Disclaimer: This sick injustice of the world is as follows: We do not, nor will we ever, own Charmed. However, because we refuse to accept this sad and unfair fact, we will continue to use the characters in our twisted stories. I advise you not to try to explain to us our disillusions. The results would not be pretty.
AN: Twin A: Hello and welcome to our less than average
Twin B: agonizingly un-funny attempt at humour.
Parental discretion is NOT necessary. We really do not need that kind of hassle. We do, though, caution you against reading on if you are: 1) eating 2) under the age of 12 3) in any way against playful and harmless insults. Thank you and review
FLAMING IS WELCOMED WITH OPEN ARMS!!
"Demon," Prue yelled from the front door, tossing her coat on the rack conveniently placed next to the entrance way. For a second, she pondered the reason that whoever had invented coat racks hadn't come up with a more original name for it, then made her way through the Manor in search of her sisters.
"Demon," she repeated upon spotting Phoebe curled up on the couch, reading a dime store romance novel. Prue gave her a disgusted look as she read the title. 'When Lust Goes Bad'.
"What no, 'Hello, dear sister, how was your day?'? No 'Hey, I'm home. Whatcha up to?'? Or how about a simple 'Hi'?," Phoebe ranted. Prue rolled her eyes, already tired of her sister's nonsensical ramblings.
"None of the above. Although, I believe I do have time for a 'Demon attack. Get your ass to the attic.'," Prue answered, grabbing the trashy excuse for a book and tossing it aside.
"Prue! Antone was just trailing his fingers gently across her-," Phoebe started before being jerked out of the chair roughly.
"If you finish that sentence," Prue threatened, her face inches from Phoebe's, "I will personally make sure that every last romance novel in the house is destroyed." Phoebe gasped, and pulled away from her sister.
"No. They are priceless works of art, everyone of them. Especially Unbridled Passion... Fine, you go first," Phoebe said, rushing her words. She was still in shock from the terrifying threat as she followed her older sister up the staircase.
"Anyway," Prue said as the reached the attic, "This demon. He didn't really do much. He appeared in a cloud of smoke, waved his hands theatrically, and disappeared. Like a modern day Houdini."
"Then how do you know he was a demon? I mean, he could have been a being of light," Phoebe pointed out with surprising logic.
"Well, I don't know Phoebe. Could it have been that he had DEMON painted across his chest in big yellow letters?," Prue asked sarcastically, rolling her eyes at her younger sister's stupidity.
"Oh, yeah, that could be some sort of sign," Phoebe answered thoughtfully. After a few minutes, her face lit up with a revelation. "Couldn't DEMON stand for something? Like..I dunno. Drunk Ex-Monkey On Narcotics?," she wondered excitedly, thrilled with her own ingenious.
"Wow, Phoebe, you actually convinced me that your IQ is even lower than I thought," Prue muttered dryly. Phoebe's fallen expression had her backtracking. "Uh...I mean WOW! Phoebe," she corrected, putting animation into her features, "You ACTUALLY convinced me that your IQ is even LOWER than I thought!" Phoebe grinned, distracted from the harsh words by the amazement in Prue's voice.
"I know. I shock myself sometimes," she answered modestly, practically swooning over herself. For once, Prue ignored the urge to hit her in the face with a baseball bat, and focused her attention on the Book of Shadows.
"Here he is," Prue exclaimed, making Phoebe scramble to "read" over her shoulder. "A modern day magician who goes by the name of Houdini. He doesn't have a whole lot of magic, can't harm you in any way, but watch out! This trickster can drive you bonkers with his wild and creative magic. He can nab you and disappear with you, but he can do little more. He is known as the thief of memories. That is why there are so many forgetful people these days. He doesn't take anything important. Just dates of birthdays, anniversaries, or appointments. He is a funny, funny fellow!," Prue read aloud, then sneered at the text. "Who wrote this? Some fruitloop chick in advertising?," she asked, closing the Book.
"We had an advertiser in our family?," Phoebe squealed, "Maybe she worked for a magazine like me!" This time, Prue barely contained her snide remark, and instead smiled placatingly.
"Maybe," she agreed in a sugary tone, "Pheebs? Do you remember that baseball bat I keep in my closet?" Phoebe nodded, her eyes going wide.
"Will you go get that for me?," she continued, smiling sinisterly. Phoebe rapidly shook her head, backing away from her older sister.
