-title: The Realization
-author: indulgance rodent
-email: hprice16@yahoo.com
-summary: After a battle, Jake goes to talk to Tobias and realizes something he hadn't noticed before.
-disclaimer: *walks up to podium, shuffles some papers and taps the microphone* i hereby declare that i own none of the characters that this story employs. they are the property of ms. applegate and scholastic, and i will gladly give them back when i've finished with them.
-author's note: another late-night/early-morning scribble. some emotional lamentations and a bit of "macking," as marco would say. enjooooooy!
----
Jake lay in bed, unable to quiet his mind enough to fall asleep. That night at dinner, he'd put on the guise of a curious youth interested in the Sharing, same as he often did when trying to get information about the organization out of his brother. However, he'd somehow been cornered into going to the next meeting, an idea that made him less-than-pleased about the upcoming Wednesday evening. His parents loved that Tom seemed to eager to spend time with Jake, and he couldn't disappoint them, either. As it was, they were on his case about his schoolwork and the fact that he spent very little time at home. He didn't need something else causing a disturbance between them.
With a sigh, the boy decided that sleep just wasn't going to happen. Shoving his blankets to the side, he stood, stretched, and got dressed. ((Maybe all I need is some fresh air to clear my head,)) he considered. The clock in the hallway boomed four chimes as he squeaked the door to his bedroom closed behind him, covering the sound. ((As long as I'm back before 6:30am, nobody will even know I'm gone.)) Down the stairs and out the front door, Jake stepped into the brisk night air. Somewhere in the back of his mind he hoped to run into Tobias, knowing that the blond had trouble sleeping at night. This is why he wasn't very surprised to see a figure shuffling across the street as he neared the schools. Just as he was about to call out to the person, it turned, revealing long hair that swung freely around its head.
"Rachel?" he called softly, trotting up to his cousin. She wiped at her face before looking at him, but didn't say anything. "What are you doing out so late?" Protectively wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he ushered her to the curb and sat her down. Something wasn't right; the girl had been crying.
Opening her mouth and closing it several times without uttering a sound, Rachel continued to wipe at her face before finally saying, "Is it okay with you if ... I mean, can I talk to you about ... something really stupid?" Jake nodded, and she went on, a look of relief and pain blanketing her features. "Okay, you know how Tobias and I broke up a few months ago? Uhm, well he was at the playground tonight and we started talking, and I wanted to try getting back together, but he said we couldn't--" She gasped in a long breath, hiccuped a little as though about to cry, and finally managed to collect herself enough to continue. "He was acting like he was hiding something, and well ... I think he's involved with someone else, but he won't tell me..." She wiped manically at her eyes, obviously self-conscious about the fact that her mascara was all over her cheeks. Jake hadn't said a word, slightly stunned and trying desperately to think of something to say without giving away everything. Rachel took his silence for disinterest, saying softly, "God, you must think I'm dumb for getting so worked up about this. I'm sorry."
"No, not at all," the boy countered quickly. His mind raced for appropriate words. "I'm just not, uhm, used to talking about stuff like this with you." With the arm around her shoulder, he gave her a sideways squeeze. "Honestly, I'm not an expert on stuff like this, but I think you really, uh, hurt Tobias. He probably doesn't trust that you won't hurt him again?" Offering his cousin a slightly puzzled look, he added, "Dr. Phill I'm not, but that's what I'd guess." Smoothing Rachel's hair, he prayed that he didn't sound as much like an idiot as he thought he did.
"This is probably going to sound horrible," Rachel spoke quietly, "but I really hope--" She cut herself off with a dark laugh. "I really hope it's not a guy."
Jake sat frozen, his hand unconsciously clenched around the material of Rachel's jacket. "Why would Tobias be with another guy?" he asked, trying to keep his voice steady.
Sighing, Rachel replied, "He's a bit, erm.." Unable to say the words aloud, the girl lifted her limp wrist into the air. "Not all the way, he's just bi," she finally managed, saying the word like a curse, "but that's part of the reason we split up in the first place. I was telling him about some kids that were picking on a boy in school because he's gay, and how I didn't understand how someone could be attracted to someone that's the same gender as them, and he got all defensive. Finally, he admitted that he was bi and I completely freaked out, even though I shouldn't have." Oblivious to Jake's uncomfortable demeanor, she went on. "Tonight when we were talking, he said that he had something that 'wasn't really normal,' and when I asked him if he was seeing someone else, he wouldn't answer me." Neither of them spoke for a moment; Jake finally let go of his cousin's jacket and Rachel glared bitterly at the pavement. "I feel like such an idiot for even talking to him about it."
