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Eighteen
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"Oi, Aya," Youji sprawled over the back of the chair Ran was reading in. "Come out to lunch with me."

"I'm reading." Ran didn't even look up.

"Ay-an," Youji sing-songed. "Come on. You've got to be about as sick of take out and Omi's cooking as I am. My treat. Please?" Youji felt like he was suspiciously close to begging, but he had good reason. He'd finally decided he needed to talk to Ran about their relationship, or more precisiely, lack thereof. If he could just get the stubborn prick out of the house for a while and some place where Youji could gather his nerve.

But Ran showed no signs of budging.

Violet eyes shifted up to Youji's face for a heart beat, then turned back to the hardbound book Youji's mal-tempered lover seemed to be engrossed in.

"Come on, Aya. You need to get out. I know this great little place, not too crowded, great coffee and sandwiches." An idea struck. "It's not that far from the Magic Bus," Youji said, lowering his voice. "I'll drop you by after, if you want."

"Kudou," Ran growled.

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Aya. It's just lunch."

"Fine." Ran snapped his book shut and tucked it into the space between the cushions and the arm. Almost no one else sat there; it had a bad view of the television set.

Even after that, it was still easier than Youji had expected.

The car ride was mostly silent. Out of the corner of his eye Youji watched Ran's eartails dance in the wind under 7's open top. Youji hair was pulled down in a tight tail at the base of his neck, the pieces that were too short securely tucked behind his ears and out of his face. Ran huddled down in his seat, steadfastly looking out his window and ignoring the curtain of red that occasionally dropped in front of his vision. To Youji's eyes, Ran looked truly unhappy to be out of the house, and he almost felt bad about it. But there were things he needed to do, words he needed to say, and he couldn't do it in their home where Ken or Omi could come waltzing through at any moment.

Youji easily swung into a spot on the street in front of his favorite café. He locked up his roadster, but didn't bother buttoning it up all the way. The sky was a crisp clear blue, no sign of rain, and he would be able to keep an eye on the car through the line of windows fronting the eatery.

"Youji!" The waitress greeted Youji with an exuberant grin when he stepped through the door, Ran close behind him. "Haven't seen you around for a while."

"Things have been busy, Aiko" Youji answered, bending slightly to kiss her on the cheek. She was a nice girl, a couple years older than Youji, and had been a very comforting shoulder during some of his darker times.

"Too busy to stop by and see me? You probably haven't eaten in a month then."

Aiko also had the annoying tendency to mother Youji. "I've been eating just fine, thank you," he winked.

"Sure." She didn't sound convinced, though she smiled.

Though his attention was mostly focused on Aiko, Youji saw Ran staring pointedly out the window, or around the café, appearing not to be paying attention to the conversation right in front of him. About the same time, Aiko finally noticed him over Youji's shoulder. Amazing though it was with his hair, Ran had a talent of not being noticed if he didn't want to be. And so far he hadn't said a word to draw attention to himself.

"And you brought a friend," Aiko observed with a peculiar look.

"Aiko, this is Aya, one of my roommates," Youji handed out the simplest explanation possible. She knew better than to ask questions anyway.

"Mm. He's cute." She leaned around Youji to smile at Ran, who was blushing just slightly. "Do you need a menu?"

Youji shrugged when Ran looked in his direction. Aiko probably had his order in with the cook as soon as he stepped through the door. "Iie," he answered.

Aiko waved them on then, letting Youji find his own table, his favorite booth near the back in a slightly darker corner. He let the redhead take the seat facing the door; it wasn't that Youji was particularly comfortable with his back to the room, but he trusted Ran enough to keep an eye out, and he knew that the other man would be increasingly anxious as time went by if he couldn't see the door.

Aiko stopped by with two cups of coffee and took down Ran's order. Youji figured his order was already on the grill; the entire staff at the café knew what he wanted, depending on what time of day he stopped in.

Silence hung over the table while Youji doctored his coffee with three packets of sugar; Ran took his black. When Youji looked up after his first sip, he met Ran's questioning gaze.

"I used to come here with my partner, when I was a PI," Youji explained as he idly stirred his coffee. "I kept up the tradition after she – died."

Ran nodded, and they slipped back into silence. Youji sipped at his coffee between bouts of almost nervous stirring. He was beginning to think that maybe bringing Ran out to talk was a bad idea. It seemed to be going nowhere fast, the silences stretching from comfortable pauses into awkward expanses of time. He knew that Ran wasn't good with words, and he didn't expect small talk, but they were both intelligent men. Shouldn't one of them be able to come up with something to say?