"No way, Prue. Last time you asked that I landed in the hospital. Mysteriously. That thing is bad luck!," Phoebe stammered, shuddering at the memory. Damn. She got smarter. She really should stop hitting Phoebe in the head. She might actually beat sense into her, and that would take the fun right out of everything.
"Alright," Prue relented, "Then let's find Piper and vanquish this sorry excuse for a demon."
"I don't think he's sorry at all Prue," Phoebe argued, following her down the stairs, "He can do magic tricks! How cool is that? I wish I had active powers..."
"Aw, Pheebs. Remember what Piper and I taught you? Your powers are very "special"," Prue countered, tired of this song and dance. Did she ever really learn anything? Prue smiled to herself. Of course not. It WAS Phoebe!
"Yeah, they are pretty special!," Phoebe agreed, smiling. She hugged Prue, nearly causing them both to fall down the remaining steps. BAM! A premonition hit her. Convenient, jsut like everything else that happens to the Charmed Ones.
"Prue! I saw this weird guy dressed in a top hat and a suit. He was standing over a bunch of cowering naked men. And they were BOINGING!," Phoebe exclaimed in horror. Prue laughed at the comical expression on her sister's face, then sobered as she thought of the 'innocents' in trouble. Although if naked men boinging were considered innocent, she didn't know if she could do this job much longer.
"The guy in the top hat was Houdini," Prue explained, "And the naked, boinging men I suppose are our innocents." Phoebe nodded, indicating that she understood. "Good," Prue thought, "The imbecile actually GOT IT. I didn't know how I was going to put it in simpler terms."
"We should call Leo. See what he knows about Houdini that wasn't in the Book," Phoebe suggested. Surprisingly, Prue thought the idea was halfway intelligent. Then Phoebe ruined it. "Maybe he can ask the Elders too." The Elders...what did they know? They were nothing but pansy ass nobodies who sat 'up there' twiddling there thumbs, waiting for the next disaster to happen, conveniently forgetting the fact that they could stop the whole thing from happening if they jsut....Phoebe shook her out of her thoughts, waving a hand over her face to get her attention.
"What?," Prue snapped. Phoebe pouted for a minute, then smiled.
"Nothing, you just looked out of it. So, are we going to call Leo?," she asked cheerfully.
"Yeah, sure, why not," Prue said, waving her hand in dismissal.
"Leo!," Phoebe screamed. Prue winced. The loud mouth didn't have to bellow like a dying cow..sheesh. Leo orbed in, his usual "What happened now. It isn't like I'll do anything, but that isn't the point" look on his face.
"Leo, we need you to tell us about Houdini," Phoebe ordered. Leo tossed her a tolerant look.
"Alright Phoebe," he said slowly, "Why don't you tell me when you first started seeing this Houdini character."
"I didn't see him. Prue did," Phoebe corrected, "Tell him Prue." Prue stopped her fits of hysterical laughter long enough to take a breath.
"She's right," she told him, gasping, "I did see him. He isn't a 'character', he's a magician slash demon." Leo stared at her, alarmed.
"Wait. THE Houdini?," he asked in horror. Prue gaped at him, pondering his obvious awe of the demon.
"Yes, Leo, THE Houdini," she repeated, nodding her head. Leo opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to speak, then gave up and orbed out.
"Prue you didn't tell me his name was THE Houdini," Phoebe complained, glaring at her childishly. Prue rolled her eyes.
"Must have slipped my mind," she told the idiot...er..Phoebe. Piper chose that time to come walking through the front door, saving Phoebe from another vacation. A very long, painful vacation...
"Demon," Piper yelled, stopping and carefully hanging her coat on the rack. After taking Prue's off and straightening, she put it back and walked into the living room.
"This is like Deja Vu All Over Again," Prue muttered, "Was it a funny looking dude with a top hat?" Piper nodded in confirmation.
"It's THE Houdini," Phoebe whispered dramatically. Piper made it a point to ignore her.
"So you saw him too?," she asked Prue, who rolled her eyes.
"A little slow today are we?," Prue asked sarcastically.
"Forget which sister you're talking to again?," Piper threw back. Prue grinned.
"Anyway, his name's Houdini," she started before Phoebe interrupted.
"THE Houdini," she clarified. Prue pushed her out of the way. Sometimes, no, all the time she wanted to kill her sister. For now, she contented herself with sending her sprawling to the floor.