"Well, you can't expect Tobias to have been waiting around for you," Jake replied without thinking. "I mean he's a really sensitive guy, and he probably resents what you did." Realizing how mean his words sounded, he hurriedly added, "If it had been the other way around, would you have gone rushing back to him?"
Pausing for a moment to think, Rachel shook her head. "Probably not. But I'm really curious about who he's seeing. Why is he being so secretive about it? Besides that, I can't believe he'd get involved with someone outside of the group, you know? How close could we get to someone that isn't one of us, really? To have to lie to them all the time or not be able to tell them what's going on ... That'd tear me up."
"Maybe it isn't someone outside of the group," Jake murmurred to himself, not expecting Rachel to hear. The shocked look on her face revealed otherwise, and he winced. ((Shit, I just keep digging myself in deeper and deeper, don't I?)) he thought. "But, uhm, I can't see him getting with Cassie or Marco," he added loudly, trying to reassure the girl with softball-sized eyes. "He and Marco -never- got along, and Cassie seems sort of, erm, stuck on me." Jake sighed. "Listen, I'm not very good at this girl talk thing. You should really talk to Cassie about this sort of thing. I'm sorry." He stood to leave, feeling that he could kick himself for putting so many ideas into Rachel's head. His cousin wasn't stupid, and with all of the accidental hints he'd dropped, she was sure to figure something out before long.
"Yeah, see ya," Rachel muttered, staying put on the curb.
Moving toward the playground where Rachel said Tobias had been, Jake replayed the conversation with the girl in his mind. ((Way to go, Jake,)) he thought, ((you might as well have just told her flat-out. In fact, you might as well have worn a tag on your shirt saying, "I'm the person you wish was dead right now." If you'd been any more obvious--)) But his thoughts were cut short by the sight of a familiar figure sprawled at the base of a see-saw a few yards away. Creeping slowly up to the boy, Jake immediately wondered what Tobias was doing in the gravel.
Sitting bolt upright at the sound of an intruder, Tobias looked at Jake and fell back against the ground in relief. "Oh my God, I thought you were Rachel," he explained.
"I just ran into her on the way here," Jake responded, crouching beside the boy at his feet. "She was all shaken up and said she'd spoken with you. She said a few things that nearly made me tell her everything about us." Tobias' eyes shot open and he stared at his lover speechlessly. "I think it's okay, though, so don't worry."
Blinking and shifting his gaze to the side, Tobias sat back up and rested on his hands. Blushing furiously, he blurted out, "Marco knows. He saw us through the doorway and interrogated me after you left."
Heart pounding, Jake asked, "How'd he take it?"
"He's mightily pissed at you for not telling him," the blonde replied matter-of-factly. "Other than that, I don't think he cares very much. He seemed mostly concerned over the fact that you've been ignoring him and keeping secrets instead of being his best friend." They exchanged a look, and Jake nodded solemnly. Tobias inched closer to him and slipped his hand into Jake's. "At first I thought he was going to kill me with his bare hands, but we talked a little and he calmed down."
"That's good," Jake mumbled. He rested his forehead on the space between Tobias' neck and shoulder. The two of them sat like that for a few moments, absorbing each other's presence. Somehow, the night seemed less dark and overwhelming now that they were together. Finally, Tobias shrugged Jake's head from its place and stood, helped his leader up, and led him away from the see-saws. "Where are we going?" Jake asked curiously, a smile finally emerging for the first time that night.
Instead of replying, Tobias gave Jake's hand a squeeze and pulled him gently toward the newer parts of the playground: a wooden structure that resembled a pirate's ship with slides and towers and swings all over it. Slinking between the tire swings, the boys entered the crawlspace into the "lower deck" of the ship. As soon as they were settled in, the blonde pinned his seated lover against the wall in an unsusal display of dominance, planting a knee between Jake's thighs. Melting back against the wooden structure behind him, the brunette slipped his arms around Tobias' waist and pulled him closer. Their lips came together once, twice, then three times in a series of short fleeting kisses before the oddly assertive blonde pulled away and stripped his hoodie and shirt off.
