing to risk everything..."

"Even my life?"  Legolas asked.

I knew he was not being selfish, but it was a way to make me feel guilty and not go, "That's why..." I said as I swallowed a knot in my throat, "That's why...  If I shall die tonight...  Do not grieve for me."  I looked at him.  "I love you...  But what I am to do tonight is needed of me."

Legolas looked at me, then nodded and gave me a soft kiss, "Just be careful...  Amin il'coie avaena lle."  (I cannot live without you.)
"And I cannot live without you either.  So you too, be careful."  I cracked a smile, trying to relieve his wariness.  He smiled as he touched my cheek softly, his fingers dancing on them I was barely able to feel them.  I would never in my life forget this; the sun was shining on him, making him seem like something...  Someone so perfect.  His beauty was breathtaking...

I went on my tiptoes and brushed my lips against his, "You should go..." I said in a quiet voice, "Aragorn, Boromir and Gimli should be waiting for you."

He looked down the wall and nodded, gave me one last kiss that I tried to remember so well in my head, the texture of his lips, the emotions radiating from him, the smell of him...  "I shall see you soon, melamin."

I nodded, "See you soon..." I watched as he climbed down the stairs and as soon as he did, I looked back at the sunset.  Sighing once, I climbed the stairs where my love did just moments ago and went to find Éowyn.  I found her in the armor room helping a child wear the helmet and I felt the familiar clench of my heart.  The child was too small to battle, possibly only twelve years old.

Kneeling down, I helped another child wear his armor.  "Are you afraid?"  I asked him softly.

"No..."  He said in a quiet voice and I knew he was indeed afraid.

I smiled, "You have every right to be.  You are but a child."  He was going to argue about the 'child' point when I said, "You are a child to me in every way, younger than me and smaller."

"But I am going to the war, so I am no longer a child."

I sighed, "Those who are going to the war...  It does not necessarily make them an adult, nor does it make them strong."  I said truthfully.

"But every men are stronger than any woman."  He replied, "I do not see woman joining in tonight's battle."

I smiled, "Well," I patted him on his head, "I will tell you this...  I am the only woman that will be joining in this battle."

I felt Éowyn's immediate gaze on me, "Jessica, you are fighting?"

Turning my head around, I looked into her eyes, "Yes."  I sighed, "Yes, I am fighting tonight."

"This is unfair!"  Éowyn said, whiningly.  "How come you--"

I cut her off, "You are safer into the caves, Éowyn.  But I can and I will tell you this, we will win the war.  I tell you this because I know, and do not bother asking me why I know, because I will tell you now."  I lowered my voice, knowing no one else was to hear me, "I can see into the future." 

Her eyes widened, "You are jesting, are you not?"

I shook my head, "No, I am certainly not jesting."  I turned around to help a man with his armor, "I am not jesting..." Then I said quietly to myself, "I hope I was though."

* * * * *

Kyma – Hey!  Well, you're gonna have to see what happens to Jessica.  Thanks a lot!  Ten jars of air?!  *blinks*  Well, I'll think about it.  The jars might come useful someday...  *trails off*

DrowningSin32 – Thanks!  I wanna go see it again, and I walked into a theater of 'Pirates of the Caribbean' when I was about to watch 'S.W.A.T.' today and I managed to see the credits and the after the credits stuff.  Thanks again!

MaverickGirl – Thank you!  I was hoping they were sad, cause I was in a kind of angst mood when I wrote them, so it's good.

dragonfly – Thanks!  Vacation in 2 days?  I have vacation in...  6 days.  Ugh, I can't wait.  But I do hope you'll be able to read soon, and I hope this is early enough for you!  Thanks again!

The Hobbit Ivy - *hugs* I know it's sad...  But it should be done.  As for the ending of the story, I have it all thought out, so no worries there.  There is DEFINITELY a sequel.  Anyhow, I can promise you Jessica doesn't 'die'.  You'll have to see *grins*

Honolulu – Thanks!  And yes, I'll update as soon as possible.

Aluinda – I made you cry?!  Oh god, I hate it when I make people cry, although I do take some pride in that.  As for a sad ending, it depends how you see it, but most likely yes.  There is a sequel by the way, if you are wondering.

Tap-dancing Hobbit – Heya!  Lol, too much coffee?  Yikes.  *blinks*  You'll sick your dragon on me?  You HAVE a dragon?  *pouts*  I want one!  *whines*  But anyhow, yes, I did enjoy writing the letters, actually.  It made me feel Jessica's character more than I thought possible, although I did create her.  Sometimes, words just flow out and when you're done, you're surprised at what you wrote.  That was the case with the letters.