"He is a magician slash demon. Can't hurt us, but can make us disappear with him. That and make us forget stuff. He isn't very intimidating at all...," Prue finished over the squalling Phoebe. "Can it, sis. Why don't you go read 'When Lust Goes Bad'?," Prue suggested. Anything to make her SHUT UP. Phoebe immediately stopped crying and ran to pick up the book from where Prue had thrown it earlier.
"That's right. Antone was trailing his fingers gently across her..." Phoebe remembered excitedly. Prue shot her an icy look.
"Unbridled Passions is going to BURN, Pheebs," Prue whispered menacingly.
"Shutting up now," Phoebe promised, then gulped very loudly. Prue waited until she buried her head in the book before she looked away.
"How did we get blessed with such a flaming imbecile for a sister?," Prue asked Piper. Piper narrowed her eyes angrily.
"She isn't a 'flaming imbecile'. You need to stop calling her that. You are going to hurt her feelings," Piper reproached. Prue shrugged. Who really cared?
"Guys, I have something really important to tell you," Leo said upon orbing in. Piper and Prue turned questioning looks on him.
"You have a long lost sister named Paige. The Elders want you to find her, convince her that she is family and a witch, then They will give her her powers," he explained hurriedly. A dead silence settled over them.
"Honey, I think you need to lie down," Piper said worriedly. Leo waved her off.
"No you don't understand. I am telling the truth. The Elders are really worried about Houdini. They say you may need more than the Power of Three to vanquish him. Otherwise, you wouldn't be meeting Paige unless one of you died," he told them hurriedly.
"They are freaking out over a MAGICIAN? He doesn't even have real powers," Prue said, doubling over in laughter.
"They are terrified of him. With good reason. He has captured the Sillies," Leo informed her in hopes of quieting her. Prue only laughed harder.
"Leo, are you on drugs?," Piper asked suspiciously. Leo shook his head emphatically.
"The Sillies. Only the most odd and revered creatures in the "happy little fields."," Leo emphasized, his eyes widening at her obvious puzzlement.
"OK, OK, calm down," Piper soothed, "I want you to start from the beginning. Can you do that? Jsut tell us the history of these...Sillies." Leo took a deep, steadying breath.
AN: Twin and I would like to thank Houdini and the Sillies. They are NOT a figment of our twisted imaginations. Ever forgotten something you were jsut reminded of seconds before? That is the work of Houdini! Well, for now, adios!
Charmed Writer
Starring Piper
AN: Twin A: Hello and welcome to our less than average
Twin B: agonizingly un-funny attempt at humour.
Parental discretion is NOT necessary. We really do not need that kind of hassle. We do, though, caution you against reading on if you are: 1) eating 2) under the age of 12 3) in any way against playful and harmless insults. Thank you and review
FLAMING IS WELCOMED WITH OPEN ARMS!!
"Demon," Prue yelled from the front door, tossing her coat on the rack conveniently placed next to the entrance way. For a second, she pondered the reason that whoever had invented coat racks hadn't come up with a more original name for it, then made her way through the Manor in search of her sisters.
"Demon," she repeated upon spotting Phoebe curled up on the couch, reading a dime store romance novel. Prue gave her a disgusted look as she read the title. 'When Lust Goes Bad'.
"What no, 'Hello, dear sister, how was your day?'? No 'Hey, I'm home. Whatcha up to?'? Or how about a simple 'Hi'?," Phoebe ranted. Prue rolled her eyes, already tired of her sister's nonsensical ramblings.
"None of the above. Although, I believe I do have time for a 'Demon attack. Get your ass to the attic.'," Prue answered, grabbing the trashy excuse for a book and tossing it aside.
"Prue! Antone was just trailing his fingers gently across her-," Phoebe started before being jerked out of the chair roughly.
"If you finish that sentence," Prue threatened, her face inches from Phoebe's, "I will personally make sure that every last romance novel in the house is destroyed." Phoebe gasped, and pulled away from her sister.
"No. They are priceless works of art, everyone of them. Especially Unbridled Passion... Fine, you go first," Phoebe said, rushing her words. She was still in shock from the terrifying threat as she followed her older sister up the staircase.
"Anyway," Prue said as the reached the attic, "This demon. He didn't really do much. He appeared in a cloud of smoke, waved his hands theatrically, and disappeared. Like a modern day Houdini."
"Then how do you know he was a demon? I mean, he could have been a being of light," Phoebe pointed out with surprising logic.