Impressed by his friend's initiative, Jake copycatted, removing his jacket and shirt as well. Before the sting of the cold night air could become a bother, the boys came back together in a hurricane of kisses. Lust that had been so subtle before boiled up inside of Jake as the heat of the body in his arms warmed his own skin. Goosebumps swept across his flesh, but he paid no mind, concentrating only on the shiver that Tobias' lips on his neck was sending up his spine. ((What's come over him tonight?)) he wondered to himself, letting out a small moan as Tobias ran his fingertips across the skin on his torso. He caught his friend's mouth with his own, giving over to the surge of hormones that whispered dirty instructions from a corner of his mind. Grabbing both of Tobias' hands, Jake maneouvered them around so that Tobias was lying on his back and Jake kneeled over him, one forearm pressed against the blonde's bare shoulder to hold him in place, the other arm supporting his weight. Dipping his face down to recieve another kiss, Jake bumped his nose playfully against that of his companion, getting a smile out of him. He kissed along his lover's collarbones, down the ribcage that was slightly visible beneath Tobias' pale skin, and stopped with his lips just above the boy's navel.
"If you don't want to, I understand," Tobias whispered at Jake's hesitation to move any lower.
"No, it's not that," Jake replied, "it's just that I don't really, erm, know what I'm doing." He blushed down at the amused face of his friend and added, "Lack of experience and all." Gently resting his head on Tobias' stomach, he felt the embarrassment continue to colour his cheeks. "I'm sorry."
Reaching down to play with his leader's brown hair, Tobias shook his head, "Don't apologize, I told you I understand. It's fine. Baby steps, right? You're still getting used to the idea that you're not with a girl, and it probably feels a little weird. Trust me, it's totally fine." He touseled Jake's hair a little more before sitting up. The first thing to enter his line of vision was his boyfriend's digital watch. "Shit, what time is it?"
Glancing at his wrist, Jake let out a tiny groan and groped around for his shirt. "It's almost 5:30am. I should probably try to get an hour or so of sleep before I have to get up for school." Standing to pull the garment over his head, he shot an apologetic look at the blonde soldier. "Hopefully nobody's awake at my house." After zipping his jacket, he swept down to plant a kiss on Tobias' cheek. "I'll see you this afternoon, okay? Come over around 3:30pm." Tobias nodded wordlessly. "I-I love you," Jake added as he turned and retreated from the pirate ship that would soon be flooded with imaginative third-graders.
-author: indulgance rodent
-email: hprice16@yahoo.com
-summary: After a battle, Jake goes to talk to Tobias and realizes something he hadn't noticed before.
-disclaimer: *walks up to podium, shuffles some papers and taps the microphone* i hereby declare that i own none of the characters that this story employs. they are the property of ms. applegate and scholastic, and i will gladly give them back when i've finished with them.
-author's note: another late-night/early-morning scribble. some emotional lamentations and a bit of "macking," as marco would say. enjooooooy!
----
Jake lay in bed, unable to quiet his mind enough to fall asleep. That night at dinner, he'd put on the guise of a curious youth interested in the Sharing, same as he often did when trying to get information about the organization out of his brother. However, he'd somehow been cornered into going to the next meeting, an idea that made him less-than-pleased about the upcoming Wednesday evening. His parents loved that Tom seemed to eager to spend time with Jake, and he couldn't disappoint them, either. As it was, they were on his case about his schoolwork and the fact that he spent very little time at home. He didn't need something else causing a disturbance between them.
With a sigh, the boy decided that sleep just wasn't going to happen. Shoving his blankets to the side, he stood, stretched, and got dressed. ((Maybe all I need is some fresh air to clear my head,)) he considered. The clock in the hallway boomed four chimes as he squeaked the door to his bedroom closed behind him, covering the sound. ((As long as I'm back before 6:30am, nobody will even know I'm gone.)) Down the stairs and out the front door, Jake stepped into the brisk night air. Somewhere in the back of his mind he hoped to run into Tobias, knowing that the blond had trouble sleeping at night. This is why he wasn't very surprised to see a figure shuffling across the street as he neared the schools. Just as he was about to call out to the person, it turned, revealing long hair that swung freely around its head.
"Rachel?" he called softly, trotting up to his cousin. She wiped at her face before looking at him, but didn't say anything. "What are you doing out so late?" Protectively wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he ushered her to the curb and sat her down. Something wasn't right; the girl had been crying.
