Nick Aiba sat alone at one of the many tables in the crowded cafeteria of California State University. He was a freshman this year, at only seventeen years of age. He intended to major in biology, so he could figure out what the fuck he was. Not truly human, that was for sure. Human beings couldn't transform into heavily armored monsters who could only think about battle. Nick had done it once, and his twin brother Cole did it every day. Nick just wanted to be normal, would give up everything for a normal life and a normal family; Cole wanted to save the world. This was his fucking father's fault, of course. If he hadn't had the bad sense to be exploring the rings of Saturn twenty-something years ago, none of this would've happened. But then again, if dad hadn't joined the Space Knights, he would never have met mom, and Nick wouldn't exist. At least I wouldn't be some half alien freak no one wants to come close to!

No one normal, at any rate. Nick seemed to attract the weirdoes of the world to flock to him. He was an oddity, he supposed. He was an outsider even to the outsiders, never accepted by anybody. He felt for the blue crystal on it's chain hidden beneath his shirt. It felt hot to the touch, almost uncomfortably hot, but he couldn't take it off; something inside himself wouldn't let him get rid of it. Maybe he was more like those alien Rahdam than just possessing some of their powers. Nick shook his head to rid himself of that thought, his shaggy dark hair falling in his eyes. Fuck with aliens, he thought, and you end up doubting your own fucking thoughts. He almost envied his brother; at least Cole could accept the crystal and all it entailed.

Sinking into one of his common bouts of depression, Nick got up and angrily dumped his Styrofoam tray in the garbage before heading back to his dorm room. It wasn't empty, as he had expected. A petite young oriental woman, only a little older than him if he judged right, sat on the bed.

 "You're Nick," she said. It wasn't a question.

 "Yeah. I don't know you."

"Nope," she agreed. "I'm a friend of your brother's."

Fear suddenly gripped his heart. "Oh, God, something happened to him. He's hurt or—"

"No," she broke him off hurriedly, "nothing like that. He's fine. Well, not fine, but physically unhurt. He's…avoiding me, avoiding everybody actually. I was hoping that you would know some way to help him, or help me figure out what's wrong with him. You are his twin brother, after all."

Nick laughed. He and his brother seemed to have opposite problems. Cole was avoiding people; people were avoiding Nick. "I don't think I can help you. Sorry, but I'm even more of a social invisible than he wants to be."

 "All right. It was worth a shot at least. Can you do me a favor?"

 "That depends on the favor, doesn't it?"

 "My name is Miu. I want you to call me if you ever decide to grow a pair and at least try to help your family. I'll be at the Space Knight Headquarters. Ask for Miu Saroko; they'll patch you through to me. Good-bye Nick Aiba, I hope your life works out for you," she said. Then she picked herself up and hurried out the door, leaving Nick alone and feeling like he'd been terribly insulted. I care for Cole, he thought to himself, but I can't do anything for him. If he wants to live his life a certain way, he should be allowed to, right? Isn't that what this war is all about? We humans have a thing about independence and free will—we don't want either one taken from us.

Nick sat down on the bed. His argument made logical sense, but why didn't it make him feel any better? Probably because he remembered his childhood, when Cole had been the outspoken, passionate one, and he had been the quiet, shy twin. He was still quiet and shy, and he was weirded out by the fact that Cole could have changed so much in a year. Maybe Cole did have problems. Do I owe it to him to try to help? Do I want to help, even if I could?

Nick shook his head. Of course he wanted to help. As different as they were, he and Cole were still brothers, still twins, and they loved each other. But what can I do?

He sighed. There was nothing to do but try.

*

 "Miu, where in God's name are you taking me?" asked Cole angrily to the girl who had him by the arm, trying valiantly to drag him toward the door.

 "Away from here," she replied calmly, her brown, almond shaped eyes glittering and a sly smile curving her lips.

 "I can't."

 "You, Cole Aiba, don't have a choice in the matter. Commander Aiba, the NewGen and the trainees can handle the Rahdam until you get back; have a little faith in people. Now be a good little tekkaman warrior and come with me." Miu all but grabbed him by his ear to get him out of headquarters, and he fought her all the way to the transport. Men, she thought disdainfully. They're always trouble. They hated to play games, except by their own rules. Fortunately, Miu had figured out how to play their game well enough that they didn't even realize she had won until it was too late. Funny how they all thought she was so innocent.... Such was the case now. And now she was going to help Cole, whether he wanted help or not.

She drove the transport out of the city and into the more rural farmland. Her folks had a ranch out here; it would be the perfect place for Cole to relax and become human (figuratively speaking) again. She spared a glance at him out of the corner of her eye. He was sound asleep, probably tired from all the battles he had fought, and would fight, stretching behind and before him like a stream of marching ants, with no end in sight. She didn't envy him. As a tekkaman, he had the power to fight, but in fighting, was he losing his purpose? Had he forgotten the reason he had started fighting to begin with? Well, thought Miu, I'll just have to remind him.

They arrived at Miu's ranch about four hours after they'd left Space Knight Headquarters, and much to Miu's surprise, she found that someone was already there, someone who looked and awful lot like Nick Aiba. I guess I underestimated him, she thought. Miu hadn't really believed that Cole's twin would come. But he had, and she was grateful. Maybe having family around would shock Cole out of his shell.  She wondered how long it had been since he'd talked to him parents.