"Well, I don't know Phoebe. Could it have been that he had DEMON painted across his chest in big yellow letters?," Prue asked sarcastically, rolling her eyes at her younger sister's stupidity.
"Oh, yeah, that could be some sort of sign," Phoebe answered thoughtfully. After a few minutes, her face lit up with a revelation. "Couldn't DEMON stand for something? Like..I dunno. Drunk Ex-Monkey On Narcotics?," she wondered excitedly, thrilled with her own ingenious.
"Wow, Phoebe, you actually convinced me that your IQ is even lower than I thought," Prue muttered dryly. Phoebe's fallen expression had her backtracking. "Uh...I mean WOW! Phoebe," she corrected, putting animation into her features, "You ACTUALLY convinced me that your IQ is even LOWER than I thought!" Phoebe grinned, distracted from the harsh words by the amazement in Prue's voice.
"I know. I shock myself sometimes," she answered modestly, practically swooning over herself. For once, Prue ignored the urge to hit her in the face with a baseball bat, and focused her attention on the Book of Shadows.
"Here he is," Prue exclaimed, making Phoebe scramble to "read" over her shoulder. "A modern day magician who goes by the name of Houdini. He doesn't have a whole lot of magic, can't harm you in any way, but watch out! This trickster can drive you bonkers with his wild and creative magic. He can nab you and disappear with you, but he can do little more. He is known as the thief of memories. That is why there are so many forgetful people these days. He doesn't take anything important. Just dates of birthdays, anniversaries, or appointments. He is a funny, funny fellow!," Prue read aloud, then sneered at the text. "Who wrote this? Some fruitloop chick in advertising?," she asked, closing the Book.
"We had an advertiser in our family?," Phoebe squealed, "Maybe she worked for a magazine like me!" This time, Prue barely contained her snide remark, and instead smiled placatingly.
"Maybe," she agreed in a sugary tone, "Pheebs? Do you remember that baseball bat I keep in my closet?" Phoebe nodded, her eyes going wide.
"Will you go get that for me?," she continued, smiling sinisterly. Phoebe rapidly shook her head, backing away from her older sister.
"No way, Prue. Last time you asked that I landed in the hospital. Mysteriously. That thing is bad luck!," Phoebe stammered, shuddering at the memory. Damn. She got smarter. She really should stop hitting Phoebe in the head. She might actually beat sense into her, and that would take the fun right out of everything.
"Alright," Prue relented, "Then let's find Piper and vanquish this sorry excuse for a demon."
"I don't think he's sorry at all Prue," Phoebe argued, following her down the stairs, "He can do magic tricks! How cool is that? I wish I had active powers..."
"Aw, Pheebs. Remember what Piper and I taught you? Your powers are very "special"," Prue countered, tired of this song and dance. Did she ever really learn anything? Prue smiled to herself. Of course not. It WAS Phoebe!
"Yeah, they are pretty special!," Phoebe agreed, smiling. She hugged Prue, nearly causing them both to fall down the remaining steps. BAM! A premonition hit her. Convenient, jsut like everything else that happens to the Charmed Ones.
"Prue! I saw this weird guy dressed in a top hat and a suit. He was standing over a bunch of cowering naked men. And they were BOINGING!," Phoebe exclaimed in horror. Prue laughed at the comical expression on her sister's face, then sobered as she thought of the 'innocents' in trouble. Although if naked men boinging were considered innocent, she didn't know if she could do this job much longer.
"The guy in the top hat was Houdini," Prue explained, "And the naked, boinging men I suppose are our innocents." Phoebe nodded, indicating that she understood. "Good," Prue thought, "The imbecile actually GOT IT. I didn't know how I was going to put it in simpler terms."
"We should call Leo. See what he knows about Houdini that wasn't in the Book," Phoebe suggested. Surprisingly, Prue thought the idea was halfway intelligent. Then Phoebe ruined it. "Maybe he can ask the Elders too." The Elders...what did they know? They were nothing but pansy ass nobodies who sat 'up there' twiddling there thumbs, waiting for the next disaster to happen, conveniently forgetting the fact that they could stop the whole thing from happening if they jsut....Phoebe shook her out of her thoughts, waving a hand over her face to get her attention.
"What?," Prue snapped. Phoebe pouted for a minute, then smiled.
"Nothing, you just looked out of it. So, are we going to call Leo?," she asked cheerfully.
"Yeah, sure, why not," Prue said, waving her hand in dismissal.