Opening her mouth and closing it several times without uttering a sound, Rachel continued to wipe at her face before finally saying, "Is it okay with you if ... I mean, can I talk to you about ... something really stupid?" Jake nodded, and she went on, a look of relief and pain blanketing her features. "Okay, you know how Tobias and I broke up a few months ago? Uhm, well he was at the playground tonight and we started talking, and I wanted to try getting back together, but he said we couldn't--" She gasped in a long breath, hiccuped a little as though about to cry, and finally managed to collect herself enough to continue. "He was acting like he was hiding something, and well ... I think he's involved with someone else, but he won't tell me..." She wiped manically at her eyes, obviously self-conscious about the fact that her mascara was all over her cheeks. Jake hadn't said a word, slightly stunned and trying desperately to think of something to say without giving away everything. Rachel took his silence for disinterest, saying softly, "God, you must think I'm dumb for getting so worked up about this. I'm sorry."
"No, not at all," the boy countered quickly. His mind raced for appropriate words. "I'm just not, uhm, used to talking about stuff like this with you." With the arm around her shoulder, he gave her a sideways squeeze. "Honestly, I'm not an expert on stuff like this, but I think you really, uh, hurt Tobias. He probably doesn't trust that you won't hurt him again?" Offering his cousin a slightly puzzled look, he added, "Dr. Phill I'm not, but that's what I'd guess." Smoothing Rachel's hair, he prayed that he didn't sound as much like an idiot as he thought he did.
"This is probably going to sound horrible," Rachel spoke quietly, "but I really hope--" She cut herself off with a dark laugh. "I really hope it's not a guy."
Jake sat frozen, his hand unconsciously clenched around the material of Rachel's jacket. "Why would Tobias be with another guy?" he asked, trying to keep his voice steady.
Sighing, Rachel replied, "He's a bit, erm.." Unable to say the words aloud, the girl lifted her limp wrist into the air. "Not all the way, he's just bi," she finally managed, saying the word like a curse, "but that's part of the reason we split up in the first place. I was telling him about some kids that were picking on a boy in school because he's gay, and how I didn't understand how someone could be attracted to someone that's the same gender as them, and he got all defensive. Finally, he admitted that he was bi and I completely freaked out, even though I shouldn't have." Oblivious to Jake's uncomfortable demeanor, she went on. "Tonight when we were talking, he said that he had something that 'wasn't really normal,' and when I asked him if he was seeing someone else, he wouldn't answer me." Neither of them spoke for a moment; Jake finally let go of his cousin's jacket and Rachel glared bitterly at the pavement. "I feel like such an idiot for even talking to him about it."
"Well, you can't expect Tobias to have been waiting around for you," Jake replied without thinking. "I mean he's a really sensitive guy, and he probably resents what you did." Realizing how mean his words sounded, he hurriedly added, "If it had been the other way around, would you have gone rushing back to him?"
Pausing for a moment to think, Rachel shook her head. "Probably not. But I'm really curious about who he's seeing. Why is he being so secretive about it? Besides that, I can't believe he'd get involved with someone outside of the group, you know? How close could we get to someone that isn't one of us, really? To have to lie to them all the time or not be able to tell them what's going on ... That'd tear me up."
"Maybe it isn't someone outside of the group," Jake murmurred to himself, not expecting Rachel to hear. The shocked look on her face revealed otherwise, and he winced. ((Shit, I just keep digging myself in deeper and deeper, don't I?)) he thought. "But, uhm, I can't see him getting with Cassie or Marco," he added loudly, trying to reassure the girl with softball-sized eyes. "He and Marco -never- got along, and Cassie seems sort of, erm, stuck on me." Jake sighed. "Listen, I'm not very good at this girl talk thing. You should really talk to Cassie about this sort of thing. I'm sorry." He stood to leave, feeling that he could kick himself for putting so many ideas into Rachel's head. His cousin wasn't stupid, and with all of the accidental hints he'd dropped, she was sure to figure something out before long.
"Yeah, see ya," Rachel muttered, staying put on the curb.
Moving toward the playground where Rachel said Tobias had been, Jake replayed the conversation with the girl in his mind. ((Way to go, Jake,)) he thought, ((you might as well have just told her flat-out. In fact, you might as well have worn a tag on your shirt saying, "I'm the person you wish was dead right now." If you'd been any more obvious--)) But his thoughts were cut short by the sight of a familiar figure sprawled at the base of a see-saw a few yards away. Creeping slowly up to the boy, Jake immediately wondered what Tobias was doing in the gravel.
Sitting bolt upright at the sound of an intruder, Tobias looked at Jake and fell back against the ground in relief. "Oh my God, I thought you were Rachel," he explained.