Karone Evertree – Hey!  Thanks again and I hope you liked this chapter, but personally, I don't think it's the best one...

Latin4ever93 – Hiya!  Well, I hope you enjoy this chapter, and yes, I was evil last chapter, thus the fast update.  Thanks!
MorgauseNokami – Thanks, thanks.  I'm more evil than mean, lol.  And yes, I think you know what I'm going to do...

Alina11 – Hey!  Thanks a lot, and yes, lucky Boromir.  He should really thank Jessica, lol.

merrylyn – Hey!  Thanks, the words for the letters just flowed out, and I'm proud of them, really.  Haldir won't die, as I have promised to many readers, so do not worry about that.  How Jessica is so brave about this?  I really don't know, it must be the influence of her brave companions.  Hmm...  I'll think of a title in Elvish, but I shall see.  *grins*  I'm glad you like the idea of the new story.  Anyhow, I'll see you soon!  Thanks again!

Elfgirl 712 – Hey!  Tears?  *hugs*  I'm so sorry...  Oh my god, I didn't mean to.  But slow music is often good.  And you're on the mailing list.

Mrs. Ekeena Greenleaf – Hey!  It's really sad, actually if I think clearly about it.  To be truthful, I don't think I'd be this calm if I thought my death was nearing.  Thanks, as usual!

Siren – Lol, sorry for the cliffhanger!  But yes, you're on my list for the new story, so when it's up, I'll send an email to you.  *grins as she watches Elrond chase Siren, Merry and Pippin*

Mystic Lady Fae – Hey!  I can promise you this.  Legolas won't be dying of a broken heart...  Thanks.  *grins*

Lady Galadriel – Thanks so much!  As for cliffhangers, I'm sorry about those!  And I hope this chapter will satisfy you for a few days...  See you later!

gangsta's brat – Thanks!  Lol, I hope this is fast enough for you.  But anyhow, see you later!

Nutty_Jedi – Thanks!

littlesaiyangirl – Yep, Aragorn is back.  As for killing her, I might, I might not...

Albinofrog88 – Hey!  I'm glad you've caught up and you're enjoying the story.

Hanya the Bloody Angel – Sweet and sad letters.  I've added you to the mailing list for the other story, so when I update the story, I'll be sending you an email, I hope you don't mind it.  If you do, just tell me and I'll take you off the list.,.  Thanks!

Oswari!!! – Thanks a lot!

yuhi – Thanks a lot!

Racer38 – Hey!  Thanks a bunch!

donnamira – I'm glad you reviewed anyhow, and yes, I will update soon.  If you want to know when the new story will be up, just leave me your email and I'll send you an email when it gets up.

Lady-Star3 – Thanks a lot!  Sad, definitely.  And yes, she is fighting in the battle.

Birdwell Island Tribune – Orlando is a quite a few years my senior.  I'm too young for him anyways, but yes, I am a romantic.  By the way, if you are interested, I have one story that's completed of Legolas romance, but it's not as well written as this one and I'm writing another one out, so if you are interested, just check my list of fics.  Thanks!

Eevee Goddess Of Light – Hey!  Well, I have both your emails on the mailing list, I hope you don't mind.  And thanks for the review!

Gilimirin – Thanks a lot!

Author's Notes: Well, I updated in a day, whoa.  34 reviews for the last update.  But I feel this chapter isn't up to my standards...  If it isn't, I do apologize.  For this chapter, flames are welcomed cause I think I did horrible.  But I don't know...  I don't see how I could improve it because I wanted a small romantic scene between Legolas and Jessica and I wanted Éowyn to know that Jessica was going to the war.  I guess this is what I ended up with.  The maximum is two more chapters and the epilogue left.  Then I'm taking a one week break (probably).  Then I'm writing the sequel and the new story.  For the summary of the new story, go to the previous chapter at the very top.  It's in bold. 

As usual, all stuff welcomed, flame for this chapter too.  If you want to be on the mailing list for either the new story ('Instinct of the Heart') or the sequel to this story ('Until We Meet Again') or simply this story when it updates, then leave your email in your review.  The people on my 'Elves Are Not Perfect' mailing list will also be my 'Until We Meet Again' list.  By the way, I have added people that have shown interest in my new story in that list.  I hope you don't mind, if you do, tell me and I'll remove you from the list.  Anyhow, I shall see you all later and I hope you do enjoy it, although I do not like it too much.  Any possible way to improve it and I'll be happy to do it!

-Crystal

Saturday, August 09, 2003