Youji almost pounced Aiko in gratitude as she appeared with their lunches and a refill. A turkey melt on sourdough and fries for Youji and ham and swiss on rye for Ran. Youji drowned his fries in ketchup; Ran coated his with salt. They ate in silence, broken only by the sounds of their cups hitting the table. Aiko stopped by once more to refill their coffee again, and moved on without a word. Youji wondered if she sensed something, like the almost palpable sexual tension that loomed over the table.

Since the night Ran had come to him, waking Youji from a dead sleep dressed in leather pants of all things, the dynamic between them had changed. Things were different since Youji asked Ran to stay. Youji knew that Ran wanted, but what he wasn't sure, and he knew that Ran wouldn't ask, didn't know how. So that left it up to Youji.

"It's good," Ran said quietly around his napkin.

"I told you, they have good sandwiches," Youji grinned, accepting Ran's statement for what it was; a tacit apology for not making better conversation. Or any conversation.

They finished their meal in silence, and Youji dropped a pile of cash on the table to cover the bill. He led Ran outside, fishing his pack of cigarettes out of his back pocket and lighting one up, despite the look on Ran's face. "I have a couple stops to make, before I drop you at the hospital," Youji said. "Is that okay?"

"Aa," Ran answered, sliding into the passenger seat.

Youji instinctively found his way to the alley, the location forever ingrained in his memory. He turned off the engine and sat behind the wheel of Super7 for a few minutes, before finding the courage to unlock his seatbelt and door and climb out. He'd only been in the alley twice, and both times, he'd almost died there. That alley haunted his dreams, when he wasn't drunk enough to forget or sleep without dreaming.

"Asuka died here," Youji said softly, aware that Ran was close, having heard him exit the car behind him. He was seeing double, the images of the past superimposed over the present. "We just barely escaped, and they were on us the whole way. I had been shot, twice," Youji recited, his words coming faster as he remembered. It hurt, physically and mentally, going back to that place, that time. Old scars ached with sudden sharpness, making Youji suck in a breath and bite his lip for a brief moment until the flare passed.

"She'd grown up here, knew the back alleys and the short cuts. Asuka stuck me in a corner, hid me in the shadows with her jacket tied around my chest while she went for help. They caught her, there," Youji pointed, seeing the three men with guns, Asuka running away, her teal colored hair flying back as the bullets impacted her back, sound echoing off the walls when he screamed her name.

"I don't know how they never found me," Youji whispered. "I screamed, and then I must have passed out. I woke up in the hospital with a police guard sitting next to the door."

Ran didn't say a word throughout Youji's recitation, but Youji could feel him near, sensed his presence. He continued to stand there, staring off as the scene replayed itself for his eyes only. He hadn't been to this place since the last time he'd taken on Riot, and all the memories were flooding him. Asuka, Maki, the girl he'd rescued and only gotten killed, all of it came rushing back as he stood there. He could almost smell the gunpowder and blood, hear the steps of booted feet running down the adjoining alleys.

He jumped when a hand landed on his shoulder. He turned and met Ran's eyes, understanding lurking in the purple depths though he didn't say a word. Youji shook his head to clear it of the fog of memories, and they both took a step back, breaking that brief contact between the two of them, the all too short bridge of common ground. They'd both lost, and maybe they'd found again. But Youji would never know unless he asked.

"I have one more place to show you," he said softly. "If that's okay?" He didn't want to push Ran into anything, but still, Youji felt it was something he needed to do. The last place he wanted to take Ran was important in many ways.

Ran nodded, leading the way back to the car. Youji stopped a few steps away and turned back to the opening in the alley where he had last seen his partner. "Goodbye, Asuka," he whispered.

He climbed behind the wheel of his car again, buckling himself as he started the engine and slid into gear. The drive was a short one, once again in silence, but it didn't seem as tense to the blonde. Maybe they'd finally found a connection, something they shared beyond nights of casual sex and murder. Maybe Ran realized what Youji's intentions were.

But whatever it was, Youji enjoyed it as he wound through city streets toward his next destination. He hadn't felt as at peace with himself in a long time, hadn't experienced such calm tranquility within him since before Asuka had died. Was that how he knew he was doing the right thing? Youji wasn't sure, couldn't say for certain, but knew that it felt right, and that there was no sense in turning back.