"I just ran into her on the way here," Jake responded, crouching beside the boy at his feet. "She was all shaken up and said she'd spoken with you. She said a few things that nearly made me tell her everything about us." Tobias' eyes shot open and he stared at his lover speechlessly. "I think it's okay, though, so don't worry."
Blinking and shifting his gaze to the side, Tobias sat back up and rested on his hands. Blushing furiously, he blurted out, "Marco knows. He saw us through the doorway and interrogated me after you left."
Heart pounding, Jake asked, "How'd he take it?"
"He's mightily pissed at you for not telling him," the blonde replied matter-of-factly. "Other than that, I don't think he cares very much. He seemed mostly concerned over the fact that you've been ignoring him and keeping secrets instead of being his best friend." They exchanged a look, and Jake nodded solemnly. Tobias inched closer to him and slipped his hand into Jake's. "At first I thought he was going to kill me with his bare hands, but we talked a little and he calmed down."
"That's good," Jake mumbled. He rested his forehead on the space between Tobias' neck and shoulder. The two of them sat like that for a few moments, absorbing each other's presence. Somehow, the night seemed less dark and overwhelming now that they were together. Finally, Tobias shrugged Jake's head from its place and stood, helped his leader up, and led him away from the see-saws. "Where are we going?" Jake asked curiously, a smile finally emerging for the first time that night.
Instead of replying, Tobias gave Jake's hand a squeeze and pulled him gently toward the newer parts of the playground: a wooden structure that resembled a pirate's ship with slides and towers and swings all over it. Slinking between the tire swings, the boys entered the crawlspace into the "lower deck" of the ship. As soon as they were settled in, the blonde pinned his seated lover against the wall in an unsusal display of dominance, planting a knee between Jake's thighs. Melting back against the wooden structure behind him, the brunette slipped his arms around Tobias' waist and pulled him closer. Their lips came together once, twice, then three times in a series of short fleeting kisses before the oddly assertive blonde pulled away and stripped his hoodie and shirt off.
Impressed by his friend's initiative, Jake copycatted, removing his jacket and shirt as well. Before the sting of the cold night air could become a bother, the boys came back together in a hurricane of kisses. Lust that had been so subtle before boiled up inside of Jake as the heat of the body in his arms warmed his own skin. Goosebumps swept across his flesh, but he paid no mind, concentrating only on the shiver that Tobias' lips on his neck was sending up his spine. ((What's come over him tonight?)) he wondered to himself, letting out a small moan as Tobias ran his fingertips across the skin on his torso. He caught his friend's mouth with his own, giving over to the surge of hormones that whispered dirty instructions from a corner of his mind. Grabbing both of Tobias' hands, Jake maneouvered them around so that Tobias was lying on his back and Jake kneeled over him, one forearm pressed against the blonde's bare shoulder to hold him in place, the other arm supporting his weight. Dipping his face down to recieve another kiss, Jake bumped his nose playfully against that of his companion, getting a smile out of him. He kissed along his lover's collarbones, down the ribcage that was slightly visible beneath Tobias' pale skin, and stopped with his lips just above the boy's navel.
"If you don't want to, I understand," Tobias whispered at Jake's hesitation to move any lower.
"No, it's not that," Jake replied, "it's just that I don't really, erm, know what I'm doing." He blushed down at the amused face of his friend and added, "Lack of experience and all." Gently resting his head on Tobias' stomach, he felt the embarrassment continue to colour his cheeks. "I'm sorry."
Reaching down to play with his leader's brown hair, Tobias shook his head, "Don't apologize, I told you I understand. It's fine. Baby steps, right? You're still getting used to the idea that you're not with a girl, and it probably feels a little weird. Trust me, it's totally fine." He touseled Jake's hair a little more before sitting up. The first thing to enter his line of vision was his boyfriend's digital watch. "Shit, what time is it?"
Glancing at his wrist, Jake let out a tiny groan and groped around for his shirt. "It's almost 5:30am. I should probably try to get an hour or so of sleep before I have to get up for school." Standing to pull the garment over his head, he shot an apologetic look at the blonde soldier. "Hopefully nobody's awake at my house." After zipping his jacket, he swept down to plant a kiss on Tobias' cheek. "I'll see you this afternoon, okay? Come over around 3:30pm." Tobias nodded wordlessly. "I-I love you," Jake added as he turned and retreated from the pirate ship that would soon be flooded with imaginative third-graders.