"How long have you been waiting?" she asked the dark haired young man seated on the front porch.

"Not long. I called you, and they told me where you were going and with whom, so I figured I'd better put in an appearance." Nick managed a ghost of a smile at his own jest, but it soon vaporized when he looked in the transport window and saw the pale face of his brother for the first time in over a year. "He looks awful, like a shadow of himself."

"I know," responded Miu worriedly. "I don't know what to do Nick, I thought I had it all worked out and I don't. All I know is that he's better off here than back there, but I have no idea if it will be enough."

"All we can do is try, right? And we have to try; there is a very special part of my brother that I don't want to see squashed. But let's wait until he wakes up to make any decisions. Okay?"

A tear crawled its way slowly down Miu's cheek. "Yeah," she sniffed, and brushed the tear away. They both turned to look at the sleeping faithless hero. He's so peaceful when he's asleep, thought Miu. It's probably the only time I've ever seen him relax. It must be a good sign that he trusted her enough to fall asleep in front of her. Either that or he was too drained to care about his pride. She secretly hoped it was the former. "Will you carry him inside?  The guest bedroom is the last door on the right.  I'm going to fix something to eat. Do you want anything?"

"Just a sandwich I guess. I'm not very hungry."

"I know what you mean; my stomach is in knots. Try to force it down anyway; we'll get nowhere if we don't have our strength," she said as she walked into the house to prepare the food.

Nick nodded in assent as he picked his twin up and carried him to the guestroom and set him down on the bed. His stomach was in knots, too. He was worried about his twin, and worried about Cole's reaction to seeing his coward brother again. I hope he doesn't try to punch me out. He reached for the warm blue crystal. It was comforting, in a way, it let him know he wasn't alone, that he had another, stronger part of himself watching out for his brother. Maybe I can't bring myself to fight right now, but this crystal holds the promise that maybe someday I will, that I'll be strong like Cole. Nick clutched the crystal to his chest, its warmth reassuring him that he could still feel, even after the shock of seeing his once passionate brother reduced to a cold ghost of himself. A glittering tear fell from his eye onto Cole's cheek, where it rested for several moments until Cole opened his eyes and sat up. Nick's fallen tear mimicked one of Cole's own, sliding down Cole's face and off his chin.

"Nick." Just one word was all Cole said, but with that one word came a wealth of emotion. Happiness at seeing his twin again after so long, anger that he'd been a part of Miu's plan to "fix" him, sadness that he couldn't be the man Nick remembered. The old Cole had been burned away by battle, leaving only this jaded, unimpassioned husk. And while nothing could hurt him anymore, nothing could make him truly happy, either. War, in a word, sucked.

"Cole," returned Nick in a cautious voice. He sighed heavily. "It's good to see you again," he said at last.

"Yeah, you too."

"So…" Nick trailed off, not really knowing what to say. He'd dreamed of many conversations that began like this, but in his dreams he always knew what to say. Now, he had no idea what to say, and neither, it seemed, did Cole. They just sat there watching each other for a long time until, at length, Cole spoke.

"So, um, how's college going?"

"All right, I guess. It's not really that different from high school." Nick didn't tell his twin that he was desperately unhappy there and that nobody liked him, but things weren't much different from that growing up.  Being the sons of Tekkaman Blade, the savior of humanity, was as alienating as it was intimidating. "How are things with you?"

Cole laughed.  It was a bitter, self-condemning sound. "Miu hijacked me. She must not have thought I was all right."

"Do you think that you're all right?"

Cole thought about that. Was he all right? Except for having lost faith in Earth's victory, he was fine. Depressed, but fine. "I'll live," he said.

"That wasn't what I asked," replied his brother. "But I'll talk to Miu and have her take you back to headquarters so you can fight."

"No," Cole said in a voice like flint, hard and sharp.  He looked up at his brother, desperation in his emerald green eyes. "I don't want to go back. Not now, maybe not ever. I just can't take it anymore; all the people are so fucking optimistic and they depend on the tekkamen to save the earth because they think we can handle it. Well, we can't! I can't do it anymore!" Cole paused and hung his head. "There's just no hope for Earth."

"Fuck you! What are you talking about, no hope? You and the rest of the Space Knights are our hope. You go out there every day and fight for our hides, and every day you drive them away. Sooner or later they have to give up, right? They only have so many ships. Can't you see it Cole? You are our hope! How the hell could you fight for something you don't believe in? Why don't you just let the Rahdam take over the Earth?"

Anger burned like green flames in Cole's eyes. "What is this, coming from the coward who runs away from his powers and responsibilities? Well, I guess I'm a coward now too," he said bitterly.

Nick looked away. "You were never a coward, Cole. You were always the strong one, but sometimes you have to let other people to support you, to be strong for you when you can't be strong for yourself." Nick looked directly at his twin. "Miu and me, we want to help. We care about you, as our friend and my brother."

Cole said nothing.

"Fine, be that way. But, just…we're here for you. Whatever you need, okay?"

Cole remained silent as Nick left the room. When he heard the door click shut he whispered to himself, "If only you could help me, brother. If only you could."