Youji parked in the nearly empty lot. The small complex of offices appeared to be mostly unoccupied for the day. But it was Sunday, and only the die hards would be in their offices when the rest of the country took the day off. He led a suspiciously pliant Ran through the hive of small offices to one at the back, and uncovered the key from it's hiding place.

"I've been doing a lot of thinking about closure," Youji said as he flipped the locks on the office door. The letters on the door had been scraped off, but since he was maintaining the rent on the space, no one had bothered to replace them.

"I used to share this office with Asuka," he explained, flipping on the lights. A light layer of dust covered everything; it had been awhile since he'd been there. "One of the reasons I've been keeping it is to hold on to a piece of my past. But I think it's time to move on. Asuka's been dead a long time, and I've been letting myself live in the past without any thought to my future.

"I joined Kritiker because I had no where else to go," Youji said almost absentmindedly. "Manx approached me while I was still in the hospital. It was kind of a two way deal. They could make protect me from Riot, make me disappear, and in exchange, I would work for them. I had the skills already; they put me through a little more training after I was released and I started a new life."

Youji looked up and saw Ran watching him intently. "But I've never been able to let go of my past. I didn't have a reason to want to. But now I think I do. I'm ready to make some changes, to put some things behind me and move on."

Apparently, Youji realized, he was being too subtle. Ran stared blankly back at him, not comprehending where Youji was trying to lead the conversation.

"Dammit, Aya!" Youji sighed and raked his fingers through his hair. "I'm trying to say I'm tired of the way things are. I don't want to be sitting around at night wondering when you're going to get up and leave and not tell me. I'd like to be able to spend time with you that doesn't involve fucking and one of us leaving. I want to wake up next to you, to be able to feel like I can make a mistake and you're not going to beat the shit out of me."

He took a breath and continued. "I want to hear more about your sister. I want to know what your favorite book is, favorite food, favorite color, movie, whether you prefer chocolate over vanilla. I want to know *you*, Ran," Youji risked using his real name. "I want you to be a part of my life, not just when we need a casual fuck, but all the time."

Ran looked at Youji with an empty expression on his face, and Youji felt his heart plummet to the bottom of his stomach. He'd expected some kind of reaction, yelling, a beating, god forbid a smile, anything. He hadn't expected Ran to stand there and stare at him like he'd suddenly grown a second head.

"Anyway," Youji swallowed. His mouth had gone suddenly dry. "I've been keeping this place up as a safehouse," he explained. "There's cash and food stashed away, along with a medical kit. Kritiker doesn't know about it. Neither do Ken and Omi."

He wasn't sure why he was telling Ran about the stash, other than to redirect the conversation so neither of them had time to think about the gaffe he had just made. And maybe Ran could use it to save himself someday, if Youji didn't use it as an escape route first.

Youji replaced the key in its hiding spot, letting Ran see how the hole was accessed. There was no point in sharing the bolt-hole if Ran didn't know how to get into it. They walked to the car in silence, Youji shoving his hands deep into his pockets and huddling down in his jacket from chill as much as the weight of disappointment settling over him.

"Do you want me to drop you at the hospital?" Youji asked, trying to push down on the sense of sadness and loss that was threatening to swallow him whole.

"Yes," Ran said simply, buckling himself into Youji's roadster.

Youji pulled into traffic, easily accelerating and merging into the lane he needed to get back to the Magic Bus. The silence was less charged this time, but no less oppressive as Youji weighed his options. He'd made a mistake, but not one he couldn't recover from. He'd misread Ran, misunderstood his intentions. But he could fix it. Pull on the playboy cover like an old favorite pair of pants and start hitting the bars again and all would be forgotten. Ran would find his ice mask and face the world with it again, and everything would go back to the way it used to be.

Until the next time he got lonely.

But Youji would get Omi to switch the shifts around for a week or so, so that he wouldn't have to work with Ran. Give himself some time to put distance between them again. He would deal with the missions as they came. They couldn't be helped. And too much distance would get them all killed.

Youji pulled into the driveway of the Magic Bus, pulling up as close as he could to the door. He didn't shut off the engine, didn't take his eyes off the steering wheel as he heard the click and slide of Ran getting out of his seat belt.

"Youji," Ran started as he opened the door.

"What?"

"I prefer vanilla," the redhead said as he slid out the door.

Youji turned suddenly and watched the slim form walk up the sidewalk without looking back. A large grin spread across Youji's face and new hope welled within him. Maybe the afternoon hadn't been wasted after all.