"Leo!," Phoebe screamed. Prue winced. The loud mouth didn't have to bellow like a dying cow..sheesh. Leo orbed in, his usual "What happened now. It isn't like I'll do anything, but that isn't the point" look on his face.
"Leo, we need you to tell us about Houdini," Phoebe ordered. Leo tossed her a tolerant look.
"Alright Phoebe," he said slowly, "Why don't you tell me when you first started seeing this Houdini character."
"I didn't see him. Prue did," Phoebe corrected, "Tell him Prue." Prue stopped her fits of hysterical laughter long enough to take a breath.
"She's right," she told him, gasping, "I did see him. He isn't a 'character', he's a magician slash demon." Leo stared at her, alarmed.
"Wait. THE Houdini?," he asked in horror. Prue gaped at him, pondering his obvious awe of the demon.
"Yes, Leo, THE Houdini," she repeated, nodding her head. Leo opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to speak, then gave up and orbed out.
"Prue you didn't tell me his name was THE Houdini," Phoebe complained, glaring at her childishly. Prue rolled her eyes.
"Must have slipped my mind," she told the idiot...er..Phoebe. Piper chose that time to come walking through the front door, saving Phoebe from another vacation. A very long, painful vacation...
"Demon," Piper yelled, stopping and carefully hanging her coat on the rack. After taking Prue's off and straightening, she put it back and walked into the living room.
"This is like Deja Vu All Over Again," Prue muttered, "Was it a funny looking dude with a top hat?" Piper nodded in confirmation.
"It's THE Houdini," Phoebe whispered dramatically. Piper made it a point to ignore her.
"So you saw him too?," she asked Prue, who rolled her eyes.
"A little slow today are we?," Prue asked sarcastically.
"Forget which sister you're talking to again?," Piper threw back. Prue grinned.
"Anyway, his name's Houdini," she started before Phoebe interrupted.
"THE Houdini," she clarified. Prue pushed her out of the way. Sometimes, no, all the time she wanted to kill her sister. For now, she contented herself with sending her sprawling to the floor.
"He is a magician slash demon. Can't hurt us, but can make us disappear with him. That and make us forget stuff. He isn't very intimidating at all...," Prue finished over the squalling Phoebe. "Can it, sis. Why don't you go read 'When Lust Goes Bad'?," Prue suggested. Anything to make her SHUT UP. Phoebe immediately stopped crying and ran to pick up the book from where Prue had thrown it earlier.
"That's right. Antone was trailing his fingers gently across her..." Phoebe remembered excitedly. Prue shot her an icy look.
"Unbridled Passions is going to BURN, Pheebs," Prue whispered menacingly.
"Shutting up now," Phoebe promised, then gulped very loudly. Prue waited until she buried her head in the book before she looked away.
"How did we get blessed with such a flaming imbecile for a sister?," Prue asked Piper. Piper narrowed her eyes angrily.
"She isn't a 'flaming imbecile'. You need to stop calling her that. You are going to hurt her feelings," Piper reproached. Prue shrugged. Who really cared?
"Guys, I have something really important to tell you," Leo said upon orbing in. Piper and Prue turned questioning looks on him.
"You have a long lost sister named Paige. The Elders want you to find her, convince her that she is family and a witch, then They will give her her powers," he explained hurriedly. A dead silence settled over them.
"Honey, I think you need to lie down," Piper said worriedly. Leo waved her off.
"No you don't understand. I am telling the truth. The Elders are really worried about Houdini. They say you may need more than the Power of Three to vanquish him. Otherwise, you wouldn't be meeting Paige unless one of you died," he told them hurriedly.
"They are freaking out over a MAGICIAN? He doesn't even have real powers," Prue said, doubling over in laughter.
"They are terrified of him. With good reason. He has captured the Sillies," Leo informed her in hopes of quieting her. Prue only laughed harder.
"Leo, are you on drugs?," Piper asked suspiciously. Leo shook his head emphatically.
"The Sillies. Only the most odd and revered creatures in the "happy little fields."," Leo emphasized, his eyes widening at her obvious puzzlement.
"OK, OK, calm down," Piper soothed, "I want you to start from the beginning. Can you do that? Jsut tell us the history of these...Sillies." Leo took a deep, steadying breath.
AN: Twin and I would like to thank Houdini and the Sillies. They are NOT a figment of our twisted imaginations. Ever forgotten something you were jsut reminded of seconds before? That is the work of Houdini! Well, for now, adios!
Charmed Writer
Starring Piper